Chapter Text
Late January 18 weeks
My pregnancy was progressing well now and without issue even as the world around slowed with the cold. All the same we welcomed a new year and I equally welcomed and disdained the side effects of being pregnant. My body was changing and the usual sleeping on my stomach was no longer an option. The fatigue, the cravings, the swelling belly, achy feet, low back pains, frequent bathroom breaks, all that I read would only grow worse in the coming months were all made worth it the moment I felt it. I felt the quickening.
It was akin to scooping a small fish with the water, having it flip around in your hand, an erratic thrashing whose force is just barely perceived. I had felt it at 14 weeks, it had made me pause in my work and raised curiosity from the providers during an upland clinic day. Doctor Grayson said it was not possible, not for another few weeks, when I explained but Ruth rolled her eyes and gave me a knowing smile, she believed me and congratulated me.
The conclusion of my 6 month contract was coming to an end in a few weeks too. I had not yet told my agency supervisor about my condition. I wasn't quite sure what I wanted to do though I had a feeling. So far only a handle of folks even knew about the baby upcoming by late June.
I knew I needed to start making definitive plans. First up was a phone call I was dreading.
It was time to call and tell him. I gathered all the courage I could dialing the number.
The phone rang out. I swore it was the right time despite the hours difference. He should be done with his work by now. The more the ringing went on my nerves began to fail.
No, it needed to be done. After what seemed like ages there was a click and a cheerful voice answering.
“Hey, how are you?” I spoke, nerves making my voice tight.
“Ah, daughter! I was not expecting a call for a few more days. I had just gotten in from taking the kiddos out with Chris. Ah your poor sister, this baby is rough on her. She swears this is the last one even if it is another boy…” My father droned on as he was wont to do. He told me all about my nieces and nephews, the latest news from our community, how his lemon tree was growing that I sent him for his birthday. I listened to it all in relief that I could delay sharing my own news, even if for a few minutes. Put off being the family disappointment once again. “Dearie, you should see it. It is obviously inside right now but it's already got a few blooms forming. In February! Glory be.” he chuckled and then cleared his throat realizing he had overshared. “So daughter, what's new with you? Hows Tibby?”
This was it. I took a shaky breath.
“Tibby’s just fine. Fat as ever but uh, hey I got some news for you, Papa. Big news.” I said nervously and gave a little laugh. I swear I could hear him straighten up through the line.
“Is there somebody special?” he asked reservedly.
“Kinda” I drawled out and sighed. My father gave a grunt of acknowledgement. “Papa, please don't be mad.” I swallowed hard and braced myself. “Papa, I'm pregnant.” My heart pounded.
“How far along are you?” he asked solemnly after a moment.
“Just shy of 5 months.." I answered. Silence.
“What does Jack say?”my father continued steadily, calmly after im sure doing calculations in his mind.
“What does that matter? We’re not involved anymore and he made it very clear he has no interest in being a father so- "I tried to explain but instantly got defensive.
“HE IS DENYING THIS CHILD?!” I had to yank the phone away from my ear at my father’s unexpected outburst. “I’m going to find him. I know I’m old but not so old I can't give him a piece of my mind if I ever see him-”
“Papa, your blood pressure!” I chided, hearing him give a harumph. “But no, I haven't told Jack, Papa, he doesn't know about the baby.” I said, interrupting my father’s tirade, touched by his protectiveness though. He was getting more unbridled in his old age it seemed.
“You WHAT?!” He gave another outburst and then cleared his throat, speaking softer now. “I know you two didn't end well but this is something larger just just either of you two alone. Daughter, a man deserves to know his children. You need to-” my anger flared.
