Chapter Text
As the world slipped away, claws seized him, viciously, frantically clawing through flesh, straps. Niki tore away the protective carapace of his armor, stripping away Philza’s gift to sink into the forgotten depths. With the shell of meager faux defense eviscerated, the truth of Technoblade laid barren: weak and vulnerable and human human human. There were no fins or feathers or fangs to save him, stolen only in snatches of potions and deceit. He curled into himself, one last gesture of protective barrier against the cruel world.
Currents ripped past him cruelly. But Niki dragging him deeper only cemented the inevitable outcome. His lungs gave out. The water burned in. He would die at the border between hybrid and human despised by both.
The inky death seeping into his vision couldn’t quite blot out the sudden brilliance of the sun. But fresh air was little worth to a water logged body. Niki pummeled Technoblade’s torso over and over, the pulverizing vise bruising in its retaliation. Technoblade vomited water with each ruthless attack. How stupidly selfish to think he could deny them vengeance.
Technoblade slammed into the wooden hull of the sinking boat. Limply he slung over it, heaving for air. Though his numb fingers hadn’t the strength to cling on, Niki’s bruising grip on his back pinned him in place.
“That’s it. Breathe,” she commanded. Befuddled, Technoblade sought to ask why she’d keep him alive. He managed only wracking coughs. Yet, Niki deciphered it anyway. “The truth dies with you, human.” Blearily Technoblade stared at Niki. There was no warmth in her rescue. Only the cold rictus of merling teeth bared in practical survival.
Weight slammed into the boat, dunking Technoblade under. Niki shoved him back above, spluttering and struggling. As the boat sank further, she pulled him into her arms to carry above the waves. “PHILZA! STOP!”
Philza calmly stood on the capsizing boat, calves deep as his weight plunged the only solidity further underwater. Niki’s embrace tightened in protective possession. “Don’t you want answers??”
Philza’s step sank forward, and a thrash of Niki’s tail pushed their retreat. “I already asked. His succinct response was a net.”
“If he meant any harm, I’ll skin him myself.”
“Then by all means, Niki, begin.” At her silent glare, fury filled Crow Father. His wings flared, magic coalescing along glimmering blood and sludge. But when the gale came down, Philza’s claws firmly lodged in the hull. In an eruption of water he forced the vessel to plummet into the river, only escaping to the sky at the last second before he drowned, too. Like a vulture Philza circled, coldly watching Niki struggling against the developing whirlpool.
Niki clung tightly to Technoblade as she fought to keep his head above the waves. Technoblade did not cling back.
As the waters calmed, Philza dropped onto the spear of mast barely piercing the surface. He swept a hand to the shores of gathering hybrids. “I vowed to protect these people, Niki.”
“And you vowed to protect Technoblade, too.”
“Sentimentality clouds you.”
“It does NOT!” Her voice cracked with fury, with grief. Her arms were not a shelter. They were a prison. Even that was kinder than he expected. “LISTEN TO ME! If Techno could nearly escape us all, then he is clever. If Techno infiltrated us for so long, then he is determined. There was a plan here, Philza. He was ready for our attack, so there must have been something worth the danger.” They were worth the danger. Always. But Technoblade wasn’t worth the danger to them. The agony of his body was nothing to the torment of his heart. “Stockpiling potion ingredients, maybe. Or sabotaging our defenses that we all might be captured. But that means he isn’t the only human. If you kill him, it will not protect us, only blind us to his scheme. We will get the information of who he sold us out to. I will torture it out of him myself, if I must.”
Philza stared at Technoblade. His wings drooped oddly, as if plagued by wounds of memory. “I don’t think I quite care,” he admitted lowly. “I just want him dead. He cannot possibly hurt us worse than he already has.”
Technoblade spluttered. But he was too throttled to offer any defense. Whether that was the aftershocks of nearly drowning, or shame’s noose punishing him for putting such pain in Philza’s eyes, Technoblade couldn’t tell.
A low gasp hissed among the watching crowd as Philza took to the air. Death glided towards him, Technoblade flinching from his gaze. Though Niki cut through the water, she was an echo of her full power weighed down by a human she was forced to keep breathing. Philza’s hind claw reached out to pluck Technoblade from her grasp. The enormous talons could puncture his heart in seconds. If Philza was merciful.
He felt a mere ghost of claws along his back. And then a russet blur collided full-force into Philza. Ebony wings flailed, crashing into the river in a spray of mist. Instinctively Philza shrieked, frantically batting away from the lethal water. An Elytrian gale gathered at once- only to shattered as he recognized Tommy falling. Philza plunged after, thrown into frenzied panic as the flightless chick plummeted towards the water. His claws flashed out-
And missed.
Philza threw himself into the river. Technoblade nearly did, too, lurching forward with a guttural scream. Niki thrashed as she fought to keep him contained.
Annnnd Tommy’s head popped up a few feet away, shaking water from his downy head. His small wings dipped in and out of the water in practiced strokes to help him tread. Right. Right, of course, he was an avian, he hadn’t enormous wings to drag him down. He couldn’t fly, but he wouldn’t drown. Confusion crumpled Technoblade’s overwhelmed mind. Had…had Tommy flown over here? What desperation could fuel that despite hunter-broken wings?
