Archive of Our Own

Chapter Text

1

Zuko can admit to himself that he is probably overreacting, but he finds himself feeling an awful desperation over the idea of Sokka leaving.

Suki has broken up with Sokka. His mood had soured suddenly the evening after they’d returned from Hira’a, and Suki’s presence is noticeably scarcer after that. Zuko is unsure if Aang and Katara have picked up on it, but they seem to act no different towards Sokka.

Sokka doesn’t bring it up, which is understandable, but Zuko struggles not to reach out to Sokka about it to comfort him. He keeps himself from doing so by thinking of their conversation in Ozai’s secret relic room, and the now-healed burn on Sokka’s face.

Unfortunately, this means that Zuko obsesses over the burn in particular, finding it the easiest thing to talk about to Sokka. If it can be called easy. Sometimes Zuko has to look away from Sokka, or else he will see visions of the burn still raw and bloody over his friend’s face. Early one morning, Zuko jumps awake from a nightmare in which Sokka stands from the fight with Azula, a scar of melted skin over his deep blue eye that is identical to Zuko’s in every way. Zuko couldn’t fall back to sleep after that, and had just laid in bed until the sun rose.

Later that evening during dinner, Sokka announces to the table that he will be leaving in the morning, one day sooner than planned. He had found out that there is a resources shipment headed for the South at first light, and decided to go home.

It causes Zuko to panic. He doesn’t want Sokka to leave. During the hardest times of the past year and a half, Sokka has been a constant calming presence for him. Now that Sokka is dealing with his own personal troubles, Zuko knows that he wants to be there to help him, but he doesn’t know how. Sokka’s company alone was enough to calm Zuko’s racing mind, and his intermittent tidbits of wisdom always pushed Zuko to think of more creative solutions to his problems. How can Zuko provide that to Sokka? Even just having Sokka’s words and doodles on a page had kept him sane.

“What if I come with you?” Zuko blurts out, not thinking it through in his panic. And then it’s set. Zuko is going to the South Pole with Sokka.

Sokka teases at the end of dinner that Zuko better have some appropriate cold-weather clothing to pack, and when Zuko says he’s sure he can find a few coats, Sokka actually gasps at him and demands to help him with packing after dinner. This turns into Zuko showing Sokka every item of clothing from his closet that he thinks would be appropriate for the trip, and Sokka laughing and making fun of how cold he would be in every single one.

They are sitting on opposite sides of Zuko’s bed, piles of clothes strewn out between them, and Sokka is feeling the thickness of a coat as he sighs dramatically and says “I guess I’ll just have to loan you some decent clothes when we get down there.”

Zuko lets the annoyance seep into his face, which makes Sokka laugh, which stops Zuko’s breathing momentarily. He remembers Suki’s face, and how she is one of the guards standing outside of his room tonight. He remembers Sokka’s gentle expression when he’d let him down.

He can’t think about it. If Zuko is truly that easy to read, then he can’t think about it. He will not allow Sokka to know that Zuko is still completely hopeless about this – about him.

And Zuko’s hopeless thoughts turn to the burn.

Zuko knows that he is getting on Sokka’s nerves about it, because when he asks if Sokka has felt any pain from the burn – admittedly, for the third time in the past several days – all of the laughter drops from Sokka’s face. Now he looks annoyed.

“It looks okay, doesn’t it?”

Zuko shouldn’t stare, but can’t help the way he searches Sokka’s face for traces of it, any redness or even the slightest sign of pain. There is none, because Katara is a master healer, and she would never allow her brother to walk away with a single mark if she could prevent it. In hindsight, Zuko knows that the burn wasn’t even as bad as it could have been, but he also knows that it shouldn’t have happened at all, and that is all that matters. Sokka had trusted Zuko, and Zuko let him get hurt.

“I know, I’m sorry.”

Sokka’s annoyed expression seems to only worsen, and he reaches across the bed to grab Zuko’s hand. Zuko’s surprised enough that he doesn’t resist. “Here,” Sokka says, pulling Zuko towards him and holding Zuko’s hand up to his face.

Sokka has always been liberal with meaningless touches. Nudges, pats, light punches, arms over shoulders and hands on backs and light kicks in the shins. Zuko has learned that this is simply how Sokka is, his way of showing affection, and there is no deeper meaning to any of it.

But this can’t possibly not have any meaning behind it. Sokka is looking right into Zuko’s eyes, and just days ago admitted to knowing that Zuko has feelings for him, and there is this dense charge of energy in the air between them, and Zuko ignores all of this for the sake of his own sanity.

Zuko feels the unblemished skin on Sokka’s face with his fingertips.

Embarassingly, Sokka must know it reassures Zuko that there is nothing there. The skin is smooth, and Sokka doesn’t appear to feel any pain as Zuko presses lightly against his cheekbone.

Zuko cannot make eye contact with Sokka, certain that it will kill him if he does, but he does say “I’m sorry,” again, quietly.

He isn’t breathing, and is in danger of bursting into flames, but he manages to hold it together until Sokka speaks again. “That’s how it happened for you, huh?”

Firebending is felt in the lungs, primarily. When Zuko uses his bending properly, he can feel the heat of it in his chest expand and contract with his breaths. Right now, it is as if he has never experienced firebending before, his chest cold and empty. Zuko remembers being a child, about six years ago now, and feeling a hand so hot that it seemed cold pressed against his face.

Zuko lets his own hand fall from Sokka’s face, and sees Azula standing over his friend in the same way Ozai had stood over him back then. He sees the vision of Sokka with Zuko’s scar from his nightmare.

“Yeah,” is all Zuko can bring himself to say.

Sokka takes that in for a second, but he responds quicker than Zuko expects. “That’s rough, buddy.”

With how tense Zuko feels, and how many awful things are swirling around in his gut, it catches him completely off guard. He can’t help the laugh that bursts from him, but still thwacks Sokka with a pillow for it.

Sokka carries on as if nothing happened, and Zuko feels the anxiety of his troubles begin to alleviate. Sokka is okay, the burn is gone, and the two of them are good. He remembers what Sokka had said, that they can get through anything together, and hopes it’s true. Zuko doesn’t want things to be complicated between them, even if Sokka thinks there is no way around it.

Zuko can take that first step by being there for Sokka right now. He’s just ended a long-term relationship with Suki, and Zuko can support him through the beginning of it by making sure he doesn’t feel alone. After all, his letters helped Zuko feel less alone over the past few months. All he is doing is repaying the favor.

2

The South Pole is indeed as cold as he remembers it being, so Zuko is grateful for Sokka’s promise to get him proper clothes once they arrive at his home. Zuko focuses on his breathing to keep himself warm enough not to complain, but tries not to make it too obvious that he is bending.

Hakoda is pleasant to talk to, as always, and is very interested in the story of how they found Zuko’s mother. Sokka goes a bit quiet, so Zuko takes the reins in answering questions while avoiding the detail that Azula ran away after burning Sokka at the end of it. Which is when Hakoda asks about Suki.

Sokka is already looking at Zuko when he glances at his friend, not sure how to respond. Would he answer, telling his father what happened? He hasn’t said anything since the ship docked and they met Hakoda, so Zuko is unsure if he will say anything now, even though Hakoda had clearly aimed the question at his son.

There is an understanding that comes to Sokka’s eyes, then, but he still makes no indication that he intends to respond to his father. His gaze on Zuko changes weirdly, almost accusatory, and Zuko knows that Sokka has figured it out. Zuko is easy to read, after all.

“Suki stayed in the Fire Nation,” Zuko finally answers, turning forward to watch the snow crunch beneath his feet as he walks. Hakoda, the good father that he is, doesn’t question it further.

When they arrive to Sokka’s home, Hakoda excuses himself and leaves quickly, though Zuko isn’t paying attention to where he says he is going. Zuko sets his bags down, then kneels on the ground and pretends to check that he has everything. He feels guilty avoiding Sokka’s gaze, but is unsure what else to do. He keeps his back to Sokka, as if he can protect his thoughts and emotions by doing so.

“How did you know?”

The pain in Sokka’s voice almost gives Zuko pause, but he forces himself to continue his pretend search. He focuses on his breathing before he answers in as measured a voice as he can fake.

“Suki told me.”

Please don’t ask why, Zuko thinks, desperate not to admit to Sokka that he doesn’t know why he had been trusted with knowing about this, and that Suki may also know Zuko’s secret. The less they can even acknowledge said secret, the better.

Can it even still be called a secret? If Sokka knows, and Zuko never denied it, he supposes it is less of a secret and more of a known truth. One which he will keep quiet for as long as possible, until it is no longer the truth. He has to get over this crush eventually, right? Sokka seems to think so.

“When?” Sokka asks instead, which Zuko can handle, even if the answer will be painful.

Zuko lifts his head, dropping the pretense of avoiding the conversation. He still can’t bring himself to look Sokka in the eye, though, so he stays on his knees and keeps his back to Sokka.

“Just before you arrived in Caldera.”

Zuko doesn’t turn around, even as he hears Sokka storm from the tent. He stays there, kneeling on the thick fur of an animal he can’t identify, crying silently for what feels like forever. In reality, it can’t be longer than half an hour before Hakoda arrives home with baskets in hand.

Hakoda doesn’t seem to need any real explanation as to what happened. He just asks if Sokka is alright, and when Zuko answers that Sokka had been upset and ran out, he asks if Zuko is okay. Inexplicably, this causes Zuko to cry harder, and then Hakoda passes him a skin of water and pulls a warm blue Water Tribe fur coat over Zuko’s shoulders before leaving the tent with an oil lamp.

Only minutes pass before he returns, empty handed, and levels Zuko with a look that he has only seen Uncle give to him.

“He’s in the old village, to the West. You’ll know you’re there when you see the light.”

An identical oil lamp to the last is lit and pressed into Zuko’s hands along with a pair of gloves, and then Hakoda sends him on his way.

The tent Hakoda and Sokka live in is already at the western edge of the growing tribe, so Zuko follows the trail of footprints in the snow that lead away from the crowds. It’s not a far walk, and after just a minute Zuko can see the vestiges of old, crumbling snow buildings circled together against an icy shore. This is the Southern Water Tribe that Zuko remembers, the one he himself invaded three years ago when looking for the Avatar.

By the time he reaches the small oil lamp sitting in the center of the ghost town, right up against where a large fire used to sit, the wind has dried his tears. Just as Zuko stops next to the lamp, which Hakoda must have left, he is startled by Sokka standing abruptly from behind a crumbling snow wall.

Sokka has clearly been crying. His whole face is red and puffy, as if he’s been rubbing at it aggressively, and his hair has come out of it’s binding to hang loose and disheveled around his face. He squints at Zuko, making it hard to tell if there are still tears in his eyes. As abruptly as he had stood, he drops back to the ground. Perhaps he had thought it was Hakoda coming back for him, and is disappointed to see Zuko instead.

It takes a second for Zuko’s feet to move, but once they do, he makes for Sokka’s hiding spot and sits down beside him. Sokka doesn’t react, and stays quiet.

When Zuko had felt overwhelmed at the palace, burdened by his work and all of his own personal issues, Sokka was one of the only things that could truly clear his mind and bring him peace. Talking about mundane things through their letters felt like a much-needed normalcy, and it cheered him when he was at his worst moments. Remembering Sokka, feeling seen by Sokka, had helped Zuko move forward. He wants to extend that same relief, but isn’t sure how to do so other than by being present. Before he can do that, though, he must help Sokka through this.

Zuko tries to get his words together, and aims for a comforting tone. “I know you probably don’t want to hear it, but I understand how much it sucks to be dumped. I thought I could help by keeping you company. That’s what helped me.”

There is a pause, and the longer it goes the sicker Zuko feels. “Oh,” Sokka says quietly, his face pinching in anger. “You mean when Suki kept you company. Good to know.”

When Suki kept you company…

The words echo in Zuko’s head while his blood freezes. He is completely shocked by the anger – the clear betrayal – in Sokka’s voice. What is Sokka trying to say? That Zuko broke him and Suki up?

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“I don’t know, you tell me,” Sokka bites out, words more vicious than Zuko has ever heard from him. There’s no doubt, Sokka is implying that Zuko is the cause of their relationship ending.

The accusation is completely infuriating. Personal feelings aside, Zuko would never disrespect Sokka or Suki like that. Is he really suggesting that Zuko would sabotage his relationship because of how he feels? For what reason, to give himself a chance with Sokka? Does Sokka really think so lowly of him that he expects that of him? The thought does more than anger Zuko, it hurts him.

Sokka’s opinion matters to Zuko, though he may never admit it out loud. He thought by now that he had earned Sokka’s respect and trust, but apparently not.

“Are you serious?” Zuko does not hide the fury in his voice, though he wishes he had more control over it.

Sokka seems to explode, like he is a pot boiling over with emotion, and the words run freely from him. “Why did you know that my relationship was over before I did? Why did–” Sokka’s crying again, and his hands come up to press hard into his eyes. Tears pool between his fingers and drip down his bare hands, which can’t be comfortable in the cold.

“If you’re trying to say what I think you are–” Sokka stands, as if to avoid the argument, and Zuko scrambles to stand as well. His boots slip on the ice, but luckily Sokka’s covering his eyes so he doesn’t see him scramble for footing. He covers the scraping sound with an indignant “Sokka!”

Sokka drops his hands. He is clearly furious and hurt. The tears have stopped falling, but are welling in his eyes like a threat. He starts yelling, and Zuko lets him.

“Did you know she stopped writing to me? I sent her letters every week but she never answered. And you were spending every day with her and going out for fun Fire Nation snacks. And she told you! She-” A mix of sniffling and hiccups get the better of Sokka, and Zuko’s heart is tearing from his chest at the sight. Without really thinking, Zuko grabs him by the shoulders and pulls him into a tight hug.

Sokka sobs loudly, wailing into Zuko’s shoulder. Sokka must hate him. If Zuko were in Sokka’s shoes, he might hate himself. Zuko remembers hearing Sokka gush over Suki, remembers how they’d always been attached at the hip when together. Zuko thinks of his own breakup with Mai, and how he hadn’t felt half as devastated.

Once Sokka’s calmed down a bit, Zuko knows he has to say something. What can he say? How can he express his apologies to Sokka, to help him understand that he knows what he is feeling, and that he is here for him? “That’s rough, buddy,” is what comes out, almost on instinct, and Sokka rightfully shoves him onto his back, into the snow.

Zuko sees it coming and lets it happen, knowing it’s deserved. Sokka halfheartedly kicks a small amount of snow in Zuko’s direction as well, and it reminds Zuko of a child not getting something that they asked for. He doesn’t comment on that.

“It was only funny when I said it,” Sokka grumbles, crossing his arms, which doesn’t make it much easier for Zuko not to comment on it.

“Good thing I wasn’t going for funny,” Zuko says, sitting up. He looks up at Sokka, and his heart twists. The sun has appeared from behind the thick clouds and is setting behind Sokka, framing him with a beautiful orange halo. What if Sokka never speaks to him again after this? Would Zuko survive it? “Did you really think I would have done that to you?”

Sokka groans, dropping down to sit next to Zuko in the snow. Zuko tries not to look at him. He finds it easier to be vulnerable when there aren’t eyes on him, and perhaps it is the same for Sokka. “No. Yes. I don’t know.”

