Chapter Text
It was all down to the wire now. The election was only one day away. Unless the Phantom Thieves stole Masayoshi Shido’s heart and got him to confess to all his crimes, he was going to become the next Prime Minister of Japan and run the country into the ground all for his own gain.
A police barricade surrounded the Diet Building. Not that the Phantom Thieves were surprised. After their video calling card had been broadcasted all over Japan, it would be strange if Shido hadn’t increased security. Although admittedly, this was a bit more than they were expecting.
“Wowzers.” Americat absentmindedly twirled her tail in her hand as she looked out at the sea of red and blue lights before. “That’s, like, totes an army of cops.”
“Aye, ’tis a sad sight indeed” Musketeer said. “To think, that vile Shido hath corrupted this country’s law enforcement for his own twisted ends!”
“You act like that’s new.” Skeletaro spit on the ground. “The cops’ve always been shit.”
“Forsooth, my companion!” Musketeer stared daggers at Skeletaro. “Thou shouldst not speak so cavalierly of the constabulary!”
“Enough, you two” Mr. White said sternly. “If I have to hear the pair of you bicker about the virtues and vices of the police again, then I’m gonna let Shido and his goons kill me for real this time.”
“Sorry, bossman” Skeletaro said.
“Aye,” Musketeer said, “thou hast my humblest apologies.”
“So what’s the plan?” Murderess asked. “We going in swinging?”
“Don’t be widicuwous, nyan!” Nyanchibi shouted. “We’we thieves, nyan! We do things sneakiwy, nyan!”
“Actually, Murderess has the right idea” Mr. White said.
“Surely you jest” Kitsune said.
“Bugeye…” Mr. White turned to his alien companion. “Give me a scan of the building.”
“Very well, Mr. White.” Bugeye shut her eyes and a green aura surrounded her head as her hair began to float upwards. After a minute, this stopped, and she opened her eyes. “My psychic scan detects dozens of brain signatures on every floor of the building. It seems there is not a point we could attempt to infiltrate where we would not immediately encounter a fight.”
“Yes, I expected as much. Which is why we’re going to take the direct approach.” Mr. White grinned as he cracked his knuckles through his red gloves. “Besides, after being forced to fake my death, I’ve got some aggression to work out.”
Mr. White held his hands up to his mask and fanned out his fingers. Instantly, his mask started glowing, and after a moment, white lights started to swirl around his digits. He pointed his hands out out towards the sea of police before him and the lights shot outwards, ten balls scattering all over the place. When they connected with either a cop or the ground, they exploded like grenades, blowing up cars and sending police flying.
Mr. White turned to the others with a grin.
“That’s your cue, Phantom Thieves.”
“FUCK YEAH IT IS!” Skeletaro had already mounted his motorcycle, driving forwards and dragging a long pipe against the ground, sparks following in his wake. “LET’S KICK SOME ASS!”
“Now’s our time, Nyanchibi!” Amerikat ran after the group’s resident delinquent.
“OKAY, NYAN!” Nyanchibi jumped at the shapely lady-thief, latching onto her back, a red aura surrounding both of them. “Time fow ouw secwet technique, nyan!”
“KITTY POWER!” the two yelled together.
Amerikat and Nyanchibi fused together, turning into a giant were-cat with dark red fur. The creature charged after Skeletaro, swiping at the police with claws sharp enough to cut through steel. The cat monster and the delinquent went on a rampage together, their combined attack in addition to Mr. White’s opening volley completely distracting the first wave of police as the rest of the Thieves snuck into the Diet Building through the front door.
The second they were in, they faced a wall of security guards in black suits. One of them, a big strong guard built like a brick wall, spoke up.
“We’re not letting you see the assemblyman.”
“We’re not asking permission.” Murderess cracked her knuckles. “Now get out of our way or else.”
“Or else what?” The wall-man smirked. “You think a group of kids can take all of us?”
