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Wayne Family Tweets, aka Why Bruce Wayne's Hair Is Going Gray

Chapter 2: satisfying, rebel, and dysfunctional

Summary:

New characters this chapter:

mx. brightside @298sfpw4 (an OC who will probably not show up again tbh)
resolve @harperfcknrow (Harper Row)
Cullen but not like Twilight @rowcullen (Cullen Row)

Notes:

This chapter is a bit shorter than the last one but I wanted to post something, and this is pretty funny imo so it balances out??

Warning for small mention of a sexual assault and then a lot of sibling-like reaction to it. In the same vein, this chapter has more mature rated language than the last chapter. Tread cautiously if that sort of thing affects you! It's mainly lots of cuss words ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

The link in this chapter takes you to a youtube video of a vine btw!!

(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)

Chapter Text

satisfying

 

Timbo @realtimbo

just saying…. I have the power of god and anime on my side. u think u can come to my house and mock me and not Feel The Hurt??

 

sTePHaNie @stephthespoiled

@realtimbo why are you such a nerd oh my god

 

Timbo @realtimbo

@stephthespoiled sTePHaNie I am NOT a nerd but I AM Powerful….,, and I will not tolerate this Injustice

 

Dickiebird @theflyinggrayson

@realtimbo All he did was call you a loser and you’re gonna put The Hurt on him? Seriously dude?

 

Timbo @realtimbo

@theflyinggrayson fuck on outta here w ur condescension Dickiebird this doesn’t concern you

 

JTW @hottoddie

@realtimbo @theflyinggrayson as much as I love this confidence Replacement, you need to chill tf out

 

sTePHaNie @stephthespoiled

@realtimbo @theflyinggrayson @hottoddie it is so satisfying to see Jay tell Timmers to chill out oh my god

 

Duke of the Manor @dukeofthemanor

@realtimbo @theflyinggrayson @hottoddie @stephthespoiled It is but Tim u really do need to chill…. Little brothers do shit like this…. Get Over It

 

Timbo @realtimbo

@dukeofthemanor NO i REFUSE. he called me a Loser in My Own Home…. the AUDACITY

 

Damian Wayne @bloodwayne

@realtimbo This is just embarrassing. Loser.

 

Bruce Wayne @RealBruceWayne

@realtimbo Tim, come to my office please. Damian, stop calling your brother names. The rest of you, can you please, PLEASE stop antagonizing and goading your siblings?

 

Timbo @realtimbo

@RealBruceWayne nO

 

JTW @hottoddie

@realtimbo @RealBruceWayne too much to ask for old man :ok_hand: :peace_sign:

 

Dickiebird @theflyinggrayson

@realtimbo @RealBruceWayne “Be a good loving supportive older brother Dick” “Don’t antagonize and goad your siblings Dick” I CANT DO BOTH

 

sTePHaNie @stephthespoiled

@realtimbo @RealBruceWayne DOES THIS MEAN UR FINALLY ADOPTING ME

 

Duke of the Manor @dukeofthemanor

@realtimbo @RealBruceWayne FINEEEEEE BRUCE

 

Damian Wayne @bloodwayne

@realtimbo @RealBruceWayne I suppose I can do that, Father. If Timothy will stop calling me Brat.

 

Bruce Wayne @RealBruceWayne

@realtimbo @bloodwayne The three of us will be having a long, long talk about name calling and respect when I get home. Don’t even try to think about getting out of it.

 

JTW @hottoddie

@realtimbo @bloodwayne @RealBruceWayne asdfghjklasdfkj I can’t believe you’re actually gonna Lecture these little assholes

 

Bruce Wayne @RealBruceWayne

@realtimbo @bloodwayne @hottoddie You want to be part of the conversation too?

 

JTW @hottoddie

@realtimbo @bloodwayne @RealBruceWayne funny, I think you’re forgetting I’m an adult that you can’t boss around anymore

 

Bruce Wayne @RealBruceWayne

@realtimbo @bloodwayne @hottoddie Funny, I think you’re forgetting I’m your father who can and will Lecture you no matter what you say or do

 

sTePHaNie @stephthespoiled

@realtimbo @bloodwayne @RealBruceWayne I SAY AGAIN, THIS IS SO SATISFYING

 

----

 

Gotham Gazette @GothamGazette

Bruce Wayne has another child? In a recent Twitter thread, local billionaire calls @hottoddie his child…despite the fact that …. https://gothamgazette.com/284028/Bruce-Wayne-Secret-Child.html

 

Vicki Vale @vickivale

@theflyinggrayson @cassiewayne @realtimbo @dukeofthemanor @bloodwayne Care to share any exclusive details about @hottoddie ?