If Sokka knows how Zuko feels, he can live with that. If Sokka doesn’t feel the same, he can live with that. Zuko doesn’t think that he can live with Sokka believing that he could do something like sabotaging his relationship because of said feelings. Even if he never sees Sokka again, even if Sokka hates him for the way he feels, he might be able to handle it. He would certainly be miserable for a while, but he thinks he could move on. But if Sokka really believes that Zuko could betray him like this? Zuko might lose his mind.

He takes as much time as he can to gather his thoughts, put as much sincerity into his voice as he can. He needs Sokka to believe him. “I care about you and Suki a lot. You’re both great friends to me, and I could never repay either of you for everything you’ve done for me. I respect you both, and Suki knows how highly I think of you – I think that’s why she told me. So that I could be there for you, like you were for me.”

“I wasn’t there when you and Mai broke up,” Sokka protests, still in a bit of a grumble.

“Of course you were,” Zuko says, a bit embarrassed to be saying it out loud. Isn’t it obvious how much Sokka has always mattered to him? “If I wasn’t in a meeting or sleeping, I was reading your letters. If I wasn’t doing that, I was writing to you.” Zuko sighs, his shoulders dropping with the exhale. If this doesn’t convince Sokka, he might join the crying. He tries to keep his voice steady. “It kept me sane.”

“Oh,” Sokka says.

Desperate to redirect the attention, Zuko continues. “You know, every time Suki tried to take me somewhere or do something to cheer me up, it always revolved around you. ‘Sokka would love this ice cream!’ or ‘You should tell Sokka about what Iroh said at dinner.’ I could tell that she loved you. I don’t know why she didn’t write to you, but I know she was always thinking about you.”

Sokka looks at Zuko now, and Zuko tries his hardest to meet Sokka’s eyes without flinching. Zuko can almost see the fight leaving Sokka, and prepares himself for the worst. He might have to go home and banish Suki from the palace, maybe all of the Warriors, but he brought this on himself. No one told his stupid heart to go and get feelings for his best friend, and then to let said feelings be so painfully obvious to everyone who was around him.

“I’m sorry,” Sokka says, finally, and Zuko still might cry. “I don’t know why I dragged you into all of that. It was totally unfair.”

Zuko shrugs, trying his best to maintain his composure. It’s going to be okay. They’ll be okay. “I should have talked to you about it back at the palace, but I didn’t think you’d want to with the Warriors always around.”

Sokka huffs, looking guilty and relieved.

“Was dinner already done when he sent you over here? I’m starving.”

Zuko laughs, then chokes on the lump in the back of his throat. They’re okay. They’re okay.

“Do you ever think about anything other than food?”

3

Zuko had been worried that he might be a bit unwelcome in the Southern Water Tribe. Aang had said it very plainly before he and Sokka had left: the last time Zuko was here, he had attacked them. Zuko imagines it’s not something anyone will be forgetting.

This is why he finds himself very surprised when he is not only enthusiastically welcomed by everyone, but they plan a celebration to honor his presence for the evening after he arrives. It ends up not being as bad as he’d dreaded, and it works to reassure him that the people of the South Pole seem to hold no grudge against him for what he’d done in the past. It’s a freeing feeling, and leaves Zuko in better spirits than he thinks he has been in since before the attacks began.

It also, apparently, stirs a bit of excitement around Zuko’s presence. The morning after the party, several people present Hakoda with warm meals that they’d prepared for Zuko’s breakfast. Sokka is particularly excited about this, and eats several servings worth of food in one sitting. They spend the rest of the morning inside, Zuko laughing as Sokka complains of a stomachache.

When Sokka finishes digesting and they venture out with the intention of Sokka finishing the tour they’d started the previous day, a crowd of children gather around Zuko to ask to see some firebending. Zuko, flustered by the requests, relies on Sokka to shoo the kids away. They don’t stay away for long, and follow the two of them from a distance for another hour.

The most eventful part of the day, for better or for worse, comes when Sokka is showing Zuko a massive building near the center of the new city.

“This is going to be the hospital,” Sokka explains, tugging Zuko inside with a proud smile.

Sokka has a deep pride for his tribe, and Zuko loves to listen to him explain all of the changes they’ve been able to make with such enthusiasm. It also relieves Zuko to know that the help he’s been able to give has been meaningful to the lives of the people here.

“There’s a training center down the hall here, and that whole wing will be for delivering and caring for newborns. They’ve brought in a ton of healers…”

Sokka isn’t able to finish his rant as they go from room to room, because a large young man spots them from the opposite end of the hall, and rushes over to greet them.

“It’s the prince!” He exclaims loudly, excited and not afraid of showing it. At his shout, a young woman pops out from an adjacent room as well, joining him on his march down the hall.

Zuko is trying hard not to be as obviously uncomfortable about the attention as he probably is, but can’t really help it. He still isn’t used to it, and isn’t sure if he ever will be. Sokka notices his discomfort every time, and seems to find endless humor in it. Sometimes he will take pity on him and usher people away with charming smiles while laughing at Zuko’s awkwardness, but sometimes he will just let Zuko fend for himself and laugh as he fails spectacularly at socializing with people who try to dote on him. This time, he appears to be taking the latter tactic.

As the two approach, Sokka shoots Zuko an evil smile and steps to the side, getting out of their way. Even though he does this, the young woman bumps into Sokka rather roughly, shouldering him out of her way without apologizing. Sokka looks a bit annoyed for only a second, but otherwise doesn’t react. Zuko, on the other hand, feels his expression souring at the rudeness.

“It’s an honor to meet you, Prince Zuko! I’m–”

“Kami,” The rude woman interjects loudly, stepping in front of the man to claim all of Zuko’s attention for herself. The last of Zuko’s smile slips from his face completely.

“Hello, Kami,” Zuko says politely, then turns to the man she’d rudely cut off. “I’m sorry, your name is…?”

The man seems unphased, and kindly repeats his name. “Anik.” Anik is twice the size of Kami, but seems to know her well enough to not seem surprised about being pushed around by her. He’s very tall, with dark hair framing an angular face and strikingly fair blue eyes, which Zuko is sure makes for a lethal combination to the hearts of others.

Kami, on the other hand, is deceptively soft with a short stature, light brown hair that falls around her round face, and large dark eyes. If her tongue didn’t betray her, Zuko would have assumed the two personalities were swapped.

Before Zuko can respond, Kami is leaning into him with a wide smile. “Oh, I love the way you say my name. Would you say it again?”

This catches Zuko completely off guard. It makes it worse that she’s much too close to him as she says it, tilting up into his personal space and smiling flirtatiously as Zuko’s face burns. She’s getting the exact reaction that she wants out of him, and he hates it.

Sokka coughs from behind the pair, giving Zuko’s malfunctioning mind something to latch on to. “I’m so sorry,” Zuko stumbles through his words. “Sokka was actually just telling me–”

Kami interrupts him now, confidence dripping from her voice. “You should let me show you around. I’ll be working here, once it’s completed, so who better to give you the full-access tour?” A sly eyebrow raises, her smile never wavering.

Zuko has perhaps never felt so uncomfortable in his life.

Sokka, blessedly, comes to his rescue now. “Sorry Kami, no can do. We were just heading out. Still got a lot to do before dinner, you know?”

Sokka sidesteps the two strangers with a casual shrug, though Zuko can see the mirth on his face. Sokka is enjoying how uncomfortable Zuko is right now, which does sting a bit. Anik at least looks apologetic about the situation, while Kami seems completely unperturbed by Sokka’s dismissal.

“After dinner would be even more perfect. I’ll be working late tonight, if you’re free.” She winks at Zuko, then turns on her heel and disappears down the hall and through the doorway she’d come from.

Zuko smiles politely at Anik, though it feels a bit shaky on his face, which is surely still red. “It was very nice to meet you, Anik.” Anik beams and vanishes into the same room as Kami.

Once they have exited the building Sokka starts laughing, doubling over and wiping tears from his eyes.

Zuko tries to put up the front of ignoring Sokka, but he can’t help feeling a bit dejected. He’s mortified about what just happened and his own reactions to being so openly flirted with, but is also a little upset that this happened in front of Sokka. Sokka knows now how Zuko feels for him, they’d just spoken about it and even had an argument about it, and now he’s casually making fun of Zuko for this? With his rejection still fresh, and his emotions bared so openly, having Sokka laugh at him now feels like a kick to the gut.

Perhaps Sokka thinks he is doing Zuko a favor, pretending that it never happened. This would be normal, making fun of your friend’s bad reactions to girls hitting on him, if Zuko had never had feeling for Sokka at all. Maybe that is what Sokka is trying to give to Zuko.

Even if that is the case, it still hurts. He tries not to show it.

The only silver lining to this is that Zuko can now confidently say that the mess of Sokka thinking that Zuko broke him and Suki up intentionally is over. If Sokka truly still believes that, he wouldn’t be sitting here now, joking with Zuko about this. This is why Zuko acts appropriately annoyed at the teasing, and smiles when Sokka leads them away, and tries not to think of the ache in his chest.

4

The day before Zuko had planned to leave the South Pole, Sokka is called away to help his father resolve an issue. This means that Zuko spends his last full day in the South with Kami, who drags him out of Sokka’s tent on a date against his will.

They don’t end up doing anything that he hadn’t already done with Sokka throughout the week.

She promises to show him the best snacks, and they visit Sokka’s favorite food stall where the woman greets Zuko by name and gives them a variety basket on the house. She takes Zuko to the new market that is being set up to browse for items and then teases that she knows a secret shortcut to a gorgeous fountain where they can sit afterward, but Zuko goes shopping with Sokka at least once a day and they even have a preferred spot at the edge of said fountain where they can rest mostly hidden from his newfound admirers. She asks if he wants to see the local otter penguin pups playing, but Sokka had already shown Zuko where to find the creatures and warned him not to wander into the area on his own as the pups are newly hatched and shadowed by extremely territorial parents.

Kami seems to sense that Zuko is not particularly wowed by their supposed date, and he wishes he could say that he feels guilty when she appears disappointed as the day comes to an end. Instead, he feels only relieved to be away from her when she offers to send him home with the dinner she’d prepared for them, after he admits to being tired before she can drag him back to her tent. She doesn’t press the issue, and leaves a kiss on his cheek before sending him off with warm dishes wrapped in cloth. He doesn’t even ask what the meal that she’s prepared is, only focused on getting back to Sokka’s tent.

Sokka makes it home shortly after Zuko has settled down, looking worn out and carrying a bundle of papers.

“Did you spend all day here?” Sokka asks, ignoring Zuko’s question about how his day went.

“No,” Zuko says, feeling a bit worn out himself now. “I spent the day with Kami.”

Predictably, Sokka laughs at Zuko’s pain. “Did she succeed in stealing your heart?”

 “Very funny.”

Sokka moves around Zuko to the large table, setting down the rolls of parchment he carries and pulling even more out from his bag. He lays these out, taking up almost the entire surface of the wooden table. “Well, whatever date she took you on must have at least been a bit fun compared to what I did.”

“Which was?” Zuko tries to prod about Sokka’s day again, curiosity winning over his annoyance of Sokka’s teasing him about Kami. Zuko leans over the papers himself, squinting to see them in the low light. Sokka brings a lamp over, and the two of them sit next to the papers as Sokka explains how his day went.

There is a problem in which the fireplaces that had been designed for the new houses on the mountain are failing, causing some trouble where many people are refusing to stay in them until it can be fixed. It’s a small issue, but it seems to be growing into a much bigger problem, so Sokka had been called in by Hakoda to help figure out a solution.

After a day of working on it, though, all Sokka has to show for it is exhaustion and frustration. It’s a feeling Zuko knows very well, and a problem he sympathizes with. It wouldn’t surprise Zuko to learn that Sokka hasn’t eaten at all today, or taken any breaks.

 “Alright, so do you want to eat? You’re probably starving.”

Sokka looks at Zuko with surprise and gratitude clear on his face. “I’m always starving,” he says. Zuko laughs, tells him he knows, and explains how Kami had sent him with dinner.

As they stand and Zuko turns to retrieve the warm dish with their mystery dinner, Sokka accidentally bumps into the oil lamp, sending it off the side of the table. Luckily, Zuko’s close enough and notices it in time, so he is able to catch it just before it can break or spill on the fur beneath their feet. The easiest way to grab it is by the glass, which would surely be burning hot after the hours of use, but Zuko’s instincts coupled with his bending allow him to grab it with only mild discomfort.

Surprisingly, Sokka lunges forward, ripping the lamp from Zuko’s grip by the handle. “Careful!”

Zuko is confused, and a bit offended. “You’re the one who dropped it.”

“That didn’t–” Sokka stops his explosive sentence before he can finish the thought, but Zuko hears it loud and clear.

That didn’t burn you?

Zuko is reminded of Sokka’s fascination with firebending. He used to ask so many questions, watch so closely, whenever Zuko would use his bending. It had worried Zuko before that Sokka wouldn’t be careful enough one day and would suffer the consequences, and now that fear is tenfold. Less than two weeks ago, Azula had burned Sokka. A year ago now, Zuko had caused Sokka to receive a burn while he was trying to cook. Sokka shouldn’t be around fire, it’s too dangerous.

This thinking is what has been stifling his want to practice his own bending, it’s why he struggled so much when asked to give a demonstration to the Tribe when they’d asked. He can’t help but feel scared of his own bending, scared of hurting the man he loves.

“I knew it’d be hot,” Zuko says hesitantly, not wanting to elaborate too much.

“Well duh,” Sokka says, staring at Zuko’s hand. Belatedly, Zuko realizes that his short answer would only deepen Sokka’s curiosity. “But how do you keep something from burning you?”

“How do I keep my own fire from burning me?” Zuko questions in response, raising his eyebrow. He will be as direct as possible. If he doesn’t give Sokka much to go off of, he might just drop it. “Firebending.”

“Show me.”

Zuko’s stomach drops. He doesn’t want to show Sokka. He doesn’t want to hurt Sokka.

But Sokka is staring at him with wide eyes and an awe and determination that makes Zuko want to give him anything he asks for. How can Sokka possibly be so fascinated by firebending? And how can Zuko possibly deny Sokka when he’s being looked at like that?

Zuko rolls his eyes, feigning exasperation, and complies. A small flame licks up his fingers as it materializes, floating an inch above his palm.

There is an aching beauty in the way firelight falls on Sokka’s face. His wide blue eyes and dark skin look ethereal in the golden glow, suiting him perfectly. Most colors look good on Sokka, but especially gold. Perhaps Zuko is biased.

Sokka, the idiot whom Zuko is in love with, reaches out to the edge of the flame as if he is going to touch it. He gets close enough to almost bump his wrist to the tip of Zuko’s fingers when Zuko flinches back in a panic. The flame dies before Sokka can get too close.

“Don’t touch it!”

Sokka’s surprised, and cradles his hand up to his chest as if he’d actually been burned. “I wasn’t going to touch it! I’m not an idiot. I just wanted to see how hot it was.”

It’s twice by now that Sokka has received a burn due to Zuko, which is two times too many. Zuko refuses to allow a third incident, especially so soon after the last. Not with the nightmare of last week still making periodic nightly visits, the vision of Sokka with his scar haunting him.

