Chapter Text
Johnny has always felt different than others, in ways he can't explain. It's obvious how he's treated differently than the others in the gang despite not many visible or obvious reasons for it from what he can see. Him and Darrel both grew up fast. Him, Keith and Steve all have rough home lives. Him and Dallas both weren't from Tulsa. Him and Pony were both smart. Why wasn't he treated like them? What was the thing that set him apart?
He just couldn't shake the feeling that he had done something wrong, even with the countless times he's been told otherwise. It's why he came out here in the first place. Out in the woods, alone and away from everything that made him different. He hated it. Everything about being babied and coddled by the very people who held looking “tuff” above all else. It's embarrassing, it's emasculating, it makes him feel like some sort of an alien, a freak. Now he's not stupid, he knows he is a freak, but god damn they really rub it in with salt.
That’s what brought him here, the place he swore he left in the past, the glass hole. Now there was nothing inherently bad about the glass hole, to most it was nothing but a river on the east side, secluded by a dense wood. But the history Johnny had here made it so much more. Before everything happened in his home life… well happened, this was his father's favorite fishing spot. He and his parents frequented this spot. He always found himself reminiscing of the simple times before the alcohol and bruises. Another thing he wished he could have back, was his father. The man who hit and yelled wasn't the father he knew, he knew his father as a kind man. He knew his father as the man who danced with his wife in the kitchen while waiting for the water to boil. The father who sat on the floor and held Johnny while he cried over something stupid.
No matter what his friends and peers said about his father he couldn't hate him, and that's something they will never understand. Even ponyboy, who seems to understand every feeling Johnny has before he even knows what it is. Pony will argue and argue about how he should just give up on them, on how it's been 7 years and they aren't going to change. Johnny would never just give up on his parents, addiction is hard and it can change a person, the people in the house he refuses to leave behind aren't monsters, they just have problems they never learned how to manage. He loves his mom and dad. That's what love is after all. You can never just give up on those you love no matter how long it may take. Even on the nights when he's bleeding on the floor of the shell of his happy home, he still will tell his mom or dad he loves them while they walk away to get more alcohol. They have stopped reacting over time, Johnny doesn't know how to justify that part but he's sure there's a reason. Two bit and Dallas frequently curse and threaten his father when he's getting patched up at the Curtis house. He has just given up on defending him to them, they will never truly understand his family.
Johnny thinks it's so weird how the gang could hold such a strong hatred towards his parents they don't even know their names. His parents' names are Rona and Lonnie, johnny doesn't know the heritage behind the names but he knows that his mom is from Indiana and his dad is Mexican.
He also used to play at the glass hole with his cousins, Laura and Tommy. But their parents have stopped letting them around, they live somewhere in Windrexville now, they used to be neighbors, but they moved around 6 ½ years ago. Sometimes, Johnny wonders how their life is going. He did also have an aunt Delilah, but she died of an accidental overdose before Johnny was even born, so he never knew her. One thing he did know about her is that she meant a lot to his mom, she was her big sister after all.
Johnny knows he thinks a lot about his life when he's at the glass hole, after all the years it's the only thing that stayed the same, even Johnny himself changed. He was still sitting with his back to a tree looking at the river and the seemingly endless forest behind it. That's when he suddenly became aware of the sunset, it was getting late and he promised Darrel he would sleep at the Curtis house tonight. So he finally got up and threw a rock into the river before starting his walk.