Chapter Text
love is foreign territory to tyler.
it's an extremely powerful emotion, tyler knew that much. in the way it could launch you, tug you, juggle you around like putty between its fingers. it could drive you to do things you'd never do in your right mind, say things you thought you wouldn't either.
for example, the phrase: "i love you." it meant nothing to tyler.
well, not necessarily nothing. he still made sure to remember to tell his mom he loved her right before hanging up a facetime call or giving mark a loving bro-hug before he left his flat for the train every couple of saturday nights. sure, he obviously meant it when he expressed that sorta love. but there's got to be more to it than just that.
he sometimes wishes he had more experience on the emotion so he could understand the few times he did feel those small tugs at his rigid heart strings. the tugs that suggested a sort of love, or at least a fixed interest that was a bit unlike the motherly or brotherly kind.
he wish he knew, so he could have expertly avoided it while the emotion was still ripening, but just his luck and tragic for him, nothing ever goes as planned.
cause out of nowhere this lovely monday morning, he was brutally aware of a fixed interest on this certain boy with faded pink hair across the lobby from where tyler stands. tyler had known his name before due to a mishap with the mailing, when the dude's letters got thrown into tylers inbox instead.
but that was a few months ago, and now tyler couldn't recall it for the life of him.
"why do you suddenly care so much?" tyler mutters to himself, hunched behind a magazine that wasn't doing very much of a swell job to hide him at all. the guy has literally lived in this apartment building with tyler for the last year and change, so what the hell was tyler's deal now of all days?
fixed interest, he reminds himself with a grimace as the pink boy's head shifted direction. but tyler's too preoccupied with studying the lingerie sale section to observe whether the boy had looked his way or not. that's all. fixed interest.
the pink boy had finished his routinely morning cup of coffee and concluded talking (flirting) it up with the receptionist (either her or her co that had a lingering place besides her desk, tyler couldn't tell), and he knows not because he looked up to observe but because there was a sudden breeze of spices and peppermint toothpaste coasting right by tyler's mini table. and tyler peeked up over the lingerie section to further observe his new fixed interest step into an elevator and lean back in wait of the closing doors.
the dude was cozy looking. he had an over-sized sweater on, with obviously nothing but boxers underneath. tyler also observed the number that appeared above the elevator. floor five. that meant he was in fact that dude that he saw around on his floor 24/7.
tyler wipes at his eyes, pushing the magazine across the table. it was way too cold for november, and too cold to stay sat in an apartment lobby all morning pondering over the differences of a fixed interest and a love.
he didn't even know the dude. not really, at least. it's way to early to call this a love, so tyler decides to reign it back a bit. and take some time to get more educated on this emotion when he's tucked away in his corner of the building.
elevators terrified tyler, so he made sure to take the stairs two at a time.
tyler quite likes being alone most of the time. he got to spend a whole deal of time in his head, and usually that alone would make him just about ready to tear his hair out of his scalp (cause man, his head could be so mean to him sometimes), but he didn't mind it all that much lately. he was attempting at pursuing a career in art and poetry, and dark thoughts produce the best material. or at least, that's the way he likes to put it.
he was also pretty used to feeling empty more than half the time. he knew how to laugh and have a good time, and he could be a pretty funny guy, if he did say so himself. but at the end of the day, it always went back to the emptiness, that hollowness that he was becoming a bit wary of. he was becoming a bit wary of himself as well, but he tried not to think about it too much.
"you what?" jenna said incredulously through tyler's laptop.
"yeah, i know, i actually left my room today. wild."
jenna gave him a big round of applause through the screen, grin wide and eyes bright. "totally wild. can you believe my impact? i'm such a proud mom, tyler you don't understand what a moment this is for me." she wiped at fake tears, and tyler rolled his eyes at her. he let a smile peek through, though. mark always said that you could almost literally hear the italics in the air whenever jenna spoke, and he wasn't wrong.
"but honestly, tyler," jenna continued. "i'm really proud. you've been doing great recently, and i know where you were last year. you're making such amazing progress, and i just wanted to remind you of how glad i am for you."
"oh, on the topic of reminding people of things, didn't you tell me to remind you to set a reminder to go out to get some flour for those thanksgiving cookies your mom forces you to make every year?" tyler mumbled out distractedly, setting his laptop down across the bed, before settling in with a cup of tea (except it's not tea, but tyler wasn't going to tell jenna he was sneaking redbull even after her five hour rant about how hard she was going to laugh when he ended up in a hospital for his addiction). he wanted to feel bad for shifting the discussion so abruptly with jenna, but he couldn't find it in him this evening.
and if jenna had picked up on his discomfort, she graciously didn't bring it up.
"oh man, thanks for reminding me at 7 in the evening, tyler," jenna dragged out. tyler took a long swig of his tea that-isnt-really-tea, snorting out a chuckle. "whoops."
"whatever. it's never too late to get yourself a sack of flour," jenna giggled. "i'm gonna go run over to grab some. talk to you later, bud?"
