Chapter Text
Chapter three: All the things you said, How much we Love you Tim
Normal Narration
“Character’s speaking”
Character’s thinking
Countdown: 00:02:03
The antidote was nearly finished filtering throughout Tim’s system, every minute that ticked forward led to an obvious state of delirium and somnolent appearance, lids blinking slowly as he laid across the white sheets of the med-bay. He looked almost peaceful if not for the obvious heavy atmosphere that drenched the cave.
But the Wayne's hearts were broken and each word, each question answered only brought them more misery. More fucking heartache, they hadn’t realized in all this time how bad Tim’s internal worth amounted to nor the terrible bouts of hurt they had given him unknowingly or not.
Bruce cards his fingers through his son's hair, face a purple bruise, but he hardly felt the dull ache given to him courtesy of one Jason P Todd Wayne, it was well deserved after all.
He had told or more like forced his children to change into their sleepwear, knowing they wouldn’t leave the nest today, even through their glares ( some glaring at each other, others angry at themselves). Bruce would be willing to go back in time and punch his past self, break a bone or two or several, if it would have woken the man up from his pity party.
His child hadn’t deserved any of it.
But Bruce is here and now, he made these mistakes and now he will till what was sown into the earth.
Countdown: 00:00:00
Toxin Neutralized: 100%
Victim: induced dormant state, recovery 08 hours 01 minutes
Tim took a soft breath, eyes closed as he drifted off to neverland, Bruce carefully undid every zipper and every piece of kevlar, soft cotton wool placed onto his son’s unknowing body. He slid his arms under the boy's back and knees, gently gathering him into his arms and with reddened eyes felt the strong heavy beat of his son’s heart.
Every step.
“Bruce, I’m going to be your Robin!”
Every breath.
“Bruce, I can do it, trust me!”
Every Beat.
“Bruce, I’m ok nothing hit me!”
The hallway of his ancestral home croaked under his weight, the air stagnant, waiting and inevitable, he felt the stares of his children behind him. Waiting.
Cass opened the door to his room, not to Tim’s, not to the place where in another life, he would have found his son lifeless and peaceful. In another life, Bruce would scream and beg for the breath in his son, his heart would wither and rot, his family crippled stewing in righteous anger and regret.
In another life Bruce would never be Batman again.
But Bruce lives in this reality, this one where a man stabbed into his son and Bruce could only whisper sweet apologies to his boy for feeling supremely grateful. Grateful his son could not hold back his truth, could not hide away behind false lies, grateful he was given another chance.
He sank his son into the middle of his bed, barely a hint of indent, Bruce sometimes forgot how small and how precious his son was–how he let him waste away–until Tim could only see a future where his body plotted away in a grave without knowing Bruce would rather follow than ever see that happen.
His darling daughter places a longing kiss atop Tim’s wallow cheek, she does not clear the tear sliding down her own, she gives him a look that could only mean I will only wait until morning. Jason with knuckles braised, places a soft blue blanket, Bruce’s heart aches knowing it was originally his from another time. He does not look back at Bruce.
Dick with tear tracks down his cheeks, murmurs a few sweet nothings for no one to hear but Tim, his sight never leaves his little brothers until fully out of the room. Steph swipes her eyes again, a small red bracelet in her palm, tying it onto Tim’s thin wrist as her breath hitches with every second.
Damian, whose all seething bitter regret and pain, holds Alfred's furry form in his arms and places it into the crook of Tim’s body, the feline only rubs into the belly purring a thankful gesture. He leaves, not without giving one last look, Bruce knows it's to make sure Tim is still here, that he is still breathing and alive.
He finds himself alone on his armchair, memories playing across his mind in wonderspects, flickering away like a broken record, he can not remember a time where Tim could know with certainty he was loved.
No matter how much he actually was…
Stifled sobs.
Soft kisses.
Scratchy chin.
Salty liquid.
Whispers.
Nubs against his scalp.
Sweet sweet dreams.
Birds chirping. Light behind his eyelids. Warm purring creature laying across his stomach. Sheets that smelled like Dad. Air in his lungs. Life.
That’s not right, Tim shouldn’t feel all these things should he?
Tim was supposed to wake to nothingness, he wasn’t supposed to feel.
What happened?
Memories slurred and jumbled together, his last supposed day, patrol, Jason, and then…
Nothing?
