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Jim sighs while he quickly tries to sort out how to explain what he’s feeling.
“I just have these days sometimes Fred.” It’s sort of a mumble, but Freddie understands him. He always does.
Silence fills the room again. This sort of situation is foreign for both of them. They’ve had tough conversations obviously, but never the type of topics that Jim has swimming around in his head.
Obviously, Freddie wants to help in every possible way he can, but he knows in order to do that he needs to hear from Jim exactly how he’s feeling.
“Jim dear, I want to do my best to help you feel better, but in order for me to do that you’re going to have to explain a bit more okay?” Jim has always loved the way he forms his words, and he’s always loved the effect that his voice has on him. The different tones and volumes are always chosen perfectly for any given moment.
He didn’t think it was possible but he felt his heart swell in his chest, and he was overwhelmed with the familiar feeling of amazement.
He stares at Fred for a moment, and his breathing shifts. Even though he knows there’s no reason to be, he’s a bit nervous. He doesn’t want Freddie to think this is his fault. He breaks the silence, his words forming achingly slow compared to his racing thoughts.
“I’ve had this since I was young… once in a while I’ll have days when I just feel, sort of strange. My mind takes over and I feel overly-conscious of everything that I’m doing.” Freddie listens carefully because Jim is speeding up his words as he’s getting them out, and this is all just very new to him and he wants to handle it in the best way possible.
“My emotions get all mixed up and I don’t really know how to explain it properly… It’s almost like I experience them in greater depth?” When he finishes he’s looking right at Freddie, searching for the normal clues that he’s either worried, scared, or going to start crying.
To his surprise, though he doesn’t see any of that, he instead sees the man he loves looking concerned. It’s not the usual look he wears though, it’s more of a mix between concerned and flat out surprised, or shocked?
“I’m not going to say I understand exactly what you’re feeling, because only you know what that is my love… but I do want to let you know that I will always listen to you.” He flashes a small smile toward Jim.
“I will always listen and I’ll always try to understand, I hope you know that.”
Jim lets out a shaky breath. “I do know that Freddie.”
“Good. Now, since we’ve gotten that out of the way, do you want to try to tell me more? I think if I know more of the specifics I could be of more help, but only if you want to of course.” With that he reaches out to place his hand in between them, thinking that maybe the Jim would want to hold onto it. Whenever Freddie is upset, physical contact is one of the best forms of comfort.
He leaves it there, and when he sees Jim notice it he can’t help but hope he’ll grab onto it. He has to admit he loves it when they hold hands. There’s something about the way their fingers interlock, and the smoothness of Jim’s palm against his own, it almost feels as if they were made to be intertwined.
Jim must understand, because Freddie soon feels the familiar feeling of his warm skin against his own, and his heart swells when he realizes this may be one of the most intimate moments they’ve shared up to this point.