Chapter Text
Toni knocks impatiently on the door to the Whyte Wyrm office. Jughead opens it a crack, pulling his hat over his ruffled hair.
“Jug, I need your girl.”
“Yeah, yeah, we’ll be out in five minutes.”
There is a rustling from inside the office, and Betty calls, “Be right there, Toni!”
Jughead smirks, and Toni rolls her eyes. When Betty finally emerges, smoothing her hair with one hand and clutching her tote with the other, Toni grabs her elbow to pull her toward the pool table, where all the younger Serpents have gathered.
“I’m guessing things are back to flowers and rainbows?” she asks.
Betty’s smile is incandescent. “It feels even better than before. Like we’re finally being totally open with each other. Things are so good, Toni.”
“Pop your cherry kind of good?”
Betty gasps, and Toni puts her hands up, palms facing out. “Hey, I’m not judging! Losing your virginity at the Whyte Wyrm is a time-honored tradition. Plenty of Serpents have done it. I lost mine on the roof, during the July 4th party, to Darla Lang, the hottest girl at Southside High.”
“A girl? Then…how?”
“Psssh, do you really think your ‘innocence’ is lost, just because a man puts his dick inside you? Fuck that heteronormative bullshit. Everyone has their own definition, but I count the first time someone made me come with their mouth.”
Betty laughs, wide-eyed. Then she looks contemplative. “Fair enough. Then I guess I’m not a virgin? But we just fooled around a little in the office. It felt so good to just...be together. To be normal teenagers for awhile.”
“I figured you needed to decompress after a morning with your mother. She’s a piece of work.”
“Actually, she was pretty relaxed today.” Toni’s face must convey her skepticism, because Betty clarifies, “I’m here, aren’t I? Instead of locked in my room or sent to a Home for Troubled Youth. And we kind of had a heart-to-heart. But she hates losing control—which I’m assuming is why she’s obsessed with covering the hole in the floor. Like, she can’t make me do what she says, but she can fix that, you know?”
“Yeah, that was a bit much. Is she the reason you came back dressed in pink?” When Betty nods, she adds, “Sweetpea and Fangs already tagged the terra-cotta pot with ‘Alice Cooper is a Hell Witch,’ by the way. Sweetpea didn’t appreciate her acid tongue. It’s not the cleverest revenge, I admit, but he hasn’t had to be good with words since he had that growth spurt. He has his fists do his talking. Even Sweetpea wouldn’t hit a mom, though. I kind of love watching him sulk about it. I only hope I’m able to steamroll people that easily when I’m old.”
“I don’t know,” Betty says with a grin. “I think you’re pretty good at getting your way.”
“We’ll find out tonight.”
“What’s the plan?”
“Do you have your jacket? Put it on first. Armor before battle.” Betty complies, removing her pink cardigan to reveal a black and white striped camisole. Then she takes her leather jacket out of her bag and stuffs her sweater inside. “Is there a mirror in there?”
“Sure.” Betty holds her gold compact open so Toni can paint her lips dark pink.
“Attention, everybody!” Toni shouts. Waiting for the chattering women to quiet, she rubs her lips together, evenly distributing the gloss. “When the meeting starts, we’re going to stand at the pool table, so they have a good view of the pole and of us. A united front.”
“What if Tall Boy gets riled up?” worries Cricket.
“Who cares? If he throws another tantrum, we have each other, and we have Sweetpea and Fangs and the Joneses and any of the more enlightened types on our side. But he’ll back down once he sees we’re serious.”
“Besides,” adds Jughead, walking to his girlfriend’s side, “Betty can protect you. She knocked him unconscious last time, remember?” His smile is smug.
When Maria emerges from behind the bar with a tray of beers, FP calls, “Set one aside for me, will you?" making Jughead scowl. By the time FP’s taken his first sip, the other Serpents have arrived. At first, they slap backs and bump fists like it’s any other meeting day, but then they notice there’s no one manning the bar; the bartenders are standing by the pool table, arms crossed.
The combined force of their stares turns the newcomers confused and agitated. There’s a chorus of “What the hell?” and “Where’d that tree come from?” and then “What did those girls do?”
“I feel like I’m in a scene from a Wonder Woman comic,” says Jughead. “Man’s first encounter with the Themysciran army.” Still, as the tension in the room ratchets up, he wraps his arms protectively around his girlfriend.