“You weren’t going to burn me,” Sokka says, his tone now shockingly casual and easy for the current atmosphere.

“You don’t know that,” Zuko insists. How could Sokka know? It’s already happened. It could happen again, so easily. It only takes one careless–

“I do,” Sokka says, his confidence giving the words an edge.

 “You don’t. You shouldn’t trust me like that. What if I lost control, or messed up, and you got hurt?” Please don’t let me hurt you, Zuko wants to add. Please just drop it.

Zuko can’t keep the eye contact with Sokka, not when pity creeps into his face and softens his features. Zuko looks down instead. As he does, he distractedly feels at the scar covering his own eye.

Fire can be dangerous, Zuko of all people should know that. He needs to remember it, or the people he loves will continue to be hurt. He doesn’t think he could bare Sokka living with a permanent reminder of the pain that fire can cause, or with him associating Zuko with that pain.

“You wouldn’t hurt me,” Sokka says softly.

Zuko tries his best to keep from reacting to Sokka’s words, but his mind is reeling. When Zuko doesn’t answer, Sokka slowly reaches out and pulls his hand away from his scar. Sokka presses his fingers firmly into Zuko’s palm, as if to summon the fire himself that had been there moments before. Zuko forces himself not to wrench his hand away.

“You were the one who taught me that firebending is supposed to feel warm,” Sokka continues, and Zuko closes his eyes. He tries to remember that night, forever ago, when Sokka had asked if it felt hot to firebend.

Back then, Zuko had shown Sokka a flame and then pressed his hand to Sokka’s skin to show him the warmth – the life – that was firebending.

Being one of the few to have experienced the privilege of knowing fire from the dragons themselves changed a lot about how Zuko has viewed his own element. He used to hate firebending, how it was just one more thing Azula was better at than him, how it had been used to disfigure him. He used to think of fire as only a tool, one that used danger and pain against others, no different from a blade. The dragons and Uncle helped Zuko understand that fire can be dangerous, can be hated or used as a tool, but that it is essential to life. Fire is lifesaving warmth, and community, and protection, and beauty. Nothing else can exist without fire.

It’s a jolt: to feel the old fear of his own bending and what it is capable of again in the wake of knowing what it is supposed to be, and then to have Sokka remind him of that. When Sokka had first started to ask about firebending, Zuko had been secretly thrilled to help him understand. He had conjured fire for Sokka, then afterward he pressed his hand against Sokka’s arm and allowed Sokka to feel it, hoping that he would understand what Zuko loved about fire.

Zuko’s face burns at the memory of how intimate that had been. Had that been when he’d started harboring feelings for Sokka? Had it been Sokka’s own curiosity and open-mindedness to firebending that had drawn Zuko in? His heart races at the thought of it, and he has to hold himself very still to keep from jumping away from Sokka in embarrassment. Can Sokka tell what Zuko is thinking now?

 “See? Not hot.”

The words, a repeat of what Zuko had said to Sokka then, has a physical reaction in Zuko. He releases a shaking breath, letting go of some of the tension in his chest, and feels lightheaded with it.

It feels as if he is back on the mountain, Aang at his back, and surrounded by swirling colors like none he’s ever seen before. They had been enclosed in walls of flames taller than they could see, but hadn’t been hot. The warmth was bone-deep and peaceful, and Zuko thinks of it often. Maybe he should think of it more.

His hand grabs onto Sokka’s fingers, holding tightly enough for Zuko to feel his quick heartbeat through his skin. “Okay,” he says quietly, knowing that if he stays silent for too long Sokka will never stop looking at him, and he will know too much.

“You know, when you told me that, I stayed up all night trying to figure out how it worked – how can you not be burned?”

Zuko opens his eyes, but can’t bring himself to look at Sokka’s face. He knew Sokka was becoming dangerously drawn to firebending. This man is going to be the death of Zuko.

“Yeah?” Zuko’s voice comes out strained. He still can’t look Sokka in the eye. He remembers a time when Sokka thought all bending to be magical nonsense. It was annoying, sure, but Zuko thinks at this point it might be preferential to this. Sokka could have had a special interest in waterbending, or airbending, but it just had to be firebending. Didn’t Sokka have a sword, at one point? Perhaps Zuko could gift him another. It might give him a different point of focus, and he can forget all about firebending. “Did you figure it out?”

“I think I just did,” Sokka replies earnestly, though Zuko has no idea what he means. He doesn’t question it. The longer they stay on this topic, the longer Zuko’s emotions will be in turmoil. It is in Zuko’s best interests that he finds a way to change the topic fast.

He is just about to suggest that the food is getting cold, but stops himself in mild dread because what if Sokka asks him to heat it with firebending, when he is saved from this train of thought by a loud gasp.

Zuko looks at Sokka’s face now as his hand is dropped. Sokka uses his newly freed hand to smack himself on the forehead, like he has just had an obvious thought occur to him. Startled by the turn of mood, Zuko clutches his own hand to his chest.

“That’s it!” Sokka yells out. There is an alluring brightness to Sokka when he has an idea come to him. His eyes go wide, full of wonder and hyper with thought, and his whole body goes as tense as a rabbit viper getting ready to strike. The sight never fails to steal Zuko’s breath and cloud his head. “We have to make it so they trust the fire!”

“What?”

Zuko has no clue what Sokka is talking about, but from the way he begins to look over the papers on the table again, Zuko assumes it has to do with the problem he’s been stumped on all day. Sokka’s dangerous captivation with fire and Zuko’s own desire to keep Sokka from getting hurt aside, seeing Sokka like this makes Zuko happy. Sokka is funny, selfless, caring, and eccentric in all of the best ways, but above everything else, he is completely brilliant. Even if Sokka could never come to feel for him the way he does for Sokka, so long as he can still be here to witness these moments, he can live with it.

Simply being with Sokka, as he is, makes Zuko happy.

“There’s no time. I need to test something. Want to come?”

Zuko says yes. If it is Sokka asking, Zuko will always say yes.

5

“You really know how to treat a lady, hot stuff.”

Zuko’s face burns and his steps falter, arm dropping from where he had initially extended it to escort Toph over the wooden floors. Toph snatches it for support to keep him moving, and Zuko tries to ignore the chittering of the surrounding crowd. Several people are definitely staring, and at least one woman has stopped in her tracks to openly stare at the pair of them.

“Why would you say that?”

Toph and her students have just arrived at the palace for Zuko’s coronation tomorrow, along with a wave of other attendees and guests, and she has been in Zuko’s company for less than ten minutes. They haven’t even made it completely inside yet, and Toph is already stirring up drama amongst his staff. He’d almost forgotten how tactless she can be, so unbothered by the opinions of those around her. What would a freedom like that feel like?

“You just got your hair long enough for a ponytail, don’t go getting it twisted already.”

Zuko’s laugh is against his will, and Toph manages to stay quiet though the busy halls until they are away from the majority of the people.

“Where is your uncle?”

“Getting things ready, probably. There’s still a lot to do.”

“I thought that was supposed to be your job now,” Toph says, poking him in the arm. “Otherwise, what’s the whole point?”

Zuko rolls his eyes, taking advantage of the fact that she can’t see it. Toph is staying in the small building adjacent to the one where the main family lives, which he has made sure to have renovated specifically for her arrival. As they exit out through the doors leading that way, he warns her of the upcoming step down, and then they are on stone stairs and she can see. She still does not drop his arm, but she does hold it more loosely and relaxed. “Not until tomorrow,” he answers, sending just as much attitude as she gives. “Besides, I’m not sure if I’m the best party planner in the Fire Nation, whereas he is having the time of his life right now. He can handle that himself, and everyone will be much happier for it.”

Toph snorts, her pace slowing now. “At least you’re finally admitting to being a stick in the mud.”

Zuko benefits from the fact that she is still holding onto him by being close enough to jab her side with his elbow without her being able to dodge it fast enough. She just laughs.

“Okay, what about Mai? Or is she helping plan the party too?”

Zuko winces, and wonders if Toph can feel his discomfort. She claims to be able to tell when someone is lying, though he’s still unsure how true that is. He plays it as safe as he can with his response.

“I’m not sure where she is. Mai and I actually broke up a while back.”

Toph doesn’t answer for a second, but when she does, her hand tightens on his arm. Comforting, despite her teasing words. “Yeah, that makes sense. She was way too good for you.”

“Yeah, she was.”

Toph doesn’t seem to have a witty retort to that, so they keep walking across the small courtyard and through the set of doors that leads in to the guest building Toph will be in.

It’s when they are inside that Toph speaks up again.

“We’re inside.”

“Uh, yeah?”

Toph stops in her tracks now, pulling Zuko to a stop with her. He almost stumbles at the abruptness of it.

“I thought we were going to my room?”

“Uh, yeah?”

“All of the buildings in the palace are wooden,” Toph is getting impatient now, as if Zuko is pulling a prank on her, and she drops his arm. Zuko is confused. She can see where they are going, so why is she questioning it?

“Not this one, not anymore. That’s why it’s where you’re staying.”

Instead of pushing further, Toph raises an eyebrow and aims a soft punch at Zuko’s shoulder. Her cheeks are a bit red, and Zuko takes that as a sign that she is touched at the gesture. This is why he isn’t surprised when she deflects with her response. “You really do know how to treat a lady, hot stuff! I take it back. Mai was not too good for you. How’d you mess that up?”

Zuko rubs at his shoulder, though it doesn’t really hurt. Toph had started pulling her punches long ago. At least, when it matters.

“Will you stop saying that?” Zuko deflects himself, but Toph isn’t as kind. Or perhaps she just doesn’t understand social cues the same.

“She fell for someone else?”

Zuko, now free of being tethered to the teenager, stomps down the short hall to stop outside of her room. With Toph, he doesn’t even care how undignified the action must seem. “Here you are. Uncle will want you to join us for dinner. I’ll come to get you when it’s ready.”

Toph strolls leisurely towards her room, not in any hurry. She has a devious look on her face, like she knows that Zuko is just uncomfortable enough to keep making fun of without hurting any feelings. He tries not to mind it too much. It has been a while since he’s seen Toph, and he misses having his friends around. Even Toph. Especially Toph.

“Come on, am I close at least? Give me a hint. You fell for someone else?”

“We are not doing this.” But Zuko’s mind flashes to Sokka’s beaming face, Sokka staring up at the moon, Sokka saying I trust you. Toph can’t see the way Zuko’s face goes red, but she doesn’t need to. Zuko’s posture has gone rigid without him meaning to, which tips her off. Zuko suddenly regrets his decision to renovate this small building with stone floors and walls for Toph.

Her finger is in his face, and she is absolutely delighted. “You did! You met another girl! Why didn’t you tell me?”

“I did not.” Toph’s expression is disbelieving, and Zuko doesn’t know what to say. Rather, he doesn’t trust himself to say anything. Toph is the last person who needs to know about this, and is also the most likely to get it out of him – regardless of her supposed lie-detecting abilities. “It’s none of your business.”

“Bull pig. If you’re seeing someone then I want to meet her. How long have you been dating?”

“I’m not.” Zuko says it with more irritation than he’d intended, but Toph gets all she needs from it.

“Oh! So, Fire Lord Zuko’s got a crush!”

“Oh my–”

Zuko stops himself. Breathes. It’s what usually helps when dealing with ministers and handlers and councilmembers that take things too far. It doesn’t help. He turns to leave. His feet are trapped in stone. He reminds himself that friends don’t murder each other. He thinks he might scream.

Toph has her hand to her chin, like she’s thinking. “Do I know her?”

“Can you please let this go?”

“Not a chance. Who is she?”

“There is no ‘she’!”

The mistake is made, and Toph catches it before Zuko does. Her face turns serious, and her lips press tightly together before she asks: “Is there a he?”

Zuko’s heartbeat roars in his ears, and it feels as if all the air has been sucked from his lungs. This conversation has taken a whole new turn, one that Zuko hadn’t prepared himself for, and he doesn’t know what to do if it goes wrong. He thinks of his conversation with Sokka in Ba Sing Se, of the fear that he might learn something about his friend that he can’t unlearn. Something that might ruin a relationship. He hesitates just a second too long, starts to say no, but Toph’s smile is back and she stomps a foot.

“I knew it! You’ve got a crush! Who is he? I know him, right?”

Zuko’s relief collides with the cacophony of emotions in him right now in such a way that he might cry. He takes a deep breath, trying to steady himself.

“Toph,” Zuko begins to beg, feeling his face get hot. He doesn’t even care about the desperation in his voice anymore.

“What? You can tell me. I can keep a secret. There’s no way it’s someone embarrassing, like Aang or Sokka, right?”

Toph absolutely cannot keep a secret.

Zuko’s humiliation takes on a whole new level with her causally thinking out loud that the exact person he does have feelings for would be, apparently, embarrassing to have a crush on. He may never make it to his coronation tomorrow, because he will be dead of the mortification, and it will be all Toph’s fault. He covers his face with his hands, which does nothing to hide him from her view but does help him calm himself marginally. “No,” he groans through his fingers. His fate is sealed.

The stone encasing his feet seems to grip onto him tighter as Toph exclaims with no shortage of judgement: “You’re lying! Flying hog monkeys, do you have a crush on Aang?”

“No!”

Zuko reconsiders murder. If he burns hot enough, he’s sure he can take out both himself and Toph.

Toph’s rocky hold on his feet finally lets him go, and the surprise of it has him dropping his hands to look at her. Her mouth is open in a perfect ‘o’ shape, and the teasing has left her expression once again.

“Sokka?” Rather than judgement like before, her voice is a whispered monotone.

Zuko knew, on some level, that he would not escape this conversation unscathed. Even so, he tries not to feel so miserable about it. He sighs, nods his head, and verbally confirms for her. “Yeah.”

“Our Sokka?”

“How many Sokkas do you think I know?” Zuko doesn’t bother hiding his annoyance. His arms cross over his chest defensively, but Toph leans into him anyways and grabs him by the shoulders.

“Does he know? Are you guys…”

The fight leaves Zuko as he remembers Sokka’s words. Obviously it will complicate things… What’s the point? It’s not as if there even is a secret to keep from Sokka. Zuko’s own dignity is the only thing on the line, and that may never have existed with Toph in the first place. “He knows.”

“You told him?”

“He figured it out. It’s…” Zuko’s embarrassment and shame must be on full display to his friend. He refrains from fidgeting, trying to keep his composure. One day, he vows that he will understand how Toph’s perception works well enough to feel so much less exposed around her. “We already talked about it. He doesn’t feel the same, but it’s fine.”

Toph’s expression drops, though she doesn’t seem surprised at Zuko’s admission. Her hands, still firmly gripping him by the shoulders like a flighty toddler, squeeze in what might be a comforting gesture.

“We can hate him together. Just say the word.”

The affection that Zuko has for Toph balloons despite her recent harassment, taking up his whole chest until he feels like he could laugh or cry or both. “No, we can’t.”

She doesn’t argue. “Okay, I can’t really hate him. But I can be mean to him for, like, a week? Maybe two.” She tries to smile, but it’s weak. Her usual bravado and brashness are slipping like a loosely worn mask. Zuko rarely sees this side of Toph. “Sorry. I’m trying to joke because I feel bad, but it’s not working, is it?”

