Chapter Text
Connor eventually arrived at the DPD. He'd forgotten that he had actually previously removed his usual uniform (that being the Cyberlife jacket) and was still in his jumper but he decided that it didn't matter, this shit was comfy as fuck and going back to change was too much effort anyway. He had much more pressing matters to attend to.
When he arrived at the precinct, Hank and Gavin were giving him suspicious looks from Hanks desk, still together, he noted.
"Have you two moved at all since my departure?" Connor asked, playing with the sleeve of his jumper that covered his fingers just enough to grab at. It proved to be a sufficient alternative to his coin that had been left behind in his old jacket.
Gavin, for once, was quiet. He looked anywhere except Connor's eyes while Hank took over. "Yeah, we got donuts like 10 minutes ago..." he said defensively as Connor gave a lopsided smile.
"You went out for donuts together? Lieutenant, my social programme informs me that acquiring food with another, one on one, has romantic connotations. I'm very happy for you both." Connor said, taking his lips between his teeth in what had become a habit. He did know that there were gays at the DPD but having them be Gavin and Hank together just made him uncomfortable. (What would Sumo think?! ) Not that he'd say anything though. Connor wasn't a judgmental bitch unlike some and refused to be rude about it, even if it was weird.
"CoNNOR NO!"-
"Ew! I'd never let that old perv-"
"Watch it, foetus!"
While Connor suspected his Social Program had him fucked up again, he saw the situation for what it was. An opportunity.
"Detective Reed? Could you please accompany me to the Evidence room, I require your assistance with one of my... Investigations." He asked and used their bitching as a distraction to drag Gavin to the Evidence room, though not without one last 'Phck you, prehistoric prick!' Yikes.
At the Evidence room, Connor let Reed enter first before locking the door and ensuring that no one was around while he conducted his personal investigation.
"Alright, what do you need, Shitface?" Gavin asked, standing in the middle of the empty room. Connor leant against the door and panicked at the disco™ for a moment. (Oh fuck, I didn't think i'd get this far, shiiit...) Luckily, he was an android that could process such thoughts in less than a second and had the ability to pre construct events. He looked at Reed and sighed. It's nerf or nothing...
In an instant, Connor pulled Gavin towards him and pushed him against the locked door ("Connor, what the fuck-?") and used his superior strength to pin the clueless gay there. Granted, it was a little dodgy to go about his experiment this way but the fucking 'Mission Objective: Incomplete' was really getting to him so all other options were too drawn out or complicated to do for him.
"Gavin, I want you to kiss me," he said, biting his lip now in the Seduction Procedure #5 as opposed to his developed habit, he was made to complete his mission by any means necessary, after all.
The previously rather calm detective flushed a bright red and started spluttering. Connor sighed in frustration. He didn't really know if this was a socially acceptable thing to do but... he was so confused. With an excuse ready, he pressed his lips to the detective's in his Chaste Kiss Procedure #2. It was entirely pre-calculated twitches and programmed breaths. It didn't feel like anything...
He pulled away, even more frustrated than before. Why didn't he feel any different? His mission objective didn't even update!
While Connor had his first emotional crisis, Gavin had gone from 'flushed' to full on tomato. "C-Connor?" He mumbled, bringing the back of his fingers against his mouth.
Connor looked up for a moment, LED circling yellow. "Shit! Fucking shit!" He cursed, and started to pace.
That seemed to shock Gavin out of his embarrassment, having only heard the android speak in polite and patient words.
"Connor?" He said, a little more confident than he expected but he guessed that one of them had to have their shit together.
"Fuck Gavin, sorry... I-I don't..." Connor met his eyes, LED a bright red. Well fuck.
The detective took a deep breath. This was obviously some Plastic-People-Problem that escaped him and despite his resistance, he couldn't bare to see Connor so obviously distressed. (Though he'd die before he would admit it out loud, the fucking tsundere.)
"Shit, do you need-" he cut himself off with an 'oof' from the impact of Connor against his chest, returning his awkward hug.
"Fuck, is this your first breakdown?" Gavin asked, slowly sliding down the door to the floor. Connor nodded silently.
"It- I was supposed to feel something..." he whispered, unsure. Trust him to effectively investigate his dilemma and only get more caught up in it.
Connor didn't know how to process what he was feeling so he did the most logical and healthy option of repressing the fuck out of it. Through his discovery of memes, he had found that people use humour as a coping mechanism. If it worked for humans than surely he'd be fine, right? Either way it was his last chance at salvaging the situation without damaging his relationship with Reed or his artificial dignity. Luckily, as if from the memelords in heaven themselves, he got an idea.
"Started out with a kiss, how did it end up like this?" he whispered as Gavin's brow furrowed.
"Wait Connor, is that?-"
He forced his LED to blue (causing it to break during the process.. Oops.) and continued his distraction.
"It was only a kiss," he made his retreat through an air vent with one last "It was only a kiss!" before he disappeared into the metal ventilation shafts... only to pop his head out and whisper "No one will ever believe you." whilst making the finger circle at Gavin.
Secondary Objective: 'Yeet TF Outta There' Complete.
After a not particularly interesting adventure through the air vents (he had found a stash of weed and 2 pokémon figurines which he may or may not have kept) he arrived the precinct.
With a little caution, he dropped out the vents into the Break room, catching that newbie officer again. Can't this guy give him a break, jeez.
Thanks to his quick thinking he quickly said: "I'm not real, this is a hallucination. The government knows you watch trap anime. Run." Which gave him the time to yeet away before the officer could comprehend his bullshit.
Now at his own desk (at which he had to adjust his plant again.) he became even more stressed than before. After some debating he decided to hit up the group chat he had with Jericho about it (on his new phone that he purchased with the sole intention of creating memes).
He opened it up and started typing...