Chapter Text
"That was the best movie I've ever seen in my life."
"You've seen other movies?" Gwen asked.
"You've seen other movies!" Daniel said defensively, as he downed the last of the vodka in his bottle. "And none of them were probably as good as that one! Unless they had more deaths. You said the sequels had more deaths, can we watch those?"
Gwen let out a laugh. "I already told you, Campbell won't give us money for more DvDs."
Daniel reached over and pressed a finger to her lips. "No, shh, we have to watch the sequels. We...we have to!"
"We can't afford them," Gwen said with a giggle as she pushed his hand away.
Daniel felt silent for a moment, deep in thought. "We could sell something and use that money to buy more."
"Oh, yeah?" Gwen asked. "What could we sell?"
Daniel took another sip of vodka as his gaze traveled around the cabin. "...That radio. On the windowsill."
Gwen laughed again. "That old thing? It doesn't get any stations and David got one of his CDs stuck in it, so unless you know a hardcore fan of 'Pocketful of Sunshine', I doubt we'd get shit for it."
"Pocket of what now?" Daniel asked, raising an eyebrow.
Gwen looked at him in surprise. "Don't tell me you didn't listen to music during your cult days?"
"I listened to music," Daniel said. "But like...religious stuff."
Gwen's eyes widened as she rose to her feet and crossed the room. "Okay, okay, we have to fix that. Right now."
She stopped in front of the radio, and gave the on-switch a flick with her finger. The usual silence of the cabin was instantly broken by the peppy lyrics that poured from the speakers and Gwen did a giddy spin before she re-approached the couch. "Come on, Daniel, dance with me!"
Daniel made an attempt to push her away, but the smile on his face and the drunken giggles he attempted to hide behind the hand with his now-empty bottle were quick to give away his true intentions. "Nooo, dancing's illegal."
"Illegal?" Gwen asked.
"The..." Daniel raised a finger as if he were attempting to silence her again. "I...can't remember words. The...the ones. The ones who say it's illegal."
"Haha, you're drunk," Gwen said, and gently pressed a finger to his nose in a playful gesture. "You can't even remember what your Gods are called!"
Daniel gave her a pout and swiped her hand away. "You can't remember what they're called! Anyway, they said I can't dance. Because it's illegal."
"Hey...hey, Daniel?" Gwen said, her voice low as she leaned in close to his ear. "Hey, guess what?"
"What?" Daniel asked, his voice just as low.
"I won't tell if you don't," Gwen said, her words followed by a sneaky laugh.
"That sounds inappropriate," Daniel said, making a face.
"Ew, it does, doesn't it?" Gwen said. "That was an accident. But dancing's fun. Come on, dance with me. Be a rebel and break more of Papa Xemug's rules! Or...the Ancient Ones' rules...Look, I just want to fucking dance, okay?"
Daniel chuckled and let his empty bottle fall to the cabin floor as he rose to his feet. "Fine, but only because you were right about the movie and the alcohol being fun. Because those were really fun. But you have to promise me something if I dance with you."
"Yeah, alright."
Daniel leaned in close to her. "Never tell Gwen I said she was right," he said in a loud whisper. "She'll never let me live it down."
Gwen laughed and took his hands. "Deal!"
Daniel laughed in return as she began to spin with him to the beat of the song that was bursting from the radio's speakers. The motion was ridiculous and silly and the song peppy and annoying with lyrics to match, but Daniel could feel a rush of adrenaline swelling up inside him as the two of them danced around the cabin in a giggling mess.
It had to be the alcohol making him act so foolish. That would definitely explain the headache that had begun to form after the bottles of vodka he had consumed and the fact that his feet were suddenly not doing what he wanted them to do. But he continued to spin with Gwen to the beat of the catchy song that surrounded them, and even laughed with her as the two of them constantly stepped out of rhythm due to their inebriated state.
"God, you really do suck at dancing," Gwen said.
"I told you, we weren't allowed to do it!" Daniel protested. "God, we weren't allowed to do anything fun, were we? Except murder kids. That's fun. I really hate kids, Gwen."
"You're the worst, dude," Gwen said with a smile. "But you're actually kind of fun when you're drunk."
