Chapter Text
No one can save me, the damage is done...
...
No.
This couldn't be happening.
She was gone.
The loss was tangible, an all-encompassing emptiness within his chest. His heart was still beating, so it must be there, but he could no longer feel it. Not without her.
His face was wet. Her tears? No. His.
Is this what it felt like, when humans lost each other?
Somewhere along the line she'd become an integral part of his life. He couldn't picture a day without seeing her, lived for those moments when she needed his help, longed for the precious few hours they spent together outside of work. He revolved around her like the Earth around the sun.
It hit him then, for the first time. Linda had been trying to convince him for months, like it was the simplest thing in the world. Tell her how you feel.
He knew how he felt, or at least he thought he had. Thanks to her, he'd worked his way through most of the seven deadly sins by now. He had lusted from the start, greedy for her attention, envious every time she so much as looked at another man, and above all, too proud to admit any of that to her. Now the only wrath he felt was for himself, for being so foolish.
Because he loved her.
He'd never been in love before. He had no idea how it was supposed to feel. But he couldn't imagine a life without her, couldn't stand the thought of being on Earth if she wasn't by his side. If that wasn't love, he didn't know what was. All he did know was that this feeling was everywhere inside him, like it had been there all along and he'd only just now become aware of it.
He had to fix this. He couldn't let her go, not when it had taken so long to find her.
He spread his wings.
...
Chloe ran to the parking garage like something was chasing her. Perhaps it was. Regret gnawed at her heels as she fought the urge to turn around, to go back, to take away the pain she'd seen consume him. The pain she'd caused.
Her heart was broken, her mind conflicted, but her soul... all her soul wanted was him. She didn't feel complete without him. Perhaps she never would again.
She had to get out of here. The further she was away the easier it would get. That's what she kept telling herself. She was doing the right thing, doing what she had to. It would take time, but eventually she would move on. She would. She was sure of it.
Even if she missed him for the rest of her life.
Her car was almost in sight when a gust of wind nearly blew her off her feet. Righting herself, she sighed as she focused on her destination, refusing to turn around. She knew he was there without looking.
"Go away, Lucifer. I have nothing left to say to you."
There was no reply, but she could hear the sound of footsteps making their way across the asphalt. She started searching in her bag for the keys she'd thrown in there. Maybe if she could get to the car quick enough…
"I mean it, Lucifer. I don't want to talk anymore."
The footsteps grew closer.
There. She'd found them. She increased her pace... and then stopped in her tracks.
He'd appeared in front of her car out of nowhere, wings fully extended either side of him, magnificent and glorious. She stared at him in amazement. He looked... complete, in a way she'd been unable to fully appreciate the first time around. This was him at his finest, the way he was always meant to be. He was, for lack of a better word, divine.
Then the wings vanished and she felt the loss immediately. The world seemed darker now without their light to chase away the shadows. How had he ever given that up?
It didn't matter. Now that they were gone there was only Lucifer, and Lucifer was not someone she wanted to be around right now. Pushing past him, she tried to reach the driver side door, but he caught her arm as she passed by.
"Chloe." She froze. She hated that the sound of him saying her name had such an effect on her, even now. He used that pause to turn her body towards him, his hand taking hold of her other arm. Those deep brown eyes captured hers and she saw the desperation within. He looked so broken.
"Don't. Please."
She opened her mouth to speak, but before she could get a single word out his grip suddenly tightened, and the world lurched sideways.
...
The cool night air swept through his feathers as moonlight invaded his vision. They were no longer underground, so where were they? His first guess said the roof of the precinct. He'd never been up here before, but the surrounding buildings looked familiar. He hadn't meant to bring them here. He hadn't meant to bring them anywhere. He hadn't meant...
Chloe.
Carefully he pulled back his wings from where they'd wrapped themselves around her only to watch in horror as she collapsed into his arms. Gently he lowered her to the floor, cradling her head. He was a fool. Humans weren't designed to travel this way, not conscious at least, he knew that and yet he'd done it anyway. All so she wouldn't leave him.