Zuko can’t help but laugh a bit. They both ignore how watery it sounds. “You know who’s really good at that?”

“Sokka.” Predictably, Toph finds this just as funny as Zuko does, and she relaxes a bit. She finally drops her hold on Zuko’s shoulders.

“Why do you feel bad, anyways? It’s nothing to do with you.”

Now it’s Toph’s turn to shuffle her feet awkwardly, trying not to project the shame she must feel. Zuko can hear her apology in his head before she says it. “For dragging that out of you. Probably should have listened to you when you asked me to stop, but I just kept poking, and… yeah. Not cool of me.”

Zuko appreciates the moment of vulnerability from Toph. It’s not something he would have expected, but it warms him to know that they have become close enough friends that he gets to see this side of her. It’s so different from her usually hard and seemingly selfish exterior.

“Thank you.”

“Plus, I hate seeing you be all mopey. Reminds me of when we were kids.”

Zuko scoffs, laughing through his offense. “You’re still a kid.”

6

Zuko hadn’t planned on being punched on his coronation day. When Sokka is so easily able to knock him off balance, almost sending him to the floor, this is what Zuko tells himself. How was he supposed to expect it?

The group of Ozai’s followers that have been attacking Zuko had made an appearance in the plaza just after Zuko was crowned Fire Lord, making a statement by burning a banner with his face on it above the crowd. Besides causing a scene, it made it impossible to continue to hide the fact that Zuko has been under attack from his friends. They cornered him immediately after, demanding answers as to why Zuko hadn’t told them about it sooner.

It’s obvious, though, isn’t it? How often has Zuko pulled his friends away from their jobs, their families, and their own responsibilities? Zuko wants to be the one now, after all of this time, to provide that support to them. He may not always be able to be there to help, but he can provide every resource available to him, every spare moment, and perhaps over time it will add up to make a difference. Letting them know about this, knowing that they would rush to his aid once again, risking them getting hurt, just tips the scales further out of balance.

They say, over and over, that they want to help, that they want to be here for him, but Zuko doesn’t need them to be here. Zuko needs them to be happy. Zuko needs them to be safe. Don’t they see that?

Zuko tries to make them understand, tells them that he has everything under control, that he doesn’t need any extra help with this, but they don’t budge. Finally, Sokka asks to speak with Zuko alone, removes a few pieces of his jewelry to set on the table between them, and then punches Zuko in the face.

Sokka is dressed as elegantly as Zuko has ever seen him, which makes it hard to look at him directly. His tunic is ornamented with elaborate stitching and beading that flows like water over the fabric. The sleeveless garment is unbearably attractive when paired with the adornments and jewelry circled around his wrist and biceps, as if Sokka knows just how to attract attention to his arms without being overly showy, and the low neckline of it perfectly fits the simple necklace he had been wearing before removing it. His hair even has a braided and beaded strand tied back into it, which Zuko has never seen before, and he isn’t sure if he ever wants Sokka to wear it any other way again.

This is all to say that Zuko can’t exactly be blamed for being so caught off guard by the hit. He had been trying extremely hard not to look too closely at Sokka in the moment, because this is an extremely serious issue that demands his full attention, and also because he isn’t sure if he trusts completely that Toph can’t sense his heart thudding through the wooden floorboards even after leaving the room. Who knows what that girl is capable of, really?

The chair that Zuko had been clutching, using as a barrier between himself and his friends during their argument, clatters to the ground as he’s struck. He braces a hand on the table instead, which is the only reason he stays upright.

Sokka didn’t hit him hard, but the shock of it stuns Zuko frozen. It takes a very long minute to process what just happened, but once he does, Zuko stands up straight and whirls on Sokka. His hand finds the tender spot on his cheek, and it stings as he presses on it, confirming that he was in fact just punched in the face.

“Sokka! What is wrong with you?”

Sokka seems completely unphased, as if he hasn’t just assaulted a world leader. He cracks his knuckles and raises his fists. “I could ask you the same thing,” he says, voice calm. “Let’s see if we can both get an answer.”

Has Sokka completely lost his mind?

Another punch is aimed at Zuko, and Zuko steps back to avoid it, but trips over the chair that had fallen to the ground on its side. The heavy ceremonial Fire Lord robe tangles around his feet, throwing him off balance, and Sokka takes advantage of this by landing a kick to Zuko’s side. Zuko topples over completely, an unruly and sputtering mess on the floor.

Zuko’s embarrassment and confusion overwhelm him. What is Sokka doing? Has Zuko angered him to this degree?

Zuko didn’t think that his friends would take it well that he had kept this secret from them, but he had thought that Sokka of all of them would understand. The last time Zuko chose to ask for help, Sokka had been burned. The last time Zuko accepted help freely given, Sokka had spent a year away from his home and people and Zuko had burned him. The last time Zuko was in a life-threatening situation, all of his friends had sacrificed weeks of their lives to ensuring he wasn’t alone and was healing properly, and they had been miserable.

Did Zuko do something else to offend Sokka?

“Yikes,” Sokka says, leaning over Zuko with a wince. “Sorry buddy, that was a bit far. Here.” He extends a hand to Zuko to help him up.

Zuko is mortified. He is missing something, he’s sure of it, and Sokka is taking advantage of this fact. Unsure how he can salvage any of his dignity, he takes Sokka’s hand with a healthy amount of suspicion.

Sokka pulls him into a steadier sitting position, and then swings another fist at Zuko’s face.

Zuko uses his own free hand to stop the punch, grasping onto both of Sokka’s hands tightly now to avoid another assault. Sokka tries to pull both hands from Zuko’s grip, but Zuko refuses to let go. “What are you doing?” Zuko demands, sounding every bit as angry and frustrated as he feels. “Cut it out!”

Sokka smiles deceptively sweet, leaning further into Zuko’s personal space, and says “Make me,” which is not fair, for the record. Zuko’s face must turn beetato-red, and his heart almost certainly stops for a few seconds, and Sokka uses the distraction to drive his left hand forward out of Zuko’s grip and into his chest.

Zuko’s reaction is quicker than it should be, given the circumstances. Even though the blow to his chest hurts in more ways than one, he has his bearings together well enough to tighten his hold on Sokka’s right hand and swing a leg out to pull Sokka to the ground. Sokka hits the floor hard on his back and wheezes with the force of the impact.

The anger overrides Zuko’s guilt at the moment. He doesn’t even know why Sokka is doing this – he must be trying to teach him some lesson, in the most Sokka way known to man – but he will not allow his feelings to be used against him in this way. Sokka is someone Zuko has trusted for years, and the sting of hurt that fills his chest at being toyed with is overwhelming.

Zuko firmly holds Sokka’s wrists to the ground, trying his best to squash the rage as he leans over Sokka. He’s still catching his breath, and Zuko’s hair has fallen out of its hairpiece so that it hangs loosely over Sokka, nearly close enough to brush his nose. Embarrassment at the whole situation, and then irritation over that embarrassment, washes over Zuko anew.

“Cut it out,” Zuko repeats. His heart is almost louder in his ears than his own words. “I don’t know what you’re doing, but I’m not in the mood for games.”

Zuko is distracted again, looking at Sokka’s face as he still tries to catch his breath, so he doesn’t notice the way the other man shifts to then jerk his knee up and into Zuko’s gut.

Zuko gasps for the breath that is forced from his lungs, and he loses his grip on Sokka. Sokka slips out from underneath him to stand.

They both take a moment to catch their breaths. “I don’t think it’s a game,” Sokka says quietly between gasps of air. When Zuko looks up at him, he’s reassuming his earlier fighting stance. “But it makes sense that you think it is. Usually, you never let me get this many hits in.”

Zuko’s had enough of Sokka acting so high and mighty, dangling the answer to a question Zuko doesn’t even have the words for out of his reach while playing with his emotions like a sparrow cat. He stands, barely thinking through his own actions before he is punching Sokka across the cheek.

Sokka sees it coming and does nothing to avoid it.

Zuko has done a lot in his life worth regretting. It’s a very familiar emotion to him. He has never felt it hit him so quickly or intensely as it does now.

There is already a red spot on Sokka’s cheekbone, and it will certainly swell and bruise within hours. Sokka’s arms are still held up in his frozen stance, fists loosely clenched as if he is preparing to swing at Zuko again. He doesn’t seem surprised, or even like he had experienced any large amount of pain from the hit, but Zuko still feels as if he is going to throw up.

“I don’t want to do this, Sokka.” Zuko has to speak around a lump that has formed in his throat. “I don’t want to hurt you.”

“Oh really? Could’ve fooled me.” Sokka drops his arms, his posture relaxing to match his casual tone.

Zuko doesn’t understand. He doesn’t know what Sokka is doing, what he’s trying to teach Zuko, but he doesn’t want to be participating in this lesson any longer. “You’re the one who started attacking me!”

Now Sokka raises a hand to the red spot on his cheek, feeling the area without hiding the pain he feels from it. “Figured you didn’t care much about hurting your friends. So why not make it easy for you?”

Zuko cannot deal with this. He was just crowned Fire Lord, and now he is being physically and psychologically abused by his best friend after his coronation was attacked, and he will still need to reckon with the fallout from the rest of his friends, and attend the celebration being held in his honor by showing that he is unafraid of the attacks, and he cannot handle this.

It had been a given that he might be hurting his friends’ feelings by not telling them about this, still, he didn’t think Sokka would take it to such an extreme to get the point across. Though he understands, he doesn’t hide how aggravated he is about it.

“Sokka…” Zuko’s voice holds a warning. Sokka seems to take the warning seriously, at least, and his expression stays solemn.

“Look, I get it, you’re more than just Zuko now. You’re the Fire Lord, and you have the greater good to think about. Whatever. But, to me, you’re still my friend Zuko. And if someone hurts you, do you really think it won’t hurt me?”

Zuko, honestly, had thought about that. It’s why he wanted to keep this whole thing a secret, handle it himself, and then his friends wouldn’t ever have to worry about him because they wouldn’t have ever even known he was in any danger.

Zuko really does not deserve the friends he has made. Any one of them would drop everything to help him, to ensure his personal safety, and he just can’t allow that to happen. They all have lives – Sokka is rebuilding the Southern Water Tribe – how could he accept that sacrifice of them?

But Zuko does begin to think of the alternative. If roles were reversed, Zuko would lose his mind over the idea of Sokka quietly carrying this burden alone. And if something were to happen, if Sokka were to be seriously injured or even killed, and Zuko wasn’t there to protect him?

It’s unthinkable.

Zuko feels the fight leave him. “Okay,” he says quietly, “I get it.”

Sokka stretches exaggeratedly, adopting a lighter tone. “Good. Because I did not stretch before this. I think I’m getting rusty.”

Like instinct, Zuko fires back without thinking. “You barely did anything.” He turns away from Sokka, searching the ground for his fallen crown and hairpiece. He retrieves them both from under the table, and they are luckily unharmed.

“Took your breath away, didn’t I?” Sokka says teasingly, and Zuko freezes in his place. “I mean, you took mine first, but we can call it even.”

Is Sokka really still using this against him, making fun of him even? Zuko has always known Sokka to be generous with the flirting, even when in a joking manner, but this is crossing a line. Openly teasing Zuko like this, less than a year after rejecting his feelings? It feels cruel, which is completely unlike Sokka. Is Zuko being overly sensitive to this?

Sokka comes around Zuko to stand in front of him, his necklace in his hand, and Zuko smiles at him the best he can.

“And now we both have to walk into the party with bruises on our cheeks.”

Sokka’s answering smile is kind, warm, and genuine. It has a paralyzing effect on Zuko. Sokka places his necklace down on the table, wordlessly takes the hairpiece from Zuko’s hands, and gestures for Zuko to tilt his head forward. Zuko acquiesces before he really realizes what is happening.

“Oh, come on,” Sokka says, gently combing his fingers through Zuko’s hair to straighten it out and pull it up. Zuko tries his best to keep from reacting in any way as Sokka’s nails graze his scalp. “I didn’t hit you that hard, and you’re giving yourself way too much credit.”

The moment is much more intimate than Zuko had ever expected, and now he isn’t sure what to do other than remain as still as possible and allow Sokka to finish tying his hair up, securing the knot with his hairpiece and slotting the crown into place. Zuko can tell it is crooked on his head. He doesn’t dare comment on it.

Sokka isn’t finished after Zuko’s hair is in place. He reaches around to grab the necklace on the table, and tenderly secures it around Zuko’s neck. Zuko doesn’t dare breathe, grateful that Sokka is standing behind him for this.

From behind Zuko, Sokka says “Just in case anyone accuses me of declaring war, I present a peace offering from the Southern Water Tribe to the Fire Nation. Now no one can say we’re not best friends, so we’re totally allowed to punch each other now and then.”

The necklace itself is beautiful, so it seems completely out of character for Sokka to willingly part from it. Zuko reaches up to touch the smooth carved beads, the pointed teeth, as Sokka comes around to look at Zuko fully.

Zuko has never described himself as a hopeful person before, but now he finds himself thinking things he never dared think before. It starts with: Maybe what Zuko had taken for cruel teasing, hadn’t been. Maybe it had just been what it would appear to be on the surface.

Does Zuko want to indulge in such thoughts?

“I’m sorry,” Zuko says, the awkwardness not allowing him to meet Sokka’s gaze. “I would be hurt if something like this was happening to you, and you didn’t tell me about it. I didn’t think about that.”

“We’re your friends,” Sokka says softly, a hand landing on Zuko’s shoulder. “We worry about you, you know?”

Zuko takes in a deep, measured breath, trying his best to ignore the comforting warmth of the hand through his layers of clothes. “Yeah,” he responds. “I know.”

7

Zuko completely expects to be pulled away from the party by his friends. They all had left things on uneasy terms before Sokka had shooed them from the meeting room and punched him, so when they see the two of them reemerge with matching injuries there will likely be another discussion that will probably run longer than the party is planned to last. Even if there isn’t, Zuko isn’t expected to be able to attend the celebration without a fight.

His expectations prove to be right on the mark when he and Sokka approach the entrance to the decorated courtyard, and Katara is waiting for them in front of the double doors. She is whispering furiously with Suki, who seems apologetic but unwavering in her own stance.

It is an argument Zuko is prepared for, so it surprises him completely when Sokka grabs his hand tightly and hooks their arms together as they approach the women, announces “Excuse us, most important party person coming through!” and marches Zuko right through the door and into the courtyard. The door shuts behind them, separating them from whatever Katara had surely been about to say to them.

Uncle must have done a fantastic job at decorating the large space for the celebration, judging by the laughter and music and cheering around him, but Zuko’s surprise leaves him unable to look away from Sokka at the moment. The grip on Zuko’s arm is firm and unwavering as Sokka looks around the party, completely unbothered by Zuko’s mental breakdown next to him.

The sun is close to setting, which is Zuko’s new favorite time of day, from the way the light shines around them and appears to make Sokka glow ethereally. Even with the bruise forming on his cheek, his hair disheveled, and his clothing a bit crooked from their fight, Sokka appears otherworldly. It steals the breath from Zuko, leaving him incapable of questioning why Sokka had pulled him into the party without speaking with Katara.