"And you're fun when you're not calling me names that are references I don't understand," Daniel said, smiling in return.
"What about when I'm insulting you for being a murderer?" Gwen asked.
"Oh, I don't care about that," Daniel said. "Murdering is great."
"You're the worst," Gwen said. "Wait, I said that already. And you said that, too."
"We're doing stuff we've done before?" Daniel's eyes went wide as he came to a stop. "Gwen, it's like that movie when the kid had a vision. Are we going to die?"
"Yes," Gwen said, her tone serious as she pulled him closer. "It's too late for us, pal. Death will be knocking on our door at any moment."
Daniel's eyes went wide as he held onto her shoulder. "Should we fight back?"
"We could," Gwen said. "Or...we could go to the Mess Hall and break into the secret snack stash that David and I have hidden from the campers. I don't know about you, but I don't want to die on an empty stomach."
"That's a good point," Daniel said as they approached the cabin door. "But what if death tries to get us before we reach the Mess Hall?"
"Well...then maybe we can throw the platypus at Death, while we run the other way," Gwen suggested.
"I like that idea," Daniel said. "I hate that little freak of nature almost as much as I hate kids."
--------------
"I love spray cheese. And vodka. I love spray cheese and vodka."
Gwen made a noise of agreement as she placed another piece of candy in her mouth. "Great combo. Whoever invented it is a genius."
"Smartest person ever..." Daniel said, and held the bottle of spray cheese up in the air above his head. "This is to the smart people. May they always be smart and...not dumb."
"Aw, man, we should have done this while we were watching the movie!" Gwen said with an unhappy groan. "Snacks? Drinks? Movies? That would have been so fun!"
Daniel looked over from his spot on the floor to the spot that Gwen had claimed. "I take it back, you're the smartest person ever."
"You wouldn't say that if you weren't hammered," Gwen said, and reached over to touch his face. "You'd be...you'd be killing kids."
Daniel chuckled softly. "Yeah, you're right. Did I say that killing kids was fun yet? It's so fun..."
"Yeah, like five times. Dickhead."
Daniel fell silent, his groggy stare back on the ceiling as the song that had been looping for God-knows-how-long continued to play. He had downed a few more bottles of vodka since the movie and their perilous quest to the Mess Hall for snacks (luckily, neither death nor the platypus had crossed their paths) and he was beginning to feel this odd, floating sensation that spread from his chest to his fingertips to his head and then to the rest of his body.
Was this how it felt to be drunk? Giggly, happy, floating... It was so odd to him, like the way he would behave when he wanted to trick children, only the feelings of giddiness weren't fabricated. Odd, but...not necessarily in a bad way.
The vodka had been a choice that had resulted in fun. The movie had been a choice that had resulted in fun. The dancing, the junk food...
Today had been...fun. Spending time with Gwen had been...fun. Or, at the very least, it had left him without that feeling of overwhelming annoyance towards her mere existence.
He looked over at her. "...Hey, Gwen?"
"Yeah, Drunky McMurder Pants?"
"You weren't even trying with that one," Daniel said with a giggle.
"Shut up, vodka makes my nickname game weak," Gwen said. "What did you want?"
"...You're smart," he said slowly.
Gwen looked over at him. "You said that already. I mean, I'm flattered, but..."
"No, I mean," Daniel continued. "You're smart. You have two degrees. You're a no-nonsense girl. Why work at a camp like this? I mean, this place is awful. But you have the choice to leave. So why don't you?"
Gwen was silent for a moment as she finished eating another piece of candy. "It's because the real world sucks, that's why."
Daniel raised an eyebrow and looked at her again. "Care to elaborate?"
"Gladly," Gwen said. "See, when it comes to being an adult in the real world, you're screwed from the moment you get out of high school. You want to go to college? You need a job to pay for everything. Want a job? You need college experience. Oh, but not too much, because then you're overexperienced. So the only jobs you can really get at that point are shitty retail and fast food ones, where everyone is rude and obnoxious and you can't tell them off for it, because then you'll lose your shitty job. And a shitty job is still better than no job, because at least you're getting some money."