There was a slight groan. He knelt down beside her, relieved to see her coming around. "Chloe, are you..."
Her eyes flew open and she scrambled away from him. Pupils dilated, breathing erratic, everything about her screamed instinctual, primal fear. He went to move closer and she shied further backwards, throwing up an arm to ward him off.
"Stay the hell away from me!"
He froze.
Do I scare you?
No.
This was killing him. All he could do was watch as she curled herself into a ball, shaking with the stress of what he’d just put her through. The minutes ticked by and bit by bit she began to recover, her muscles relaxing, breathing returning to normal.
Unfortunately, realisation returned along with it.
"What was that?" She started to try and get off the floor, still unsteady on her feet. He wanted to go to her, but the way she was glaring at him told him he was better off staying as far away as possible. "Where even are we?"
He stayed silent as she looked around, knowing she'd figure it out for herself soon enough.
"Seriously, the roof?! You brought us to the roof... somehow. I don't remember it being like that before."
Finally she stopped swaying. Cautiously he took a step towards her, arms open to indicate he meant no harm. "My apologies, it was not my intention..."
She didn't let him finish. "I don't care what you intended, Lucifer. I want out of here. Now."
He took in the surrounding area. There was no obvious exit that he could see, not even a fire escape which he assumed was probably against some sort of human rule. There was only the doorway to the roof itself, which the Detective was already marching towards.
Moments later she slammed her hands against the frame. "Locked. Just great. So that's your grand plan is it? I try to leave so you take me somewhere I can't? Do you plan on keeping me up here forever?"
"We had a deal, Chloe."
She whirled around towards him, her words calm despite the furor running through her.
"I said we'd talk and that's exactly what we did. There's nothing more to say."
Anger suited her. He didn't think he'd ever seen her look more beautiful.
"And what if I have something to say?"
Another step nearer. He could hear her breathing now, hear the sound of her heartbeat, both increasing the closer he got. She met his gaze defiantly, her blue eyes boring into his.
"What could you possibly say that would change anything?"
They were standing within touching distance now, the wind ruffling his curls as her hair flew all around her. He reached out, tucking a stray piece behind her ear as he gathered his courage.
"I love you."
...
Her heart stopped.
She had waited for so long to hear those words. Inside, she'd always known, but he'd never been willing or able to admit it, so she'd convinced herself it couldn’t be true. After all, he'd said it himself, they were friends, just friends. It seemed the man who never lied only excelled at lying to himself.
If only he'd told her sooner. If only he'd shown her sooner. If only.
When she spoke, it was quiet. "Lucifer, you're the Devil. What do you know of love?"
He smiled at her. "Nothing at all. But I know that's how I feel about you. I know that now."
She shook her head and clenched her fists, trying to summon her outrage from before. "No. You can't love me. None of this would have happened if you loved me."
One more step and they were standing chest to chest, her eyes locked on his as she spoke, low and deliberate.
"I don't believe you."
His smile transformed as he gazed down at her, from something innocent and pure to sly and seductive. It was a look that suited him far better. His eyes were almost black, and there was something inside them that sent a shudder down her spine.
He leaned forward, his nose brushing against her ear as he whispered, "Well if today has taught me anything darling, it's that if you won't believe me, I'll just have to show you."
The next thing she knew, she was pressed against the door as he lifted her effortlessly. Reflexively she wrapped her legs around his waist, heat sparking within her at the growl he made as a result.
He kissed her, and it was all fire and desperation. This was nothing like the kisses they had shared before. This was everything they felt for each other set aflame. Months of flirting, wanting, longing, all of it led here. She couldn't help the moan that escaped her even if she wanted to.
This. She could have this. Someone who burned so bright, without ever burning out. Someone whose passion for her had never faded, not even after all this time. Someone who loved her.
