Chapter Text
Buck was helping Christopher with homework.
Or attempting to.
Which was harder than it sounded.
Because Christopher had inherited Eddie's ability to stare at someone until they admitted they were wrong.
"Five times six."
"Thirty."
"Good."
"What's seven times eight?"
Buck frowned.
"Fifty... six?"
Christopher nodded.
"Good."
Buck grinned.
"See? I'm smart."
Christopher looked at him.
Then looked at the math worksheet.
Then looked back.
"Did you just need validation?"
Buck immediately sat up straighter.
"No."
Christopher kept staring.
"Maybe."
"Okay."
Buck sighed dramatically.
"This family is mean to me."
Christopher didn't even look up from the worksheet.
"You keep saying that."
"Because it's true."
"You cried because everyone said nice things about you."
Buck gasped.
"I did not cry."
"You did."
"Eddie wasn't supposed to tell you."
Christopher laughed.
"Dad didn't tell me."
Buck froze.
"Then how did you know?"
Christopher gave him a look.
"Your eyes were all red."
"..."
"Oh."
---
That evening, Buck came home after a rough shift.
Nothing terrible.
Just one of those days.
The kind that sat heavy in your chest.
The house was quiet.
Christopher was asleep.
Eddie was on the couch.
Buck dropped down beside him.
Immediately flopped sideways until his head landed in Eddie's lap.
No warning.
No explanation.
Just flop.
Eddie barely looked up from the TV.
"Tough day?"
"Maybe."
"Hm."
A pause.
Then Eddie started running a hand through Buck's hair.
Like it was the most natural thing in the world.
Buck closed his eyes.
For a moment he thought about saying something.
About admitting how exhausted he felt.
How scared he still got sometimes.
How every good thing in his life still felt a little unreal.
Instead he just stayed there.
Because sometimes words weren't necessary.
Sometimes being allowed to stay was enough.
chainsaw boy: update
mayday: Oh good.
mamahen: What's happened now?
chainsaw boy: currently using eddie as a pillow
rebar head:WHY WOULD YOU TELL US THIS
chainsaw boy: transparency
mayday: 😭
smart science lady: How is Eddie reacting?
chainsaw boy: he has accepted his fate
hollywood: I have not.
chainsaw boy: see
chainsaw boy: acceptance
hollywood: You're literally leaning on my arm.
chainsaw boy: correct
best diaz: I can hear you both from my room.
chainsaw boy: GO TO SLEEP
best diaz: Dad said the same thing.
chainsaw boy: which one
best diaz: Both.
mayday: OH MY GOD
mamahen: HE DID IT AGAIN
smart science lady: This kid is never beating the menace allegations.
chainsaw boy: im gonna walk into the ocean
best diaz: No you're not.
chainsaw boy: probably not
best diaz: You'd forget why you went.
mayday: 💀
rebar head:DIRECT HIT
chainsaw boy: I WAS ON YOUR SIDE
best diaz: Love you, Buck.
chainsaw boy: love u too buddy ❤️
hollywood: Go to sleep.
best diaz: Goodnight, dads.
chainsaw boy: ...
mayday: HE'S GONE.
mamahen: Completely gone.
smart science lady: System failure.
rebar head:Buck.exe has stopped responding.
hollywood: He's crying.
chainsaw boy: I AM
chainsaw boy: NOT
chainsaw boy: okay maybe a little
The thing about Buck was that sometimes he was incredibly intelligent.
He could assess emergencies in seconds.
He could make life-or-death decisions under pressure.
He could memorize details from calls years later.
And then sometimes—
Sometimes he was just Buck.
---
It started with a text.
chainsaw boy: guys
chainsaw boy: important question
mayday: No.
chainsaw boy: can u cook pasta in an air fryer
---
Ten minutes later, Buck was standing in Eddie's kitchen.
Holding a bag of pasta.
Staring thoughtfully at the air fryer.
Christopher walked in.
Immediately stopped.
Immediately backed up.
Then re-entered the room.
Just to make sure he was actually seeing what he thought he was seeing.
"Buck."
"Yeah?"
"Why are you holding uncooked spaghetti?"
Buck looked down.
"Asking questions."
Christopher sighed.
"Dad!"
---
Eddie appeared.
Took one look at the scene.
Then slowly closed his eyes.
"What is happening?"
Buck pointed at the air fryer.
"I have a theory."
"No."
"You don't even know the theory."