No. That wasn’t it. In the blur of memories before Philza capsized him, he remembered Scott launching Tommy into the air. That would’ve been more than enough height to glide over. But, to what end? To join in Technoblade’s torture? Why stop Philza, then?
Philza. PHILZA! Technoblade whipped his head to where the elytrian thrashed, sinking ever deeper into the river. “Don’t think you can escape,” Niki hissed before releasing Technoblade. He floundered without her, exhausted, agonized body begging to just relax. They were the ones who taught him to relax in the first place. Taught him to stop fighting. Wouldn’t it be so nice to just stop fighting? He wasn’t surrounded by enemies. The only enemy here was him.
“Tom-” Technoblade’s cry caught in his throat. Instinctively he’d swam towards the boy. But at Philza’s low hiss, that concern only registered as a threat, now. Tommy sloshed a retreat. But of course he did. The last touch Technoblade gave him was to pin him down, blade raised to sever his wings. Just like that bounty hunter who’d nearly gouged out Technoblade’s tongue.
The netherite dagger was still fiercely gripped in Tommy’s white knuckle grip. Of course he remembered.
Niki dove after Philza, dragging him back to the boat to cling to the mast. “You loving fool,” she chided gently, wringing out his striped hat and returning it to perch on his sopping gold-dark hair. Water streamed off Philza, depths-black feathers spread wide. Drowning wouldn’t stop him from launching at the slightest intention towards Tommy.
Only for Tommy to swim between his protector and his enemy. “STOP! You got it all wrong, Phil! He could have killed me, but he didn’t.”
“You’re being naive, Tommy,” Philza grieved. “He could have killed us all at any time!”
“But he didn’t,” Niki interjected. “We need to know why.”
“He had my dagger raised. His dagger. He gave it to me. Why would he arm an enemy? And why would he not attack an enemy? Make it make sense, Phil! Cause the way I see it, the only one hurting us is you!”
“I’m the one protecting all of you from him!”
“He saved Tubbo’s life!” Tommy roared. No. It wasn’t the clinging grasp of the river trailing water down his young visage. “Techno was the one pouring potions on his severed wrist, not you!”
Horror hollowed Philza’s voice. “...Tubbo stung him?”
“He thought he had to ‘cause of your blind hatred. If it wasn’t for Techno, my best friend would be dead thanks to you.”
Tubbo wouldn’t have stung me if I wasn’t here to begin with, either. Only, the thought didn’t seem to occur to anyone else. A choking silence strangled all.
When Technoblade’s head dunked beneath the surface, the spell broke. Even without netherite, he struggled to tread water with the limp arm and cumulative exhaustion of fighting an entire pack of hybrids. Yet Philza relented, asking Niki to swim Technoblade to the bank. Tommy’s strokes carried him alongside like a loyal guard. He stood over where Technoblade was left in the shallows, glaring at the watching community. Technoblade crawled to shore in a carnage of mud and fear.
His friends shied back. Technoblade stilled, kneeling in the river muck. The hybrids gave him a wide, wide berth. Once, Technoblade would have been grateful for the safe distance. Now, it only made him feel diseased. Blood seeped into the waters, lapping at the shore of the hybrid territory to stain a memory outlining the waves. It demarcated a line he could never be welcomed across.
The limping prey of his instincts whispered that he could still fight with its last spittle-specked breath. He didn’t want to fight anymore. Not them. Not the ones who taught him how to sleep without his back to the wall.
Ripples collided against Technoblade from where Philza’s wings dragged through shallow waters in his grim march to his flock. Dark feathers fanned over Technoblade in prison bar slits of shadow. But they passed over like a breeze, instead catching Tommy’s back to drag him.
Tommy ducked beneath with a glare. Tommy unfastened his crimson cloak and draped it around Technoblade’s shivering shoulders. “Look,” he said as he brusquely straightened the garment, “I’m still cross at you for attacking me and my mates. But, if you tell me what side you're on, I’ll be on it, too.”
Technoblade wanted to say yours. But looking at the bruised and shaken hybrids, he knew he hadn’t the right to claim that. “I think it’s already clear what side I’m on,” he mumbled.
“But why can’t it be our side? I don’t care that you’re human, I care that you’re Techno. You could have told us.” It hurt how badly Technoblade wanted it to be true. He only drew his knees to his chest. Tommy’s optimism decayed, as he turned to his community for consensus and found only averted gazes. Because no. He couldn’t have told them. “Jack, come dry him off before he gets sick.”
“Yeahhhhh I’m not doing that.”
“Oh come on!” Tommy exploded. “I can’t be the only one who noticed him hesitate to hurt us, can I?? He doesn’t even have a weapon on him for crying out loud! He was DYING OF VENOM and still saved Tubbo!”
Niki’s expression twisted in regret. “Tubbo exactly isn’t here to prove that. But assuming it’s true: Techno, why did you?”
“He. Was dying??” The answer felt so easy it surely had to be a trap, right? “I didn’t want to hurt anyone.” He finally met Philza’s sparking eyes. “I didn’t think it would hurt when I left.”
