Chapter Text
Sam dug through her bag quickly, sighing in relief when she found her Geodon. She opened the bottle and popped the pill in her mouth, leaning over the sink to fill her mouth with a little bit of water. She quickly swallowed it and sighed in relief.
She had already taken her nightly dosage around four hours earlier. She took it with her dinner. But then it started freaking out, so she definitely needed another dosage. She dug through her bag and found a bag of peanuts, so she quickly ate that, seeing as she needed to eat something with this medication.
She had stocked up on tiny snacks once she had started her medication, not wanting to be in a tight situation where she needed to take her medication, but she had nothing to eat with it. She inhaled deeply and turned back around to lean over the edge of the bathtub. She started the water, running it to a good temperature, plugged the tub, and waited for it to fill up. She wasn’t going to immediately get in the water, so she turned the water temperature up a bit more, so it would still be toasty by the time she got in.
Sam waited to see the walls turn back into drywall and the floor to stop grasping at her feet. Her head felt woozy and she was honestly seeing eyes in the walls. She felt as if something was crawling down her spine and she stiffened up, holding her head in her hands. This wasn’t the first time it had acted up so intensely. It happened after a session with Dr. Ferguson as well. Sam knew she just needed to sit there and wait for the medication to kick, which might be a while. It could take 20 minutes, but it also could take an hour.
She kicked off her shoes and rubbed her feet against the ground, trying to get use to the pattern. She felt like she was kicking around in water, grasping at sand. The water was dark brown though with patterns of red and blue sporadically mixed in. At the far corner of the room, a hand popped out of the water. Sam stared at it.
Slowly the hand was joined by another hand. It looked like something was trying to claw its way out of the water. Which is impossible, because you can’t grasp onto water. But this thing, it was grasping onto as much water it could. A head joined the hands.
The head wasn’t much of a head. The front of the face was gone, leaving a bloody gap in the head. There were strands of hair that stuck to the sides of the head. The body followed after the head and the body was ripped apart. It’s intestines were sprawled through the water, the liver and stomach laying idly beside their calves. It’s heart was hanging from the veins and arteries within the body. It was pumping steadily, blood squirting all over the floor and the walls.
Squeezing her eyes shut, she put her hands over her eyes. Slowly the whispers started crawling in.
Sa-am…
Sammmmmmmm.
Open your eyes, Sam.
Sammy, don’t you want to play with us? We’ve missed you so much!
“You’re not real. You’re not real.” She whispered to herself.
Why did you kill us, Sam? Did we mean nothing to you? So little to lose?
Sam just kept chanting to herself, whispering over and over, desperately hoping that her medicine kicks in sooner. She stayed there, curled up in a ball, until the whispers started to float away, and the water drained away from her feet. She breathed heavily, pulling at her clothes and her hair. Deeming that what she felt was real, she looked up and sighed gratefully. She was thankful that her pills had been so effective so far. She didn’t want to think about what would happen if it got worse.
Sam pulled off her clothes and tucked herself into the bathwater, sinking into the warmth. She pulled her phone closer to her from the bathtub edge and turned on some music, trying to calm her nerves that had started to act up.
Leaning her head back, she drifted off to the music, forgetting that she left her bottle of pills laying on the counter.
Rudely woken up by banging, she jerked out of the water, covering herself as she looked around.
There was no one in the bathroom with her, her schizophrenia wasn’t acting up, but her skin was all pruned up now. She clicked bathed herself in the now lukewarm water before rinsing off and getting out. She wrapped a towel around herself before looking for her clothes. She rummaged through her bag, becoming confused when she didn’t notice any of her clothes in there. Even her dirty clothes were gone. She looked over at the door to see it slightly open. She groaned loudly.
“Whoever stole my clothes, you’re off my Christmas list!” She yelled, grumbling as she unplugged the bathtub. She froze when she noticed that she left her pills on the counter but relaxed, figuring that if they had saw them that they would’ve taken them and then interrogated her immediately. She grabbed the bottle and threw them in her backpack, zipped it up, and then walked out of the bathroom, in only a towel. Just a towel.
She grumbled more as she walked to the guest bedroom and threw her backpack near the bed, exiting just as fast as she entered. Sam walked down the stairs until she got to the main room. She saw Josh and Chris discussing something, so she walked up to them, poking Chris violently in the neck. They turned around so quickly and looked guilty of something.
“My clothes. Where are they?” She asked, not joking around. She was cold and there was barely any heat in this place still.