"I don't need to."
"It could work."
"It won't."
Buck looked offended.
"You don't know that."
Christopher sat down.
"Oh, this is gonna be good."
---
Twenty minutes later...
The air fryer was unplugged.
The pasta had been confiscated.
Buck was sulking.
Christopher was laughing.
And Eddie was questioning every decision that had led him to this moment.
Then Buck spotted the blender.
"Oh."
"No."
"What if—"
"No."
"I haven't said anything yet."
"I know you."
---
Buck sat down dramatically.
"This family crushes innovation."
Christopher nodded.
"Correct."
---
Later that day, the group chat learned about the incident.
Which was unfortunate.
hollywood: Buck tried to cook spaghetti in an air fryer.
mayday: HE WHAT
mamahen: NO
smart science lady: Please tell me you're joking.
chainsaw boy: okay first of all
chainsaw boy: we don't KNOW it wouldn't have worked
rebar head:YES WE DO
chainsaw boy: where's the scientific curiosity
mamahen: Where's your survival instinct?
chainsaw boy: wow
---
best diaz: He also asked if fish get thirsty AGAIN!???.
chainsaw boy: IT’S A VALID QUESTION AND NOONE ACTUALLY ANSWERED ME
mayday: 😭
smart science lady: Christopher, why do you know this?
best diaz: He asked it out loud.
chainsaw boy: and nobody answered
---
maddie: Buck.
chainsaw boy: yes dear sister
maddie: How old are you?
chainsaw boy: rude
---
cap: Buck. -Bobby Nash
chainsaw boy: cap?
cap: I need you to be honest. -Bobby Nash
chainsaw boy: always
cap: Were you supervised as a child? -Bobby Nash
chainsaw boy: BOBBY
mayday: I'M CRYING
mamahen: THAT'S SO OUT OF POCKET
---
A few hours later the situation somehow got worse.
Because Buck discovered a life hack online.
And by "life hack" he meant "something that was obviously a terrible idea."
Eddie returned from the grocery store.
Walked into the living room.
And froze.
Buck was standing on a dining chair.
Which was standing on the couch.
Which was standing—
No.
The couch wasn't standing on anything.
But Eddie was already stressed enough.
"BUCK."
Buck yelped.
The chair wobbled.
Christopher looked up from his homework.
"You're back."
"WHY IS HE UP THERE?"
Christopher shrugged.
"He wanted the blanket from the top shelf."
"You have a ladder."
"I told him that."
Buck pointed.
"I almost had it."
The chair immediately tilted sideways.
---
Three seconds later:
Buck was on the floor.
Christopher was laughing so hard he could barely breathe.
And Eddie had aged approximately six years.
"You okay?"
Buck looked up from the carpet.
"Yeah."
"Good."
Eddie held out a hand.
Buck took it.
Then immediately said:
"I still think the pasta would've worked."
---
hollywood: I would like everyone to know Buck fell off a chair today.
chainsaw boy: EXAGGERATION
best diaz: It isn't.
mayday: I knew it.
mamahen: I somehow knew it too.
smart science lady: The details, please.
best diaz: He stacked furniture.
rebar head:HE WHAT
chainsaw boy: IT WAS ONE CHAIR
best diaz: On a couch.
chainsaw boy: details
mayday: He's not surviving the winter.
mamahen: Forget winter.
smart science lady: How has he survived adulthood?
maddie: Pure luck.
chainsaw boy: MADDIE
maddie: I love you.
chainsaw boy: okay fair
---
best diaz: I think we need more supervision.
chainsaw boy: for who
best diaz: You.
chainsaw boy: wow
best diaz: I'm serious.
chainsaw boy: i'm a grown man
best diaz: Debatable.
mayday: 😭
rebar head:OH MY GOD
mamahen: The child has spoken.
---
chainsaw boy: u know what
chainsaw boy: i'm done
chainsaw boy: none of u appreciate visionaries
hollywood: Go to bed.
chainsaw boy: no
hollywood: Buck.
chainsaw boy: ...
chainsaw boy: okay
best diaz: Goodnight.
chainsaw boy: night buddy
best diaz: Don't cook anything.
chainsaw boy: wow
best diaz: Promise.
chainsaw boy: ...
best diaz: Buck.
chainsaw boy: fine
best diaz: Thank you.
mayday: The fact that he had to think about it is terrifying.
chainsaw boy: goodnight haters