She took a drink. "And then there's this fucking camp, where the owner is shady as all Hell and doesn't give two shits about who he hires, so long as they don't ask too many questions and they do their job. It seemed pretty ideal for someone fresh out of community college and stuck in that 'shitty retail and fast food job' loop. At least, that's what I thought until I actually got the job. Now I'm stuck here in the middle of some rundown camp and unable to get another job, no matter how hard I try."
"That sucks," Daniel said.
"It does, but not always," Gwen said. "I got one of the best and most supportive coworkers in the world, the kids are...alright when they want to be, and hey...I guess I now have a new drinking buddy, too. So there's some good things about this place."
"Buddy?" Daniel asked. "You really consider us friends?"
"It's an expression, dude," Gwen said. "I definitely wouldn't consider you my friend. But you are fun to drink with."
Daniel gave her a knowing smile. "Glad to hear we're on the same page. I don't need friends, but...today has definitely been fun. More fun than I've had in a long time."
"Well, I'm glad I could help," Gwen said with a smile. "Hey, how long has this song been playing?"
"I don't know," Daniel said. "It's annoying, though."
"Should I turn it off?"
"No, it's the best song ever!"
"Right?!" Gwen said. "It's so good!"
"So good!" Daniel repeated loudly. "Why is everything you've shown me today the best thing ever?"
"Because a lot of it was your first experience with music and movies outside of your religious stuff, so you have nothing else to compare it to?" Gwen guessed.
"...Yeah, probably," Daniel said.
"Hello? Gwen? We're back!"
Both lifted their heads and looked towards the cabin door at the sound of David's voice. "Aww, fun's over," Daniel whined as he sat up.
Gwen chuckled and rose to her feet. "Come on, we'd better go greet them."
"Do we have to?" Daniel whined. "Can't I just stay here on the floor? It's comfortable and my feet don't work when I try to walk."
Gwen laughed and offered a hand to him. "I'll help you. Come on."
With a pout, he took her hand and let her pull him to his feet. He snaked an arm around her shoulder and the two of them headed outside and around to the front of the cabin as David and the group approached from the hiking trail.
"Sorry we took so long," David said as they came to a stop before the cabin. "We hit a bit of a snag during the hike-"
"We got held hostage by rebel squirrels," Max said bitterly. "For FIVE. HOURS."
"Now, Max, 'held hostage' is a bit of an over-exaggeration," David said nervously. "But...yeah, the hike didn't go quite as expected."
"The squirrels tried to overthrow my rule," the Quartermaster said. "So I killed some of them to prove a point. Turns out that just makes them mad."
"Haha, I've been there!" Daniel said loudly, a wide smile across his face. "Too bad none of you died!"
Gwen snickered and pushed him. "Shut up, you can't say that, asshole!"
"You let me earlier!" Daniel whined.
"Yeah, well, I'm not letting you now!"
The group stared at them, looks of confusion on their faces. "Gwen, what's going on? Did everything go okay?" David asked uncertainly.
"Oh, yeah, we had the BEST time!" Gwen said happily. "I taught Danny Boy here how to have some fun!"
"David..." Daniel said slowly, as he let go of Gwen's shoulder and staggered towards David. "David...I know we've had our differences, but I just want you to know that..." he placed a hand on David's shoulder, "you are the most annoying person in the world and I hate you. But-" he leaned closer to David's ear, his voice lowering to a whisper. "-I feel like I should tell you this as a coworker: your vest is...way too small. I don't know if you know that, but it is."
He had barely finished the sentence before he melted down in a fit of giggles while David stared at him in disturbed confusion. "Gwen, is he drunk?" he asked.
"Oh, my God, is he drunk?!" Max repeated with hopeful surprise. "Please fucking tell me he's drunk!"
"Hell yeah I am!" Daniel said happily. "If the Ancient Ones were real, they'd be SO pissed at all the fun I had today! And I don't even care! Because it was AWESOME!"
"Yeah, you tell him, Daniel!" Gwen said cheerfully. "Unless you start insulting him, then I'll smack you."
"Aww, now you're no fun!" Daniel whined.