Chris quickly lost his panicked face before smirking and shrugging. Sam frowned and grabbed a pillow off the couch they were sitting on. She then proceeded to start beating him with it.
“Hey, hey, hey! Watch the merchandise!” He stumbled over his words, fumbling with trying not to get hit. Sam smacked with more vigor.
“If I don’t get my clothes in five seconds, I will break your merchandise.” She said, bringing the pillow way high above her head. It was yanked out of her hands less than five seconds later and she looked back to stare at Josh with betrayal written all over her face.
Josh wiggled the pillow above his head, smirking at her, before throwing it on the ground behind him. She rolled her eyes before crossing her arms.
“Seriously, I want my clothes back.” Sam said, looking at the pair.
“I don’t know, Sammy, this whole towel look could be your new fashion style.” Josh teased, tugging lightly at the bottom of the towel, obviously joking.
“Oh, hardy har.”
“C’mon then, let me hear it.” Josh said, imitating her pose.
“Hear what?”
“I want to hear you beg for you clothes back.” He said, an intense look coming into his eyes. Sam felt her throat tighten up and she swore that the room got a million times warmer. She laughed, pretending she wasn’t affected by his words and look.
“Yeah…not happening, scout.”
Josh shrugged his shoulders, grinning. “Alright, guess you’re spending the rest of the weekend in your towel.”
She narrowed her eyes at him then at Chris, who just meekly grinned back and shrugged his shoulders, as if to say, ‘Josh is in charge here, I can’t do anything to help you’. She huffed and stared at Josh who refused to back down.
She threw her hands in the air. “Fine!” She said, not even thinking about giving in and begging.
Josh grinned bigger, as if he expected her to start pleading.
“Guess everyone’s gonna get a show of my towel and I, because I don’t give in easily to demands.” She said, adding a lilt to her voice, cocking her head as she walked by.
She heard Josh guffaw behind her, but she paid no heed, walking up the stairs instead. She got to the guest room before stopping. If she couldn’t wear her own clothes, she’ll just steal someone else’s. She turned on her heel and went straight for Josh’s room. She opened the door silently and shut it quickly and quietly. Sam took in the room that was filled with movie posters and little mementos before walking over to his dresser. After searching through his clothes, she decided on a plain black t-shirt, a pair of plain, baggy, dark gray sweatpants, and a dark blue checkered flannel. She forgone underwear, not really wanting to wear his boxers, but she did take a pair of his socks as well.
Grinning as she got comfortable in the clothes, she looked at herself in a nearby mirror. She thought she looked decent but that didn’t matter, she just was glad to be in clothes that covered her. She exited the room, holding the towel in her right hand and made her way back downstairs. The boys were still sitting on the couch, talking quietly again. She didn’t waste no time, throwing the towel on Josh’s head.
He made a noise of surprise and quickly wretched the thing off. His head turned around quickly, probably hoping for a quick flash of her or something. She rolled her eyes internally and crossed her eyes.
When his eyes landed on Sam, something dark ran through his eyes. Not bad dark, but heated-dark. He looked her up and down and once again. Sam didn’t wait though, she walked over to the other couch and sat down, lifting her feet up on the couch. She got comfy and looked back over to the pair.
“Stealing other people’s things, huh, Sammy?” Josh asked, a rasp in his tone. If Sam didn’t know better, she’d say that Josh was enjoying seeing her in his things.
“I learn from the best.” She said, grinning at him.
He chuckled, leaning back and admiring her. No other words were shared for a moment.
“Ooooooookay.” Chris said, his words taking on a teasing tone. “Tone down the weird flirting. We all know you guys want each other but please, at least get a room.”
Sam didn’t even hesitate. “Well, if anyone is getting action, it’s definitely not you and it’s definitely not Ashley with how you to dance awkwardly around each other.”
“Low blow, Sam. Low blow.” Chris said, pointing accusingly at her. Sam shrugged and grinned at him. At this time was when Emily and Matt walked back in.
“Hey.” Sam threw a greeting at them, turning to look at the pair. Emily muttered a greeting back before walking upstairs. “The guest room by Josh’s room is already taken!” She called after her, receiving a half-assed wave in return. Matt sighed and shook his head.
“Did you find that bag you guys were talking about earlier?” Sam asked him. He shook his head.
“It wasn’t on the path or by the cable car station, so I’m pretty sure that she left it at home but of course, Emily is always right. So, it’s my fault and she’s pissed.” Matt explained, tossing his hands in the air. Sam gave him a sympathetic smile. It really must suck to be with a girl you adored but she was so narcissistic that all she saw was herself. Matt shrugged his shoulders, ruffled his hair, and walked upstairs as well.