Sokka drags Zuko off to the side, and once they are coming to a stop, Zuko gains the ability to pry his eyes away from Sokka to see where he has taken them. They are standing in front of Toph, which is the last place Zuko wants to be, currently. He would rather take his chances with Katara.

Toph grins at them as they approach, waving a half-eaten stick of meat in her hands. The devious expression on her face makes Zuko burn, knowing that she can see in her own way how Sokka is holding onto him, and feel how his heart is reacting.

“Took you two long enough! Glad to see you’ve finally kissed and made up.”

Zuko could die. He might die, and the only reason he doesn’t is because he doubts his ability to take Toph down with him without endangering Sokka as well.

Zuko turns his face away from the both of them, trying his best to hide from Sokka how red he must be. Before he can come up with any way to change the subject or excuse himself, Sokka is dropping Zuko’s arm and giving Toph attitude.

“Ha ha, very funny.”

He doesn’t see how Toph reacts, but he does hear the softness enter her voice as she replies. “Well, if you’re here to party you better hurry up, Katara’s still trying to get this whole thing shut down.”

Sokka seems to take the warning to heart, because he snatches up Zuko’s hand again. The surprise of it has Zuko nearly jumping out of his own skin, but Sokka just tightens his grip.

“Come on, let’s dance. Before someone can steal you away from me.”

Toph laughs loudly at this but Sokka ignores her, pulling Zuko to the complete other side of the courtyard where there is a crowd of dancers in front of a band of musicians. Sokka doesn’t slow once they get to the edge of the crowd, instead navigating the two of them until they are right at the center of the dancers.

Zuko has absolutely no desire to dance. It is the last thing that he wants to do right now, flustered as he is, just after an argument with Sokka, and completely surrounded by people. What is Sokka doing, trying to make up for essentially beating him up just minutes ago?

If that is that case, Zuko would rather receive his apology in literally any other form.

“Sokka, I really don’t–”

“Trust me!” Sokka interrupts, dropping Zuko’s hand and using it instead to point to the sidelines, where an even larger crowd of people are watching the dancers. “Don’t you want them to see you having fun, so they can have fun too?”

Now that Zuko is looking, he sees that most of those gathered at the sidelines are Fire Nation, his people, watching the dancers with curiosity and weariness. The same weariness to join as Zuko is currently feeling. Many of the people surrounding him and Sokka are wearing ceremonial blues and purples, or regal greens.

It won’t look good for the newly crowned Fire Lord to flee from the dance floor in embarrassment when his own people are also struggling to want to join the festivities. Although it is definitely unbecoming of a Fire Lord to even join such a crowded dance floor, it would be more scandalous for him to leave now that he is here with all eyes on him. Sokka has trapped him.

With a grin that shows that Sokka knows he has Zuko exactly where he wants him, he says “Follow my lead,” and begins attempting to show Zuko what is supposed to be an easy Water Tribe dance.

Sokka makes it look easy, but he constantly stops what he is doing to laugh and correct Zuko, which flusters him further. “Bend your knees more, like this,” Sokka will demonstrate, or “You’re raising your hands way too high,” with a soft tug on his wrists to the correct positions. It takes two entire songs, each with completely different rhythms, before Sokka is satisfied with Zuko’s rendition of the ‘easy’ dance, which turned out to be much more than the repetitive swaying, stomping, and hand waving that it had initially appeared to be. By the end of the second song, they are both laughing, Zuko’s embarrassment is almost forgotten, and the crowd of dancers is now interspersed with more red.

A few people Zuko came to know from his time in the Water Tribe join their side, excited by the idea of teaching Zuko their dances. Anik and Tuktu are especially eager, and spend the majority of the third song demonstrating an upbeat dance that is done in pairs.

When they turn to Zuko as if to say your turn, Zuko starts to decline with the reasoning that he is not nearly a quick enough study for it, but Sokka is facing him before he has the chance.

Sokka’s face is alight with joy. He’s a bit breathless from the dancing and laughing, and his face is red from the warm air outside, and Zuko doesn’t have the strength to deny him.

Sokka goes easy on him, moving slowly through the steps with enough time for Zuko to mirror him, but this dance is much more intimate than Zuko had been anticipating. Anik and Tuktu’s fast paced movements had come across much more synchronized and natural, so it hadn’t even phased Zuko how close their faces were getting to each other at times, or how they easily stepped in and out of each other’s personal space over and over on beat. He notices it now, as Sokka takes a step closer and waits for Zuko to close the distance more, as Sokka turns his cheek and aims it over Zuko’s shoulder, as Sokka’s hands ghost by his. Inches apart, but never touching.

Once Zuko has the steps down well enough to keep time with Sokka, their onlookers cheer them on. This, for some reason, eases Zuko’s awkwardness about the intimacy of it. Tuktu slings an arm around Zuko’s shoulder once they have finished the dance, and Zuko tries his best not to stare as Sokka leans into his other side happily, joining the familiar camaraderie. At least there is a reason for his blushing; most of the people surrounding them have flushed faces due to the weather.

They stay like this for what must be hours, dancing together and laughing. They copy dances from those around them when Sokka runs out of lessons to teach, and Zuko gets the chance to poke fun at Sokka’s imitations of Earth Kingdom dances. It’s the most fun Zuko has probably had in his entire life.

After around seven or eight songs, Zuko notices something. Sokka is dancing much closer to Zuko’s side than is typically called for, and any touches Zuko receives from him feel charged and lingering. At first, Zuko thinks he must be imagining it. He’s never been in such a setting with Sokka before, after all, so who’s to say this isn’t normal? But Sokka turns to dance with several other people at different moments of the afternoon, and never appears to lean in as close, or place his hands in the same way as he does with Zuko. Plus, even when Sokka does turn to dance with another person, he remains glued to Zuko’s side. Once, Zuko drifts off a bit, and Sokka hooks a hand around Zuko’s bicep to redirect him back to his side. It’s a bit harder to get his heartbeat under control after that, or to pry his eyes off of Sokka.

When the musicians finally seem to decide to give the dancers a bit of a break and switch to a slower song, Sokka seems distracted and troubled. He is staring off to the side with something like apprehension on his face, and when Zuko follows his gaze, he feels his own dread sink in.

Kami is making her way across the dance floor, weaving through the people who are leaving with a confident smile on her face. She is going to drag Zuko into a slow dance with her, and she will likely try to monopolize his company for the rest of the night.

Is that why Sokka had seemed so troubled? Does he not want Kami to dance with Zuko?

Kami is coming fast, so Zuko panics into making his decision. He turns to Sokka at the same time Sokka looks back to him, holds out his arms, and asks “Dance?”

Sokka smiles brilliantly and moves without hesitation, taking Zuko’s hands in his and leading them into a slow, intimately styled dance typically reserved for couples.

It’s… a lot for Zuko to process.

Just a few hours ago Sokka was punching him in the face, and Zuko was sure that his own feelings were being used against him. Maybe they weren’t? Sokka doesn’t think things through the same way Zuko does, and more prefers showing rather than telling, hence the punching in the face. Maybe Zuko’s feelings weren’t being held against him, but being returned? It would explain the dancing, and how Sokka seemed to so easily take Zuko’s side after they worked things out privately, rather than allow Katara to keep him from attending the celebration.

Zuko doesn’t think in the same vein as Sokka, though. Zuko needs surety, needs the words to be spoken clearly. Even so, it takes gathering up some courage. The whole scene is like something out of a dream: torches being lit around the perimeter of the dance floor to make up for the sunlight disappearing over the horizon, Sokka’s warm hands on his shoulder and grasping his fingers, how if they were moving any faster, they would surely be chest-to-chest.

Zuko is hesitant to say anything, lest it break the spell, but he needs that surety. “What are you doing, Sokka?”

Sokka seems confused, though Zuko can tell it’s an act. “Dancing? I thought that was obvious. Are you trying to insult me or something?”

Because Zuko knows that the confusion is an act, a deflection, he doesn’t hide his annoyed disappointment. “What, no! I mean, why are you doing this? Why aren’t you all dragging me off to some safehouse and shutting everything down – why are you going along with this?”

“Is that what you want?” Sokka asks sincerely. It takes Zuko by surprise, and his steps falter.

“No. No, of course not.”

They’ve moved farther from the torchlight, so it’s hard to make out, but Zuko can vividly see in his mind the open expression that Sokka must have right now. He’s seen it often enough now that he could probably paint it blindfolded. How privileged is Zuko, to have been on the receiving end of that look so often? “I’m doing this because I want to have fun with you. And I think you deserve to have fun too. Are you having fun?”

Now Zuko stops dancing, struck by Sokka’s words, but neither of them lets go of the other.

“Yes,” Zuko whispers, and then there is a loud explosion in the sky.

They both jump apart from each other, and the cheering of the crowd grows around them as everyone files in for a good spot to watch the fireworks show that Uncle had arranged.

Despite the interruption to their conversation, Zuko can’t help the wide smile that comes to him as Sokka’s eyes light up. Zuko knows how much Sokka loves fireworks. Sokka smiles back just as widely.

Somehow their friends find them in the crowd, and no one tries to drag Zuko away. They all watch the fireworks together, and afterward they all dance as if there isn’t a single thing in the world to worry about.

8

Sokka tells Zuko soon after the end of the celebration that he will be staying in the Fire Nation. It is obvious to all of their friends that the reason stems from the attack, from Zuko’s dishonesty and their collected worry for him, but Zuko remembers the way they’d danced most of the night by each other’s sides, forgets that it had started with fists flying, and doesn’t have it in him to argue.

Toph is the last of their friends to leave the next morning, and Zuko does a fantastic job at ignoring her smugness until she is on a ship and out of his hair. He does feel bad for her students. They have a healthy mix of confusion, worry, and fear on their faces when the ship pulls out of port and Toph bursts into maniacal laughter. Zuko simply turns on his heel and marches back to the palace, relieved to have that sweet peace where his feelings belong to himself again.

Zuko has a meeting to attend, officially his first as Fire Lord, and it is one he had called himself as an emergency. Lately the attacks on him have gotten much more infrequent since the Warrior’s arrival, and their skills in investigating and apprehending the people behind them have been instrumental to everything. It’s a larger group than anyone had initially realized, and their aim is to put Ozai back in power, which they are never shy about making obvious.

When Zuko arrives to the meeting, two guards are posted outside of the door and everyone is already inside. Suki doesn’t waste any time, revealing the identity of the women who had tried to sabotage his coronation, and where they currently stand on their plans to infiltrate and arrest the rest of the group’s members. It’s a large-scale raid mission that Fume came up with, and they have been working on refining the details on it for months. Only a trusted few in the palace know about the raid, including the Warriors, Uncle, two generals, one minister, and Qiu. Most of the palace guards have not been trusted with this information, though they will be pulled into the raid and briefed on the day of. Everyone has done everything in their power to ensure that there is no possible way for the details of the raid to leak ahead of time, which will ensure the safety of everyone involved.

It’s after Suki has gone over the detailed plan again, which she does often to encourage everyone to memorize it so that it does not need to be put in writing, that she turns to Zuko. Her tone betrays nothing, but Zuko has worked with her for long enough now that he can see the guilt in her eyes.

“There is one last thing to consider, given recent developments.”

All eyes turn to Zuko now, as if they all know where this is going. Zuko tries to keep levelheaded, and nods for Suki to continue.

“It has been brought to our attention that Sokka of the Southern Water Tribe has made the decision to remain in the Fire Nation palace, because of the attack that he witnessed.”

Suki pauses there, as if giving Zuko the chance to elaborate or offer his own input, though on what he has no clue. He understands the awkwardness in her gaze now– they must have asked her to bring this up to him, before he had arrived. He feels as if he’s been put on the defensive. “Yes?”

“And we have also noticed that he has not attended this meeting.”

Zuko can tell that Suki is trying to extend him a kindness by tiptoeing around the issue, but he is too slow at grasping it for Ty Lee’s patience. She rushes to say what it is that Zuko is missing.

“Will you be bringing Sokka to the next meeting to help us?”

The question shocks Zuko, though he really should have seen it coming. He had thought perhaps he would have more time to decide on this. He knows that he will need to bring Sokka into the loop, but the idea of him joining this fight tightens something in his chest. He can’t unimagine the fist of flames directed at Sokka’s face, and Sokka’s own carelessness with fire. Add to that the rumors that Azula has been working with the people they are planning on arresting…

There should be a clear answer here: he told Sokka yesterday that he wouldn’t keep these things from him any longer. If Zuko is not a man of his word, what kind of leader does that make him? But Zuko is selfish, so he hesitates.

Before Zuko can make up his mind, the door is being frantically knocked on.

General Tadao is the first to react, turning to the Warrior who stands in front of the door with only a bit of annoyance. “The Fire Lord is handling a matter of great importance. Please make that clear to whoever is knocking.”

Fume does so, cracking the door open so that no one can see the inside of their meeting room, and they cannot see past her into the hall. After exchanging some words with whoever is in the hall, she closes the door and turns to face the room.

“Chancellor Kouji is insisting on an audience with the Fire Lord. It is a matter of upmost urgency, and he assures me that it cannot be delayed.”

Zuko stands from his place at the table, grateful for Suki’s insistence on not putting anything to writing. The only thing for the generals to gather is the map, which is just a mostly-blank diagram of the Fire Nation with its cities labeled, and everyone is quickly herding out of the room. Only Uncle, Qiu, and Minister Yukito remain at their seats.

Chancellor Kouji was appointed by Zuko’s uncle very soon after the war ended, but has quickly become Zuko’s least favorite person in the palace. He is in no way considered untrustworthy or incapable of his job, but he does make Zuko just a bit uncomfortable in how sycophantic he can come across. Zuko has learned to be especially weary of those who act this way towards him, which is why he is favoring Qiu to take the position soon. Kouji must be able to sense this, because he has seemed much more eager to please Zuko as the day of his coronation approached.

Now, Kouji wears no pleasing smile. He is stone-faced, and marches into the room followed by five other members of the council.

“Fire Lord Zuko, we have a matter of great importance that requires your attention.”

Zuko is confused, but relents his time to the men. They do not sit, and they do not waste time.

“Although the news no doubt comes at a time of great strain, what with the attack last night, we hope that it will please the Fire Lord to know that the council has finalized the arrangement of marriage to Lady Yi An of Jonduri, previously of the Yi colony.”

Zuko is annoyed and confused. They interrupted his meeting for… what exactly?

“Marriage,” Zuko repeats the word, trying to make it as clear as possible in his voice that he has no clue what they are talking about. “Marriage for who?”

Uncle stands from his seat, and of all the members before them only Minister Yukito seems chastised by it. He says quietly, clearly fearing the reaction of his words: “Your marriage… to the Lady Yi An, Fire Lord Zuko.”

Later, Zuko might feel shameful for his actions. He might reflect that it is probably not very becoming of a Fire Lord to scream at his ministers in such a way, or threaten their jobs, or pull off his official robes and internally consider setting the table on fire. At least, looking back, he might be comforted by the way his uncle seems nearly as upset as he is, and how Qiu doesn’t even bother trying to admonish him for his behavior afterward.

9

The turtleducklings are back at the garden pond, so Zuko takes Sokka to see them.

