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i just wanna get dicked down again :/

Summary:

A silly Hollanov Social Media AU, in which Shane has been running the most trusted Ilya updates account for almost a decade, but one day, he accidentally breaks character and sends Hockey Twitter into a spiral to help him get laid.

[Originally posted on Twitter here.]

Notes:

notes before we start
- this is not serious at all, i barely know what i'm doing
- the last time i made a smau was like 6 years ago, never completed or posted it so i'm rusty as hell
- look forward to confusing ass timey wimey slow burn
- we will be jumping around in time a lot! pay attention to timestamps
- hollanov endgame + happy ending guaranteed
- i don't know a single thing about hockey

(See the end of the work for more notes.)

Chapter 1: part 1 — “a brief history”

Notes:

this first chapter contains 276 jpg images totalling about ~34mb. i've done my best to compress them all, but that may still be a lot to load depending on your browser/device. all images are hosted on my google drive, where you may also download the images themselves, a .zip file with all the images, or a .pdf file with all the images.

content warning for anachronisms, factual hockey mistakes, and timestamp mistakes that make hockey games seem to last way shorter than they're supposed to at times 💀

(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)

Chapter Text

0. preview

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1. montreal traitor

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2. beginning

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3. boston holiday

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4. fucked

5. prism

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6. relentless

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7. morning after

8. highly likely

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9. debut (ilya's dn says "#1 clown" and his @ translates to "fucking stupid")

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10. get him back

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11. tmi

12. privet, sveta

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13. useless

14. not enough (viktoriya's tweet says "do it again, handsome!" 4 times)

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15. the search

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16. second holiday

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17. unthinkable

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18. loser (svetlana's dn says "sveta (*still alive*)")

19. think twice

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20. speaks for itself

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21. q&a

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22. exiled

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23. embarrassing

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24. real job

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25. which is it?

26. unproblematic

27. nemesis

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28. sic

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29. last word

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30. no longer

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31. no thanks

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32. self-evident

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33. needed

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34. :P

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35. feel special

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36. goodnight

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37. typical

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38. intervention

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39. earlier

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40. the end

41. post-mortem

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42. bias

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43. topical

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44. in the woods

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45. mathematically

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46. near-miss

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47. uh-oh

48. #brat

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49. taste

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50. anachronism

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51. fracture

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52. no way

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53. do the math

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54. unchallenged

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55. disturbance

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56. right person

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57. real deal

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58. doubt it

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59. the one

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60. don't count the roses

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61. that guy

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62. i see you

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63. convincing (cw biphobia)

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64. glass houses

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65. serious

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66. wild

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67. killjoy

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68. clout

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69. a promise

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70. unsearchable

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71. baffles the mind

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72. cavalier

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73. omission

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74. bolder

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75. non-negotiable

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76. one date wonder

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77. hopeless

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78. here we go

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79. fork

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80. abysmal

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81. point taken

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82. baby's first viral hornypost

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83. address me

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84. 3 hours earlier...

85. give him a minute

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86. computer enhance

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87. found

part 1 — “a brief history” — end

Notes:

thanks for reading. part 2 starts in june! 😁

Notes:

come talk to me on tumblr or twitter!