She turned away and looked back at the pair and Chris was looking longingly upstairs. Sam giggled and they both looked at her. She nodded her head at the stairs.
“Go on.” She said.
“What?” Chris said, confused.
“Clearly, you want to go somewhere else and be with someone else. That person’s name may start with Ash and end with ley.” She said. “Go spend time with her, for god’s sake.”
Chris innocently grinned before standing up and saluting them, walking up the stairs and out of sight.
“And that leaves two.” She said, turning back to look at Josh. He nodded, patting the seat next to him. She got up and sat in Chris’s previous seat. She lifted her feet and tossed them into Josh’s lap. He groaned.
“You’re so needy.” He whined, reaching down and massaging her feet. She let her head fall back and groaned as the sensations that rolled through her feet.
“But you’re so good to me.” She whined back, lifting her head and batting her eyes at him. He stared at her, biting his lip lightly, tracing over her face with his eyes.
She knew how she felt about Josh and she thought she knew how Josh felt about her, but was she right?
“So, what’s the plan, captain?” She asked, tugging her feet off of his lap and scooting closer to him. He threw his arm over her shoulder and tugged her closer.
“Well, tonight, we’re gonna binge watch movies and stay up stupidly late until we can’t see straight. Tomorrow, we’re gonna throw a little party and try to have some fun. And then after that, for the next two days, we’re just gonna do what we want to. I didn’t really plan too far ahead.” He admitted, scratching his head with his free hand. Sam grinned, knowing that he was more of an impulsive person than he was a planner.
“What movies? Horror, rom-com, western?” She asked.
“I’d figure that we would start with a good horror movie or two and then let the ladies decide on the last ones. It’s probably gonna be a unanimous decision to watch a romance or rom-com, so I’ve already come to terms with that.” He fake droned on, acting like he gonna be forced through torture with the movie choices. Sam knew better though, he was a romantic at heart and enjoyed the movies just as much as they did.
“You have to promise me that we won’t watch the Notebook.” She said, snuggling in closer and enjoying Josh’s warmth.
“Any particular reason why?”
“I’ve seen it way too many times and I’m not interested in hearing crying girls around me.” She said bluntly, feeling his chest stiffen with the effort to not laugh.
“Alright, noted. Any movie that you wish to see? I could make it happen if you just say the words.”
“Big Hero 6? Please?” She knew she would need an easy movie after horror movies, so she went with a familiar one that was released last year.
“I guess I can put in the plans, just for you, Sammy.” She grinned and threw an arm around her and held him close.
“Thanks, Josh. You’re the best.” His hand rubbed up and down her back.
“Yeah, that’s me.” He sighed.
They were silent for a few moments.
“Sam?” She hummed. “I know you said that you’re dealing with what happened last year in your own way and that you would come to me if you needed me. But I feel like you try to be so independent that you forget that you don’t have to do it alone. So, I’m begging you to let me in and let me help. Consider this my way of cashing in my win from earlier when you said you’d do anything for me to let you up. Anything being you and your problems. Let me in, Sammy.”
Sam stiffened up and went over the words in her mind, thinking them over. It would be nice for someone else to know and she was planning on telling everyone by the end of the trip. She mulled it over for a few seconds before sighing, giving in.
“Okay. But!” She stated, before he got too excited. “You can’t get mad at me for keeping this to myself for so long.”
He nodded, agreeing to her terms. She left the comfort of his arms and turned towards him, tucking a piece of hair behind her ear.
“Last year, after everything happened, my mind sort of shattered? That’s the easiest way to put it. But before I get into that, I’ve been keeping something big from you. Like, big big.” She said, gulping as fear started to enter her body. She really didn’t want to talk about that day, she really didn’t want to tell Josh that she may have known where his sisters ended up, but it was all in her head so it should be fine.
“Last year, when I was running with the twins away from whatever we heard in the noise, I don’t distinctly remember what happened. There’s two different scenarios and one of them I had to make up but they blur together so easily that I don’t know what’s real. In one version, I watch your sisters fall off a cliff as a creature is burned by a stranger while I’m petrified in the forest. In another version, we got split up when running and they got lost while I ended back at the lodge. I don’t know which one is real or fake and my mind got really confused and it kind of fell apart.” She said, looking at her nails the entire time she was describing that night that happened a year ago.
