Chapter Text
If someone put a loaded gun to Jay’s head right now and pulled the trigger, he doesn’t think he’d care much. He’d be dying a happy man.
Well, maybe not.
The thought hits him by surprise, and he finds himself scrunching his face as he cringes at the image of brain matter hitting the couch beneath him, and painting the wall next to him an awful red, chunks of brain sticking to the walls. He tenses, and nuzzles his face into Matt’s arm that he has in a vice grip, shaking his head lightly, and squeezing his eyes shut. He tightens his hold on Matt’s arm some more, and pushes farther into his side, pulling his feet up to let them rest on the still remaining room of the couch.
He always feels a little…off the morning after a nightmare induced sleep. It’s getting better, much better in fact, now that when he snaps awake at night with a gasp, he’s wrapped securely in Matt’s arms. Even if the horrific images that plague his rest are of said man, it’s comforting to know that at least this Matt is safe, and actively drooling into the pillow just an inch from Jay’s face, puffs of air falling from his slack jaw. That when he springs awake in a half-awake daze, he still has someone to gently pull him back to bed, like a grandma with dementia who’s not quite sure who or where she is.
Matt pauses his game of Ocarina of Time and sets the controller down to rest against his thigh. He peeks down at Jay, quirking an eyebrow at him.
“You okay down there, Jaybird?” he asks quietly, and begins to shift to face him properly, only stopping when Jay makes a small sound from the back of his throat. He shuffles back, allowing his feet to prop back up on the coffee table, and sinks farther into the couch to allow Jay to have more of him to lay on, who sighs happily, and pulls himself closer, setting his head onto Matt’s shoulder, still wrapped around his right arm.
“M’fine, just…” he breaks off for a moment, gathering his thoughts, his hands itching to pull to his chest, to drag his blunt nails over the skin there, and they begin to shake as he forces them to stay still. “My thoughts are just a little bad right now,” he whispers to Matt, hoping he doesn’t ask anymore questions.
Matt just hums in sympathy, bringing a hand to caress across his arm, sending a shiver down his spine, and goosebumps prickling up his skin. Matt turns slightly, wiggling his arm out of Jay’s grasp, and before Jay can make a sound of protest, slings the arm over his shoulder, and pulls him in carefully, pushing his face into Jay’s mess of curls. It’s a bit awkward, with the way Matt’s sitting upright, and Jay’s spread across the opposite side of the couch, arm trapped between the two of them, but it still feels nice. Heat radiates off Matt like a furnace, warmth seeping into Jay’s skin, settling into his bones like a blanket. Jay removes one arm to grab lightly at Matt’s left side, fisting a part of his shirt and pulling it, an attempt to reciprocate the hug. Matt huffs a laugh, a rush of air hitting the top of his head, splaying his hair into an even bigger mess.
Jay pulls back at that, and pouts up at Matt, giving his best rendition of his puppy dog eyes. Matt just stares back down at him, his lips pulled into a small smile, eyes filled with amusement, and he can feel his own lips wobble as he tries to stop a smile from breaking across his face.
“Really, Bird? You call that a hug?” Matt cackles out, and when Jay just scrunches his eyes more in mock annoyance, Matt throws his head back and laughs even harder, jostling Jay slightly where he still has an arm wrapped around him.
Jay rolls his eyes fondly, “Screw you, man,” he huffs out, even as a smile skims his features, and he turns his body in one quick motion, dropping his legs hastily into Matt’s lap, kicking the N64 controller to the ground in the process.
“Jay,” Matt whines, sobering as the gray controller clatters into the hard surface of the wooden floor. He pushes up carefully, wraps an arm around Jay’s back so he won’t fall, and bends to yank it off the ground. He inspects it for a moment, finds that nothing's wrong with it, and sets it on the coffee table.
“You’re lucky this time, Birdie,” he teases, as he slams back into the couch cushion behind him, using the arm wrapped around Jay to pull him tightly into his side, settling Jay’s head into the crook of his neck, and sets his own head on top of his. He nuzzles against his hair like a cat, and Jay breathes deeply from where his nose is smashed into his neck. He still smells like the cinnamon from the French toast earlier, which had been surprisingly good, even though it was cold by the time they were done giggling like fools in the kitchen, and actually began to eat. When Jay leans up to kiss him lightly at the side of his mouth, he finds he tastes like syrup, and his skin is still slightly sticky, having the fine motor skills of a toddler, smearing it across his face.