Sokka, never usually one to fawn over animals, seems uncharacteristically enraptured by them. He even shares pieces of the bread from his food for them, despite Zuko reassuring Sokka multiple times that they are fed by the staff. The ducklings, of course, heartily encourage Sokka to feed them by coming right up to him and plucking the crumbs from the palm of his hand.

It’s been several weeks since Zuko has taken over as Fire Lord, and he is more stressed out than he thinks he ever has been. The date of the raid on the rebel organization has come and gone, without him ever having told Sokka about it. The guilt of it eats at him every day, but he can’t seem to force himself to say it. If he does, will Sokka leave, his mission to watch over Zuko over? If he doesn’t, Sokka will certainly be upset about not being told earlier. There is no way that Sokka won’t hear about it from someone in the palace, eventually.

With every day that passes since the raid, Zuko’s guilt grows, but the day also rapidly approaches on which he will meet the family of his betrothed, Yi An, which brings its own brand of discomfort. It all mixes within Zuko, feeling like something ugly and so overwhelming that he often tries to ignore them both until it’s forgotten.

One week since the raid. Three days until Yi An’s family arrives and the details of the marriage are finalized.

And about four weeks of Zuko noticing something between him and Sokka.

He isn’t sure how much of it is wishful thinking and speculation, or how much is him actually seeing what Sokka is feeling, but it’s enough to keep Zuko quiet about everything.

Zuko has been discussing and contemplating how best to get out of the marriage to Yi An for the past several weeks, and he has been advised multiple times that it is not recommended, for what it will do to Yi An’s family. They are an influential family who had been trusted nearly twenty years ago with the charge of a new colony, and they have only just been relocated to their hometown in Jonduri. Other than Yi An’s father being heavily favored by Azulon and Ozai, there is nothing particularly essential that they offer to this union; this is a union of appearances, between two wealthy families, and Zuko hates it. He hates it more that his advisors are correct; his backing out of the marriage now will likely only hurt the family, who is already losing their standing of influence in the Nation due to the dissolution of their colony.

Zuko met Yi An’s father in the colony of Yi, well over a year ago now, and he was a deeply unpleasant man. He wouldn’t care much about letting him fall from grace, but what would that mean for his daughter? Zuko can hardly allow himself to condemn her for her father’s shortfalls, and allow her to be disgraced for his own personal reasons, can he?

Looking at Sokka, feeding the turtleducks and laughing as the ducklings play in the water and fight for his attention, Zuko has second thoughts. He wants to feel selfish, just about this. Just about Sokka.

“Why do you look like you’re chewing on a lemon apple? Cheer up, you finally got the afternoon off.” As if to make his point, Sokka leans over and grabs Zuko by the face, pulling his lips into an approximate smile.

Zuko hides the stuttering of his breath in a laugh, and swats Sokka’s hands from his face.

It’s been like this ever since Sokka chose to stay. Sokka follows Zuko to and from every meeting, and will wait outside the doors of the ones he isn’t able to attend. He is Zuko’s guest for every meal, and takes every opportunity to steal Zuko away for breaks, which sometimes involves ranting session in the gardens and sometimes are just naps in empty rooms, leaning against one another with their backs to a wall. But always, always, Sokka has his hands on Zuko.

It’s nothing new, Zuko admits, but it feels like something new. Maybe it’s his own feelings, his own thoughts adding meaning to old habits where there is none, and this is just Sokka continuing to be Sokka, but the more days that pass the less Zuko can convince himself that there isn’t something there.

Seemingly offended by the swatting, Sokka takes a handful of the breadcrumbs he has spent the last several minutes shredding and tugs at Zuko’s collar, dumping them down the front of his shirt.

Maybe it’s just Sokka being Sokka, like always.

But when Zuko jumps up, cursing at him and removing his outer robe to shake the crumbs out of his loose shirt, he catches Sokka’s gaze lingering on him in a way that has him blushing from more than just the embarrassment of the childish prank, and he wonders again.

The ducklings are aghast at the waste of their snacks, and chirp angrily at the two of them before swimming away, huddling around their mother at the other end of the pond. When Zuko sits back on the ground, he leaves his outer robe off to see if he’ll catch Sokka staring again.

Sokka turns his attention to the melon slices between them instead, and casually changes the subject. “How are things going with that ‘Grand Ozai Assembly’ thing?”

He passes a slice to Zuko after sprinkling chili flakes on it. Sokka hates the chili flakes and complains when they stick to his hands or accidentally end up on his own fruit, but he has still been dutifully shaking them onto every one of Zuko’s melon slices the entire time they have been sitting here.

There are conflicting emotions running through Zuko, which is how it has been for weeks. Guilt over not having told Sokka the truth, and a longing for something that he hasn’t been able to convince himself lately that he can’t have.

Zuko almost says it then, though he isn’t sure which truth will come out. He feels something bubbling up inside of him, though, ready to spill over his lips and make itself known, when Qiu pops up in Zuko’s periphery. He has just emerged from the hall leading indoors, and has a panicked look on his face. Zuko knows without having to hear it, that he is needed elsewhere immediately.

As Zuko excuses himself and Sokka delights in having the rest of their meal all to himself, he makes a decision. He is going to tell Sokka, all of it.

He will come clean about the raid. If he can avoid Sokka’s wrath and some new bruises, he will also talk to Sokka about their feelings. If that goes well, which Zuko has more hope than he’d thought that it will, he will contact Yi An personally and end the engagement.

If it doesn’t go well, then maybe there will be no point in fighting the engagement anyways.

10

Zuko catches his uncle early the next day and asks if he can have dinner with Sokka privately tonight. He admits that he is planning on coming clean to Sokka about the raid plans, and Iroh smiles kindly at him and agrees easily that they should have some privacy for it. Zuko asks for only Fume at the door to the small dining room that they usually eat dinner in, and when Sokka arrives he appears confused at the change in routine.

“No Iroh today?”

“He decided to take an earlier dinner today,” Zuko answers, looking up at Sokka from where he is sat at the table.

Zuko hadn’t seen Sokka since their lunch, and he must have spent that time in his room. His hair is just messy enough to hint at a recent nap, and his clothes are the lightweight material that Zuko had ordered for him when he’d announced an extended stay in Caldera. Sokka is a casual kind of attractive that would be completely infuriating, if not for the fact that Zuko is the one attracted to him.

Almost as soon as the words are out of Zuko’s mouth, he admonishes himself. Lying is not the way he wants to start this conversation, and he is already off to a bad start. “That’s not true. I asked to eat with you alone today. I wanted to talk to you.”

Sokka sits down, but his expression is wary. “I’ve already heard the news.”

How stupid of Zuko to think he could keep the raid a secret from Sokka. Sokka spends most of his day hanging around with Zuko’s own guard while waiting outside of meeting rooms, and it only stands to reason that some details would slip. He had entertained the thought, just after the raid, that Sokka might have already known about it, but he had told himself that if Sokka knew he would have said something. He had misjudged how his friend would act, and assumed it meant he didn’t know. “I was worried you might have heard by now.”

“Yeah, kind of strange that I had to hear about it from someone else before you, though.”

The words aren’t necessarily accusatory, but it still stings all the same to hear the hurt in Sokka’s voice. He can already hear it; this will be a repeat of the conversation they had on the day of his coronation. “I wanted to tell you. I was going to tell you, after the coronation and when you asked to stay, but I was worried that you would get involved and I didn’t want to see you hurt.”

Sokka doesn’t say anything, but his face shows his emotions clear as day. Hurt. Confusion. Zuko has betrayed Sokka, and so soon after telling him that he understands why Sokka would feel hurt after Zuko kept secrets like this.

He can’t meet Sokka’s eyes, so he looks down at the only thing they have been served as of yet: glasses of plum wine. He takes a deep breath, takes a sip, and tries his best to sound sincere.

“I know what you’re going to say. I know we already talked about it. But every time I thought about telling you, I just saw my sister hitting you with a fireball. And I couldn’t stand the idea of putting you into another fight with firebenders.”

“A fight?” There is an emotion in Sokka’s voice that Zuko can’t place, which has him meeting Sokka’s gaze from across the table. Sokka’s face is red, and he is clearly very upset. “You mean the raid, right?”

Zuko’s shoulders drop. “I’m sorry,” he says quietly. “I should have told you about it before. And then after it just felt…” Zuko’s shame overwhelms him, and he forces himself to push through it. This is the easy part, he reminds himself. “It felt like admitting to something dishonorable to tell you about it after, so I avoided it. But I guess it’s impossible to keep secrets in the palace.”

“Yeah,” Sokka says, his voice strained and face a mix of emotions. “Impossible to keep secrets.”

“Are you angry?”

Sokka drops his gaze and stays silent for a long time, which terrifies Zuko. He’s made a huge mistake. He might have just ruined his friendship, let alone any chances he had of anything more than that.

But after a few moments, Sokka smiles and sips from his own cup of plum wine before answering. “I’m not angry about it. I’m sorry, I don’t feel very good today. I think I ate some bad meat earlier.”

It’s not that unbelievable, especially as Zuko thinks to how it had seemed hard to find Sokka in the second half of the day. Perhaps he was napping before this, trying to sleep off an illness. Even now, he doesn’t seem much like himself. His face is still flushed and he seems more spacy than normal, staring down at his glass as he swirls the wine around in it.

Zuko stands from his seat and moves to take the chair next to Sokka’s, bracing one hand on the back of Sokka’s own chair and leaning forward into his space. Zuko presses the back of his hand to Sokka’s forehead, and finds that it is warmer than Zuko’s own skin, which is a bit concerning.

“You are pretty flushed,” Zuko mutters, then takes the cup of wine from Sokka’s hand and sets it back on the table. “Probably shouldn’t be drinking this.”

Sokka doesn’t protest this, which is even more troubling, and he slumps forward in his seat. He leans his elbows against the table and presses his forehead against his closed fists as if to relieve pressure. Zuko moves his hand to Sokka’s cheek instead, still trying to determine if the temperature would be considered a fever. Perhaps he shouldn’t have asked for privacy from Uncle, he would be able to tell if Sokka were coming down with something. He always seemed to know before Zuko even did when he was starting to get sick.

“Excuse you, I am a grown adult capable of taking care of myself.” Sokka’s voice drips with annoyance, but he makes no move to fight off Zuko. He does look up at Zuko with a sour look punctuating his statement, but says nothing else.

The annoyance fades from Sokka’s expression suddenly, and is replaced with something else entirely as he keeps his eyes locked on Zuko’s. The look is relaxed and open, and familiar to Zuko in a way that his own bending is, burning something into his very being. What that something is, he finds himself scared to say aloud.

It’s not the time. Sokka is sick. He will have to speak with Sokka about his feelings tomorrow.

“Do you want me to have some soup made? I think Chisato is working tonight…” Zuko doesn’t wait for an answer. He stands and goes to open the door to the dining room, asking Fume to send a message to the kitchens for him. When he returns to Sokka’s side, the smile he gets is blinding, even as it is soft and shy.

“Thanks, Zuko.”

“If I had known you weren’t feeling well I could have had something sent to your room for you instead.”

“It’s alright.” Sokka waves off Zuko’s concern, which is also uncharacteristic of him. When Sokka is sick, he is usually loudly so, and doesn’t turn up the chance to be pampered through it. “Just a bit queasy. Not even that bad, really.” Sokka presses his hands against his own cheeks, as if feeling for himself if he has a fever.

It’s so unlike Sokka that it makes Zuko suspicious. If he really is sick, he would be crying and whining and begging for attention. This is the exact opposite, which leads Zuko to believe that there is something else going on.

“And you’re not upset with me, about not telling you about the raid mission?”

Sokka shakes his head but he’s still not looking at Zuko. “I won’t swing at you again, if that’s what you’re asking, but you really should have known better than to think I wouldn’t find out. If it weren’t me that they were talking to, I’d be concerned about a security breech with how loose-lipped your staff can get.”

Sokka’s tone suggests he is tip-toeing around something himself. It’s a similar tone used by countless people in meetings who try to get Zuko to ask about something without making it seem like they are bringing the subject up themselves. Zuko laughs, though he isn’t able to mask his weariness well. Is Sokka trying to get another one of his lessons across to Zuko? The only way to know for sure is to play along.

If Sokka wants to talk about how he managed to con his chatty guards into giving up details of a secret mission, then that is what they are going to talk about.

“Oh really? Well, that’s just great to hear.”

Sokka’s smile turns into a wince, and he sends Zuko a quick, pacifying look. “Don’t be too mad at them, I didn’t exactly make it seem like they were telling me anything I didn’t already know.”

“Ah,” Zuko answers, keeping his voice neutral. “So, I have gossiping guards and a misleading friend hanging out with them. Did you learn any other state secrets while socializing outside of our meeting rooms?”

He tries for a joke, but it lands flat. In either case, Zuko can tell that Sokka had led him exactly to where he wanted. His eyes light up a bit, like he’s solving a mystery. It’s endearing, and Zuko tries hard not to let it affect him.

“Well, I did hear that we’re expecting a visit from the future Fire Lady soon.”

There is nothing that Zuko could have done that would have prepared him for that. He hadn’t thought that Sokka would be on the receiving end of that gossip. He feels himself get lightheaded at just hearing the words ‘future Fire Lady’ leave Sokka’s mouth.

How long has Sokka known? Has he known this entire time? Has Zuko been deluding himself for weeks, while Sokka has known that he was keeping a secret betrothal from him?

How must that have looked to Sokka?

Sokka must have heard only the bare details of it, or he wouldn’t have called Yi An that. He wouldn’t know how this wasn’t Zuko’s choice, or how Zuko has fought against this. If Sokka has had any feelings for Zuko at all, he would have thought they were one-sided. As if, even after all this time, Zuko could fall out of love with Sokka. And if Sokka hasn’t had feelings for Zuko…

He wouldn’t have thought much of it, would he?

“You heard that?”

“Oh. So, it’s true?”

Sokka turns away from Zuko, clearly affected by the idea. Hope swells in Zuko’s chest.

Sokka begins to stand before Zuko can say anything. “Actually, it’s none of my business. I shouldn’t have even brought it up. But yeah, just don’t be too mad at the–”

Zuko grabs Sokka’s wrist to stop him, a silent plea not to go. Sokka’s hand is cold and clammy, and he freezes in his spot.

“I don’t want to marry her,” Zuko admits quietly. Sokka slowly sits back down. Zuko doesn’t let go of Sokka’s wrist, instead staring down at his pale fingers wrapped around Sokka’s summer-darkened skin as he explains. “My father and grandfather both had their marriages decided for them, and the council made a similar arrangement for me when I turned eighteen. They didn’t even tell Uncle or me about it until I was Fire Lord, and they just won’t listen to me. They’ve invited her family to the palace. We’re supposed to be going over the arrangements while they’re here and I don’t know what to do.”

They are both silent for a few minutes, and it’s torture to Zuko. He has been worrying about his impending marriage to a stranger for weeks, and worrying about baring his feeling to Sokka all day. Neither is going how he’d wanted them to.

Finally, Sokka breaks the silence with an understanding voice. “Well, if they won’t listen, just tell her family yourself. You are the Fire Lord, after all. It’s not like they can take anyone’s word over yours.”