She looked up at Josh and he was looking at the ceiling. He eventually looked at her. “I know that you’re expecting me to be upset that you didn’t tell me and expecting me to get mad that you could’ve known where they were this entire time. But Sam, say that you did see them fall off a cliff. You say something traumatic and shut it out. That’s understandable. I wish it wasn’t my sisters, but I can’t fault you for being traumatized. I can’t get mad at you for trying to make sense of what happened. If anything, I’m glad that at least you showed back up. I don’t know what would’ve happened if you would’ve been gone like my sisters. And I personally would like to think that the second version is the real one because a ‘creature’, do you mean like a bear or something?”
“It was like almost nine to ten feet tall, lanky, and it seemed like it was merciless. It was terrifying, if that possibility was real, Josh. I wouldn’t want to come back to these mountains if there was a big chance of that possibility being real. I wouldn’t have come.”
Josh nodded, taking all that in. He was taking it very well, considering things.
“Okay, I’m not saying that that version didn’t happen but it’s hard to believe.”
“I know! But my mind believes it more than I would like to admit. My mind shattered because of the fear, Josh.” She said, gripping onto his hand. “I started seeing things, like that creature in the corner of my bedroom or your sisters standing over my bed and talking to me. I’ve seen demons and bloody creatures; the walls sometimes turn into sludge or mush and the floors turn into pools of water that are hard to walk through. Sometimes people will talk to me in my head and tell me that it’s all my fault that they’re gone. Sometimes I believe them. Sometimes I want to fight back and argue that I don’t know what happened. But every time that I try to interact and fight back the things that are in my head, they get stronger and have a bigger presence in my head. I feel crazy when I start talking to people and things that aren’t even there, that are just in my head.” She rambled, feeling the need to get it all out.
Josh looked flabbergasted. “That’s fucking crazy, Sam. How are you still sane? I don’t think I could deal with seeing things like that all the time, especially not if voices were telling me that it’s my fault for an accident that I probably had no control over.”
That was Josh’s way of saying that it wasn’t her fault, it was a bad situation that she had no control over and shouldn’t feel guilty about how the twins ended up.
“Technically speaking, I’m not sane. I’ve been seeing Dr. Ferguson for the past eleven months and for the past nine months, I’ve known that my mind is not the same that it was before their disappearances. He diagnosed me with psychotic depression, PSTD, and schizophrenia.” She said, finally admitting it for the first time. Weirdly enough, it was like a weight had been released off of her chest.
“Fucking Christ, Sammy. Psychotic depression sounds wild enough without PTSD and schizophrenia added on top of that. And you’ve been dealing with this on your own?”
She nodded. “For the most part, yeah. The only people that know is Dr. Ferguson and my mom. I didn’t really want to admit it to anyone.”
“I can understand. I knew you were going through some stuff but I never imagined…Are you taking medication or anything? I doubt that you’d be functioning somewhat normally without a little help.” He said, looking at her with sadness and understanding in his eyes.
“Yeah, he started me on Prozac and Geodon. Prozac is…”
“An anti-depressant, to help with the PTSD and partially help with the psychotic depression. Geodon’s an anti-psychotic and it helps with the schizophrenia and the psychotic depression.” He said, finishing her statement.
“How did you…?”
“Sam, I’ve been on Prozac since I was eleven. I only know about the Geodon because when we stole your clothes, I may or may not have seen your pill bottle and was looking it up online. Chris kind of knows that you have it as well, he was sitting with me while I was looking it up.” Josh said, looking slightly embarrassed by invading her privacy.
Sam wasn’t mad though, she would’ve done the same thing if she saw one of her friends on medication when they were supposed to be ‘okay’.
“Since we’re opening up about secrets, I’ll let you know one of my own. I haven’t told anyone, not even Cochise.”
Sam leaned in, interested.
“After their disappearances, I also developed a disorder as well. Mine isn’t what you’ve been diagnosed with. But Dr. Hill said that he believes for me to have dissociative identity disorder. It’s where I basically have a split personality. Sometimes, it feels as if I’m in the passenger seat while he’s taking over.”
“He?”
“My alter, the other person in my head. His name is Luke or, when he’s in a violent mood, the Psycho. Luke is like an older brother, in a sense. When my sisters disappeared, I didn’t have any family left. Yes, my mother and father are still alive, but they haven’t been my parents in a long time. Luke was my protector of some sorts, and protection was what I needed. I didn’t want to deal with and process my sister’s death, but Luke helped me slowly come to terms with it. He would majorly take over when we were dealing with the funeral and the police and their things, but he slowly would make me take the driver seat and deal with things, allowing me to slowly come to the realization that they were gone. It felt like the end of the world, but he helped me understand that their death wasn’t the end and that their memory would live on forever in us.”
