Chapter Text
"We can start courting properly next year," Mai says out of the blue, completely catching Zuko off guard.
They're lounging on a chaise, staring out the window. The night sky is dark, a new moon, the stars shining ever brighter, the constellations clearer. He's been spending almost all of his free time with Mai. It's been good. Distracting. And Zuko needs a distraction now more than ever.
The last two months have been agonizing. Ever since the night his uncle's messenger left that scroll, he's been suspicious of everyone around him. Even worse, ever since the disappearance of the waterbender's necklace, he's been paranoid about leaving any of his things alone. He casts sideways glances at every attendant, every guard, every single person who seems to show up around him more than a few times. The library no longer feels safe. He doesn't know who's tracking him or what they want, whether they report to his uncle, or someone else.
Azula hasn't been in the palace for two months. She's also the only person around who would find something like the necklace hidden under his bed and not immediately confront him about it. It's a tactic of control Zuko remembers well, but knowing what she's doing does nothing to lessen the effect. Being unable to confront his sister, on top of everything else, has had Zuko on edge, irritable, and totally unprepared to have this conversation.
"What?" It's too loud and too upset to be taken well. Mai rolls her eyes and looks away, crossing her arms. Anyone else would think she was annoyed with him, but Zuko knows her well enough to understand that she's hiding embarrassment. She's been this way since they were kids. Always closed off, using boredom to mask her less than ladylike emotions. He cringes at his own tone. "I mean, what makes you say that?" He tries to amend, softer.
"You'll be of marrying age soon," she shrugs, still not looking back at him.
"That's two years away."
"Two years isn't long. The sooner we're officially engaged, the less you'll have to deal with unwanted proposals."
Engaged. Married. To Mai. Well, it isn't like he hasn't thought about it, but when he imagines life as a married man, he's always much older than twenty. It's not that it's not a good match. He likes Mai. She would, for all intents and purposes, be a perfect candidate for a wife. However...
"You want to be Fire Lady?" He asks, genuinely shocked. The look she gives him is downright insulting.
"No, Zuko," she says, sarcasm dripping from every word. "I've been dating you for almost a year and have no intentions of seriously pursuing a long-term relationship."
"Sorry," he winces, shoulders hunching. "It's just... you sort of hate politics. I never thought you'd want to make them your whole life."
Mai scrutinizes him, her steel-gold eyes narrowing before she sighs. She adjusts herself to look at him properly. "Zuko, I love you. I'm prepared to deal with the consequences."
It's the first time she's said it. Zuko is overwhelmed, unsure what to do or say because he never thought she was so serious about him. He doesn't know how to handle it.
He kisses her, and hopes that's enough.
____
Although Zuko hasn't really given a proper response, Mai seems to take his reaction as encouragement. She begins to mention it off-handedly, things her family would want, what she likes, leaving him to wonder if he's as good as promised himself to her. She spends the next few weeks in a remarkably good mood, which makes Zuko happy. Mostly.
He's still dealing with the economic issues of the cities he visited for his project and progress is slow. The assassin he sent after the Avatar months ago hasn't reported to him. Granted, Zuko told the man to only come and find him if he killed the Avatar, but it's been well over eight months, and nothing. Then there's the matter of what Uncle told him about his heritage. His streak of good sleep has long since ended. And on top of it all, Azula will be back in a week. He clenches his fist.
Zuko needs that necklace back. He cannot bear the idea that it may be gone forever at his fault. The waterbender's hurt expression, the way her voice had echoed in the caves, it all haunts him. "The Fire Nation took my mother away from me." E
He can't be the reason the last remnant of a mother disappears completely. He has to get it back. He will get it back.
Time passes slower than a lazy river. Zuko's had a long time to come up with an excuse for why he even kept the necklace, let alone hid it under his bed. Keeping it at all could be explained away as taking a token of his victory. Or something. Hiding it? No matter what he says, there's no good look. He needs to know what Azula wants from him for her silence. He needs to know why she went looking through his things in the first place. He needs to know if it was even her who took it. Or if it was someone doing her bidding. Someone unsuspecting. Someone he'd trust.
He runs his hands through his hair. He doesn't want it to have been Mai. He prays that it wasn't. Things are good between them right now. If it's all a lie on her part...