Zuko knows this. Zuko has struggled with the morality of letting this family and this innocent girl know that it will not happen, but he has always trusted that he needs to rule his own way, not the way the Fire Lords who came before him did. His father married his mother for the spiritual power in her bloodline, and his grandfather married his grandmother for the political power in her family. He does not want to be like them.

But–

“How horrible would that be? The council promised this girl and her family that I would marry her. It would be nothing but insulting for me to refuse it now.”

He doesn’t know why he says it. Maybe he wants to hear Sokka admit his own feelings first, or maybe he wants to hear reassurances that it’s okay for Zuko to be selfish.

“Well, what if she doesn’t want to be married to you either?”

It’s like a slap to the face. What does Sokka mean by that?

I understand what you’re feeling.

Has Zuko read everything completely wrong? It wouldn’t be the first time he’s misinterpreted someone else’s feelings. It wouldn’t even be the first time he’s misinterpreted someone else’s romantic feelings towards him. He’s made a huge mistake, hasn’t he?

It will complicate things… But I think at this point we can get through anything together.

Sokka’s already made his own feelings clear. Zuko needs to stop reading into things before he gets hurt.

“Don’t you think I’ve considered that?”

Zuko doesn’t do a well enough job keeping the bitterness from his words, and Sokka rushes to explain. “No! I what I mean is– Why don’t you want to marry her?”

It’s obvious, isn’t it? Sokka must know that.

“I want to marry someone I love.”

“What if she wants to marry someone she loves, too?”

I’ve been thinking about it, and I’m going to prioritize giving her the chance.

“Yeah, you’re right.” Sokka, unfortunately, is usually right. Even when he seems wrong at first glance. Even when it hurts Zuko to admit it. “Thank you.”

“Yeah, no worries, buddy.”

Sokka excuses himself to rest in his room quickly after that, leaving Zuko alone with two hot bowls of soup.

11

When Yi An’s family arrives in the palace, Zuko has made up his mind. Even if Sokka does not return Zuko’s feelings, he will not marry Yi An. It’s a choice that Uncle supports, and together with Qiu they work to build a last-minute plan for how the day will go.

Zuko will need to involve Sokka, unfortunately. He makes this decision himself because Sokka understands more deeply than anyone Zuko’s desire not to go through with this, and has shown his ability to be friendly and too honest when given the chance to shine at it. This will be his chance, and Zuko can only hope that he understands what he is being trusted with when they barge in on him first thing in the morning and ask him to attend to the Lady Yi An while Zuko meets with her family. Zuko makes a stop at his own bedroom next, and he makes the impulsive decision to take Sokka’s necklace from his side table, where it has lived for weeks, and puts it on. For luck.

Uncle and Qiu had advised Zuko not to waste any time pretending that this union is still taking place, so as soon as Yi An’s family arrive, Zuko escorts them to a meeting room with his ministers, Uncle, Qiu, and Chancellor Kouji. Once everyone is seated, Zuko starts the conversation with “I will not be marrying your daughter,” and the room devolves into chaos from there.

Zuko had warned both Qiu and his uncle that when he’d last met Yi An’s father, Kenji, he was a very difficult man, and would likely not take the news well. They had both reassured him that as long as he kept his own composure, everything that Kenji did would only reflect badly on himself and his own honor in front of the ministers.

This is exactly what happens.

Kenji storms to where Zuko stands, still near the doorway at the head of the table. Several others block his path to Zuko, including two ministers, so he appears to catch himself short of violence. Kenji is red-faced, and towers over everyone in the room, so his yelling is taken doubly as threatening. Zuko doesn’t flinch. Zuko knows that the kind of men to be feared never act frightening, they simply are.

“You dare disgrace my daughter in this way! My family!”

“I mean no disrespect to you or your daughter,” Zuko says clearly, speaking over his advisors who are desperately trying to salvage this in their favor. “In fact, I think only of your daughter in making this decision.”

“You’re nothing but a spoiled brat! Do you think your position entitles you to do as you please?”

At Zuko’s orders, the Warriors and guards standing by in the room are staying near the walls. They are not to interfere with the discussions unless given directive otherwise, but Zuko can see the way they twitch and watch the scene intently, nervous that something will happen. If Zuko remains calm, they might calm as well.

“My position entitles me to nothing but a responsibility to look after my people. And I believe the best way to do this is to lead is through example; to follow through on the word I give.”

“You gave your word to this union, you little–!”

Qiu cuts in. “You cannot address Fire Lord Zuko in–”

Zuko raises a hand, cutting them both off with the motion. “It’s alright, Qiu. Thank you.” Kenji shakes with anger now, and Zuko feels the heat of his bending radiating off of him. All of the guards in the room have taken several steps forward, no longer against the walls, preparing for an attack. Zuko won’t let it get to that point. “I sincerely apologize for the misunderstanding, but my council had made all correspondence to you about a union without my knowledge and without my permission. I have never given my word that I will marry Yi An, and, as I said earlier, I have no intention to.”

This causes an uproar throughout the entire room. Attendants from Kenji’s family begin speaking in hushed tones with Zuko’s advisors and ministers. Those that are closest to Kenji and Zuko open and close their mouths nervously, clearing having much to say but not knowing how to say it.

“Do I get the privilege of having the Fire Lord share his reasoning for rejecting a union with my family?” Kenji asks through his teeth.

Uncle and Qiu had been completely correct. Zuko’s calm demeanor is making all of the difference in this conversation. He can already tell that this will end up being less of a fight than he’d expected – especially once Yi An is brought in, if Sokka has done what Zuko expects him to.

“I do not want any of my people to have to endure the injustice of an unnecessary arranged marriage. My parents suffered from such a union, and I do not wish it upon myself, your daughter, or my people. It is not a disgrace, but a kindness, that I am trying to extend to Lady Yi An. She does not love me, and I do not love her.”

“Having never met my daughter, you presume to know her feelings better than I do?”

Zuko makes his gamble. He is sure this time that he is right. “If you bring Lady Yi An here, and she says that she is in love with me and wishes to marry me of her own free will, then I will marry her.”

An attendant is sent to find her immediately, and Qiu goes to help with locating her. Within minutes, she is brought into the room.

At the door opening, Kenji rushes towards it.

“Yi An!”

“Father…” Kenji is tugging Yi An by her sleeve and planting the young girl in front of Zuko. She looks terrified to be in the middle of this mess, and Zuko feels incredibly guilty for dragging her into it.

Kenji stands over his daughter’s shoulders, one giant hand on each tiny arm, and leans down to whisper in her ear. The room goes completely silent, so Zuko is just able to make out what he says. “The Fire Lord is offering you a choice. Do you love him? Do you want to marry him?”

Very slowly, Yi An shakes her head with an expression like shame on her face as she stares directly into Zuko’s bad eye.

The room erupts into yelling once more, but Zuko couldn’t care less. It’s over. He will not marry this stranger. The certainty of it is like a weight from his shoulders. He hears Kenji yelling at him as Yi An is roughly shoved to the side, but doesn’t even register any of the words. They don’t matter.

Zuko does see Kenji’s hand opening, his arm swinging in Zuko’s direction to grab him by the arm, but before he can do anything about it someone is knocking the large hand to the side and stepping in front of Zuko.

Zuko stumbles, not having expected to be shoved around like that, and grabs onto Sokka’s shoulder for support. Sokka has an arm out to his side, as if to block any further advances at Zuko. When did Sokka get into the room? Did he enter with Yi An?

Someone else grabs Zuko from behind, tugging him back and away from the scene in the same instant that Kenji swings a heated hand at Sokka’s face. The crack of the impact is sickening, and Zuko loses his composure.

“Sokka!” He yells, uncaring how he looks to those around him. Sokka hits the ground hard, on his side, and several guards rush Kenji to arrest him. Whoever has their arms around Zuko’s middle is strong and does not stop moving until they are out of the room and down the hall, despite Zuko’s desperate struggling and screaming.

“He’s okay, Zuko! It’s okay!”

It’s Suki, which shouldn’t surprise him. He’s sure any one of the Warriors is strong enough to drag him from a room, but only Suki could do so with Zuko fully struggling against her.

“He burned Sokka!”

Suki loosens her hold on Zuko, and he tries in vain to pull harder against her grip on his arms, desperate to check on Sokka. He even tries to slip his arms from the sleeves of his robe to get away, which doesn’t work, but does bring to his attention how he is shaking.

“It’s–” Suki falters, and it’s clear she’s worried about Sokka just as much as he is. He stops struggling against her, allowing himself to be led further down the hall. Once they are far enough away that they can no longer hear the yelling from the room they’ve left, Suki continues. “It’s going to be okay. We can check on Sokka once they get Kenji and the others out of the room. I can’t let you back there until then.”

“But–”

“He’s not alone, Zuko. He’s okay.”

Suki takes Zuko to his room, but he refuses to go inside. They both wait in the hall, pacing, leaning against the wall, and waiting for news. Zuko removes his robe and throws it on the floor, not caring that it is his Fire Lord robe for official meetings and ceremonies.

When Fume comes down the hall, they both stand up straight, hoping for good news.

“Kenji has been arrested and the rest of the family relocated.”

Zuko doesn’t wait to hear more. He bolts down the hall where Fume had come from, heading straight for the physician’s room. Everyone he passes on his way stares at him wide-eyed and startled, but makes way for him and stays silent.

When he finally arrives at the white painted door, the room is empty. No Sokka, and no physician.

If Sokka hadn’t been treated for his burn, would she have gone to him in the meeting room?

Zuko runs back in that direction, but finds the meeting room full of shell-shocked ministers and nothing more. One tells Zuko that Ty Lee had taken Sokka from the room shortly after Zuko had been dragged out himself, so he decides to try Sokka’s room.

Suki is leaving Sokka’s room when he approaches, closing the door behind her.

“Is he in there?”

She nods. “It’s…” It’s bad. Zuko hears it without her having to finish the thought out loud.

It hits Zuko harder than he’s expected. How long has he been afraid of this? Sokka had stepped up to protect Zuko, and gotten hurt. Gotten burned.

Sokka has a burn on his face, and it’s bad. And it’s Zuko’s fault.

Suki must see something come over his face, because she puts both hands on his shoulders and says “He needs to see you.”

It compels Zuko to move his frozen feet further down the hall to stop outside of Sokka’s room. “Sokka!” Zuko calls, hating how scared he sounds.

After a moment, Sokka opens the door, and all Zuko can do is stare in horror at the burn on Sokka’s cheek. It’s a raised red welt in the shape of a handprint that covers his entire left cheek. It’s raw, and shining with fresh blood combined with what appears to be a clear salve. It looks horribly painful.

Zuko can’t breathe.

After all of this time, Zuko was too careless. Sokka is hurt, and it’s because of him. He should have made sure Sokka was kept away from the room himself. He should have never asked Sokka to escort Yi An while he met with her family. He never should have antagonized her short-tempered father. He should have known better. If he had sucked it up, married Yi An, this never would have happened.

Tears well up in Sokka’s eyes, stopping Zuko’s thoughts in their tracks. He closes the door behind him and steps closer to Sokka, inspecting the burn for a source of pain but not wanting to get too close, lest he bother it. “Does it hurt? Do you need the doctor?”

Sokka shakes his head. “I already did,” he says, trying to carefully wipe his tears away from the burn. “She gave me medicine.”

“Does it hurt?”

“No,” Sokka replies. “I didn’t even know it was a burn until she gave me the medicine. It’s not that bad.”

Of course it’s not. “It’s always ‘not that bad’ with you, isn’t it?” Sokka manages to keep the salty tears from hitting his burn, but they keep coming. He keeps wiping them away. “Why are you crying?”

Sokka laughs the least joyful laugh that Zuko has ever heard. “I have no idea.”

“You’re a bad liar,” Zuko says. “Where is the medicine?”

Sokka points to his bed where there is a clear jar of salve thrown on top of the unmade blankets. Zuko sits on the bed and picks up the jar to inspect it.

The smell of burn medicine is seared into Zuko’s nose from when he was a kid and treating his own burn some six years ago now. The texture and smell of this is nearly identical to what he’d been given back then, which brings the sick feeling back to Zuko’s stomach. He really messed up.

Sokka sits next to him on the bed.

“How often did she say to use it?”

“I think four times a day, then once a day when it gets better. Should take a few weeks. I’ll probably need to go back to figure out if I need to keep it cold. The stuff she put on it when I was there was freezing, like she kept it in a cooler.”

Zuko twists the lid back on the jar and hands it to Sokka. “No, it’ll stay cool enough as is. You don’t want it cold anyways.” Zuko remembers complaining about the same thing, when Uncle would unwrap his bandages to reapply the thick salve. He repeats what he’d been told then: “It feels freezing because there’s heat trapped in the burn, and the medicine helps pull it out to prevent it from getting worse. You should put more on when it dries, to keep it cool.”

Sokka doesn’t answer that. Zuko can’t bring himself to look at his friend now, and closes his eyes against the visions of Sokka from his nightmares, with his exact scar. It doesn’t help.

“I’m so sorry, Sokka,” Zuko says after a short silence, knowing it needs to be said. “I dragged you into all of that and you got hurt.”

“It’s worth it.”

It’s…what? Zuko whirls his face around to look at Sokka, and his confusion is clear in his voice. “What?”

“It’s worth it,” Sokka repeats, his voice even sounding lighter as he says it. “Wedding’s off the table now, right?”

What is Sokka possibly talking about? How could this be worth the marriage? Still, he nods numbly at Sokka, and gets a smile in return.

“Then it was worth it. I’d do it all again, get a thousand burns, if it meant you didn’t have to marry Yi An.”

The words still have a hard time registering in Zuko’s head. “Was she really that awful?”

Sokka laughs, shaking his head. “That doesn’t matter. It only matters that you didn’t want to marry her.” He looks meaningfully back at Zuko, just a touch of sadness in his eyes. “And now you’re Fire Lord, and you have your pick of any person you want to marry when you’re ready. It’s one-hundred-percent worth it.”

“Is it?” Zuko asks, and now he’s looking at Sokka’s burn again. He has a hard time tearing his eyes away this time. “I feel like I’ve spent so long trying to keep you from getting burned again, and it just happened anyways. All I can think about is how I should have been able to avoid it happening.”

“This is different,” Sokka says, his voice quieting. “Azula did that to make you mad, to drive you crazy, and you can’t let her do that. This happened because I wouldn’t let you get hurt.”

Which is completely unfair of Sokka to say. This entire time, Zuko has been trying his hardest to keep Sokka from getting hurt. The sincerity in Sokka’s voice pulls at something in his chest, squeezing his heart. He’d known, of course he’d known how much he matters to his friends. Hearing it, from Sokka no less, feels different. He feels the tears rolling down his cheeks before he realizes what’s happening.

“Why are you crying?” Sokka echoes him from earlier. Zuko doesn’t have an answer, so he doesn’t say anything.

Wordlessly, Sokka reaches a hand up to Zuko’s scarred cheek. He gently wipes away the spilling tears there, and presses his palm to Zuko’s skin, and keeps it there. He uses his thumb to feel the edge of Zuko’s scar, where his smooth cheek meets the marred and rough skin that could never hope to heal properly.

Zuko holds his breath, watching Sokka’s eyes as they follow the path that his callused thumb takes exploring the ridges and dips of his scarred cheek. He feels under Zuko’s eye, follows an invisible path back toward Zuko’s altered hairline around his ear, circles back to the top of his eyelid, his browbone, and then back down to where it began.

