Chapter Text
[5:12 am]
Tsukasa woke up early today, going downstairs to make breakfast. He knew he was being too useless. Hopefully this would make up for it. He hadn't remembered much last night, not when he fell asleep, at least.
Arriving downstairs, Tsukasa was surprized that his sister was there before him. “Saki,” he yawned. “It's too early for you to be up.” She looked up at him, eyes barely open. “Nonsense,” she countered. “You should rest.” Tsukasa tried to protest, but Saki forced him back up the stairs and into his room. She slammed the door and went back downstairs.
Tsukasa sighed, laying gently on the bed and turning on his side. I guess I'll just practice again. That was a huge mistake. He immediately thought about it and tried to force it out of his mind. That was no use. He'll have to meet Sakaki again today.
Why do I have to be like this?
-☆-
[8:05 am]
“You've got to practice more, Tsukasa. You aren't improving fast enough. There has to be more personality and emotion.” Sakaki looked up at Tsukasa, eyes narrowed. Tsukasa jumped back a bit. “W-what are you trying to do?” He asked. Sakaki studied his face once again and sighed. “I'd rather not bother doing this again. You either get better or I stop helping you.”
That hit Tsukasa hard. The choice of improving or having Sakaki leave him was hard. Sure, the practice made him think of it, but he desperately had to get better for the show. For the show. I'll have to work harder.
-☆-
[3:44 pm]
Practice. Practice. Practice. That was all Tsukasa did for the past few hours. Well, that and it. He didn't want to think about anything but practice. He didn't want to do anything but practice.
TW: su*cidal thoughts in this paragraph
Think. Think. Think. That was all Tsukasa did for the past few minutes. He couldn't do anything but think about everyone. About the things he thought about them. About how he should be ashamed. Dead, even. Maybe he should end it all anyways. No one benefits from him anyways.
You don’t deserve them.
I love them.
You don’t deserve anything.
I’m sorry.
You should die.
...
Maybe.
-☆-
TW: su*cidal thoughts in this section
[9:29 pm]
Tsukasa was still thinking of everyone and everything they did for him, especially in the last few weeks. Saki was there for him in those times. The rest of Wonderland x Showtime were worried about him. Sakaki motivated him. And his parents at least acknowledged him. Probably. He couldn't think about anything he did for them.
I can't be such a burden anymore.
At that time, death sounded like it would relieve people he knew of pain. No one would have to help him with anything. No one will have to be there to let him cry into their arms. No one will have to grieve over his death. No one will, anyways. It was for a fact, and he knew it.
-☆-
[12:10 am]
Tsukasa’s phone lit up with another notification. He put down the pencil and glanced at his phone. It was from Saki. Great, he thought. Saki messaged me again. He saw her message. She was asking him if he was awake again. He knew it was going to be like last night.
Quietly walking to his sister's room, he tried not to wake up his parents. Tsukasa gently opened the door, closing it behind him. He practically ran into Saki's arms and sat down on the bed, the blankets sinking beneath him. Curling her arms tightly around him, Saki closed her eyes and started stroking Tsukasa's hair.
Don't cry. Please don't.
However, begging himself ultimately didn't work. He burst into tears, becoming smaller and smaller in his sister's arms. Saki just kept stroking his hair. This lasted for a while until sleep tugged at his eyelids and everything faded to black.
-♡-
[6:21 am]
Saki rose from the floor, rubbing her head, which was laying there for hours. She slowly stood up and stretched. Light filtered through the curtains, illuminating the room. She had only gone to sleep at 2 am last night. Today is Monday, she thought. I have school. Saki looked to her brother, who was sleeping soundly, and decided to leave him be. She began folding up the blankets, shoving them inside her closet. Looking back at Tsukasa one last time, she stepped out of the room and gently closed the door.
-☆-
[6:30 am]
Tsukasa awoke in the room again. The sun was up already, blinding him temporarily as he got used to the light. “Saki-chan?” he mumbled. He looked around the room and took a deep breath. She probably woke up already. Getting out of bed, he took a few steps around the room. Then, one thing came across his mind: school. He had school today, meaning that he had to see Rui today.
While walking to school he rubbed his arm, where he did it yesterday. Tsukasa was quite surprized that it was wrapped in bandages. Quite comfortably, even.
You don't deserve her love.
I don't know.
She did all that for you. What did you do for her?
I don't know.
You don't deserve love.
…
Maybe.
-☆-
[8:07 am]
“Rui-kun?”
Tsukasa couldn't believe that he was the one going up to his friends this time. He just had to say something. Rui turned to him, staring into his eyes. “U-uh…” Tsukasa stuttered. “I just wanna say thank you. For everything you have done for me, I mean.” Rui turned back, muttering something that sounded like “oh, okay.”
Tsukasa looked down. Maybe his friends hated him now. He slowly returned to his desk and sat down.
-♤-
Rui’s mind was filled with possibilities of what Tsukasa meant by that. Was he going to kill himself? Was this his last thank you to his friends? Or was Rui just overthinking it?
No. He wouldn't do that. Tsukasa Tenma wouldn't kill himself.
Then Rui thought about how Tsukasa began changing these past few days. He might not know much about Tsukasa Tenma after all.