“Nah.” Murderess launched forward, punching the man hard enough to break his nose, flooring him with one blow. “Just me.”
Five guards jumped at Murderess in response. She tensed up, ready to counter-attack, but was cut off by Musketeer charging in, slashing them with her rapier.
“What the hell are you doing!?” Murderess yelled.
“T’would be horrible to allow so many to gang up on a single opponent!” Musketeer flicked the blood off her blade and stood proudly. “I shall be thine companion in this fight, my friend!”
“Whatever.” Murderess huffed. “Just don’t get in my way.”
The two began to take the rest of the guards on as the others made their way up the stairs. Along the way, a group of ninjas ambushed them, but Kitsune silently began battle with them, leaving Bugeye and Mr. White to wonder where he had disappeared to. When they reached Shido’s office, Bugeye began screaming and fell to her knees, grabbing her head.
“What’s wrong!?” Mr. White asked.
“A malevolent energy coming from there…” Bugeye pointed to the door to Shido’s office. “Too powerful… so much noise in my psychic senses… I can’t get any closer.”
“Stay here then.” Mr. White marched towards the door. “I’ll take care of Shido myself.”
Mr. White kicked the door in and found Shido sitting at his desk.
“So, the leader of the Phantom Thieves has decided to grace me with his presence.” Shido grinned at Mr. White, staying seated coolly. “Come to congratulate me on my new position?”
“If you mean your new position behind bars once I change your heart, then yes.”
“So that’s how it’s going to be.” Shido stood up and shook his head. “Fine then.”
Black bile began leaking from Shido’s face like when Kunikazu Okumura died on TV, but instead of being in pain, Shido seemed elated. He laughed wickedly as more and more of the dark substance poured out of him, flowing all over his skin and forming an ebony shell around him. Shido’s voice distorted and his teeth turned into fangs.
“COME ON THEN, PHANTOM THIEF!”
“Oh, I will.” Mr. White summoned energy to his fingers and fired it at his opponent. The white energy exploded against Shido’s shell, putting cracks in it, but they quickly healed. “What!?”
“YOU FOOL!” Shido reached out to Mr. White, his arm extending and grabbing the leader of the Phantom Thieves by the neck. He pulled Mr. White to him, close enough to feel his breath. “You think your little tricks will work on me!? I’m the man who will rule this country, then the world!”
“I DON’T THINK SO!”
A young man in blue robotic armor crashed down through the ceiling, two extra robotic arms splitting off from the arms of his suit like the god Vishnu. His two real arms wrapped around the politician’s chest as the robotic arms hammered against his chest, forming cracks in his armor again. They continued their assault like a quartet of jackhammers, eventually exposing his human belly.
“NOW, PHANTOM THIEF!” The newcomer yelled at Mr. White. “FINISH IT!”
Mr. White grinned and summoned a light to a single finger. He pushed through the choking and blasted Shido’s gut point blank, eliciting a scream from the corrupt Diet Member. All of Shido’s armor cracked away in an instant, and he dropped Mr. White as he collapsed, both of them hitting the ground. A metal-clad hand extended itself to Mr. White.
“Are you alright?” The young man looked down at Mr. White through his robot suit’s yellow visor.
“Yeah.” Mr. White took the metal hand and rose to his feet. “Thanks for the assist. Who are you?”
The young man laugh and removed his helmet, revealing dark-blue hair and black eyes.
“I’m your new ally. My name’s
“My name’s… Um… Uh…”
Mishima groaned as he took his hands off the keyboard. He’d spent a while thinking up his Phantom Thief OC, a super cool robot-assisted fighter, but he could never think of a good name for the character. He sat at his desk, staring at the computer screen, before closing his word processor and dumping the .doc file in the trash.
“I can’t be doing stuff like this” Mishima mumbled sadly. “The admin of the Phan-Site has to be above such juvenile things. Besides, what would Amamiya and the others say if they ever found out I tried writing self-insert fic?”