"Oh, my God, this absolutely makes up for the shitty ass hike," Max said, a wide smile forming on his face. "This is the best day of my life. Hold on, where's that phone?! I have to record this!"
He began to dig around in his sweater pockets for a moment before he pulled out a familiar cellphone and turned on the camera. "Hey, Daniel, say some more drunk stuff!"
Daniel looked towards Max and shuffled towards him. "You want me to say stuff? I'll say stuff. You're an annoying brat and you ruined my life and...you..." His voice trailed off as his gaze landed on Max's hair. "...soft hair. You have really soft hair."
Max snickered and took a step back as Daniel tried to reach for his hair. "Oh, my God, he really is drunk!"
"Cool!" Nikki said. "Do me next, Daniel! Say some drunk stuff about me!"
"You are..." Daniel said slowly. "...Actually, I don't know much about you, Nikki. You just kinda eat everything you can get your hands on and smell like dirt...Dirt's gross. Why do you smell like it? Take a bath, you disgusting child."
Nikki let out a giggle. "Cool! Being drunk makes him fun!"
"Haha, fun," Daniel said with a smile. "I had so much fun today!"
"Now, kids, don't encourage him," David said. "Alcohol abuse is a very serious thing and should be avoided if you can help it. And drinking in moderation is very important. Also...is that my cellphone?"
"I stole it when the squirrels tied us up and attempted to cook us," Max explained.
"Now, Max, you promised to stop stealing it," David scolded. "I'm very disappointed in you."
"Oh, are you saying I should stop filming Daniel making an ass of himself?" Max asked, an eyebrow raised.
David stared at him for a moment, but did not respond. Instead, he turned his attention back to Gwen. "Gwen, I told you to keep an eye on Daniel, not get him drunk! ...What if he was...you know, indecent with you?"
"Aww, David," Gwen said fondly as she stumbled over to him. "You're so sweet, caring for me. It's why I love you, pal. But you know that if he had done anything like that, I would have snapped him in half like a twig. Just like..." She made a snapping sound with her mouth, and made a motion as if she were breaking a stick in half.
David couldn't help but smile at her words. "Well, I guess you do have a point. But...you really had fun with him today?"
"Hell yeah I did," Gwen said happily. "That pain-in-the-ass actually has a fun side! Can you believe it?!"
David looked towards Daniel, who had drunkenly stumbled through the group of kids before he fell to his knees in front of Space Kid. "Heyyy, kiddo. Did you do what I asked?"
"I'm sorry, Daniel!" Space Kid said sadly. "I couldn't remember if you said I should push Max off a cliff or if I shouldn't! Plus I...didn't really want to push him. And David said it would be mean..."
Daniel gently patted the side of his helmet. "Hey, it's alright, buddy. You're a good kid, and you should be proud of that. You have so much more potential than any of the other brats here and the fact that you wouldn't compromise your morals for anyone is admirable."
Space Kid smiled at him. "Aw, thanks!"
"No, I mean it," Daniel said, and hugged him tightly as tears began to form at the corner of his eyes. "You're just...such a good kid. Why can't all kids be as good as you, and not make me want to kill them instead?"
"Oh, my fucking lord, he's actually crying now," Max said gleefully, the phone's camera still aimed at Daniel. "This is the best day of my life. Who wants a copy of this? I won't even charge for it, just someone find a way to get this online!"
"You know where my computer is," Neil said.
"I'll take one," Nurf said.
"I'm down," Ered added.
David shook his head, but the smile on his face only grew larger. "Alright, everyone. I think we've all had a long day, and we should head to the mess hall for dinner. And as for my intoxicated co-counselors, I think the two of you should retire to the cabin for the rest of the night."
"No work!" Daniel said happily. "Nice! Max is right, this is the best day ever."
"Sorry, David," Gwen said apologetically. "I was just trying to get him to loosen up."
"It's alright, Gwen," David assured her. "You didn't do anything wrong. At the end of the day, the most important thing is that everyone had fun!"
"Yeah, none of us had fun on that hike," Max pointed out.
"...Well, are you having fun now?" David asked.
"...Fair enough," Max said, and finally turned off the camera. "What's for dinner?
