Chapter Text
So, I dont’t see left, although I do. It’s just incredibly confusing. At first it was just a black spot, but now it’s completely vanished. Well, that’s what people tell me. I don’t see a difference. They say my peripherial vision is just less broad. However, apparently I do see left, I just don’t register it and therefore completely neglect that side. Hence the name of a ngelct on the left side.
After my aphasia had subsided with the help of all the speech therapy and the kind doctors, I wasn’t yet allowed to leave the hospital despite it being over a month of me practically living there. The problem -which I didn’t see as a problem- was that I still saw Tyler everywhere. In the beginning I could tell the real Tyler apart from the others thanks to our link, but after a while I knew the doctor and the nurses, as well as my visitors, had picked up upon the short sentence, so our secret link wasn’t as secret anymore. Which resulted in me being paranoid as hell. Now I know they wouldn’t have used it, but try to tell that to a confused Josh.
Luckily after a while, I was able to tell people better apart and I would believe them if they said who they where when I thought they were Tyler. However, there was still one problem.
Brendon. Fucking. Urie.
We weren’t exactly sure why, but everytime I saw him my brain switched him for Tyler. And in contrast to the other people, my brain simply didn’t believe him when I was said he was Brendon. Every time it happend went along with me having a major anxiety attack -which were hellish because I didn’t trust Tyler so he couldn’t calm me down- or me being very frustrated and lashing out to Brendon, Tyler or a nurse, what in turn resulted again in a mental breakdown. It must’ve been hell for Brendon. And Tyler.
We weren’t sure what caused the confusion, but in hindsight we think it’s because all the memories shared together in combination with the dark hair and the dark eyes. Nowadays I sometimes still see Brendon as Tyler to which he will just accept it and try to focus my mind on other things so Brendon being Brendon pops up in the subconscious part of my haywire brain and I don’t see him for Tyler anymore. It took a while to figure out that tactic, but it works and it’s better than getting Tyler everytime followed by me getting incredibly confused with seeing two Tylers.
In hindsight we see the humor in the situation and Brendon still grabs every opportunity to remind me of the whole ordeal.
So, that was some recap time. Things are better now.
We’re touring again. I would love to say everything is as it has always been, but a few adjustments have been made and are different
We didn’t change the drum set-up as I remember most of it and because it would be a pain in the ass to erase all my muscle-memory. However, we did change on stage positions. I’m stage left now and Tyler is stage right. Well, his piano is. He’s still running, jumping and falling around everywhere on stage anyways, but I can see the majority of the audience now whilst also seeing Tyler. Which is obviously the most important thing in the world.
Some of the crew have been fired because they would share every little bump we encountered -with discovering how my life got affected- with the press, but luckily our main guys stayed true to us. I don’t even think they’ve gotten a briefing, but they understand it’s better if the way around the venue consists mostly of right-corners and if the way back signs on the wall are not on my left. I stick to the layed out paths now. It has happened a couple of times I was incredibly stubborn and started wandering around the venue on my own, which resulted in me not being able to find the way back and Tyler being stressed out even before he started singing about it on stage. The plus side to it however, were the reunifications. I won’t go into detail about those, but I’ll keep those memories incredibly close and cherish them forever.
Another thing I’ll keep close to me from now on forever, is the engraved pendant Tyler has given me. I’m not sure about the exact reason he’s given it, because there are a few. However, it makes me feel more at ease when he’s not in close proximity to me and it can keep my hands busy. Twiddling with it, letting my fingers travel over the smooth surface, fiddling with the chain. It makes it easier to let my mind wander off, although it’s very likable the brain injury plays its part in that as well. Things like a short concentration span and forgetting little details easily aren’t rare.
“Josh? Are you ready to go?”
Tyler. That’s Tyler. The one and only.
I notice my heart skips a beat, obviou... Hold on. Where are we actually going, I can’t even bloody remember that.
My confusion must be readable off my face as Tyler rushes to continue.
“Hey no worries. I haven’t told you yet what we’re actually going to do. However I’m too excited to keep it a surprise so... What do you think of the three following words combined.” Anticipation written all over his face and the lights in his eyes makes me want to come with him already. “Picnic. Rooftop. Sunset.” I let out a squal in my head.
“That sounds absolutely lovely.” Is the only thing I can come up with other than a whole rumble of inconsistent words. And he knows that. And I know he thinks that’s okay.
“I know right” He says with the cheesiest grin I’ve ever seen. “I only have to grab a couple more cushions. Bloody wait for me. Don’t you dare to go on that rooftop without me because I want to see your reaction. Be right back.” And he rushes off whilst blowing a kiss.
I can’t help but smile as I twiddle with the pendant once more and let my thumb slide over the engravement.
Life has a hopeful undertone