With a long-suffering look at Toni, FP sighs and stands. “I guess you’ve noticed by now that the ladies took down one of the stripper poles. So I’m sure you understand why the first order of business tonight is discussing the Serpent Dance. Toni, you can take the floor.”
Surveying the crowd of men, all significantly larger than she is, Toni feels a rare pang of doubt. There is a tap on her shoulder, and she turns her head to see Sweetpea at her back.
“You want a boost?” he asks with a twinkle in his eye.
He knows I’m wishing for a few more inches, so they’d see me as the threat I am, Toni thinks, grateful. Probably because he remembers what it was like to wish for a growth spurt, back when he was the shortest boy in our third grade class.
She nods, laughing as he lifts her onto the pool table. It reminds her of fifth grade, when Sweetpea helped her stand on the cafeteria bench so she could drop mashed potatoes into Malachi Gordon’s hair; the older boy said Toni smelled like hot dog water, and that’s why her mother ran away.
Jughead offers an encouraging nod, and Betty smiles excitedly. From across the room, Fangs winks.
So Toni squares her shoulders and tilts up her chin. “I’m sure you remember my speech at New Year’s, but if not, here’s a recap: The Serpent Dance is a creepy, exploitative tradition, and we want it gone.”
“Why do you have to be so dramatic about everything, Topaz? Nobody cares about this shit,” shouts Venom. Fangs cuffs him on the back of the head, and Venom elbows him, though FP intervenes before it turns into a shoving match.
“The girls care. Since we consider the initiation of female members to be female business, we are no longer considering male opinions. Your support, or lack thereof, is immaterial. AKA: we do not give a single fuck. We took down one stripper pole, we will wreck this whole bar if we have to. Do you want a civil war? Or do you want us united against our real enemies, the Ghoulies?”
“But what are we going to do at parties?” Porkchop whines. “What kind of party has no strippers? This is bullshit.”
“Don’t worry, we have a plan to fulfill all your horndog needs. Angela is going to run strip club nights here one Friday a month, and on special occasions. Whenever the Landing Strip girls are available. But they will be paid for their work.”
By now, Tall Boy has elbowed his way to the front of the crowd. He halts in front of FP, making Jughead jolt and Sweetpea lean forward threateningly. “I know this is a scheme for you and your boy to divert money from our jingle jangle operation, you son of a bitch.”
Jughead steps in front of Betty, and FP raises his hands in a placating gesture. “And I told you, Tall Boy. This has nothing to do with me.”
“No,” Toni snaps, “it doesn't. In fact, the Joneses won't touch a dime of that money. It’ll go to the dancers. Extra profits will fund childcare or cleanup or any of the other billion jobs we do around here for free. If there’s any issue we can’t resolve at all-girls’ poker night, we’ll bring it to the monthly meeting. Otherwise, you don’t get a say.”
Tall Boy continues to glower from the corner, where he was herded by Bridget and Fangs, but the rest of the audience seems uncertain how to react.
Then FP wipes beer foam off his lips with the back of his hand. “Alright, I think we all know they aren’t kidding. I, for one, am not about to take on an angry woman with a power saw. Anybody who wants to die on this hill, raise your hand. But I think we better accept the new rules Toni laid out and move on.”
There’s some grumbling, but only four raise their hands, the usual suspects: Tall Boy, Venom, Rattler, and Pork Chop.
Just like that, the motion’s passed.
Toni lets out a long breath, feeling a bit dizzy. It’s real, she marvels. The Serpent Dance is gone.
Hearing a high-pitched “woohoo," Toni hops off the pool table, and Betty immediately pulls her into a hug.
“We did it!” Betty squeals in her ear, jumping up and down.
Toni unsticks a strand of blonde hair from her glossed lips, smiling. “We did.”
“Nice work, Topaz,” says Jughead, patting her on the back. “And you, too, of course, Betts.”
Betty is grinning at her proudly, and Toni feels a swell of affection for her partner-in-crime. She winks at Jughead.
And then she leans in to peck Betty on the lips.
When Betty lets out a startled laugh, Toni declares, “There! Now I’ve kissed all my good-looking friends.”
“Hey! Didn’t you hear she’s my girlfriend again?” Jughead scolds playfully.
But Toni ignores him, keeping her eyes on Betty. “Thank you. Really. I couldn’t have done it without you.”
The blonde smiles, those big green eyes sparkling. “Anytime.”