Mostly colors, sounds that didn’t make much sense, images too far to understand and crying…
He remembers that but not much else. He doesn’t understand why he’s still alive, but something in his chest burned at the thought, like he was afraid.
Which is stupid, he decided already, he’s not supposed to be scared of death anymore.
“Tim?”
Oh.
Was that–?
“Son, please wake up. Please.”
Tim’s heart twisted, Bruce sounded, he simply doesn’t know how to describe. But he answers all the same. He opens his eyes slowly, light draping across his dad’s slouched form, dark bags beneath his own lids and hair greasy with sweat. Hands clenched together as if in prayer and the blue of his eyes dull and grief-filled.
“B-Bruce, what’s–” Before he could even start, Bruce’s eyes widened and closed the gap between them, one hand behind his head and the other sat heavily across his back. He doesn’t know what’s happening nor why it's happening, but it doesn’t stop the warm sting of tears building.
Bruce takes in one heavy breath, “ Tim, I think somewhere along the way…I forgot to tell you how much I love you.” Tim’s breath cuts, heart beating furiously, “ How much you mean to me, how much joy you bring to me.” Tim bites his bottom lip, he doesn’t understand what is happening.
“Y–You” He doesn’t know what he wants to ask or admit the tearing of his hearing as it sews itself back together again.
“Tim, I haven’t been the best father, quite frankly not even so-so, but those are my mistakes to bear–I want you to know that I've thought of you as my own long before your adoption–” Tim can't help the shock run through his system, “–you were my son when you took your first glide as robin, your were my son after every patrol and every after-meal, you were my son when those big blue eyes of yours shot me down and demanded I make you Robin…”
Tim can’t stop the sob from leaving his throat, can’t stop the relief and love in his heart, can’t stop wanting to know, “ You continue to be my son, after every rant, every family dinner, every little sharp quip and argument, every day you will be my son and I will never stop letting you believe that from hereon henceforth.” Bruce leans down and lays a gentle kiss where Tim never’s felt laid between his brows, his hands grasping at his dad’s cotton pajamas.
He doesn’t understand what’s happening.
He doesn’t know why his dad speaks about things Tim has only ever dreamed about.
But something in his chest is building, something solid and real.
He’s scared to know what it is…he’s scared that this is just another stupid dream.
“B-Bruce..I don’t understand why are you?” Why are you telling me this?
He looks down at him with those tired eyes, “Honey, I don't want to overwhelm you but,” Bruce’s hand tightens ever so much, “ we found the pills in your room, you were going to..” He stops like he’s afraid of the words. But Batman shouldn't be afraid…
right?
Tim's heart is in his throat now, the sting in his eyes almost burns, “ I didn’t–I wasn’t–” words leave him as images of disappointed stares and annoyed faces swirl around in his mind.
“That was also my fault.”
“What?” The shock is overwhelming and there’s an odd ringing in his ears.
He doesn’t understand why the man continues, “Tim, I’ll say it again and again a thousand times if it means you understand my words.” Bruce takes a breath, blue eyes reflecting only his son, “ I love you. You are my Son. Nothing you will ever do will ever change that. I appreciate every bit of you and all your little quirks.” I love you.
I love you.
I love you.
I love you.
I love you.
I love you.
I love you.
I love you.
I love you.
I love you.
Tim can’t blink away the tears, nor the intense sense of relief and love blooming in his beaten up heart. His dad loves him. His dad actually wants him!
No one’s ever wanted me before!
He can't stop the tears from overflowing as he sobs into his dad shirt, to be loved and held, to know you are loved. Tim had never known. But his Dad doesn't let him go.
Bruce holds Tim for an indeterminate amount of time, neither wanting to let go, Bruce most of all knowing how fragile his son’s mentality was. But his children were waiting and he felt that they needed to clear the air for all of them.
A knock on the door, he knows who it is before he even has to say anything, his eldest lets himself in–all dark eyebags and red teartracks–scanning over his little brother's form, looking at the deep rise and fall of his chest. Dick looks at him for one long moment, regret and bitterness flickering past his eyes, Bruce knows he’d never take up the mantle of Batman ever again.
He does not want him to either.
Bruce makes out one more longing squeeze, “Tim, honey, I think someone else here has something to say to you.” His son looks up, watery ocean eyes widening as he takes notice of the other occupant in the room. Something between a choke and gasp leaving his mouth as he attempts to swipe away his tears.