But she couldn't.
She just couldn't.
...
Kissing her was like coming home. His intention had been to overwhelm her, to use his vast experience to his advantage. But he found it was him who couldn't get enough. Moving his lips to her neck, he delighted in the gasp she made. He was certain he could happily spend an eternity finding new ways to draw that sound from her.
"Lucifer..." she breathed, and he shivered at the sound of his name leaving her lips. Lightly he bit down, feeling her head tilt back in response. "Lucifer... stop."
He stilled. He could feel her everywhere, the heat from her body surrounding him, her eyes filled with desire that mirrored his own. He dared to press another kiss against her neck, feeling her tremble beneath him. "Put me down, Lucifer." He held her tighter. "Put me down NOW."
Reluctantly he let her go, stepping back to fully appreciate the state he'd left her in. She wanted him, he could tell. He'd seen that look on hundreds, if not thousands of women over the years.
None of them however, had ever slapped him quite so hard.
Not without him asking them to, anyway.
"You can't do this. You can't just decide you love me and think that makes everything okay. You can't just take what you want when you want it."
She paused, still breathing too rapidly to continue. "This doesn't change anything, Lucifer, don't you see?"
He didn't see. He didn't understand her at all. "I thought this is what you wanted. I thought you wanted me."
"What I wanted was proof that what you were saying was real! It was only three nights ago you were still telling me you couldn't show me the truth. You have wings, Lucifer. Why didn't you just show me your wings?!"
"BECAUSE THE WINGS ARE NOT WHO I AM DETECTIVE!"
His eyes blazed with fire and this time he made no attempt to hide it from her. "This. This is who I am. Make no mistake, I am no angel. I haven't been an angel for most of my existence and I have no intention of ever becoming one again. I am who I will always be, and whether I have wings or not, that will never change."
He walked away to the edge of the rooftop, looking down over the street below. "You keep wanting to know why, why, why. Why do you think? I'm a monster, Chloe. A torturer. He who seeks out those worthy of punishment. Who wouldn't be afraid to show that to the person they love? Who wouldn't be afraid of losing them?"
When her voice came from behind him it was quiet, unsure. "What did I do to deserve it?"
Frowning, he turned to face her. "Deserve what, Detective?" Yet again, he didn't understand. It seemed to be his default setting these days.
"Punishment. Was that the reason for all of this? So you could torture me? I fall for you, you break my heart. I fall for Pierce, and you watch as I set myself up for heartbreak all over again. You sought me out, Lucifer. You inserted yourself into my life even when I didn't want you there, and you stayed even when I told you to go. And for what, so the Devil could play cop? So I have to ask, what exactly did I do? What made me, of all people, worthy of your personal attention?"
...
He stared at her, horrified that she could even think such a thing. Before she could even blink he was by her side, capturing her hands between his tightly.
"Nothing. That has never been what this is about, Chloe, I swear to you. I would never, I could never... all I have ever wanted to do was protect you. Even when I tried to leave I couldn't stay away. I... I missed you too much."
Her head was tilted down towards their joined hands. She stayed that way even as she spoke.
"Even you can't protect me all the time, Lucifer. Having you in my life... having you in my daughter's life... it's dangerous. Can you even say for sure that Pierce would have been here if it wasn't for you?"
He couldn't. Because he knew he wouldn't. So he stayed silent.
"Being with you, as much as I might want that, it's a risk I can't afford to take. You're not always here, I can't always count on you, not like I thought I could. If something were to happen to Trixie..."
He spoke up then. "I would never allow that. I will always protect you, both of you. You have no idea of the lengths I would go to."
Now it was her turn for silence. He had to get through to her, had to make her believe, believe in him.
"I killed my own brother to protect you, Chloe. There's nothing I wouldn't do."
...
She immediately dropped her hands from his. The blood in her veins turned to ice as the magnitude of his confession hit her. Her mind struggled with what to think, what to say, but she found she'd already started talking before deciding any of that.
