Chapter Text
Collei had a hard time sleeping that night, and it wasn't because of nightmares. Though she wouldn't say she doesn't still have those occasionally.
No, it was the anticipation of potentially finding her new friend a way home. And the dread that they may not be able to.
She can't stop thinking about how scared she would be. As of right now… he really has no reason to believe he will ever get home, and probably thinks he will die here in a matter of weeks without his medications for his illness.
Sure, Collei might trust that her friends and master will be able to figure something out for him, but he hasn't known them very long. And Collei recognises that he is a lot like her, though instead of using anger and lashing out like she used to to protect herself, he uses his “complete unseriousness” and “carefree nature” to deflect. Because he is so much like herself, she thinks he's probably a lot less trusting of them than he'll admit himself.
Even though he has been surprisingly open with information regarding himself, he's tried to play it off as a joke. If she tries to ask him about it, he can just deflect and say he wasn't serious. It was so frustrating. How could she help someone admit what they need when it's impossible to tell if they're pretending or not, and they have a convenient excuse to deflect?
… She can also understand that it's hard to drop the habits you learned to protect yourself, though. She wonders what else he may have gone through to end up the way he is.
Collei can't sleep. She's tried more than enough at this point, she thinks. No point in continuing to overthink here. Better off trying to go for a walk and get some air, right?
Because all she can do is keep thinking, and worrying. Wondering what in the world is going on.
It'd be harder to believe what happened in the past day if she hasn't had an even more chaotic past couple weeks. From finding out she had a fragment of the goddess of flowers within her to finally being free of it, not even mentioning the crisis in Sumeru and the whole mess with that. Plus, her graduation to Forest ranger. The whole world was quite lucky to get out of that crisis as they did.
Still. She's done thinking about irrelevant things. There is a stranger-turned-friend that she just met several hours ago who needs help. For many reasons.
She has to clear her mind.
She slowly approaches the door to her hut, careful not to accidentally wake anyone else. Stepping outside into the cool night breeze, she silently shuts the door behind her.
The midnight air feels fresh on her face, the feeling reminding her that she is home.
While it would usually be a warm and comforting feeling, it only serves as another reminder of her new friend who is trapped so far from his own.
The stars of the many constellations of teyvat shine above her. They say they can be used to see one's fate, but Collei isn't an astrologist, and doesn't know much about that. Does he have similar constellations where he's from?
… Wherever he is from, he will return home. She will make sure of it, even if she doesn't know how. She owes it to him as a kindred spirit, and as a friend.
She owes it to him as someone who relied on the kindness of others to find her way home. Kindness has gotten her this far, if she can pay it forward…
The least she can do now is make him feel comfortable here. Even if it will never be his home.
Now she's back to thinking about his circumstances again. So much for clearing her mind. Back to worrying.
Collei finds her legs pulling her towards where her new friend is resting. Something in her subconscious mind is urging her to check on him.
Something dragging her along as concern flows into her conscious mind.
Something here feels off. Oddly silent, but not quite peaceful.
She doesn't want to bother him, but…
She knocks on his door.
One.
Two.
Three.
No answer.
He could just be a heavy sleeper, but somehow she doubts that.
Before she knows it, her hand is on the door handle and she is peeking in.
He isn't there.
Before she lets herself panic, she reminds herself that worst case scenarios are unlikely. He is probably just taking a walk nearby. Just like she is right now.
She checks by her master's hut. He isn't nearby. She doesn't want to wake any of the other villagers looking for him, though, so she tries to stay silent as she searches.
Maybe he moved to a different hut? She checks around, subtly checking the nearby vegetation for signs of nearby movement.
Either he is really good at avoiding detection, or he disappeared directly from his room. She hopes for his sake that it's not the latter.
Her walking pace subtly hastens as she searches for Harumasa. Walking up and down the village, there is no sign of him anywhere.
Where has he gone? He couldn't have just disappeared! Unless he was dropped into another spacial rift or something, in which case there was much cause for concern!
It's not time to panic yet, though. He could still be nearby. Not wanting to disturb anyone further, as it's still the middle of the night, Collei continues down the path away from the houses and towards the river.
It's quiet. No signs of movement. No signs of present human activity. Just quiet.
She hasn't given up yet, though, so she continues along the river’s edge. As she approaches, she observes a shadow birthed by the moon.
Then, as her eyes adjust, she sees it's a person. To her relief, she spots him sitting there. He must have gone for a walk just like her.
She was paranoid for no reason. Hopefully she never bothered anyone with her searching…
She doesn't know if she should approach him or not. He probably came out here for some air, she didn't want to suffocate him by forcing him to socialize.