A storm overtook Philza, flashing, sharp, and teary. “That’s rich. Just because you didn’t manage to kill any of us, you still fought. I gave you a chance. Against my better judgement I tried to convince myself there could be some better explanation. And you attacked me. You attacked all of us! And by your preparations, you’d been planning to from the start.”
“No. At the start, I only planned to run. And I could’ve. Should’ve. I have no good excuse being here more than three days.”
Niki’s jaw dropped. “Before you could proper walk????” Her expression worsened as Technoblade shrugged uncomfortably. He’d made it further on worse. “That’s– …that’s stupid enough to be honest. You know how Techno is, Phil.”
Tommy huffed. “You scolded him soo much about pushing himself, Phil. But why shouldn’t he when he knew you’d rip him apart given a chance?”
“I know only how Technoblade pretended to be.” But increasingly, his anger was a thin veneer over turbulent betrayed grief.
Niki passed Philza to stand over Technoblade, too. “Haven’t you been where he is? Alone and outnumbered? And what did you do Phil? You made friends. You made a home. Technoblade only did the same.”
“I made a refuge.” The words were soft but it did not make them gentle. “This is my sin, permitting a human to infiltrate and violate our safety.”
“I didn’t want to hurt you. But I planned to. I needed to know I could escape.” It had felt so rational at the start, the developing incongruity with his emotions creeping up too late. When he finally felt safe for the first time, what had he done? Prepared to hurt the only people ever kind to him? Something had been deeply wrong with Technoblade, perhaps for all his life. But they were finally making him feel right. And it wasn’t enough.
Philza loomed over him. Technoblade’s instincts tried to summon every graphic horror story of elytrians but couldn’t overcome the image of his friend. “But you didn’t. If you feared us so much, then there was a greater priority. Why? To sabotage us so humans could gut our community? To exploit us? To take our lives, our resources, our power, our safety?”
Technoblade shook his head. “Worse. To take your kindness.”
For just a moment his eyes softened in hope. But too many years of pain turned him away. Philza snorted derisively. “Niki, fetch the loot he stole. I think it tore off in the river.”
“Already got it.” In a torrent of water, she hoisted his belongings. Niki spilled the water-damaged contents across the muddy bank. Flinching, Technoblade refused to look. Instead he buried his stinging eyes in his knees.
It wasn’t potions. It wasn’t fragments of hybrid bodies. It wasn’t weapons. It wasn’t diamonds. It wasn’t food. Just useless useless things. Little trinkets memorializing a love with a bloody slit in its throat. All ruined by the murky water. Technoblade had never felt more wretchedly pathetic.
A webbed hand graced his bowed back, and Technoblade flinched so bad it hurt. He shrunk ever smaller as his shame blossomed under the blistering sunlight of attention.
“I didn’t steal,” Technoblade managed. “They were gifts. Just…given to the person you thought I was. Instead of me. Because I knew you wouldn’t want to be around a human, and I get it, I wouldn’t want to either.”
Philza knelt before Technoblade. He plucked a glint of viridian from the muck, polishing off the carefully carved gem bunny statue. As he cleaned it, he cradled the friendship emerald so preciously. His first gift to his new flight member. What small, humble acts of kindness lay desecrated in the mud, the only thing Technoblade had sought to pilfer. The russet bands of Tommy’s feathers fashioned into a crude quill. A necklace gleaming with prismarine and turtle shell beads. An ugly portrait of Technoblade painted in various shades and consistency of slime. Dried dandelions pressed into a leather journal dyed with enderdust.
And then he sat the emerald statue before Technoblade. “You weren’t lying to us. Were you, mate?” Philza asked softly. A talon brushed away the tears tracing the arroyo of a scar. The clean, fluid cut of a blade, not a claw. “You ran from us like you knew how to be traced. You did face hunters, they just weren’t hybrid hunters. You told us every truth you could.”
“I thought it wouldn’t matter, since I’d be gone soon. And then…I’d never had anyone to listen, before. I’m sorry, Phil. I shouldn’t have stayed.” But Technoblade had commitment issues. As in, he didn’t know when to stop committing himself to this stupid thing called life. And so he fell so deeply in love with this community that to escape was to leave his heart abandoned in the home they gave him. “It wouldn’t have hurt like this, if I’d had the guts to run. But I stayed. I stayed, and I kept staying, and I couldn’t stop.”
Black wings folded around him. Technoblade didn’t know how to flinch. “I grieve how scared we must have made you all this time. How could you stand us with such a guillotine overhead?”
“I never found fear remarkable. But this community taught me how to feel safe. How could I ever leave? And so I lied, and I lied harder, anything at all to trick you into keeping me.”
Philza flinched, and held him a little tighter. Technoblade gripped him back just as fiercely, crumpling under the weight of Tommy flopping over him, of Niki sweeping him close with her tail. Philza’s wings shook, as they tried to wrap around the whole community surging in around Technoblade at their hearth. “I cannot express how sorry I am, that we ruined your refuge. I hope one day you might regain that sense of safety here.”
Technoblade sobbed into his shoulder, his smile painful. “I already have.”