"Amenadiel? My god, Lucifer, I know you said he went back to Heaven but I never thought you meant..."
He cast his eyes to the floor as he replied solemnly. "No, Detective. Another brother. Younger brother. He was here to... he was going to take you away from me. I had no choice."
This wasn't happening. Not again.
She lashed out. "Do you have any idea how many other murderers I've heard say that?"
He flinched at her words, and she no longer cared.
"You're no different than Marcus." He met her eyes, and she could see he was about to protest, but she didn't give him a chance. "I loved him for the man I thought he was, and he turned out to be someone else entirely. I loved you for the man I thought you were, and it turns out I didn't even know you at all."
This time, he made no move towards her. There was no attempt to comfort her, no argument to counter what she was saying. He just stood there, silent, still, defeated.
"Tell me this, Lucifer. You say if I stay that we'll be protected, Trixie and I. Already you've stood by once when we were in danger, even if I didn't know it at the time. So what else don't I know about? Has my daughter ever been put at risk because of you, or your family?"
He looked at her and she could tell by his eyes that the answer was yes. Still, he remained mute.
"How could I possibly stay with you, knowing that?"
She couldn't. She knew she couldn't and he knew it too.
He moved then and she braced herself, ready for an argument, ready for another attempt to prevent her from leaving.
But instead, he walked around her to the door. Placing his hand against the lock, she heard it click open. He pulled on the handle, revealing the stairs below. He stood there, his usual mask appearing intact if it weren't for the tears in his eyes.
It was too little, too late.
As she started to descend she paused, turning to face the man she loved for the last time.
"All of this because you were afraid to lose me. You didn't lose me Lucifer, you made it impossible for me to stay.”
He closed the door.
...
Stay the hell away from me.
He left the rooftop the second he let go of the handle, letting his wings take him wherever they pleased.
Which apparently, was the Detective's front door.
Stay the hell away from me.
Frustrated, he folded the blasted things way and walked to the road in search of a cab to take him home.
Correction, to Lux.
He'd already lost his home.
Losing her was worse than falling.
Stay the hell away from me.
He couldn't stay away.
He knew that, he'd tried that already.
There was nowhere on this Earth he could go that wouldn't end up with him right back here, with her.
Stay the hell away from me.
And there was his answer. The one place he could go and never return from.
It was what she wanted.
So it was what he would do.
...
He stood on the balcony of the penthouse, looking over the city spread out before him. It was that time of the morning where the city lights still sparkled, but the sun had begun its ascent over the horizon. He would miss this view. He would miss this place.
But most of all, he would miss her.
He hadn't taken the time to say goodbye to anyone. His brother was gone, Maze would no doubt insist on coming with him and he didn't want that for her, not when she was finally putting her life here back together. He had been tempted to ring the doctor, to thank her for all she'd done for him, but he knew she would only try to convince him to stay. So he'd left her a letter. It was cowardice on his part, but he couldn't deny she was likely to succeed if she tried.
It had been scarcely a few hours since he'd left the Detective's side and he'd already nearly talked himself out of doing this at least a dozen times.
He had to though. It was the only way. Go back to where he came from, then rid himself of his Father's gift once more so he was unable to return. It went against everything he had ever wanted, but now that he had lost the thing he wanted most, none of it seemed as important anymore.
Taking one last look inside the penthouse he pictured her there, sat at the piano as she laughed, her hair golden in the warm firelight. It had been, and would always be, one of his most treasured memories.
Closing his eyes, he kept that image in his mind as he approached the edge, as he opened his wings wide, as he dived below.
And when the flames threatened to engulf him he let them.
It was what he deserved.
...
Moments later, the elevator doors to the penthouse opened and a voice rang out into the silence.
"Lucifer?"
"Lucifer I'm sorry."
"...Lucifer?"
Why is it so dark in here?