David beamed. "Quartermaster, could you please lead the way? I'll join you after I help my co-counselors to their beds."
"Damn cultist," the Quartermaster grumbled as he ushered the kids along. "Can't even handle his alcohol properly... Makin' me waste my day... Ain't got no time to go get my new hooks now."
"Daniel, I have to go to dinner," Space Kid said, and attempted to remove himself from Daniel's clingy grasp. "But we can look at the stars after dinner, if you want."
"Stars..." Daniel said softly, as he let his arms fall to his side. "That sounds nice. We should do that."
"Daniel has to go to bed early tonight, Space Kid," David said, as he helped Daniel to his feet. "But the two of you can look at stars tomorrow!"
Space Kid's smile widened as he hurried after the other campers, while Daniel let himself fall against David. "No, bring him back..." he whined. "He's better than you...Heh...Get it?"
David shook his head as he lead him towards where Gwen had also fallen to her knees. "Now, I don't approve of this behavior at all. But at least your insults are not as mean as they used to be."
"You're...not as mean as you used to be," Daniel said, in a failed attempt to insult him.
"I'll take that as a compliment," David said, as he offered a free hand to Gwen. "Need some help?"
"I can walk," she insisted, and stood up. "I'm fine. Take care of...that guy."
Daniel let out a giggle. "She can't come up with nicknames. Because of the vodka."
"You head on back to your side of the cabin, then," David told her. "Be sure to drink plenty of water! I'll be over to check shortly."
"You got it, hot shot," Gwen said, and formed both her hands into a finger gun motion as she drunkenly backed away. "Stay cute!"
David's face flushed a bit as he watched her go, before he helped Daniel into their side of the cabin. "She must've had fun if she's that giggly. What did you two do?"
"We..." Daniel stopped for a moment to think. "Movie. There was a movie. People died. It was fun!"
David stared at him for a moment. "You really did have fun, didn't you?"
"Gwen's fun," Daniel said with a wide smile. "She's great. Don't tell her I said that."
David couldn't hold back a laugh as he helped Daniel into bed. "She is pretty great, huh?"
"She introduced me to..." Daniel listed off the items on his finger. "Drinking, movies, dancing...good food. David, David, have you ever had spray cheese? It's so GOOD!"
David chuckled. "Yes, I've had it. I take it Gwen showed you where our snack stash was located?"
"Snacks are so good, David!" Daniel said passionately. "Dancing is fun! Movies are fun! Gwen is fun!"
A fond smile formed on David's face as the blush from before returned. "Yeah, Gwen's amazing."
Daniel stared at him for a moment before his eyes went wide. "...David, do you like Gwen?"
"What?!" David said, his smile replaced with a look of shock. "I-I mean, of course I like her. She's so smart and funny and nice, and she's a great co-counselor-"
"No, no, no," Daniel said, and leaned close to him with a grin that would make the Cheshire Cat blush. "You liiiike her, don't you?"
Biting his lip, David stood up straight and hurried towards the door. "I'd, uh, I'd better go check on the campers at the mess hall. You need to rest, anyway."
"You should tell her," Daniel said as he settled against the pillow. "If you like her, I mean. I mean, she's incredibly annoying, but nice. And you're incredibly annoying, but nice, too! You're perfect for each other and you should tell her if you like her. Because then you can be annoying but nice...together!"
David stopped in the doorway. "...You know, you're a lot more insightful and a lot less threatening when you're drunk."
"Yeah, vodka's amazing!" Daniel said. "I haven't been this happy since my time at the last camp when I watched all the kids reach ascension! That was a fun day..."
"And you're back," David said, shaking his head. "At least you and Gwen enjoyed yourselves today."
"Talk to her, David!" Daniel said in a sing-song voice as David headed back outside. "Sweep her off her feet! Or have her sweep you off yours because you're a weakling with twig arms."
---------------------
"I'm dead. I'm dead and you killed me with vodka, you horrid bitch."
"Oooh, breaking out the 'b' word?" Gwen asked with a weak laugh as she propped herself against the bathroom door. "Also you are the biggest fucking lightweight I've ever met."