She knows how she herself sometimes needs some time alone, especially when she wakes in the middle of the night. Usually because of nightmares. Would it be rude to assume that that's why he's out here? …She could be wrong.
He seems to sense her before she can decide her next move. “Oh? Collei, is that you? What are you doing out here at this time?”
Well, busted. There's really no chance that she can just quietly back away and leave him alone now. At least him acknowledging her probably means he isn't bothered by her presence.
“Ah! Sorry, I just— you weren't in your hut, and I was worried that something happened to you? And uh— I couldn't sleep.” Collei stammers out. She really butchered that explanation. She hoped he understood, and ignored the fact that she just admitted to checking his hut specifically.
“That makes sense. I couldn't sleep either,” he admits. “... Sometimes I just need to feel the wind to calm my mind.”
So probably nightmares. She knows better than to ask, though. Not while they are likely still fresh. Maybe he'll share them when they've known each other for longer, though she still hopes he'll be able to get home before too long.
Is it selfish of her that she's already starting to get attached? She doesn't want him to leave if it means she can never see him again, but she equally wants him to go home to his own family. But that's a future issue. It wouldn't be right to expect him to ever come back if he finds a way home, but she secretly hopes for a way they could still remain friends.
She's starting to be curious about his world, too. She'd love to visit one day, though that's likely impossible.
“Oh! Uh, is that why you are out here?” she stammers out, in response to his first answer.
“Yeah… Sorry. Just thinking,” he says detachedly.
“Mind if I come sit there with you?” Collei asks. “I promise I won't talk if you don't want me to.”
“Of course! You're welcome to. … I appreciate the company,” he responds wistfully. “... I wouldn't mind talking to you, if you want.”
“Huh? Ah, okay! Sorry, I don't really know what to talk about… it is pretty late at night though, it's weird that we're both still awake, huh?”
“Heh, I have a feeling that you probably understand better than most. I uh, don't usually sleep much anyway.”
Is it okay if she brings up her own experiences at this point? Would that be socially unacceptable? He doesn't strike her as someone who cares all too much about social norms, but still. She doesn't want to make this awkward after knowing him for not even a day.
“... Yeah, I do, actually. I used to have nightmares pretty much every night since I started living with my master here.” Collei admits. “... It's weird how as soon as I'm actually safe, my brain starts making up dangers to compensate.”
Danger is one thing she can understand. It's something she's lived with for most of her childhood. She can survive in active danger, but afterwards…
She only ever hurts people. And for so long, she was scared of herself.
Looking back, she can finally say she's proud of how far she's come. Even if it isn't always perfect. Sometimes she still struggles, but not nearly as much as she used to.
“... Mhm.” he hums in response. It seems to be one of empathy, she is relieved he understands.
So she hasn't made an instant social blunder that would make her new friend uncomfortable. As long as she's right about him. But she can never really know. He seems simultaneously easy and difficult to read. She's gained a lot of experience since she started living here in a safe environment, but she was still unsure sometimes.
Assuming that she's safe to continue, that she isn't making him extremely uncomfortable (hopefully he would say so if she was) she does.
“I haven't had regular nightmares in years though. I've been lucky here the past few years to have a normal life. And ever since my Eleazar was cured, I actually have a chance at that ordinary future. Sorry if that was insensitive,” she quickly apologizes.
“It's fine, I actually quite like hearing that you managed to recover. I wouldn't mind if you continued talking about all your hopes for the future. It feels good to know that someone like me managed to.”
“...I get it, I would feel the same back when I thought there was no hope left for me. To know that there is hope for someone, even if that someone isn't me, just feels good in a way that is hard to describe.”
“Mhm… yeah. Even if there is no hope for me, I want to live as I am for as long as I can. … Even when those kids who share my condition have shortened lifespans, it was so fulfilling to see them live and grow, to go to their graduation. …Not all of them made it, but they aren't forgotten. Life is bittersweet, but that's all the more reason to celebrate the good things as they come.” He ruminates.
Huh. So he isn't too guarded with his past, then. (Or maybe it's just because she is being open? Honestly, she's surprised he's revealed this much. Maybe he's a lot less guarded with what people know about him so that he can pretend it was made up to deflect. He seems to do that a lot.)
Or maybe he just doesn't care as much about how people see him.
“... Did you take care of other kids with your illness, then?” Collei wonders, based on what he just said.
“Yeah, actually, I uh… Over a year ago now, I sort of went rogue a bit and took on a… personal mission while I was on leave, hehe…” he begins explaining.