“If you know your child, Papa, you would know I'm as stubborn as you and twice as outspoken now. If I decide to tell Jack it will be my call. This is my life, remember?” I snapped at him before pinching the bridge of my noise and regaining my own composure. My father waited in silence as the family grandfather clock chimed in the background. “I know this is the way i’m supposed to do things” my voice began to waver. “I know you were hoping for another son first but what about another grandson? Or maybe finally a granddaughter?” A sob choked out the forced laugh I tried to give. There were muffled sounds but no response yet. “Papa, I know this must be a disappointment but…” I heard a sniffling, my father was crying.
“No, no daughter. A new life is never a disappointment. Are you happy?” he asked me.
“Yes, Papa, so happy.” I sniffled out.
“Then I am overjoyed for you and you have all of my support” my father said, voice bursting with pride. “Two new grandbabies in one year. Oh, to be so blessed. I will be the envy of the men’s choir.”
“Youre sure you're not mad, Papa.” I asked again, smiling but shaky emotionally, I needed reassurance.
“No, how could I ever be mad at the future mother of my grandchild. I love you, daughter.”
“I love you too, Papa.” I said, blinking away tears. We laughed for a moment together.
“Now, when are you coming home? Your contract is ending soon, yes?” he queried.
“Well, now see. About that Papa…” there was the other news to share.
///
20 weeks, February
Two weeks later I was starting to half regret my decision to stay on at the clinic for the foreseeable future. January they said was the coldest month of the year but this time it was bleeding into February. Not cold enough to freeze solid but more a wet slush and humid wind that'd seep into your clothes and bedroom.
Pittsburgh had been colder, yes, but as dated as my old apartment there had been, it was made to keep out the cold, not that I was there much then. I was always at work then. No reason to not be yet, no purpose of passing up extra shifts.
Santos had teased me when I trekked into work the first snowy day, lips nearly blue despite the scarf. I had thought surely just fifteen minutes of a walk couldn’t affect me that much but lord did my southern blood turn to syrup less than halfway through. She called me Rudolph the rest of the week from how I chapped my nose. Dana quickly pulled me into the break room and got hot coffee while my fingers thawed.
“Good lord hun, what are you doing out there in such cold dressed like that?” she had said “This is hardly more than a sweatshirt. Doesn't block the wind at all!” she fussed over me a minute more when she saw my feet, peering over her glasses. I had worn my regular shoes like I always had before. The sidewalks were clear after all, mostly. “Hun, you're going to get admitted for frostbite if you wear those sneakers again, you're lucky they didn't get wet. Get you a good pair of winter boots, leave your sneakers here and change if you insist on walking.” she stood to leave. “And get you some wool socks, keep a few pairs in your bag. They double as mittens or a scarf. Now, I'll see in ten minutes.” with a last wave of a hand in the doorway she was back to work.
Whitaker kindly made some cold weather recommendations later on in the day.
“You need a base layer, then an insulative layer, and topped by a weather proof, Now that means both water and wind.” he told me. “And wool socks. They still retain 80% of their insulative value when wet but better to keep a spare pair here too.”
“Huckleberry you sound like a real survivalist talking like that.” Santos chirped up. “You dogsled to get to school too?”
“No, just cows still got to be fed whether it's 60 or 16 degrees.” he said smiling sheepishly.
“Thank you. It'd freeze back in Texas but only for a few days at a time. Snow is almost unheard of there.” I croaked out. I wouldn’t say i was quite friends but like more so than other staff i was friendly with these two.
“Well get used to it, Rudolph.” Santos said, twiddling her pen looking off. “Need a ride home tonight?” her eyes flashed over mine with genuine concern.
“No, so long as it doesn't get worse I'll just walk again. At least ill have a hot shower at the end and not a 12 hour shift.”
“Well if they find your frozen body 10 feet from the door I can at least say I tried.” Santos quipped as she walked away. Whitaker and I rolled our eyes exchanging easy smiles.
That day I had apparently made an impression, stumbling into the department that morning with teeth chattering, because even Dr. Robby had some wise words.
“Hot hands.” he said to me, seemingly random.