 

Dickiebird @theflyinggrayson

@vickivale Sure!! We’d be overjoyed to give you exclusive, 100% true facts about @hottoddie

 

Dickiebird @theflyinggrayson

@vickivale @hottoddie is a 37 year old man with a beer belly named Uglee McGross who lives in the basement of Wayne Manor and eats all of our goddamn Doritos and hasn’t had water since ‘07. All he drinks is Mt. Dew. We don’t talk about him because he’s just so gross.

 

C A S S A N D R A @cassiewayne

@vickivale @hottoddie is my beloved sister, Bethany, who is only 10 months old and so advanced that she has a Twitter already. Isn’t that amazing? Isn’t SHE amazing? Love you sweetie! :heart:

 

Timbo @realtimbo

@vickivale @hottoddie is the most annoying, prepubescent 13 year old I’ve ever had the displeasure of meeting. He’s like a dog, humping everything he can get his hands on. It’s disgusting. Please arrest this DEVIANT.

 

Duke of the Manor @dukeofthemanor

@vickivale @hottoddie is actually a really gross old lady who has a daddy kink that Bruce facilitates. It’s SOOOO gross. I don’t know her name but get her out of here, PLEASE. I can’t take it anymore!!!

 

Damian Wayne @bloodwayne

@vickivale @hottoddie is a disgusting ingrate, 21 years old, from Crime Alley. He’s very annoying. He also hates you, Vicki Vale, which I’m sure you’re aware is rather common. Cease your invasion of our privacy before we sic him on you. You would not like that, I assure you.

 

sTePHaNie @stephthespoiled

@vickivale @hottoddie is the hottest toddie in whole hot toddy community and you should be so lucky to meet him. He’s got Thiqqqq (four q’s) Thighs. Half a brain. One (1) cell of common sense. Also he really does hate you. He’s good at that.

 

JTW @hottoddie

@vickivale you when you can’t find out shit about me

[Picture of a quote saying: “Thou map of woe, that thus dost talk in signs!

When thy poor heart beats with outrageous beating,

Thou canst not strike it thus to make it still.

Wound it with sighing, girl, kill it with groans; 1460

Or get some little knife between thy teeth,

And just against thy heart make thou a hole;

That all the tears that thy poor eyes let fall

May run into that sink, and soaking in

Drown the lamenting fool in sea-salt tears.”

-Titus to Lavinia, Titus Andronicus]

 

Vicki Vale @vickivale

@RealBruceWayne This childish behavior is really unbecoming of all of you, and certainly doesn’t reflect well, now does it? Control your smartass children, Bruce.

 

Bruce Wayne @RealBruceWayne

@vickivale Hmm… no, I don’t think I will. To quote my dear beloved child, Uglee Bethany McGross, stay in your lane, Vale.

 

----

 

Duke of the Manor @dukeofthemanor

Actual footage of Wayne Manor rn

 



rebel

 

Duke of the Manor @dukeofthemanor

I think I’m gonna change my name on here but… what to? :thinking_face:

 

Timbo @realtimbo

@dukeofthemanor Fresh Duke of Bristol

 

JTW @hottoddie

@dukeofthemanor Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind

 

Dickiebird @theflyinggrayson

@dukeofthemanor Sunshine Boi

 

Damian Wayne @bloodwayne

@dukeofthemanor Duke Thomas

 

C A S S A N D R A @cassiewayne

@dukeofthemanor :sun: Duke :sun:

 

sTePHaNie @stephthespoiled

@dukeofthemanor be a rebel and do something that has nothing to do with ur name or ur sunshiney personality

 

Duke of the Manor @dukeofthemanor

@stephthespoiled okay but what??

