Chapter Text
You were slightly stunned he agreed to the Deal.
To let yourself be his Knight.
But maybe you should stop being so surprised by Humans.
You had practically tasted the Determination in the air as he agreed to it. His hands were warm despite being digital, and those blue eyes were so uncomfortable to look at. You did not understand these feelings. Gee wilkiers genius, maybe it’s cause you’re touch starved and lacking in emotional connections (we know Gaster doesn’t count for shit) idiot. Azzy’s voice sneered in your mind, and it almost made you snort. But you simply keep it in, letting Kinger read through your notes. It was a pain to help out with the food menus. Mainly because you had to communicate with NPCs that can’t understand you, and deal with a spacey Kinger.
So you let him read your notes, as you try to wrestle your Soul into submission. It’s been a long time since you’ve…truly connected with someone. With Frisk, the two of you were compatible to the extreme, it made separation harder for the both of you (not to mention the Soul Bond)...After Frisk passed, it felt like you were torn in two. You thought maybe time would heal it. It hasn’t. Not even being bonded to Kris has helped because they make you feel like a parasite and all their negative emotions feed into your own, feeding into theirs and it’s a negative feedback loop where the both of you are drowning in self hatred- they make you feel like a parasite and fuck! I miss Frisk. You sniff, blinking away the heat in your eyes.
“Are you okay?” Of course Kinger catches it.
“I am just thinking.” You state.
“About what?”
Shit. What to say? Not the truth, or at least not the complete truth. You very well can’t say “Yeah I was just thinking about how a teen from another universe hates my guts for possessing and how I have both love/hate for them for being a pain in my ass, and I was inwardly comparing them to my last host who was my sibling-basically my twin we were that close but I’m Fine!”. Yeah. No. The alternative universe alone might break his mind. You don’t want an excuse to test that Rewind ability- at least not for something as sensitive as mind damage. So what to say?
“I…guess I was thinking about…my family.”
Kinger’s eyes dim slightly, the mood lowering. “Ah…Yes, I-I should have figured.”
“Don’t make that face.” You tell him.
“What face?”
“The guilty one. My family issues are my own.” Your eyes lit up with a mischievous energy. “Seems kind of egotistical to claim you’re the center of all my problems.”
You delight in his panicked splutters as you hold back your giggles. Your mind thinks through your next answer as you try to carefully toe the line between honesty and believability. “How did you “figure” that?”
Kinger blinks. “Oh um…I had an inkling back on your first night…But it was the cafe that sealed it for me. You…” He frowns, sympathy in his gaze. “You lost people too…Haven’t you?”
You flinch. That’s one way of putting it. You have outlasted nearly everyone from your past. You could count on your fingers how many are left, from your original world- from your original family.
“I…lost them. A long…long…time ago. Which seems silly to still mourn them when they have been gone for so long.”
“Not at all!” He insists, even sitting closer to you. “They were important to you! It only makes sense to still miss them.” He sighs. “It doesn’t matter how long it’s been…When you love someone, no matter how long it’s been since they’ve been in your life, they always tend to leave an impact on it.”
“I know…I wouldn’t be who I am today without them.” The impact they left on you has altered you so that it’s hard to imagine how different you would be if anything had been different. Especially with the promises you still keep. Kinger hums, nodding his head.
“If…I may ask…?” He starts. You have a sneaky suspicion of what he wants answers for. “Do your…nightmares involve them?”
You lean back in your seat, closing your eyes so that Kinger isn’t glared at. Your extra pair of hands sign your thoughts to Kinger.
“Yes. It…Well it tends to follow a similar track.” You are careful with your words. “One way or another, I find my way back home. And it starts fairly normal at first. Till something goes wrong. Either someone is missing. Or they’re angry at me…Angry at my past mistakes. Even though I’ve done my best to make up for them, I get it shoved in my face.” Your face twists, not in sadness but anger. “I’ve done everything to make up for it, keep promises even when the person I’ve made them for is gone!” You stand up pacing now. “I curb my bad habits, my curiosity for the sake of peace- I do my best to be considerate and yet I am still hated even in my own mind! I don’t say anything truly mean even when people hurt me! I have to be reminded of it constantly!”
“People hurt you?” His confused voice brings you back to the present.
“I…” You look away from him. “I deserved it.”
“Cobalt!” He stands up, moving closer to you.
“But I did! Back then! If he didn’t do it, then I would’ve hurt-” Shit no. “I had done bad things I needed to be-” He’s getting closer, you back away, your real hands shaking. “I wouldn’t have stopped if they didn’t tell me to-” No! Damn it! What were you doing?! Idiot! “It’s fine it happened ages ago-” Were you so unused to using your own words about this that you crack under the slightest pressure? Was your missed nights of sleep (how long) catching up to you? “You know this is silly why don’t we forget-”
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You freeze, the sound of garbage noise escaping you. Kinger hovers near you, frowning. His hand gently cups your cheek and it burns with warmth. You swallow back your panic and instinct to bite. “You’re crying.” He gently wipes your tears away. His white gloved hand comes back away black…Of course it does. It used to be gold, your tears. But since…
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You choke back a sob. “You shouldn’t touch it…” It was automatic, the concern. Your tears tend to have a slight effect on them. “I’m ruining your gloves.” Oh sure, pretend that’s the reason. You could almost hear Chara’s amused scoff. You were incapable of forgetting any of them.
No matter how a part of your wishes you could, just for a bit.
Kinger huffs, amusement underling his tone. “I’ll live.”
You frown, wiping some of the black tears off your face and running a CHECK.
*Your tears!
*Effect- none.
*It’s okay. They won’t hurt him. Or you.
Your hands shake. And you break. Sobs escape you like it’s the Last Day all over again. At first you try to shy away from Kinger’s touch, but it doesn’t take much on his part to get you to cling to him. It’s weird to hug him, all wooden and no proper arms. But his gloves rest on your back, as you cling to him. “Don’t you have anything better to do, than this?”
“No…I’m right where I want to be.”
You cling to him tighter. You’ve always been the person to comfort. But how long has it been since someone has comforted YOU?