“What? Is that a symptom from a patient?” I asked confusedly. He smiled and peered over his round spectacles at me, dark eyes twinkled.
“No, ‘hot hands’ for your walk. They’re these oxygen activated heat packs.” He shifted and pulled one out of his pocket, tossing in on the counter next to me. Picking it up it really was warm, like holding a hot cup of coffee. “This one has been active for a couple of hours already. Great for keeping your stethoscope warm too.”
“Thanks, these are really neat! I’ll get some.” I beamed.
“See that you do or else warn us you’re doing something foolish again and I can have a liter of hot saline ready to infuse.” Robby smiled with his eyes, giving me another amused look. ”Oh, and some wool socks. The thin merino wools are great for summer too. Dont get as smelly when on your feet all day” Robby said, turning back to his files.
“Yeah, wool socks. Got that one down for sure.” I muttered, leaving to attend to another task.
By shift's end I was bone tired and ready to be home. Already, my relief was running late but what was another 30 minutes on a 12 hour shift.
“What are you still doing here?” Jack had asked as walked up to me. My spine tingled whenever I saw him. There was something in his eye that felt familiar and the way he moved even with his bad leg gave an air of confidence of being a survivor. I felt a kinship to him even though I'm sure I never even crossed his mind outside of work. Afterall, i was just another nurse in his orbit to assist and provide care even if we did have that moment in trauma.
Did we have a moment?
Dr. Abbot had leaned over me, having me bare part of his weight to secure a tube. Feeling his chest across my back, strong arms covering me, and a leg pressed against my rear, I had not been with a man in not such a long while that such contact alone would make my heart catch but coupled with his eyes it did. The barest moment of shared glance with the physician as he worked, had me give a tiny gasped, doing my best to not intentionally lean back into him. I failed to meet his eye the rest of the code, lest he see me blushing like a novice at such benign contact, i retreated immediately upon patient stabilization.
Now after a few weeks I was able to look him firmly in the eye again but at times I still felt a blush creep onto my cheeks. Like now as I saw his eyes wander over me, covert but still noticeable up close.
“Oh just waiting until my relief gets here before heading home.” I answered, mindlessly restocking the supply cart and tidying stations, doing my best to maintain dignity under his scrutiny.
“You’re not walking home in this weather are you?” He asked.
“How do you know that I walk to work?” I asked. Jack shifted, tucking his hands in his pockets.
“Ive seen you on the block when I've pulled in. You haven't answered me though. You got a ride, right? It's supposed to start coming down here soon.” he asked with concern.
“Well I was going to take Trinity and Whitaker up but then didn’t want them to wait on me so let them head out.” I replied and looked back at Jack who just stared at me, still waiting for a plain answer. “No, I don't. Im walking home."
“Call an uber.” he said flatly, as if he were calling an order out.
“Oh that's not necessary, it would take longer to wait for a car than to just walk.” I rebuffed him with a smile. It was true but I was also just very stingy. Had been broke enough times in my life, why call a ride when you can save yourself 25 bucks and just suffer the cold for a little bit.
“Good grief”. Jack rolled his eyes and pulled out his phone, tapping on the screen. “Car will be here in 15 minutes. It can wait on you if-” I tried to protest but just then the pretty blonde young nurse came wheeling around the corner with a string of apologies for me and other staff.
“See she’s here you can cancel that ride. Report will be over and done in 5 minutes and i can just head out-” i smiled at Jack already stepping away reaching for my chart on the counter
“No, you're not.” Jack said, laying a hand on my reports, stopping me. “You’re going to give a report and then sit in that chair until the driver gets here. I don’t know your address so you’ll need to tell her that when they arrive.”
“But Dr. Abbot-” I whined.
“Dont worry about it. I’ve paid for it already, not going to put my money to waste are you?” Jack’s hazel eyes sparkled. He knew my weakness, obligation to others. I straightened my back.
“Fine, ill take the ride. Thank you.” I acquiesced. Jack chewed his lip in a smile and released the papers.