 

mx. brightside @298sfpw4

@dukeofthemanor I know we don’t know each other but a good pun is always a good idea. Mine used to be “not peeling well” since my icon is a banana. Or really like anything that connects to ur profile pic

 

Duke of the Manor @dukeofthemanor

@298sfpw4 you know what? That’s a great idea thank you

 

----

 

sipping brain hurting juice @dukeofthemanor

#NewProfilePic

 

Dickiebird @thelfyinggrayson

@dukeofthemanor wow this is the best picture I’ve possibly ever seen in my entire life. You’re so photogenic baby bro

 

JTW @hottoddie

@dukeofthemanor you really not gonna share??? fine i see how it is. you don’t get any of my bone hurting juice now

 

C A S S A N D R A @cassiewayne

@dukeofthemanor :joy: :joy: :joy: I’m stealing that outfit

 

Timbo @realtimbo

@dukeofthemanor the band aids are a nice touch man. did u punch something? did u pet an angry cat? were u bitten by the rabid raccoon in the trash? who knows. but do u look cool? a solid 79.3% yes u do

 

Damian Wayne @bloodwayne

@dukeofthemanor Thomas, I quite enjoyed your previous picture. One could actually see your face and hair. For all you complain about keeping up your hairstyle, you would think you would show it off in your picture. Yet this is what you’ve changed it to? You look like an imbecile. You are above this, 1/

 

resolve @harperfcknrow

@dukeofthemanor lmfao I love it Duke!! But give a girl some photo cred next time huh? :joy:

 

Cullen but not like Twilight @rowcullen

@dukeofthemanor D U K E omg when I said this picture would be funny I DIDN’T MEAN PICK IT ASJDFGGHJKLKKDJFKJDSFAKJDHAKSJFJAH

 

sTePHaNie @stephthespoiled

@dukeofthemanor MEME ON THE HATERS BOO AND LOOK FLY DOING IT :sunglasses:

 

Bruce Wayne @RealBruceWayne

@dukeofthemanor Lovely picture, Duke. Just lovely. Can I ask why one sleeve is up and one is down?

 

sipping brain hurting juice @dukeofthemanor

@RealBruceWayne THE AESTHETIC, BRUCE duh

 

Bruce Wayne @RealBruceWayne

@dukeofthemanor Oh right, the aesthetic. How silly of me, forgetting The Aesthetic.

 

Bruce Wayne @RealBruceWayne

@dukeofthemanor My secretary just told me that her sister wanted to pass a message along to you

 

sipping brain hurting juice @dukeofthemanor

@RealBruceWayne oh worm? What is it?

 

Bruce Wayne @RealBruceWayne

@dukeofthemanor “Hmu memelord”

 

sipping brain hurting juice @dukeofthemanor

@RealBruceWayne JDKLFJKLDJFKLDJSA IM GETTING THAT FRAMED. BRUCE WAYNE SAID MEMELORD.

 

Timbo @realtimbo

@RealBruceWayne @dukeofthemanor IM DECEASED

 

Timbo @realtimbo

@RealBruceWayne @dukeofthemanor WE SHOULD PRINT IT 500 TIMES AND PUT IT EVERYWHERE IN THE MANOR

 

Bruce Wayne @RealBruceWayne

@dukeofthemanor @realtimbo WHY would you EVER do that

 

sipping brain hurting juice @dukeofthemanor

@realtimbo @RealBruceWayne THE A E S T H E T I C BRUCE!! TIMMY WE’RE DOING IT. COME TO THE EAST OFFICE RN

 

Bruce Wayne @RealBruceWayne

@realtimbo @dukeofthemanor Boys, don’t, or you’ll be grounded for a week.

 

Timbo @realtimbo

@dukeofthemanor @RealBruceWayne SO??? i dont care about anything enough to be upset except for my coffee and if u took that away work would be 10000000% harder for u so IDC

 

sipping brain hurting juice @dukeofthemanor

@realtimbo @RealBruceWayne IM A TEEN BRUCE I MUST REBEL IM SORRY

 

Timbo @realtimbo

@dukeofthemanor @RealBruceWayne WE RIDE AT DAWN, BROTHER. @bloodwayne BETTER WATCH OUT, WE HITTING HIS ROOM FIRST

 

Damian Wayne @bloodwayne

@dukeofthemanor @realtimbo @RealBruceWayne IF I SEE EVEN ONE SLIP OF PAPER ENTER MY ROOM, YOU WILL BOTH BE SORRY!!!!

 

JTW @hottoddie

@dukeofthemanor @realtimbo @bloodwayne @RealBruceWayne at all the people presumably trying to get his attention at work rn:

 


 

dysfunctional

 

C A S S A N D R A @cassiewayne

To everyone asking me why I broke a man’s hand today: he slapped my ass. To everyone who is upset about this: I don’t care. To everyone who is proud of me: thank you! :blush:

 

JTW @hottoddie

@cassiewayne GIVE ME A NAME.