That cold feeling hasn't stopped haunting him even with Mai's confession.
He groans, pressing his hands over his eyes and slumping over the table in front of him. Everything stresses him out now. There seems to be no end in sight to different issues of welfare among the common folk of the Fire Nation. He's tried to talk to some advisors about it, but they usually are already in the pockets of some noble or another and either cannot or will not help him prepare a proposition to bring to his father.
The sun hits the edge of the table, a sign that it's getting late. He should get going. He has a date with Mai.
____
Azula comes home.
Zuko spends all dinner the night of her return with his legs firmly pressed against the chair, asking the right questions, making the correct expressions, and listening to her regale him and Father with her vast improvement in the art of bending lightning. There aren't many teachers who can create lightning and Father had decided she was ready to be trained by his own old master up in the mountains. Zuko listens to all of this with a polite smile on his face.
It's not enough. Every time his father looks away, Azula will smirk knowingly at him. Zuko knows that look. She's waiting for him to break.
He waits until late that evening. Patience run thin, he bursts into her room, much the same as he had months ago when they first returned.
"Why were you in my room?" He asks, getting straight to the point. Azula raises an eyebrow, her makeup not even removed yet.
"I never stepped foot in your room, Zu-zu. And I'd really rather never do so."
"You, a servant, one of your friends," his voice hitches, having yet to speak his slight suspicions of Mai aloud. "It doesn't matter. I know you had someone go through my things. Why?"
"Zuko-" she starts, but he's had it.
"Don't lie to me, Azula," he says, stalking forward. She stares at him blankly before sighing, long and loud.
"Fine. Yes, I had a servant of mine go through your things. Is that all?"
His chest tightens. "I want what they stole."
Azula's hand slips to her pocket. "Why, Zu-zu?" She asks with faux innocence, and there it is, dark blue fabric in her hand, pendant dangling in her grasp, taunting him. "Don't want to lose your engagement gift?"
Zuko's hand, already lifting for it, freezes. "What?"
"I didn't peg you for the type to be so easily persuaded, Zuko," she smiles, eyes turning to the necklace, nose crinkling. "At least, not by an enemy. Though I do suppose I left you two alone together for a long time. Poor Mai will be devastated." He stares at her, lost, and she scoffs. "The Water Tribes use these to court one another. Didn't you know?"
"That's not what it is," he says, tone short, stalking forward. Her mother's necklace. The waterbender wouldn't lie about that. She would have no reason to. Probably. Most likely. "Give it back."
"Why?" She asks again. He just glares. Seeming to lose patience with him she puts a hand on her hip and glares. "This isn't a game, Zuko. Believe it or not, I haven't told anyone about this. It could very well ruin you."
"It's a token of victory," the rehearsed lie falls flat.
She makes a noise of disgust and shoves it into his chest. "You need to be more confident than that," she says, harsh. "I'm trying to help you, dumb-dumb."
"You're just trying to control me," he flings back, hand closing around the necklace instantly, holding it so tight his knuckles whiten. She rolls her eyes and walks away.
"Those aren't contradictory statements," she says. "Speaking of courting," she changes the subject, tone lightening as she turns to him with a new, easy smile. "I hear you and Mai aren't far from making things official."
Zuko looks down. "If that's what she really wants."
"You'd be a fool to turn her down," Azula laughs, something more threatening behind it. "Not every woman would be so forgiving of finding their boyfriend with another woman's jewelry."
His blood runs cold. "She knows?"
"Of course not. But she'd believe your pathetic excuses because she knows what's good for you, unlike yourself."
He grits his teeth and turns his back on her, taking his leave. "Stay out of my things."
"Stay out of trouble," she counters as he walks out the door.
____
The necklace goes back around his wrist, under the familiar wrap of red cloth. Though he hates her attempts to control him, Zuko heeds Azula's advice anyway. He finds a new hiding place for the crown his uncle had given him, too.
After months of work, he finally proposes the crude beginnings of a plan to rework the trade negotiations between the regions of the Fire Nation to his father. It's a far cry from perfect, but he makes his points as best he can.
His father very nearly smiles. Zuko feels numb as his proposal is sent to be reviewed by the financial ministers.