“Good girl. I'd hate to have to write you up for defying orders.” Jack said leaning in, jest in his voice but all the same it made my stomach clench and my cheeks flush at his mixed praise. Jack had blushed to as if the words had come out unchecked. He shifted on his feet half turning to go but “Oh and get yourself a pair of-”
“Wool socks, yes I know.” I sighed out, rolling my eyes. They were already on order online.
“Oh, no I was going to say earmuffs. But yeah wool socks if you insist on walking again it better not be on my shift.” He checked his phone again. “Car will be here soon. Have a safe night, ok? Supposed to be a bad one.” He said turning away with a wave.
“I’m going to pay you back.” I hollered after him.
“Not a chance!” he dismissed with a wave
//
My current retrofitted apartment leaked heat like a sieve it seemed or maybe being pregnant made me more sensitive. Either way I did not want to leave my bed with its electric blanket to go to the uplands today. It was drizzling and gray outside, still dark when my alarm went off.
No spring and summer, those were my seasons. The budding warmth blossoming into a dazzling heat with days growing long under bright sunshine.
I rolled onto my back in bed, hitting snooze on my alarm. I rubbed my belly, the life inside bouncing about, awakened from my movement. They were a summer creation. Formed in a sticky heat that even at its best the old window AC unit couldn’t quite keep up with at the day’s zenith. I resented not having the opportunity to truly cuddle up tight with Jack. After love making we'd quickly spread back out, leaving only our feet touching under a thin flat sheet lest we become like two damp frogs, croaking for water.
No, Jack and I were a warm season love affair. I closed my eyes, allowing myself the indulgence of remembering our brief happiness, thinking when the days- and nights- were much hotter.
//
In the evenings there was often a breeze that made it tolerable once the sun began to cast long shadows across the city. We'd take our meals on the small balcony I had sometimes then. Once the sun drooped down low enough my side of the building cooled quickly. The breeze carried the mingled sounds of the city many stories below. Somewhere I could hear live music while Jack and I talked over our meal.
I had worked but it was his day off, we had the whole evening to do as we please and on this hot June day was simply to sit and watch the sunset. How quickly the bottle of wine was drunk and our grasped hands on the table began to hold more than each other's fingers.
“Jack, what if somebody sees?” I giggled at him between kisses as he pulled me to his lap. My legs astride him and the chair. He was already bunching up my linen dress to my hips.
“Then they will be very jealous as I have the most beautiful woman in my arms.” he said with a smirk before kissing down my neck. The feeling made my head loll back.
“Jack though really, we can just go-” I began to say, rising from him but Jack had pulled me back down, grinding his pelvis into mine, my bare skin flush against the bulging denim. He reached over from my hip and began to softly circle my clit with his thumb. I gasped, sinking against him, his lips still making trails over my throat and exposed shoulders, teeth gently setting themselves on my clavicle. Quickly any protests ceased and turned into low moans as he worked my body up, winding me so tight my brain found it hard to think of anything but- oh god- how good this felt, with just his thumb.
“Do you really want to go inside? We’d have to stop for a bit to get there.” Jack whispered into my ear and to punctuate his point he stopped the pleasurable motion of his hands, just holding the pressure. I whimpered.
“No, Jack, here. Let me have you here.” I replied needily and reached down undoing his jeans to free his full erection, Jack fumbled in his pocket giving me a condom that I hastily put on him. Rising, I took him within in one smooth motion, moaning against his neck again. Jack cradled my head in a large hand, pulling my hair aside, his other set firmly on my ass, ensuring the hem of my dress covered us. From a distance it just looked like we were cuddling but had been close enough one could easily see the slow motion of our hips as we moved together. Oh he felt so good, massaging the deepest part of me and making me pant his name and dig my fingers into his shoulders.