 

Timbo @realtimbo

@cassiewayne @hottoddie ME AND UGLEE WILL KILL THIS MOFO

 

Damian Wayne @bloodwayne

@cassiewayne @hottoddie @realtimbo :knife: :knife: :knife: COUNT ME IN

 

sipping brain hurting juice @dukeofthemanor

@cassiewayne @hottoddie @realtimbo @bloodwayne ME FOUR!!!! You deserve so much better than the fuckin scum in this world i s2g

 

resolve @harperfcknrow

@cassiewayne @hottoddie @realtimbo @bloodwayne @dukeofthemanor BITCHHHHHHH ME FIVE!! HE BETTER HOPE HE NEVER MEETS ME CAUSE ILL PULL ZERO (0) PUNCHES RIGHT TO HIS SHRIVELED LITTLE DICK

 

Dickiebird @theflyinggrayson

@cassiewayne @hottoddie @realtimbo @bloodwayne @dukeofthemanor @harperfcknrow Cass, give me a name and I’ll have him arrested for sexual harassment

 

Bruce Wayne @RealBruceWayne

@cassiewayne @hottoddie @realtimbo @bloodwayne @dukeofthemanor @harperfcknrow @theflyinggrayson Children, calm down. Cassie, give us the name. I’ll get my lawyers on the case immediately.

 

C A S S A N D R A @cassiewayne

@hottoddie @realtimbo @bloodwayne @dukeofthemanor @harperfcknrow @theflyinggrayson @RealBruceWayne That won’t be necessary.

 

sipping brain hurting juice @dukeofthemanor

@cassiewayne the meme is 10/10 but I’m still about to square up on this mf

 

resolve @harperfcknrow

@cassiewayne I mean okay but just know me and Cullen are ready to support you however you need whenever you need

 

Dickiebird @theflyinggrayson

@cassiewayne I can respect that (...as long as I get to see the list someday….and maybe even cross some names off it at some point?? In a totally legal and healthy way???)

 

Damian Wayne @bloodwayne

@cassiewayne Sister, I will not stand for this. Give me the list and what grievances the people on it have caused you. I WILL see justice served or so help me. That is a PROMISE.

 

JTW @hottoddie

@cassiewayne

 

C A S S A N D R A @cassiewayne

@hottoddie Not insane…. Badass. I’ve gone Badass.

 

JTW @hottoddie

@cassiewayne fuck yeah girl!!! Cut those assholes’ dicks off!!! And I will of course help you, gleefully!!! Gladly!!! Extremely happily!!!!! Just say the word :upside_down_smile:

 

sipping brain hurting juice @dukeofthemanor

RT “@cassiewayne: @hottoddie Not insane…. Badass. I’ve gone Badass.” same energy as https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RKxErDcV1c0

 

Timbo @realtimbo

@cassiewayne @hottoddie @dukeofthemanor Duke oh my god u G E N I U S that’s perfect

 

sipping brain hurting juice @dukeofthemanor

@cassiewayne @hottoddie @realtimbo I try i try sksksksksksk

 

----

 

sTePHaNie @stephthespoiled

Oh my god all of you guys (Wayne kids only ESPECIALLY UGLEE TIMMY AND DAMI, not including my bb Cass) are so dysfunctional sksksksksksksksksks

 

Timbo @realtimbo

@stephthespoiled NO we CARE and that =/= being DYSFUNCTIONAL ///O B V I O U S L Y///

 

sTePHaNie @stephthespoiled

@realtimbo YOU GUYS WERE GONNA KILL A MAN AND UR TRYNA TELL ME THATS NOT DYSFUNCTIONAL??????? OK B I C T H

 

Timbo @realtimbo

@stephthespoiled YOU LOVE CASS MORE THAN LIFE ITSELF YOUD CUT A BITCH FOR HER WITHOUT A SECOND THOUGHT SO DONT ACT LIKE U WOULDNT HELP US

 

sTePHaNie @stephthespoiled

@realtimbo OF COURSE I WOULD, THAT BASTARD TOUCHED CASS!!!!!!!! I WOULD LIKE NOTHING MORE THAN TO RIP HIM LIMB FROM LIMB!!!!

 

Timbo @realtimbo

@stephthespoiled LOOK WHOS dySfUNcTiOnAL NOW StEphAnIE

 

sTePHaNie @stephthespoiled

@realtimbo NOT ME BITCH

 

Bruce Wayne @RealBruceWayne

@realtimbo @stephthespoiled Oh my god STOP. You two are not helping the situation. Either have this conversation in private or maybe just don’t have it? Like the mature almost-adults you both are?