He also doubles his efforts to be a good boyfriend to Mai. He visits her often, taking her on lavish outings. Azula raises an eyebrow in approval one dinner when he arrives late, held up by one of said dates. His stomach churns coldly.
Today they lay on the chaise after a sunset picnic on the cliff, the waning gibbous moon shining on the windowsill. He does his best to keep a smile on her face, asking the servants for whatever it is she wants.
"I guess there are perks to being royalty," she sighs, resting her head on his shoulder. "Though there's annoying things, too. Like that all day war meeting that's coming up next week."
He sits up before he knows what he's doing. "What war meeting?"
She follows, her eyebrows drawing closer, a frown playing at her lips. "I- Azula mentioned it," she says, her tone confused. "I thought you knew."
His fingernails dig into his palms. "I guess I wasn't invited."
Their date doesn't last long after that. He tries to talk to Azula about it the next morning, but she simply brushes him off. "Just show up," she says. "You probably weren't invited because it's so obvious you're meant to be there."
"Were you invited?" He questions bluntly.
"Of course. I'm the princess."
"And I'm the prince!"
"Exactly! So stop acting like a child and come to the meeting."
"Forget it," he snarls, and stalks away.
He was doing well, he thought. He really believed his father wanted him as part of his court, that he was trusted, wanted, enough to warrant his place by his father's side.
Zuko can't help it. He scowls and stays quiet nearly all throughout the next couple of days. He's tense at dinner, not daring to show how much it's affecting him in front of his father. If he's not wanted for the war meeting, what else is being kept from him? Or rather, what is he being kept from?
Mai tries to help, and Zuko is grateful. Truly, he is. But her version of cheering him up has nothing to do with anything that might actually make him happy. He only orders the servants around for her. He doesn't even really like palanquin rides. He's not the kind of man who enjoys pushing people around. Maybe he was, once. But it just makes him feel pathetic now.
The day of the war meeting arrives and he visits Mai, not wanting to see the empty palace corridors, knowing he was the only one there left in the dark. He stares at some corner, zoning out as Mai serves tea, not bothering to try and talk to him yet. He feels incredibly weak. His position in his country suddenly feels like sand in his grasp. He's tried so hard to be Prince Zuko. Is he really just... not enough?
"Prince Zuko," a voice calls and Zuko stands, surprised to see a messenger kneeling in the doorway. "Everyone's waiting for you."
"What?" He asks, taken aback. Mai stands, too.
"The high admirals, the high generals, the war ministers and the princess have all arrived. You're the only one missing."
Zuko stares blankly. "My dad... wants me at the meeting?'
The messenger looks up, a trace of confusion flickering across his face before he schools his features. "The Fire Lord said he would not begin until you arrived, sir." He bows his head and Zuko stands, stunned, before turning to look at a smiling Mai.
"Well," she says, voice low, coming up to him and placing her hands on his shoulders. "What are you waiting for?"
____
His father seats him at his right hand, asks him for his opinion, and takes it into consideration as though it were the most natural thing in the world. Zuko sits, ramrod straight, the entire time, even as his father's plan to destroy the entire Earth Kingdom shakes him to his core.
The attendants move on from planning the destruction of an entire culture, another complete genocide, far too soon for Zuko to catch up. He's still reeling, still digging his nails into his palms, as they finalize the plan on how to deal with the invasion coming their way in just two weeks' time.
He feels like a ghost piloting his own body, his mind returning to every single person he'd met while in hiding for that long year in the Earth Kingdom. Jet, Smellerbee, Longshot, Jin, his boss at the tea shop, Lee, Lee's parents, the guards who beat him nearly black and blue, Song, Song's mother, the people he robbed, the customers he served, the peace keepers who defended him, all the refugees, every single mother, father, and child he ever met in his travels. In less than a year they would all be gone. Dead. Burned to ashes. And it's all his fault.
The necklace, wrapped around his wrist, hidden, close to his pulse point, seems to get colder with every passing second, as though the waterbender is trying to freeze him alive, even an entire world away. Zuko desperately tries to ignore it.
His father puts a hand on his shoulder after the meeting ends, smiling, eyes glimmering with long sought approval. It's the heaviest weight in the world.
"How'd it go?" Mai asks when Zuko finally leaves the room. The question sinks in his stomach, that long familiar chill spreading to the rest of his body. He's never felt less like himself.