"I am never trusting you again," Daniel said with a groan. "Last night was awful. The worst of my life. Vodka was a huge mistake and I regret every sip."
"I don't remember you saying that," Gwen said. "I remember you saying over and over that you had a lot of fun and that you were glad you listened to me."
"I said nothing of the sort!" Daniel argued. "Also I had a dream about a plane and explosions that I'm pretty sure were caused by that stupid movie!"
"Normally, when you get as drunk as you claim to be, you don't dream," Gwen pointed out. "And as for the movie thing, I seem to remember you saying over and over that you loved it and it was your favorite."
Daniel cast her a dirty glare. "How do you remember that? Also, how are you not suffering from this?"
"Because I've drank worse than a couple of Smirnoffs in the past," Gwen pointed out. "Again, you are a HUGE lightweight, dude."
Daniel opened his mouth to retort, but only ended up emptying the contents of his stomach into the toilet he was curled around. "I feel like I drank rat poison again."
"Yeah, sorry about that," Gwen said with genuine regret in her voice. "I should've had you drink some water between the vodkas. That's on me."
"You're the worst," Daniel muttered weakly. "You're the worst and I hate you."
"The feeling's mutual, pal," Gwen said. "But...I did have fun yesterday."
"Well, how lucky for you," Daniel said bitterly.
"I had fun, and I think you did too," Gwen said. "You just don't want to admit it."
"Oh, so you suddenly know me after a night of drinking?" Daniel asked. "Just go babysit the brats, I don't need your sympathy."
Gwen stared at him for a moment before turning to leave. "Alright. Then I guess you don't want to hear about what I'm doing later today."
"I don't," Daniel said. "Go away."
"I'm heading into town with the Quartermaster while he goes to get his new hooks," Gwen said, ignoring him. "Apparently a new pawn shop opened up there, and they take old radios, no matter how busted."
"What makes you think I care?" Daniel asked.
"Because I was thinking of taking in the radio on my side of the cabin and maybe using the money I get with it to get a cheap copy of the sequels," Gwen said. "I figured I could stock up for the next time the two of us are stuck at camp together again. And as for the dancing...I could just get the music on my phone. Honestly in retrospect, I have no idea why we have the radio at all."
Daniel looked at her with another bitter expression. "Yeah, well...who says I wanted to watch them with you? Who says I want to do anything with you anymore?"
Gwen raised an eyebrow. "So you don't want to watch the movies where people get impaled, burned, crushed, and killed by a nail gun with me?"
Daniel pouted a bit. "...Is there really a death involving a nail gun?"
"Third movie. Seriously, I'm willing to bet that it'll be your favorite out of the bunch."
Daniel was silent for a moment. "...Fine, whatever, get the movies. But I'm not drinking again."
"Fair enough," Gwen said. "Next time, I'll have to introduce you to soda instead. I'll even get you the grape flavor, Sullivan Knoth."
"And we're back to the ridiculous nicknames," Daniel said with a scowl.
"You know it," Gwen said. "Though, I'm not really proud of that one. The game was awful."
Daniel let out an annoyed groan as he once again emptied his stomach. "Fine, whatever, just leave me alone."
"Alright, alright," Gwen said. "Oh, one more thing?"
"What?"
"...David asked me out this morning."
"Ew."
"He says you talked him into it," Gwen said, a smile forming. "Did you?"
"I have no memory of the things I said or did last night," Daniel said. "Anything I did say was the result of too much vodka in my system and I take it all back now."
Gwen chuckled softly. "Well, if you did, then thank you. Honestly, I was...kind of wanting to ask him out for a while. But I wasn't sure if he liked me in that sense. So, I appreciate you kind of...playing the wing man for us, so to speak. The very drunken wing man."
"Does it look like I care about your romantic life?" Daniel asked. "Leave me alone!"
Gwen held up her hands defensively. "Okay, geez. If we start making out, I'm going to make sure we do it in your bed just to piss you off."
"Just so long as that's all you do!" Daniel said. "I may have stepped outside my comfort zone in more ways than one last night, but that's the last thing I want to be exposed to!"
Gwen laughed again as she finally left him alone to once again empty his stomach of the previous night's contents. Never again...