Chapter Text
“ What are you doing up”, my fathers voice rang in my ears like a dark ballad. “Nothing daddy I… I just couldn’t sleep”, my voice cracked as the words came out. My father could be intimidating, especially this late at night. His voice was laced with exhaustion and dark like red wine. “Get out the window, and turn this music off.” He eyed my record player I favored over my phone and the spinning vinyl. I slammed the window closed and slithered to the record to stop it. “What did I tell you about wearing things like that to bed.” “Clothes like that are for women, and you my girl are not a woman.” I felt his eyes like daggers on my skin, my pajamas were a gift from my cousin for my 16th birthday. She thought it would make me feel more grown up, and they definitely did. I remember dancing to my favorite Lana del Rey songs in these same pajamas late at night when everyone was asleep and I was away from prying eyes. “I just like them. You know Lacy gave them to me. It would be rude to now wear them.” I say adjusting the straps “Lacy is a bad influence… her parents didn’t raise her the way we raised you. The right way.” My father’s idea of the right way was church every Sunday, dressing moderately modest even on the hottest summer days, and of course not “sparing the rod” especially when it came to my brother. “I’m sorry daddy.” “Mmhm, good night and don’t make me come back up here. He says like a warning before he clicks my lamp off and leaves me in the dark before closing my door. My face feels warm and before I know it tears are running down my face. I slink back into bed and dream of being a model, free to do whatever I want with all the money and freedom in the world.