____
When Zuko puts his mind to something, he never works in half measures. It's one of his only assets he likes about himself, even if it does get him in over his head. So when he finally looks in the mirror and realizes he's been wrong, he nearly tears his hair out in grief. The half moon weakly shines through his window.
What was the point of it all? Coming home, seeking his dad's approval, trying to earn his place as prince? It all seems a waste. What does any of it matter?
His father is going to burn the world alive.
Zuko prays the Avatar really is alive, that he hasn't been driving himself mad for almost an entire year over a possibility that doesn't exist. He prays and prays and prays some more, to any spirit that will listen, that by some miracle, a miracle with blue eyes and healing abilities, the world's only hope is ready to save it. If he's not, Zuko will just have to do it himself.
The thought startles him, and for a moment, he doubts it. Who does he think he is? The last time he faced off against his father, he wound up mutilated.
The mirror stares back at him and seems to whisper. 'You've changed. You've grown. You've learned so much. You know what to do. You know where to go.'
If Azula's intel is correct, and there really is an invasion during the total solar eclipse, well. The waterbender was always a major thorn in the Fire Nation's side. It's one of the first things Zuko ever learned about her as a person, as a warrior, finding out the waterbender had liberated an entire brig designed to hold earthbending prisoners. Zuko hopes that aspect of her hasn't diminished. It had begrudgingly impressed him then; he's counting on it now.
He unwraps the red cloth around his wrist and stares at the pendant. And perhaps it may very well be time to return what's rightfully hers.
____
The eve of the Day of Black Sun, Zuko retires early, his face warm and palms clammy.
He doesn't kiss Mai goodnight. It feels wrong to lead her on, knowing what he is about to do. He likes her, could marry her, maybe even could love her. They were never going to last. She's never really seen things the way he does. He squeezes her hand and hopes that someday she may forgive him.
He nods to his father's cursory farewell for the evening, knowing the next time they come face to face, Zuko will have to be braver than he has ever been. For the first time, he lets himself feel real anger towards him, without any excuses. No father should put their child through what Zuko's lived through. No ruler should treat others with such carelessness. No man should be so cruel.
He forces eye-contact with Azula, whose eyes narrow in suspicion. Zuko only glares back, knowing if he looks at her with too much heartache, she might very well kill him before he can even leave. He mourns the strange bond they had built since Ember Island.
Zuko wanders the halls of the palace on his way to his room. Every room he passes either tugs at his heartstrings or sickens him. He hesitates outside the throneroom for a moment before stepping inside.
His father's court is too restrictive and too large all at once. Zuko has both outgrown it and never measured up to its exacting standards.
The palace does not feel like home. This place is not what he had wanted to return to for five years. He wonders if it ever really was.
Almost sick with nerves and anticipation, he returns to his room.
____
Before his eyes, a thousand windows whirl around him, and each one shows him something new and horrible.
His uncle giving up on him, rapidly aging before his eyes, withering away to dust. Mai, scorned and vengeful, finding the necklace and piercing it with her deadly daggers before turning them on him. His sister standing over a never ending river of corpses, turning to him with an expression of fear he's never seen on her before. The Avatar, alive, come to kill him before he has the chance to repent, taking all the air from his lungs. His father, hate in his eyes as he looks at his traitorous son, Zuko's swords plunged deep in his chest as the light leaves his eyes. The Earth Kingdom burning as his mother grabs his face and forces him to watch. The waterbender above him, hands wrapped around his throat because the Avatar is dead and what did he think would happen? A woman in red screaming a name that is not his.
They all drag at him, his limbs stinging as though he is being drawn and quartered. Fear courses in his veins. He is the reason the world will end. It all could have been prevented, if it weren't for him. He just wants to make it right.
As the thought occurs, the windows slow, dispersing, and a figure comes toward him, dressed in blue, tall, his tanned face blurred. "Are you willing to do anything to bring peace?" The echoing voice asks, this stranger feeling more like a distorted mirror with every passing moment.
'Yes,' he wants to say. It catches in his throat, won't come out, but he nods. The man smiles.
"Good."
____
He wakes, the necklace's blue pendant in one hand and his great-grandfather's crown in the other. He grips them both, a newfound determination flooding him. He's ready.