Matt turns his head, meeting him in the middle for a slow, chaste kiss. His lips are smooth against Jay’s, and slightly moist from where he’d licked them just moments prior. He smiles, causing them to break apart, and when Jay leans back to look up at him—he’s smiling softly at him.
“I’m glad you’ve been feeling better, Jaybird. It fucking sucked having to watch you hurt like that,” he says softly, small frown replacing his smile. He sighs lightly, looks to the side for a moment, and pulls his eyes back to Jay. “I’m just happy you’re not pushing me away anymore.”
Jay’s gut twists lightly at that, knowing that he’s not trying to be malicious, but still tugging at his heartstrings with that single phrase. He did push him away in the beginning months of him returning to 2025. Jay was still grieving, too afraid to get close to Matt again, couldn’t get that image of his crestfallen face as the lightning consumed him, and anytime he looked at him for too long all he saw was the man he betrayed a lifetime ago.
He takes a deep breath in, and yanks at Matt’s shoulders, wrapping his arms around him, setting his head back into the crook of his neck, “I know…I’m sorry. I was just so scared,” Jay whispers back to him, voice cracking slightly, and suddenly his throat feels too thick and his eyes are stinging.
Matt tsks quietly, and brings his own arms to wrap around him, hand landing softly into the back of Jay’s hair, tucking him securely into his side fully. “It’s alright, Birdie. Just please don’t do it again, okay?” he asks him gently, beginning to scratch carefully at his scalp. Jay just hums an affirmative, pushing harder into him.
Securely wrapped in Matt’s embrace like this has Jay thinking that it may have been all he ever needed. All he’s ever known was Matt, for better or worse, and after those awful few days without him, he realized all he needs is him.
As he stares blearily at the haphazardly stacked piles of rentals they haven’t returned, and probably never will, his eyes land on The Rock Horror Picture Show—and he suddenly has a marvelous idea.
“Matty, what if we got married?” he asks in one quick breath, afraid that if he doesn’t say it fast he won’t say it at all. He feels Matt tense beneath him, hears where his breath stutters in his throat, and his hand stills at the back of Jay’s head.
He wants to kick himself for even asking, for even considering Matt would want to get married to him. Matt’s been nicer, much nicer, but he knows that he isn’t the right Jay. Why would he want to get married to someone he barely knows? He thinks he knows him, but how could he? He knew a version of him, not the man who’s currently curled into his arms.
As the silence continues to permeate the air, Jay’s mind reels for a solution. He could just take it back, tell him it was all some joke, but he knows Matt would see right through it. He’s not lying, of course he’s not lying. He wants to spend every waking moment with Matt, to spend every morning wrapped in his wide, thick arms, cocooned from the world. He wants to dance in the kitchen like idiots while whatever they’re cooking burns on the stove, laughing as the smoke cuts through the air. The Rivoli plans are good too, but he wants this more than anything else.
Jay scrambles out of his arms, extracting himself from his embrace, swings his legs off his lap, and whips himself to look at him better. Matt’s already turned his own body to face him, and Jay’s stomach drops at the tears that are beginning to well up in his eyes. He’s breathing heavily, seemingly struggling to get a full breath in, and at a heavy rasp, a sob wrenches up his throat and out his mouth, and he begins to cry openly.
Jay startles and he grabs at Matt’s hands, pulling them into his own lap, rubbing his thumb soothingly over his knuckles. Matt’s face crumbles, and he begins to cry harder at that, chest heaving at the force of the sobs escaping him, bringing his head down and hunching into himself. Jay moves his hands to set onto his shoulders, ducks his head to look up at him, eyebrows scrunched in concern.
“Matt—”
“Do you really mean it?” he breathes wetly, lips wobbling and scrunching in an attempt to stop the cries from escaping him. It’s futile, the tears are still cascading down his face, sliding down his neck, and beginning to drip steadily into his lap. “Do you really wanna marry me?”