Collei listens attentively, allowing him to continue. Where could this story be going, she wonders? Her intuition tells her that he's talking about some personal things, he is trusting her to take care not to betray him with the information.
He elaborates, “... Those kids were being exploited and hurt by people who were experimenting on them because of their condition. They were being used to create drugs that increase ether aptitude with dangerous side effects, which shortened the kids’ lifespans and trapped them in the curatorium. …I personally investigated the one running the operation to shut it down, and those kids were freed. It's so fulfilling to get to watch them live lives free of that place.”
Oh. This story is eerily similar to her own. Terminally ill children, used because their lives are considered less valuable anyway. Hurt and experimented on for the sick goals of madmen. She feels sick.
The implications pertaining to the man in front of her are not pleasant, either. How similar are they, really? She doesn't want to ask. What if she hurts him, too? Just as she hurt so many in the past in her pain? She is comfortable talking about it now, but what if he isn't? He doesn't seem to have any issues based on the way he spoke of the kids, but is it socially acceptable for her to bring up her experience?
She hesitates. Harumasa takes the opportunity to speak again. “Hey, Collei? Are you okay?” He asks with compassion. “Don't be shy if you have any questions for me. Sorry if I made you uncomfortable.”
“No, no! You didn't make me uncomfortable, sorry. Did I make it seem that way? I, uh. I was just thinking too. Actually… when you explained what happened to those kids…”
“You're wondering about me, right?”
“Ah, no! Well, yes, but… I was only thinking about how much their story reminded me of my own…” Collei quickly clarifies.
“... You too, huh. …Slimy bastards can't stay away from children. It doesn't matter when they are going to die. Their lives are just as valuable as everyone else's.” Harumasa expresses with subtle anger in his tone.
He cares. It's clear that he does. Even if he avoids people, or work as he says, he cares about his job and the people he works with and works for. The man beside her holds so much empathy in his heart, she can hear it in his voice.
“... It sucks to be pitied and seen as incapable because of things out of your control. It's disgusting that people take advantage of vulnerability.” Collei ponders. “... I know that those children felt incredibly lucky that you saved them.”
She would have been so grateful to have a saviour like him. She could only crawl out with her own sweat and blood. Grateful isn't even a strong enough word to describe how she wishes she could have been saved.
But it's in the past. It's not possible, it doesn't matter. It wouldn't change much anyway. Plus, it's because of her circumstances that she reached the life she has now.
She can't be certain she would have found a normal life in any other route. So it's pointless to think about what ifs.
“Heh… I didn't do much. Only what needed to be done. It's my job, after all, even if this was a more… personal mission.”
It's so obvious he cares. She has met a truly incredible person.
It is under the faint moonlight that she feels the urge to tell him more of her story.
“... I wasn't saved by anyone from the lab. I escaped on my own. I…” she shudders to think about everything that happened in Mondstadt after she left. But she has had many years to come to terms with it. “Eventually, Cyno found me and took me back here to Sumeru, where I was born. He brought me to Master Tighnari, who he trusted enough to take me in. My life has improved so much since then, I'm so incredibly grateful. Even if sometimes it's still hard.”
Collei wants to offer her story. She does. And surprisingly, she feels more comfortable telling it to this man than she has to anyone else. Nothing is stopping her. She holds no hesitation. It's the dead of night, even the insects have stopped making noise. Only her voice carries through the dark.
Harumasa looks at her with his undivided attention. He seems completely invested in her story. And somehow, she trusts this stranger turned friend enough to share it.
Because he understands. Even if she doesn't know everything he himself has gone through to get here.
She knows he understands.
“When I was too young to remember, my mother brought me to a man in hopes of curing my terminal illness, but he actually worked for an organization called the fatui. He tricked my parents into giving me to them, and then…” she begins.
Harumasa looks pensive. “...My parents left me at the hospital before I was old enough to speak properly, after being told my illness was incurable. All they said to me was that they were going to get some food… and they never returned,” he discloses.
…So he was abandoned. Actually, now that she thinks about it… He seems a lot like the General Mahamatra, but less intimidating. He has a similar occupation… and he also saved other kids like himself. Just like how Cyno saved her from the god residue, way back in Mondstadt. And from what she knew of Cyno, he was also very similar to herself, and he was abandoned by his parents, but she doesn't know much more than that.
But he also didn't remember most of his past… and he really hasn't told her much. She never appreciated enough how lucky she was to have a role model like him in her life until she was facing a stranger who mirrored the both of them.