He grunted, calling my name and saying hold on as he clutched me tight to his chest, thrusting up into me, I couldn't help but give a little cry at the sudden change of delightful sensation. Oh he drove himself into me again and again until I could begin to feel myself unravel.
“Yeah cum on that cock, for me. Let everybody know how much you like it, my beautiful, beautiful girl." Clenching tight around him, I braced as an orgasm swept over me, stifling my shriek, biting into his meaty shoulder and pulling the cotton of his shirt between my teeth. Jack grabbed my hips making what we were doing very obvious for about 30 seconds, his face turning red and panting then letting a heavy grunt rise from his throat, slamming me back down onto the twitching cock as he came
“Fuck. easy, babe” Jack hissed, If Jack didn't want a bruised shoulder he shouldn't have fucked me so good but i released my jaw all the same. It was below the collar, he had nothing to worry about. Even if it did show the department gossip mill had been slow lately, might as well spice things up a bit I mused.
His movements became languid again as our bodies came back down from such a high, rolling my hips over his, feeling his cock still stiff but losing the rigidity it had a few moments before. I laid my head back to his shoulder, lightly touching the red marked framed with perfect dental impressions. He smoothed my hair with one hand and gave a kiss to my forehead.
“Hey Jack?” i cooed.
“Yes?” he asked without looking, just leaning his soft jaw against my head.
“This is really great.” i said softly, peering up at his handsome face.
“The post-coital cockwarming?” she said with a lazy smile stroking my cheek.
“No, you dirty old man.” I laughed a little, the movement making him give a small moan. “All of this. Its really great doing all of this, with you. I cant remember a time before where i was so happy.”
“Well, i aim to keep it this way. I want you happy.” he spoke softly.
“You’re happy too? Right” i sat up, shuddering from his girth, though now softened, shifting within me, he drew tight a breath too.
“Very much so. More than I ever thought possible again.” he said reaching out to hold my face and kissed me softly, his hazel eyes fixed on mine. “Now let's get inside. Condom starting to make a mess.”
//
Yes, that summer proved to be a much stickier season for many reasons.
Rolling to my side I could hardly believe that my life had changed so much in less than half a year with more changes due sooner than later, again.
I had him then in the warmth. Now it was just me and the life growing inside…and Tibby, who was pressing her head against my hands, pawing at the sheets. Lifting them, she burrowed under the blanket curling up against my thickening waist. It could still be hidden by heavy winter clothes and baggy sweatshirts for now but soon it would be obvious that I was pregnant and alone in this endeavour.
No family nearby, no friends, no partner to speak of but I had had enough change for a while. I didn't want to move again. I would stay here, have the baby take a few months off and reassess then what would be done. My sister would have a new baby of her own again and need all hands on deck with the other four kids. I could handle hunkering down for a few months to get my mothering legs down.
I knew i could.
My phone blinked with an alert. It was a text from the sheriff.
“Hey on account of the weather report doc asked if i’d drive you to Ruth's to deliver some extra supplies this afternoon. Can I take you to lunch before we go?”
I found myself smiling at the screen as I typed back a “sure, let me pay for the fuel since i cant for the fuel.”
“You already did #TAXES.” Sheriff Ariq replied. Rolling my eyes, I would make him let me pay for our lunch. I had to keep things friendly but not flirty. Ariq had been toeing the line of platonic professionalism and something more now for a few weeks since the horse incident. Being sure to bring lunch for me if Bethany begged him to bring something from Sally’s. He even stopped by and fixed the stuck window when I mentioned it in passing. He looked at me softly when we found ourselves together but when I looked at his face I could not help but think of Jack.
Give it time, I told myself. He doesn't know what he’d be signing on for yet. Maybe he’d be willing to step up. maybe I could love him. maybe we could be happy but i didnt need a lover. I needed friends.
“Maybe we won't be alone in this after all but we got things to sort out first don't we?”I said to my belly, feeling the life inside kick away. “Thats right. Babies, before maybes.”