“What?” Jay asks incredulously, and he yanks at Matt’s shoulders, pulling him forward, pushing his head to fit into the junction where his shoulder meets his neck, hand sprawling against the base of his head. Matt falls limply into him, and wraps his arms weakly around Jay’s middle. “Of course I wanna marry you, Matty. What kinda question is that?” he breathes out softly, a slight chuckle escaping him at the mere assumption.
“But…but we don’t even have sex, man,” he rushes out quickly, sucking in a harsh breath. “And I’m not sure I ever want to have sex,” he wheezes out, pulling his head back from Jay’s neck to look at him, squeezing his eyes shut momentarily. When he rips them open again, more tears are forming. “And…and I’m not even your Matt, Jay. How are you sure I’m the one you want to marry?”
That causes Jay’s face to drop, and makes a sympathetic sound from the back of his throat. “Oh, Matthew,” he nearly whines out, pulling him back in gently.
“Matt, of course I want you,” he murmurs gently into his hair, rubbing soft circles into Matt’s back, who slowly melts into him again. “I miss my Matt, but…” he trails off, looking around, trying to find the right words. “But nothing’s gonna change that, MJ. He’s gone, and I don’t want you to think of yourself as a replacement,” he hisses out the last word, angry at just the thought that he’d ever try to replace him. Matt tenses, and Jay steals himself, not wanting him to think he’s mad at him.
“Matty, you're you, dude. I loved that other Matt too, more than anything, but over these past few months; I’ve found myself loving you too,” he whispers, pressing a light kiss into Matt’s hair, who pushes himself further into Jay, tightening his grip around his middle. “You’re a lot like him, obviously, but you’re still just you, and that’s what I want. You.”
Matt pulls back, sniffing roughly, and pulls his hands to his face, beginning to crudely wipe at his face. Jay grabs his wrists carefully, pulls them down, where he sets them to rest in his lap, and replaces the hands on Matt’s face with his own. He gently rubs the tears away, smiling down softly at him with what he hopes is reassuring. Matt has a small smile tugging at his own lips, even with his eyes still rimmed red and bloodshot, and he’s looking up at him shyly.
“You really mean that?” he asks softly, nervously, beginning to fidget with his hands in his lap.
“More than anything. And the whole thing about sex? It’s nice, of course, but it’s not necessary. As long as I have this; I’m set for life, ” Jay says back, cradling his face carefully, and places a quick, dry kiss to the center of Matt’s forehead.
Matt breaks out into a face splitting smile, eyes sparkling with excitement. “Of course I’ll marry you, Jaybird,” he breathes out, rushing up to push his lips against Jay’s, hands coming to rest at the back of his neck.
It’s soft, slow and deliberate, mostly tastes like tears and syrup, with a hint of cinnamon. Matt doesn’t even try shoving his tongue into Jay’s mouth like normal, just mashes his lips carefully instead, and sighs heavily through his nose. When they pull back, Matt pushes his forehead against his, just staring, until finally they both break away laughing. Jay laughs so hard he ends up sideways on the couch, clutching at his stomach as he struggles to gain his composure. Matt’s not faring much better, and when Jay looks at him, he sees him wiping tears from his eyes from their little fit. Matt turns his head, catches him staring, and begins to crawl towards him.
He drops hastily onto him, arms coming to wrap around his torso, Jay squirms to fix the position, arranges them so Matt’s legs are in between his own, pulls them back towards the armrest of the couch so he can be at a slight incline, and shoves a pillow behind his back so he doesn’t hurt too bad when they get up. Matt lays his head on his chest, takes one deep breath, and as he lets it out, melts into Jay.
“Who’s gonna take who’s last name?” Matt mumbles into his chest, cheek smashed into the material of his shirt, jumbling his words lightly.
“Well, Jay Johnson sounds kinda stupid,” he tells him, smoothing a hand down his back, and brings his foot to wrap around Matt’s ankle.
“Matt McCarroll isn’t much better,” he argues, jabbing him lightly in the ribs, and Jay snorts, squirming to get away.
“What if we just combine them?” Jay suggests, and he sets his head back against the pillow, closing his eyes, sighing in content.
Matt hums at that, as Jay lazily draws patterns into his back. He nuzzles his face harder into his chest, taking a moment's consideration, before finally replying;
“Matt and Jay Johnson-McCarroll does have a nice ring to it, doesn’t it?”