She wants to continue telling her story. She wants to be able to give him some hope, or at least make him more comfortable around her if possible. She knows he probably doesn't fully trust her yet. She hopes that he'll trust her more if he knows where she is coming from. The whole story. At least, the important parts.
“So… I was given to the fatui. One of the highest ranking members, one of what they call the Harbingers. The Doctor. Il Dottore. … Alongside many other sick children, we were used for experiments involving god residue. … I don't think anyone else escaped. It wasn't…”
“It's okay, you don't have to explain. … You've probably already guessed, but I too was experimented on for the same reason as the kids I saved, though I didn't realize it for years.” Harumasa reveals.
…He is like her after all.
He continues. “After I was abandoned by my parents, my master took me in. He raised me. But… he also used me. Made me believe he was treating me while he took my spinal fluid to make drugs. It was not… pleasant.”
That is… disturbing. (Collei can imagine that his experience wasn't dissimilar to her own in… other ways, but… he must have a complicated relationship with his master. She can't help but think back to Cyno, subconsciously, though she can't quite put her finger on why.)
“...heh, but in the end, my master is the only reason I'm even still alive. Before he died, he made a cure out of my spinal fluid. It could reverse ether corruption at the end stage of my illness. I ended up injecting myself with it thinking that it was that illegal drug in order to let it die with me… but instead, it saved me. When I was in a hollow. About to die. So…”
She… doesn't share that experience, but she can still feel so much empathy for it. She still understands. So…
“You can't hate your master. Even though he exploited you and hurt you and used you, he cared about you. He was your only family. He was all you had,” Collei whispers with horrifying realization.
“... he's dead now, so it doesn't matter what I think of him. It doesn't matter now anyways. My teammates are my family. And you yourself seem to have found a great family here yourself.”
“Yeah. I have,” she acknowledges. “I'm so thankful for everything I have found here in Sumeru, the nation of my birth. Anyway… I'm still curious, why are you really out here?”
“Oh, aha, well it's nothing too interesting. Just another nightmare, as usual. I already told you I don't sleep much, heh,” he replies, “Even though I'm in an entirely different world, I still can't escape from the visions of turning into an ethereal and hurting everyone I care about. Only, there is always some new twist.”
So she was right from the start. She's glad he brought it up, though, because she would not feel comfortable directly asking, hehe… anyway.
“Oh... yeah, I get that. We were talking about that at the start, weren't we. Anyway… it's a nice night, isn't it?” Collei observes.
“...Mhm, it's really nice. …It feels good to be able to talk about the past without over the top concern or pity. It feels good to be able to tell someone about my illness without being treated as fragile. Honestly, it's mostly just nice to meet someone who gets it.”
She knows. She has the same sentiment.
They sit in silence for a few more minutes.
“... Hey, if you aren't planning on going back to sleep, do you want to draw? I can go get some sketchpads if you want to go back to the huts.” Collei offers.
“Sure, I'd love to. And I doubt I'll be able to go back to sleep tonight, even though we have a long trip into the city tomorrow. I also still have some questions.”
“Okay! Just follow me, I'll be happy to answer anything you need to ask!”
So they walk back to Collei's hut in companionable silence. As soon as they enter, Collei hands Harumasa a sketchpad and some drawing utensils, and they sit and chat while drawing.
“So, what did you want to ask me, exactly?” Collei wonders.
“Ah, I was just curious what your archon is like! You know, as a person! The leader of your nation? I would really hate to make a bad impression when we go visit tomorrow, surely you know how to stay in her good graces~”
“Oh, you have nothing to worry about with Lord Kusanali! Though… don't be too surprised when you see her, hehe… I can't wait for you to meet all our other Sumeru friends though, I'm sure you'll become friends fast!” Collei tells him.
“Well, that's a relief~ I was worried that I would immediately get kicked out~”
“I'm sure everything will go okay! If anyone can find a way to help you, it would be her. Or the traveler. Actually, I'm sure the traveler has probably already been contacted considering he ALWAYS manages to show up when needed.”
They continue chatting to fill the quiet of the night about various mundane topics. It's not surprising how quick they became friends when you consider both of their personalities and experiences. It was only ever a matter of them meeting each other.
Which neither ever would have expected to happen, considering they come from two completely different worlds. But still.
After a few minutes, Harumasa looks up from his sketchpad. “And… Done!” He exclaims. “I drew a sequel to a storybook I drew for one of my coworkers.”
“A… children's book?”
“mhm! For my youngest coworker, Soukaku. She isn't really a child in human years, but she is an oni. …I guess all my coworkers are like family, though I did already say that! …I hope I can see them again..” he whispers longingly.