Sokka’s other hand comes up to cradle Zuko’s other cheek, and he begins his motions again with both hands, as if comparing the feel of the scar to the unscarred skin on the other side of his face.

By the time Sokka’s hands stop moving, Zuko is lightheaded and there is a shiver running up his spine. Sokka’s deep blue eyes have stopped roaming Zuko’s face and lock on to his own gaze with an intensity that Zuko’s never seen before. On either side of his face, Sokka’s fingers have hooked on to the corners of his jaw. Zuko wonders if Sokka can feel the hard thudding of his heartbeat there.

Zuko’s brain has long gone fuzzy, as if stuffed with cotton, but he definitely notices when Sokka’s eyes begin to close, and his face slowly starts to come closer to his. Sokka is going to kiss him. The shock of it almost pulls a gasp out of him. Just before Sokka’s eyes close completely, he seems to realize what is happening, and he flinches back.

He drops Zuko’s face and leans away, as if Zuko’s burned him.

Zuko hadn’t imagined it; he knows that Sokka was about to kiss him. Why was Sokka going to kiss him? Why did he stop?

“I–” Sokka starts, then stops, seemingly not knowing what to say himself. He can’t meet Zuko’s eyes, but regret is painted clearly on his face. Regret for almost kissing Zuko?

How many times will Zuko be rejected by Sokka?

Zuko had been sure, just days ago, that Sokka might feel the same, but he’d clearly been wrong. So why, now, has Sokka just taken Zuko’s face into his hands and almost kissed him?

With a sinking feeling in his gut, Zuko thinks he knows the answer.

Sokka had been feeling Zuko’s burn, had touched it intimately and in a way that Zuko has never allowed another person to before. Was Sokka comparing their burns? Sokka’s burn, however bad it looks now, will be healed completely in a matter of weeks so long as he takes care of it. He must have been told that by the physician. He must know that. Zuko’s burn will never heal, will never look better than it does now, will always be an ugly reminder of his father on his face. Does Sokka feel bad for Zuko?

Somehow, having Sokka’s pity is worse than having Sokka’s hate.

Once the silence has stretched just a bit too long, Sokka tries speaking again. “I’m sorry,” he chokes out.

Zuko can’t look at Sokka, so he looks at the door. There is too much in him, too many emotions to trust his words right now. He raises a hand to his scar, still feeling the warmth from Sokka’s fingers, and whispers “No, I’m sorry,” before getting up to leave.

12

Zuko can’t face his uncle at dinner, so he retreats to his room and stays there.

He knows that he is sulking. He doesn’t particularly care.

He doesn’t really sleep, sitting up in his bed and leaned against the headboard, though he does wake with a start several times when his head lolls in a doze. By the time the sun begins to rise, Zuko has abandoned the idea of working, certain that no one will blame him for taking the day to himself.

So confident of this is he, that he opens his window which has a view out to the gardens, and drops down on the grass next to a flowering bush. From here he watches the turtleducks wake and begin making lazy circles about the water, and successfully avoids anyone who would come to his room to drag him to his Fire Lord responsibilities.

Sokka must be packing, getting ready to leave. Perhaps he’ll wait a day, and leave on the same ship as Suki, since the Warriors are scheduled to depart tomorrow morning. Their work is completed in the Fire Nation, so they are going. If Sokka only came to make sure Zuko was safe from his assassination attempts, then it stands to reason that Sokka will be leaving as well.

The idea leaves a pit in Zuko’s stomach. He doesn’t want Sokka to leave, but perhaps it’d be for the best. It would certainly be in Zuko’s best interest to get used to the idea of Sokka not being around. He has a feeling that, after last night, their friendship will never be the same.

He still finds himself seething with the idea that Sokka would pity him to such a degree. To use Zuko’s feelings for Sokka against him in this way, to try and kiss Zuko just because he felt bad for him… Zuko would never have expected it from Sokka. He has always had the upmost trust in Sokka’s integrity, and values Sokka’s opinion above almost all others. Had Zuko’s judgement of his friend been wrong?

Even as Zuko sits in his unpleasant thoughts, when the first face that appears in the courtyard is Sokka’s, Zuko can’t find it in him to be surprised. Sokka doesn’t hide from his problems like Zuko does. Sokka deal with them head on, efficiently.

Sokka walks over to him. His burn looks dry, but his hair is up and neat despite the dark circles under his eyes. Seems as if neither of them was able to sleep well last night. Zuko only allows himself this quick glance at Sokka’s face before the shame washes over him, and he needs to look away from the burn. He swallows it down. Sokka has always jumped to take responsibility for others, and he refuses to make Sokka feel bad for him any longer.

Sokka speaks up quietly as he stops in front of Zuko. “Iroh was looking for you. Said you weren’t answering him.”

Must have been after Zuko jumped out of his window. He doesn’t think he would have had the heart to ignore his uncle outright when faced with it. Just the thought of having accidentally ignored him sends a pang through his chest; he’d thought Qiu would be the one to fetch him and discover his room empty.

“You missed breakfast.”

Zuko doesn’t answer this either. Had Uncle and Sokka had breakfast together? Had Sokka told Uncle about what happened between them? Had Uncle sent Sokka here?

No, Sokka wouldn’t talk about that with anyone, not without speaking with Zuko about it first.

“And three meetings.”

Sokka must have heard this from Uncle, and it is untrue. “Two meetings,” Zuko corrects sourly, “And a conference.”

“Because that makes it better.”

Now Zuko does look up to glare at Sokka. “Did you come out here just to criticize me?”

Sokka lets out a deep breath, dropping his eyes from Zuko now, as if embarrassed. He stares down at the grass between them instead. “Look, I’m sorry. About last night. I shouldn’t have done any of that, and if that’s why you’re upset, I’m really sorry. I wasn’t thinking.”

Zuko watches his friend, standing before him begging for forgiveness, and can’t find the words to reply. Sokka’s hands are shaking at his sides, and Zuko sees the small jar of burn medicine clenched tightly in one of them.

“If there’s anything I can do to make it up to you, just tell me. Anything.” Sokka pauses, takes a deep breath. “Or if you want me to leave, I can. I’ll go back to the South Pole.”

Zuko does not want Sokka to leave. Zuko is selfish, and wishes for more than is possible to have. Among all of his wants, he wants Sokka to want him too, which will not happen.

So Zuko focuses on what his life will look like in the short term: He will not have to marry Yi An. He will continue his work in rebuilding the Fire Nation, restoring pride and honor to his people. His uncle will live out his retirement in Ba Sing Se, leaving Zuko alone in the palace.

It is in everyone’s best interests if Zuko does not get his hopes up. He has very little to complain about, all things considered, and has gotten his way in several important factors recently. Best not to push his luck.

Zuko’s voice is hoarse as he answers, “Aren’t you leaving tomorrow?” He hopes the frustration overwhelming his head does not convey through his words, though he doubts it.

Sokka’s gaze locks on Zuko’s now, exposed and heartbreaking. Zuko is the one who looks away now, down at the grass between them.

“What do you mean?”

If Sokka hadn’t considered leaving Caldera, then Zuko will have to spell it out for him. Sokka, ever practical, will see it is for the best. “The Warriors are leaving tomorrow. Aren’t you going with them?”

“Why would I go with them?”

Sokka, ever practical – and ever infuriating. Of course, he has never made anything easy, so why would he start now?

Zuko is ashamed to admit that his anger bubbles over and out of him in a manner that he has worked hard to prevent. He feels like a teenager again when he snaps. “What do you mean, why? It’s over. I don’t need babysitting anymore, and I definitely don’t need you doing anything because you feel sorry for me.”

Zuko’s whole face is hot with anger and shame for having voiced his thoughts out loud. In the past, lashing out like this always left a tense and coiled feeling in Zuko’s chest, like the lid on a boiling pot that has just begun rattling. Now, he feels empty inside, as if he has poured the water on the ground and is left to deal with the consequences of having laid his emotions bare.

“So you can tell Katara and Aang and whoever else that your mission is over and go home.”.

“Why would I feel sorry for you?” Sokka’s answer is quick, and there is a seething hurt and anger in his voice, which causes Zuko to look up. Their eyes locked once again, Sokka leans down so he’s closer to Zuko’s face. There are tears welling up in his eyes, and his tone has turned pleading and resolute. “I’m not doing anything because I feel sorry for you, or anyone else for that matter. I do what I want. That’s it.”

Sokka waits for an answer, his face inches from Zuko’s, but Zuko’s mind has stuttered to a halt and it takes several moments for him to gather his thoughts into anything coherent.

I do what I want. That’s it.

Zuko’s first, disgraceful thought, is that Sokka is lying. What would telling the truth get Sokka, at this point? But then, what would lying get him? Zuko has already given Sokka the out, the way to finish this conversation and leave the palace without having to confront what he’d done, and Sokka seems confused about it. Would he be lying to spare Zuko’s feelings?

Zuko’s second, calmer thought, is a reminder that he has never known Sokka to lie to spare others’ feelings. He often voices his opinions loudly and without care for who hears them or what they might feel themselves. Sokka has a very defined sense of what he believes is right and wrong, and he stands by his own thoughts and actions.

Which brings Zuko to his third, most baffling thought: If Sokka is only acting of his own wants, he must have wanted to kiss Zuko.

Zuko’s heart is pounding, not fully willing to believe it. He needs to hear it. Zuko has always needed words. “Then what do you want?”

Sokka lets out a harsh breath, something between a sob and a laugh, and lowers himself to sit in front of Zuko with his legs crossed. Now the two of them are mirroring each other, knees nearly touching. He thrusts the jar of medicine forward, holding it right in front of Zuko’s face.

“I want some help with this medicine, for starters.”

Zuko slowly grabs the jar from Sokka, feeling like a spring waiting to be released of its built-up tension.

Gently, Sokka asks, “Why are you crying?”

There are tears rolling down Zuko’s cheeks, dripping off of his chin. He wipes them away, more surprised that he hadn’t noticed them sooner than that he is crying.

Zuko tries again. He needs to hear it. “Do you mean that?”

Zuko hears the short intake of breath Sokka takes, sees the fear cross his eyes. Sokka chooses to deflect again.

“That I want help with the medicine? Yeah, I hate touching it. Why’d she have to make it so slimy?”

Just like that, Zuko knows clearly what Sokka wants. Zuko laughs, though Sokka hadn’t been trying to make him laugh. He can’t help it; he never could with Sokka. It feels freeing, and relaxes Zuko more than he would have expected.

“No,” Zuko says, once he’s calmed down. Sokka is smiling a shaky smile at him. Zuko tries again. “Everything else.”

Finally, finally, “Why would I lie about that?” Sokka is genuine, and Zuko believes him.

Zuko readjusts how he’s sitting so that he kneels in front of Sokka, and opens the jar of burn medicine. Sokka tilts his face up and is looking right into Zuko’s eyes as he leans down to start applying the thick salve.

Zuko tries for a joke himself, trying to help Sokka feel better as he works slowly. “Because you feel sorry for me?”

“Shut up.”

Sokka rolls his eyes with a smile, but tears fall down his face regardless.

“Why are you crying?” Zuko asks quietly, echoing Sokka now.

His left hand lifts to Sokka’s unburned cheek to wipe it dry once again. Sokka’s smile drops, and his blue eyes have captured Zuko’s. He can’t look away, not as he presses his hand gently against the side of Sokka’s face, wiping tears away with his thumb as they escape, just as Sokka had done for him yesterday.

Sokka appears just as shaken by the intimacy of it. His eyes are wide, his cheeks are red, and he looks more vulnerable than Zuko has ever seen when he whispers: “Tell me to leave, and I will.”

Zuko does not want Sokka to leave. Zuko is selfish, and cherishes Sokka’s presence, and would do anything to keep him here and in his arms. Zuko has always needed words, spoken clearly and without question, but he is starting to think that he has had rotten luck with interpreting when it comes to Sokka.

Sokka lets his actions speak for him, and always stands by what he does. Zuko decides to follow his lead, this time.

Zuko moves his hand down from Sokka’s cheek to his chin instead, gently tilting it up just a bit more, and then he kisses Sokka.

There is no doubt in Zuko’s mind as he does this, but it is still an overwhelming relief when Sokka leans up and into Zuko, kissing back just as surely. One of Sokka’s hands wraps around Zuko’s wrist, and Zuko flattens the palm of his hand against the line of Sokka’s jaw.

It’s a short kiss, but it communicates everything that they want to say. Zuko should let his actions speak for him more often. When Sokka leans back he doesn’t let go of Zuko’s wrist, so Zuko keeps his hand pressed against Sokka’s face.

Tomorrow he will talk to Sokka properly. He will ask for clarification, and explain his misunderstandings, and they will laugh, and they will wonder how this happened. Tomorrow he will ask Sokka to stay. Sokka will say yes, even if it is only temporary, and he will likely make Zuko promise to write, and Zuko will keep that promise. Tomorrow Zuko will share his fears with Sokka, how he has become distrustful of fire, and he knows that Sokka will listen and that they will move past it.

Right now, they share a short, tender silence.

Until Sokka opens his mouth. “Oh, so now you want to kiss me?”

Zuko can’t exactly argue with that, so instead he leans down to press his lips to Sokka’s once again. It’s another small, chaste kiss, but it’s not enough. Zuko kisses Sokka again, and again, and curls his hand around the back of Sokka’s neck, fingers scraping against the stubble there, and tilts his own head forward to deepen the kiss, and pours his heart into it, and only pulls away when Sokka gasps and drops his wrist.

Zuko’s cheek is sticky with the burn medicine. He’s accidentally bumped against it.

Sokka laughs, loud and joyous and contagious. Zuko can’t keep the smile off his face as he resumes his job of applying the burn medicine, taking extra care to cover the area where he’d accidentally smeared it off of Sokka.

“Why did this look so dry? You haven’t put any on it since last night, have you?”

“I did,” Sokka answers, smiling just as widely as Zuko. They must both look like complete fools. “When I got out of bed.”

It’s not completely convincing, but Sokka leans forward to press his lips to Zuko’s quickly, and it’s forgotten.

“We should get you inside and changed, before someone sees you like this.”

Zuko can’t disagree, and considers going in through his window, but decides against it. The palace will have much more people running about by now, and it would only look worse if he was caught stumbling in through his own bedroom window like a teenager returning from sneaking out past curfew. Sokka stands first, and helps pull Zuko to his feet.

“Oh man, does this mean I get a room upgrade?”

The look that Zuko gives Sokka is hopefully more annoyed than adoring. “You could have had a different room at any time, Sokka, you just had to ask.”

But before Zuko can open the door that leads to the hallway inside, Sokka reaches out to touch the necklace around his collar. He’d forgotten that he was still wearing Sokka’s necklace from yesterday, and his face burns at the bold gesture. Sokka straightens it for Zuko, letting his hands linger against his collarbone for a few extra seconds, while smiling at him innocently.

“You should wear this more often. I like it on you.”

Sokka laughs at whatever expression ends up settling itself on Zuko’s face, loudly enough that Zuko really has no other choice but to pull Sokka by the hand into his bedroom and shut the door behind them where no one can hear him.