"yeah, talk to you later." jenna had already cut the call, though, and tyler was left staring at his reflection in the dull screen.
he already missed jenna's company, and almost regretted reminding her of her holiday cookies. but then again, it's not fair to hold her back when she also had a life to tend to. it wasn't her fault he isolated himself so much and couldn't develop a normal sense of humor, so he could make more than two friends.
but it doesn't matter. he didn't mind being alone.
tyler learned one thing later that week.
and that was that the pink boy lives in the room to the immediate right of him. he learned this on an unsuspecting, but nonetheless lovely wednesday evening.
he had just completed another skype call with jenna, and decided to finish his extended summary on book 11 of the odyssey later and take a shower now before the emptiness convinced him that it was okay to skip that one more night.
jenna had been humming this one song during their skype. it sounded sort of pretty, and tyler questioned jenna of its origins. he'd had the song on repeat the entire night, and now he was extravagantly humming it, swinging a towel into the small bathroom and swishing his hips back and forth, shimming out of his boxers and stepping into the shower stall. loneliness was long forgotten as he twisted the tap over, steaming water burning down his back and sizzling in his ears to the rhythm of the song.
"today is gonna be the day that they're gonna throw it back to you..."
except that suddenly tyler was being joined by another voice through the wall, returned to him, "i don't believe that anybody feels the way i do, about you now."
almost jumping out of his skin, tyler slammed the tap water shut. goosebumps rose on his naked, reddened skin from the sudden exposure to cool air.he wanted to call out to see if he actually did hear what he thought he did on the other side of the (apparently, pretty thin) walls of his bathroom, but empty was rapidly returning and his skin was freezing ice and burning coals all at once, and tyler shakily stepped out of the shower, glad he couldn't see his reflection in the clouded mirror across from him.
tyler was woken up by a loud alarm at exactly 3 a.m. that night. it has been months since that damned alarm had bothered the entire fifth floor, because someone had reported it in and whoever was responsible was made to stop setting it so late. but there it was again, startling tyler up from his sleep. he sniffled, aggravated. first his shower, and now his dreams, too? he was so close to crossing the finish in mario kart 64 in his head, and he was very much looking forward to some self celebration and absolutely did not appreciate getting interrupted.
which is what marched him up to his neighbors door to the right, a finger ready to double-push the bell ("only two," jenna used to say. "anymore than that is just weird. plus, they'll probably think you're like, some serial killer or something, and leave you at the door. you never know."), and mulling over how this scolding should go down in his brain.
he was already taking too long, and more time was passing between the time the alarm actually did ring and the time that it would still be relevant to be angry about it. so his finger was double-pressing the bell before he could change his mind.
tyler didn't know exactly who he was expecting, but it totally was not a sleepy pink boy from the lobby to appear before him, hair ruffled and eyes half-lidded, holding a blanket in one arm and a cat in the other. the words he was ready to bark out completely and entirely wilted and died on his tongue, and he was left standing there foolishly with a hand on his hip and no words coming out of his mouth.
"oh, hello there," the pink boy mumbled out tiredly, wiping at his eyes with the hand that wasn't occupied with the cat. "oh man, did my alarm wake you up or sum'n'? i'm real sorry about that."
tyler was imagining the satisfactory feeling of crunching a good, solid leaf under your heel in the prime of autumn, and with a drop of honey, that was exactly how the pink boy's voice sounded like. tyler was pushed out of his thoughts by a sharp smell that caught his senses, and his eyes passed by the boy's shoulder and into his room.
"you cooking something in there?" he commented, brushing off the boy's apology. he caught the sleepy grin that settled itself into the boys face. "oh, yeah, you bet. everybody thinks it's weird, but i like to cook late at night. i think my brain is sharpest when it's put in a three a.m. sorta atmosphere."
tyler's brows quirked at that. the pink boy rushed on a that, "i mean, i get it, it is pretty weird, so i'm really sorry for waking you up-"
"you don't really need much brain when all you're doing is making food, do you?" tyler interjected.
the boy paused in thought. a soft purr beat him to his response to tyler, and he bent to set the cat down on the floor. it padded away into the room, and tyler kept his eyes on the spot it used to occupy instead of the wary pink boy's face.
"i guess not," he finally got in reply. "sorry to be a bother. i'll make sure to turn the alarms off."
tyler's heart iced over at that. "wait, no, its uh. its alright to keep up the alarms if you want. i never get much sleep either way with our without them, so it doesn't bother me. i dont know if i can say as much for everyone else on this floor," tyler said, and a small, sheepish smile grew on the boys face. tyler liked that smile. it was warm and cozy and it reminded him of a fireplace and family and home and he quietly decided that he wouldn't mind doing pretty much anything to see it again. or at least, prevent it from ever leaving.
"oh yeah, i'll figure something out," the pink boy said, leaning against the door frame.
"cool, cool. alright then. goodnight, i guess," tyler mumbled, stepping back a bit. "you look just about ready to fall over."
"oh, no," the boy chuckled softly. each sleepy rasp tugged at something low in tyler's stomach. "i'll be up for a little while longer. gotta finish those eggs and bacon i can't help but prepare way too early in the morning for company that doesn't exist." tyler could feel his skin folding into a laugh before any sound even escaped from his throat. "so being half alseep shouldn't hurt me too bad, since you really don't need brains to make food. just hope i don't burn the place down tonight, cause if so, it's all on you on the behalf of influence," he joked. tyler put a feigned defensive hand to his heart.
"not influence, man, i was just making a small point."
the pink boy offered him another tired smile. "'night, dude. sorry again about the whole alarm thing." the door shut behind a tired yawn from the boy. tyler stood outside his room for a solid two minutes, eyes trained at nothing.
back in his room, it fully dawned on him that it was the pink lobby boy that lived right next door to him. it was that same pink lobby boy that interrupted his shower, and sang those lyrics back to him.
tyler lay in bed, staring up at his dark ceiling. his heart was beating steadily in his ears, and the muffled noise of plates and pans and soft music from next door settled in his heavy eyelids and made a home in his veins.