“Tim, It’s alright…I’m probably going to start crying once I start anyways.” The joke comes out wet with something Tim can’t decipher.
He can’t help asking, “Di-Dick what do you mean, what are doing here?” Why is here, why does he look so terrible? What does he mean by once I start…once he starts what?
But Bruce drags himself out of the bed, mouthing a I love you, he squeezes Dick’s shoulder right before exiting his room. In this turn of events Tim still can’t fully follow, he still doesn’t understand what he’s doing in his dad’s room or how he found out about the pills. He also doesn’t understand what’s currently happening or why it's happening.
Why?
Dick sinks into the chair, as if something heavy was weighing down on his shoulders, Tim wants answers but he’s also afraid of them. So he just watches his brother open and close his mouth repeatedly, Alfred purrs soundly beside him and he can’t help the twisting in his stomach nor the sweat on his palms.
“Tim, do you remember the first night you came out as Robin?” Dick’s hand tremble, a sheen of moisture in his eyes.
Tim blinks, he didn’t really expect that question, but he knows the answer, “ Yes, of course..why?” Why is he asking about that night?
“Did you know what I felt when I saw you?”
Tim doesn’t know and he’s afraid of knowing, he’s trying so hard to breathe correctly, he’s been trying for a long time.
He looks straight at him, “I felt a mix of sadness and joy, I wasn’t sad that you took on Jason’s suit. I was sad because he wasn’t there to see you fly for the first time and I was happy because I could see the colors of my family on my newest little brother.” Dick let’s the tears fall down his cheeks.
What?
“You took on the roll of Robin like a duck to water, you took it into your own hands and made it your own…” Dick stops, a bitter smile on his face, “ I shouldn’t have done what I did when I became Batman. To be honest I hated being Batman, there was just so much pressure and I didn’t realize the consequences of my actions. But it doesn’t excuse what I did or what I made you feel, I should have told you from the beginning.” He takes a long breath in.
Tim just wants to jump out of the room but he also wants to know.
“I wanted you at my side, my equal because I needed someone I could trust with 100 percent certainty. Damian…I didn’t put him into the suit because I thought he would be better. I put him in the suit because I couldn’t think of anything else. I’m not the best detective in the family Tim, I only did what I thought I could do at that time. I realize how stupid I was and how stupid I acted, but I don’t want you to think I loved you less.” Dick slides off the chair, kneeling on the floor, hands inches away from Tim’s. “ I love you so much Tim, like you wouldn’t believe. I believe in you so much, so much that it blinded the reality that my little brother needed me and I let him down.”
Tim's heart has broken into tiny pieces, all shapes and sizes, made up of all the people he loved. Dick had been his first hug and his first big brother, how brokenhearted he was when his brother didn’t believe him. Even though he shouldn’t have placed so much hope, even though Tim wasn’t even family.
“Tim, I think I know what’s going through your mind or at least I have an idea of it now,” Dick hesitates the slightest before grabbing hold of Tim’s hands, “ You deserve to know how much I love you, to know how deserving of love you are. I will never let you down again, I will never stop being there for you, you’re my precious little brother and I’ll never stop catching you.” Tim can’t see through his blurred vision but it doesn’t stop him from grabbing his brother's shoulders and letting Dick hug him once more.
And Dick holds him like he’s something special. Like he meant it.
Tim didn’t realize how much he meant to his family, how much he mattered in their hearts. But they wouldn’t stop trying to show him anyways. Because for all his genius, he always seemed to second-guess his worth to them, but they knew it would be a long process.
Because Tim had been pushed to the brink, on the verge of suicide.
That morning, everyone laid out their hearts to bare, laid out everything so Tim could understand. Bruce had also made it perfectly clear that Tim would be taking a break from Red Robin, not because he was worthless, but because he needed the rest and help that they hadn’t given him in all this time.
They made sure to tell him they loved him every day.
They made sure to tell him he was appreciated.
They made sure he knew was loved.
Tim took a long time to understand, some nights would be easy, some nights harder and crippling thoughts would saunter into his mind.
But someone would always come in, his sister Cass would silently make her way into his new bed, Jason would drag him out to eat at Batburger, Steph would take him shopping, Damian would bring Alfred and they would lay around enjoying each other's company… Dick would take him into the living area and watch his favorite movies.
His dad would just smile and hold him, repeating for the thousandth time.
I love you.
Fin.