“And Luke? What’s he like? Is he you or?”
“He’s his own person, he just happens to share a body with me. He’s the person I needed most during the traumatic part of my life. He looks like we could be blood-related and that’s because I wanted a big brother or big sister there to protect me and help me. He’s who I needed most. Luke doesn’t take kindly to his family being threatened or being humiliated. He’s one to quickly get revenge and show people what they’ve done wrong. He actually wanted to play this massive prank on everyone at this get together, by making you guys think that there was a manic killer chasing you and that you were gonna die all while recording you then he was gonna make it go viral, humiliate you guys just like Hannah was humiliated. I, thankfully, talked him out of it. Yeah, it was a shitty prank and my sisters are basically gone because of it but I can’t hold grudges and live with the fact that I could ruin someone’s life and give them nightmares and make them fear me for a little revenge. Luke didn’t like my logic but agreed to stand down, seeing as I truly was the one that was going to have to live with the consequences.”
“You guys talk to each other? How does he feel about what I said happened last year?”
“We don’t necessarily talk but more like send thoughts to and from each other, if that makes sense. Like, I can get strings of thoughts about what he wants to do or if he wants to take control, but I can’t know what he’s always thinking. If we try really hard, we can send thoughts to and from to have a slight conversation. Sometimes, we’ll communicate through a notebook and leave messages for the other. And about what you said happened last year…well, do you want to talk to him? He agreed not to come out this weekend unless necessary, but he wants to talk to you. Only for a few minutes, is that okay?” Josh asked, eyes wide with uncertainty and fear. Sam nodded, although she was scared shitless. She didn’t know if Luke was going to be pissed or upset with her.
Josh nodded and leaned his head back slightly, closing his eyes. For a few minutes, nothing happened and then, Josh’s eyes opened up. His entire stance changed, going from sitting leisurely to sitting straight up and turning towards her slightly. She looking into his eyes and noted that his awareness was different. He wasn’t looking at her jokingly and fondly but instead looked at her with a comfortable and understanding look, a look that didn’t look like Josh.
“…Luke?” She asked, feeling weird by calling Josh a different name.
He nodded. “It’s nice to finally meet you, Samantha. Joshua really does not stop talking about you and I’ve seen and heard of you much more than I would like to admit.” Luke said, letting one corner of his mouth move upward before dropping it.
“Samantha, I cannot thank you enough for opening up to Joshua and I. We really do appreciate it and understand why you kept it to yourself for so long. It was traumatizing, and you wanted to process on your own time. I hate that my sisters were possibly caught in the crossfire of a creature and died horrifically but I’m glad to know what happened.”
“Thank you for being understanding. I was scared that I was going to lose my friendship with Josh over this.”
“Joshua can’t even begin to think about you not being in his life. He treasures you, Samantha. You’re special to him. You’ve been a strong encouragement for him during his dark times. Since Josh trusts you so much, you’ve found an ally in me. I’ll try to be there to protect you if you need it. Not primarily for you even though I do care about you, but more for Josh’s sake. I don’t think he could handle losing such an important person in his life.”
Sam nodded, appreciating his words. “Thank you, Luke. For being there for him when I wasn’t there and helping him. I need him more than anyone understands.”
Luke grinned crookedly. “I think I know more than you think.”
Sam raised an eyebrow.
Luke didn’t say anything, looking over her shoulder. “Joshua is getting impatient, wanting to come back and spend time with you. Do tell him that he should stop being so possessive and impatient, it’s not a pretty look on him.” Sam laughed and nodded, agreeing that she would tell him.
“It was nice to talk to you Luke, maybe we’ll talk in the future?”
“Oh, I don’t doubt it. Au revior, Samantha.” Luke closed his eyes and quickly, opened them back up. The eyes, once serious, were now full of fondness and bright. Josh quickly brought her in for a hug and tightly held her.
“Thank you so much, Sammy, for being so understanding with this.” Sam hugged back and understood were his gratefulness was coming from.
“Of course, I’ll always be here for you through whatever you’re going through. No matter what.”
They sat there hugging for another moment before they released each other. Sam laughed, wiping a stray tear from her eye.
“Well.” Josh started, standing up and yanking her up with him. “Want to go drag everyone else down to the theater room to start the movie night? 10 points if you have to force them to come down, 20 points if you have to drag them, 50 points if you scare them down, and 100 points to whoever can get Jess and Mike here the fastest. Game on?”
“You’re going down, Washington.”
“Bring it, Giddings.”