“An oni? We have oni here in Teyvat too, though I think they are only in Inazuma. That's an island nation, by the way. Not sure if you remember everything you've been told about Teyvat so far, it was a lot of information to dump on you at once. So if you have any other questions, just ask me!” Collei explains.
“Huh, maybe our worlds aren't so different then. Only… You don't seem to have much technology here? Ah, wait… that means there probably aren't cellphones, either… no connection, no bangboo, no methods of long distance communication? That's… inconvenient. Well, uh…”
Long distance communication? Like how Nicole can contact anyone from far away? There is no technology like that in Teyvat, but there is magic, Collei supposed. Though if it's more common in his world because of technology, she can see how it might be weird to not be able to quickly talk to people from far away.
But they quickly move on from that topic, and Collei finally looks back at her own drawing. It's not much, but she's definitely improved since she started writing several years ago. Her hands still have some lingering effects from her Eleazar, but they are far more dexterous than before since she's been practicing. Her skin still has rough patches that never fully healed. They still flare up from time to time, but she's so fortunate to have survived to even get to this point.
Collei finally looks up at the story Harumasa drew. “Woah! That's so good!”
“Thank you, Collei. Though that's a complete exaggeration. It's really nothing special,” he says.
“Don’t sell yourself short, Harumasa! How did you draw such a beautiful storybook so fast?!”
“Aha, that's just one of my secrets that I wish to keep hidden~”
—
The sun came up faster than it fell. Soon enough, the birds were chirping outside and the world was quiet no longer. Collei led Harumasa back to their large home where she started preparing breakfast in the kitchen. It was only 5:30, but everyone else should be up within the next hour.
Harumasa helped himself to a cup of black coffee when Collei invited him to prepare some.
“If you want any milk or sugar, just ask! I can go get it,” Collei offers.
“Thank you for the offer, but I personally prefer to take it without.”
“Oh, okay! Cyno and Tighnari should be awake pretty soon, so we'll be able to head out within a couple hours,” Collei informs him, “Anyway, while we have time, I should probably get you some clothing that is more suitable for the rainforest climate.”
She's right. The “uniform” he's been wearing is perfectly suited for hollow exploration, but now for walking through the humid heat of the damp forest. “Ah. Thanks, I'd appreciate that.”
“No problem! You're our guest, after all. Also… I think you might draw more than a few eyeballs with the foreign clothing you're currently wearing. Not that it's necessarily a bad thing, only you may not want all that attention on you here. It'd probably be easier if you fit in a bit better.”
Collei immediately runs off, supposedly to find more appropriate clothing for him. And so he's left just sitting at the table drinking coffee in a foreign world.
What even brought him here in the first place? Why is he here? For what? So many things are quite suspicious, and there are too many coincidences for them to be as such.
But there is no point in ruminating on those thoughts for too long. Harumasa should get answers soon enough, after all.
It wouldn't be long now before his new companions guided him to the city to meet with the leader of their nation. Harumasa could admit, even he was a bit intimidated. Like, yeah, he's interacted with plenty of important and powerful people in his line of work. He could admit that he himself probably was intimidating to some.
But this was the God of a nation in a fantasy world with limited technology. Not to mention, this could be one of his only chances to find a way home. He couldn't risk messing this up.
Eventually, he was pulled from his thoughts by Collei's return.
“Here, I found some clothes that I think should fit you. It is a forest ranger’s old gear, but that's not an issue. It should be perfect for traveling through the forest, in any case. Do you want to go try it on? Uh, the washroom is just down that hall! You can change there!” She hands the ranger uniform to him.
“Thanks!” He says, taking the clothing from her hand and turning to walk down to the washroom, closing the door behind him.
The uniform fits him surprisingly well, considering it was not designed with him in mind.
It really looks like a standard fantasy archer uniform. Lots of green. White shirt underneath. A brown belt. He left his choker around his neck, refraining from wearing the full uniform. His quiver was preferable to the one given anyway. His combat style is… unique, to say the least.
He couldn't tell if it suited him or not, but it was more than good enough. He wouldn't complain about something so generously lent to him.
When he finally left the room, Cyno and Tighnari were already awake.
“Morning, Harumasa. I hope you slept well.” Tighnari greets him. “Cyno is just heading out to tell Nahida we're coming soon. She's already expecting us, but there are still a few more things to take care of.”
The rest of the morning flows smoothly as usual and they prepare to head out. It isn't a long journey to Sumeru City by any means, but seeing as Harumasa is unfamiliar with the landscape, it should still be an interesting journey for him nonetheless.
He can only hope he'll find some answers there.