 

sTePHaNie @stephthespoiled

@realtimbo @RealBruceWayne I’ll stop talking if you adopt me

 

Bruce Wayne @RealBruceWayne

@realtimbo @stephthespoiled Not only do you still have a living mother, if I adopted you, you’d be able to say your adoptive father has walking in on you with your tongue down your adoptive brother’s throat. Is that what you want, Stephanie?

 

sTePHaNie @stephthespoiled

@realtimbo @RealBruceWayne if you adopted me, I’d be able to afford the therapy it would take to deal with that

 

Timbo @realtimbo

@RealBruceWayne @stephthespoiled I HATE THIS CONVERSATION SO MUCH IM GONNA KMS BYE

 

Bruce Wayne @RealBruceWayne

@stephthespoiled @realtimbo Then let’s end it. Steph, I’m not adopting you. Tim, don’t kill yourself and also don’t drink all the rest of the coffee, please. And both of you, if you MUST bicker, leave it to your text messages or real life. Not somewhere everyone can see.

 

sTePHaNie @stephthespoiled

@realtimbo @RealBruceWayne are you saying you’re ashamed of me

 

Bruce Wayne @RealBruceWayne

@realtimbo @stephthespoiled Stephanie. Oh my god.

 

Timbo @realtimbo

@stephthespoiled @RealBruceWayne please god end this suffering

 

sTePHaNie @stephthespoiled

@realtimbo @RealBruceWayne i’m JUST SAYING if you adopted me and paid for my therapy (okay but Family Therapy Sessions??? We NEED that shit) all of this would be better

 

Bruce Wayne @RealBruceWayne

@realtimbo @stephthespoiled I’m about to adopt you just to ground you

 

sTePHaNie @stephthespoiled

@realtimbo @RealBruceWayne You know what?? I’ll take it

 

----

 

JTW @hottoddie

@RealBruceWayne when @stephthespoiled says absolutely anything

 

Dickiebird @theflyinggrayson

@hottoddie @RealBruceWayne when @stephthespoiled says absolutely anything

 

sipping brain hurting juice @dukeofthemanor

@hottoddie @theflyinggrayson @RealBruceWayne when @stephthespoiled says absolutely anything

 

resolve @harperfcknrow

@hottoddie @theflyinggrayson @dukeofthemanor @RealBruceWayne when @stephthespoiled says absolutely anything

 

Timbo @realtimbo

@hottoddie @theflyinggrayson @dukeofthemanor @harperfcknrow @RealBruceWayne when @stephthespoiled says absolutely anything

 

sTePHaNie @stephthespoiled

@hottoddie @theflyinggrayson @dukeofthemanor @harperfcknrow @realtimbo @RealBruceWayne BRUCE HELP IM BEING BULLIED BY UR FRICCIN CHILDREN

 

Bruce Wayne @RealBruceWayne

@stephthespoiled What? I suddenly can’t read.

 

sTePHaNie @stephthespoiled

@RealBruceWayne

 

Papa John’s Pizza @PapaJohns

We fortunately have no claim to @stephthespoiled or any connection with her father @RealBruceWayne

 

sTePHaNie @stephthepsoiled

@PapaJohns @RealBruceWayne SEE!!!!!!!!!!!! IF PAPA JOHN SAYS YOU’RE MY DAD THEN IT MUST BE TRUE!!!! PAPA JOHN’S KNOWS THE TRUTH

 

Bruce Wayne @RealBruceWayne

@stephthespoiled

Notes:

I don't own any of the pictures or gifs seen above, and the quote Jason posted, I found here: https://www.shakespeare-monologues.org/monologues/697. Also, I'm happy to explain what the emojis (":sunglasses:" for example) actually look like!

If you have anything you'd like to see, go ahead and suggest in the comments! I can't promise I'll do every idea, but it would help me keep motivation up. Thank you for reading! <3

Notes:

So, I have deleted the third chapter of this fic and marked it as completed. I deleted the third chapter because I felt that I didn't portray the racism that Duke went through in a respectful way, like I wasn't careful enough while I wrote it (and honestly I feel the same way about the sexual harassment bit too) and I would rather not have it up anymore. I do have the chapter saved and may come back someday to rewrite or rework it, but for now I don't plan to. Similarly, I may come back and add more chapters to this story eventually, but since there's no real plot here I feel okay marking it as completed.

I thank you all so much for reading and commenting and enjoying this fic. It was one of my first forays into this fandom and the response was very kind and very encouraging. I know there are a lot of comments I still haven't replied to which,, I'm so sorry about that, but please know I really appreciate it <3

Series this work belongs to: