Chapter Text
The world is ending/
That’s getting clearer every day, with every attack. Sadie makes battle plans, does her homework, and tries to figure out how she feels about Walt.
Everything seems scary and insurmountable.
She’s been listening to a lot of Adele.
Basically, she doesn’t begrudge Carter his time with Zia. He talks to her almost daily, sometimes for five minutes, sometimes for five hours and they should really just GET CELL PHONES like normal people, but none of them are normal.
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She wondered, in the beginning, if the distance and whole “I fell in love with someone who was kind of you but also not and everything’s a mess right now” thing might make their feelings fizzle after a few weeks, but about once every three years or so Carter is capable of proving her wrong. This is one of those times. Zia makes him happy, when he and Sadie are having a problem, with training a new initiate or running the Nome or just something they don’t actually have the magical knowledge to deal with, he always asks her. Sometimes Sadie joins them for those calls, as the information effects her too, but there’s enough not-so-subtle-flirting, longing glances and awkward wait-did-I-overstep-something moments for her to get as close to wildly uncomfortable as she ever does after a few minutes.
The sweet, silly, bumbling mess other people call Carter and Zia are VERY worried about clear communication and not rushing anything. Sadie sort of admires that, it’s working for them, at any rate. The initial is-that-something-you-actually-do-or-did-your-clay-facsimile-make-it-up and were-you-actually-around-when-that-thing-happened confusion faded pretty quickly and even though they’re both kinda messed up and gun shy and generally scared of caring about people, Sadie’s sure this thing between them is something like love.
A) she’s a fount of wisdom at all times, and B) it’s like the most obvious thing. Carter stares at Zia, this Zia, with rapture, like he’s memorizing the way her nose wrinkles when she laughs (Sadie knows this because Carter has told her in GREAT DETAIL) and Zia sometimes trails off in the middle of her sentences because Carter is doing something weird (enduring! Zia insists) or sometimes because he already understands what she’s trying to say. And they treat each other like people now, Carter doesn’t act like Zia’s some paper-thin Christmas ornament from someone’s great-great-great-grandfather and Zia doesn’t hide herself anymore – like she’s afraid he’ll run away if she reveals too much.
Plus, whenever they’re done talking, Carter gets this ridiculous, goofy grin and stays in an unreasonably good mood for at LEAST 30 minutes. All in all, Sadie thinks that amounts to something like love. Their lives may be a whirling tornado of Chaos and terror, but Carter and Zia (Cria? Zarter? Those both sound bad) have managed to carve out a tiny crevice of safety and Sadie’s the last person to begrudge them that.
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Caring about things is very, very good, Carter thinks.
No one can defy the Apocalypse alone, but with Sadie by his side, Walt’s charms, Amos’s quiet support and Zia’s gentle advice/teasing/generally making everything better, he thinks something great might be possible. Everything is surprisingly GOOD, in a way it probably shouldn’t be with Doomsday getting closer every minute, but he can’t help thinking about his life last year. Everything is different now, and, he ventures that it’s better. Yes, he misses his dad like crazy, but he feels real in a way he didn’t before, and his once lonely existence is full of better people than he could’ve ever asked for. Teaching other young magicians about the Path of the Gods is strangely rewarding, he likes having a sister, for real, he likes the family they’ve all managed to build.
And of course, he likes Zia.
(likes her a lot, there’s no other word he can put to it right now.)
He wants to tell her about Plan B, wants to spill all his secrets to her, but he can’t to put any weight on this thing they’re building. It’s impossibly nice and he’ll do anything to not mess it up. He pushes the guilt away by getting lost in her luminous eyes (he dreams about them, they way they sparkle or sober, how they reflect every single thing she thinks, even when the rest of her poker face is well practiced) and warm brown skin, the shimmer of her hair, and her lips, the way they twist when she’s teasing him, flatten out as she thinks about the future, or curve in one of her glorious smiles. (he dreams about them too.) Glorious, that’s the best word he can think of to describe her, and even that falls short. Glorious.
He likes his life right now, surprisingly, likes watching random movies and arguing with Sadie, likes uncovering more about magic with Cleo or cooking weird things with Jaz. He likes living in the Nome, taking care of people, talking to Horus when they get a chance, watching how peaceful Basts’s face can get when she’s actually asleep. But Zia is, hands down, the best part of his day. Always. He can’t stay away from the scrying bowl, imagines her face in the rippling oil when it’s not there. He’ll take the energy, put it into new battle plans or teaching Shelby how to draw a new animal, but he can’t deny the burst of joy that shoots through him the second they connect. He likes her voice, they way she tells stories and how her forehead wrinkles when she thinks. He likes her.
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Zia is freaking out. Just a little so it’s fine, but the freakout is always there, quietly bubbling.
It’s not panic anymore, not like her first day with the Kanes and Bes, when Apophis’s voice was still winding its way through her skull and everything seemed like the wrong color. No, this is more relaxed, more stable, a small internal storm of a million questions. She’s actually doing ok, all things considered. Iskandar’s absence still hurts so much that sometimes she can’t breathe, but Amos Kane is much kinder than she could’ve imagined. They’re both getting resettled, she in her old room, walking the halls of the First Nome with feet that feel new, and him, as the most powerful magician alive.
He makes a point, every day, to check in with her, to see how she’s doing and Zia is done hiding so she tells him, honestly. He’s a good listener and then she’ll ask him the same question, trading fears and small triumphs.
They form a kind of team this way, a smaller subset of a family that exists across the world – all the way in Brooklyn. He’s trustworthy, she decides, and offers him all the help she can give. He’s the closest thing she’s had to a father in a long time, and bring cared for by a loving adult is something she has missed desperately. The world is confusing, but neither of them are alone. The freaking out is kind of communal, actually.
She’s going crazy from being around Ra and everyone already thinks he’s a little crazy for being connected with Set.
They listen to each other, offer the support they can, and try to save the world in their own ways. She guards Ra from the other gods, even though her mind is feeling less and less like hers and Amos tries to befriend an insanely powerful god. (she can’t judge, she’s doing the same thing after all.) She’s always been highly involved in the workings of the First Nome and leading with Amos instead of Iskandar hurts, but they both know what to do.
The little girl from a lost village on the Nile has become something akin to a magician general and she thinks that her parents would be proud. She and Amos trade off coming up with dinner and they eat together, otherwise she thinks he would forget for weeks. Days with an unstable, senile, potentially-possessing-her-god, nights strategizing with Amos, and Carter everywhere else.
Gods, Carter. It’s good. Really good. He knows her now, real her, and she knows him for the first time. He feels safe, safe in a way that no one’s ever really felt safe before. She likes talking to him, she trusts him, she doesn’t want to hide any of herself away. He’s beautiful, she thinks. The planes of his face soften when he’s listening, his attention so sharp and clear that she has to remind herself they aren’t the only two people on the planet, and his whole being lights up when he’s recounting something particularly exciting that happened – he saves his best stories for her.
He shares himself indiscriminately, but he’s so careful to not overwhelm her and whenever she notices him pulling back something in her chest tugs, and then she’ll urge him forwards, because there isn’t anything he’ll tell her that she can’t handle. Her feet are firmly on the earth now, Zia knows who she is, and she wants to absorb as much of this extraordinary boy as possible. He keeps her grounded and sweeps her away in the same moment.
She knows he looks forwards to their conversations, know because Sadie tells her constantly, but Zia, even in her most emotional-denial filled moments, (which are abundant, she is the queen of poor emotional processing) has to admit that he’s the best part of her day too. She likes making him laugh, trying to shock him, not worrying about every single thing she says, just relaxing. Zia’s never been able to relax like this before.
Even with the emotional land mines they’ve learned to toe around, even with the risk that someone will do something awkward or she’ll run out of things to say or accidently let the whole oh-I-think-Ra-needs-me-to-do-something-big-or-the-world-will-end-deal slip, he’s still the best part of her day. She’s not good at being vulnerable, it’s much easier to be tough and sarcastic (this, she guesses, might be why she and Sadie get along) but Carter broadcasts such visceral GOOD, he radiates forgiveness and everything he does is genuine. He knows she’s not great at that, knows she has scars and still hurts and isn’t great at dealing with them, but he makes her want to try. For the first time, she sees an upside to vulnerability, if it means getting closer to him. So, yeah. Hopefully the world won’t end. She’d like to try this whole love thing.
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She’s close, she’s with Sadie and he’s going to see her. it’s a terrifying prospect, a cliff’s edge that a flowerpot-shabti with his sister’s voice has him teetering on. Everything’s been good between them, really, but the distance is safe, protects him from all the kinds of awkward one can be in person. Still, he wants to see her, so badly, and if his molecules dissolve upon contact, that’s a price he’s happy to pay. (He doesn’t think that could happen, she only makes him feel more real.) He and Walt summon the Egyptian Queen and take off for what is quite possibly their last journey together. The world might end tomorrow, for real this time, but Carter is inexplicably light, because he gets to see Zia. (also worried about his breath)
In the brief moment where her gaze isn’t firmly locked on Walt, Sadie smirks. Carter is standing, grinning like the dork he is, at Zia, unable to take his eyes off her, while also trying to look like a powerful, trustworthy general. It works though, Zia’s smiling back with equal dorkiness and it occurs to Sadie that this might be what a great love story is – not caring how silly you seem.
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It’s better than he expected, so much better.
Zia is here and real, no oil whirling across her face and she smells so distinctly Zia. She’s got a smudge across her nose, ashes in her hair and he wants to curl his hands through it, get as close to her as possible. Everything is better in person, her breathing is soft and she’s smiling at him, gods she’s smiling at him. She’s fiery and powerful, prepared for battle, he delights in knowing her well enough to see that. He wants to step nearer, the way she tilts her head is an invitation, but now isn’t the place. Doomsday isn’t the time, he’s pretty sure. He can see something hiding behind her eyes, but he won’t ever force her, so instead he volunteers his own big secret, her walls will come down when she’s ready.
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It’s an insane plan. Zia is rather a master of insane plans, and she’s spent enough time around the Kanes to be relatively comfortable with their particular brand of insanity, but this is a new level.
He shares the plan with her and she can hear the confidence he’s trying to inundate his words with. He’s terrified, he knows it’s nearly impossible, but Zia familiar with terror, it’s one of her oldest friends so she just puts her hand gently on his arm. Not too much contact, because if she goes too far she might not be able to stop touching. She didn’t think she’d feel the pull this much, but there’s a brave, beautiful, foolish boy in front of her, one that she’s been falling in love with for half a year and she can’t trust the intensity of these feelings yet, so she settles for just the arm. A touch that says, I’m here, because that’s all she can do, because she has her own plan and it makes a madcap dash with the most evil magician of all time look like a cakewalk.
If they’re going to die in less than a day anyway she’s glad it’ll be spent like this, trekking across the earth with Carter, because she’s pretty sure that they’re supposed to have the grandest of adventures together.
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They get a day together. Sure, they’re stuck with an unbelievably evil ghost, the world might end, and Sadie’s off to save Bes’s soul but Carter can’t bring himself to be upset. Zia is next to him, sailing down the Nile and can he feel the electricity jumping off her skin. Carter could stay like this forever, listening to the soft puff of her breath, waiting to be delighted by whatever she does next. He keeps thinking about when she taught him to control the Ribbons of Hathor, because the thing is, Zia’s a great teacher. She’s surprisingly patient and completely committed and when her lips form the word “tas” for the first time, he knows he won’t ever be able to forget it.
Setne’s officially the worst, he’s conniving and evil, asking a million unhelpful questions and Carter feels like he’s missing something. Setne’s manipulating them both in too many ways to keep track of, but when he brings up “what Zia’s thinking” Carter can’t stop his throat from closing up. He’d never do that, to her or anyone, because nonconsensual mind-reading is a gross thing to do, but Setne knows it’ll get a reaction because knowing what’s going on in her head, actually knowing, would make this little dance they’re doing so much easier.
Then Zia, of course because it’s what she does, takes control of the situation, grabbing Setne and pulling him away. It shouldn’t be as attractive as it is, Carter thinks, but this is Zia, taking ownership of the situation, saving them both, and someone looking unreasonably hot in the same moment. (or, it’s not that much of a surprise, she’s always unreasonably hot, but that’s different) As she drags the ribbon wrapped ghost to find BB, she turns for the briefest moment and winks at him. As the god of Chaos appears in her place, Carter can’t help but feel chilled, like something’s missing without her unreasonably warm presence at his side.
Zia can’t believe she just did that, physically pick up Setne and DRAG HIM AWAY because he threatened to tell Carter what she’s thinking?
Still. Zia’s a problem solver to her core and she really wants to be the one who whispers to Carter, hey I like you, and gets to watch his face light up, not an evil ghost. Hopefully they’ll have time for confessions like that once Doomsday’s over.
Carter in battle is a surprisingly beautiful thing, Zia thinks. He probably likes it for the same reasons she does – a clear objective and only so many ways of achieving it – but he’s unreasonably impressive while fighting. His combat avatar always takes away her breath, but it’s his face too, the authority with which he pulls his sword from the Duat. Of course, she doesn’t like worrying about his safety, but as she tries to summon fire in the middle of a river, fire to distract a giant hippo and save a boy she cares (so much) about, she keep away a smile.
Yes, this feels good. It feels natural, they are supposed to protect one another.
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Their journey continues, and Zia’s still there. That’s the part Carter can’t get over, they’ve done wild, crazy things before, but he’s never been so constantly at Zia’s side and every little thing she does, the way her wrist flicks when she ignites her staff, how she takes control of a situation, the cliffs she’s willing to jump off if he tells her there’s land on the other side, how she won’t let Setne get a word in edgewise and loudly complains about the Hapi Pills, and most recently how she takes his hand when they’re walking into the temple where the Book of Thoth is hidden, how she knows he hates being underground, hates the trap they’re being led into, and silently takes his hand because that’s all she can do.
(It’s enough, holding her hand would probably be enough to get him through just about anything, he thinks.)
He falls in love (love, because there’s no other word for what he’s feeling) a little more with every step, every time she reveals something new. He never thought it was possible to be so in love with just, the way someone moves through the world, but he is.
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Zia’s there until she’s not.
Yeah, Carter was expecting to be betrayed, expecting some evil surprise, but he didn’t think anything would happen to Zia. (Zebra, Ra calls her) She is glowing and it’s beautiful but it’s not her, this is something else, some primal force (the sun god, he thinks) and suddenly all the times she’s frozen up, pulled away, the question that sits behind her eyes, it all makes sense. His heart breaks for her, for feeling like she needed to hide this fear and he wants to embrace her, to say that she can collapse, she doesn’t have to endure, that he will be there to catch her. But he can’t, because she is wreathed in the sun god’s power and yes, they’re fighting for their lives against yet another evil statue, but all he wants to do is get lost in the power emanating from her, watch the suns flicker in her eyes. Zia’s gorgeous when she’s fighting for her life.
She saves him, she always saves him, and for good measure he saves her when she collapses. Later, she will apologize over and over, for the fireball she summons, aims in his direction. He doesn’t know exactly how to say that he was never scared, because somewhere, instinctively, he knows that she would never hurt him. (she likes a battle, likes a fight, but has never enjoyed causing actual harm.)
They flee the temple and all he can think about is getting her to safety, rescuing the most dazzling human he’s ever met, because she can’t die like this, she can’t die from overheating in a crypt full of dead cows, because she is so strong and right now he just really needs to get this fever down. He almost dies because of this, because he doesn’t think to keep Setne in check or give BB clear orders, because all he can think about is making sure Zia survives.
He uses every healing trick – magical or otherwise – that he knows and then sits next to her, holding her hand and watching every breath. He leans down, not even knowing what he’s doing, just in an effort to be as close to her as possible, to share his life force with the brave girl on the bed. His face ends up buried in her hair, he breathes in the smell of her perfume and the smoky tang of godly magic and something else distinctly Zia. Everything is crumbling but he rejoices, clings to the fact that last year he didn’t know that smell and now he could identify it from miles away.
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A jolt goes through Zia’s body, like someone jumpstarted her heart. Everything hurts, hosting a god is exhausting and she’s not sure why that doesn’t go on the warning label. She’s trapped in blue light and for a second everything freezes, because what if this was all a dream, what if she’s still trapped in the underwater tomb what if nothing’s real or she was actually driven insane. Wrongness pounds through her chest and she realizes, finally, that Carter’s not with her. the room is demolished and what surrounds her isn’t water, but magic, and protective spell from a boy who doesn’t have the magical reserves to spare energy on her, a boy who she can hear fighting with something very loud out on the deck.
She decides then, screw propriety and taking things slow and being scared, she would very much like to kiss him before the world ends.
He’s about to die, for real this time, before he and Sadie get to even attempt their spell against Apophis, because a giant axe-headed demon is going to slice him in two, and no one could survive this, he’s out of miracles. But he’s not, because Zia is a source of endless wonder and she melts the demon with a spear of flame from her staff. (see, hot.) she is beautiful in life-or-death situations and after she mumbles soothing about being done, parroting the demons words back, time stops for a moment and Carter tries to memorize her face. (he’s yet to succeed, there’s always a new detail to get lost in)
If this were a romcom, if they were different people, if he were as brave as Sadie or she was less broken, if they weren’t sailing to their deaths or she hadn’t just almost burned up, he would kiss her. He doesn’t, that’s a line she needs to cross first, he won’t push her, so instead he memorizes the moment, both breathing heavy because he likes to be saved by her. He learns that again, a minute later, when her vulture amulet saves them both from being dashed against the rocks.
When they land, tumbling against each other, he can’t stop grinning, even though everything hurts, because she’s really just the coolest person ever and he’s so, so unbelievably lucky.
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They have a picnic, she’s proud of herself for suggesting it, because right now they need five minutes to rest, because he needs medial attention and she needs a hug. They talk a little, it’s fairly inconsequential in the whole scheme of things, but she’s realizing how much better the world feels with Carter by her side. She decides then, when faced with his questioning look, to tell him about Ra, what she thinks is happening, why she’s terrified. Just like always, he makes everything better. she doesn’t hide her fear this time, and he takes her messy feelings and untangles them, without flinching, his hands are big and kind.
If there’s anyone who understand this feeling, too much responsibility, someone else in your head it’s him. She places her head on his shoulder, listening to the beat of his heart and decides to trust, trust him, trust Ra, and try as hard as she possibly can. He dips his head forwards, murmurs, you’re going to save the world, into the shell of her ear and her mind quiets. The questions she’s been agonizing over for so long disappear. Zia turns her head up and presses a response into his lips, no, we’re going to save the world, all of us.
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They do, it turns out. Too much happens to really comprehend, they’ll spend the rest of their lives unpacking the events of the almost-Apocalypse. Carter remembers things in flashes, his sister with tear tracks on her face, bravely reciting an incantation on the edge of Chaos. Sadie is awesome, he knows this in his bones. He’s lucky, none of this would be possible without them working together and when they finally defeat the devil snake he knows that, yes, this is their destiny. Horus is a welcome guest to have back in his head, almost like an older brother or friend, and when he goes back up to rule the gods, Carter is surprisingly proud of the ancient falcon.
They still see the gods, as Sadie will say, the attempt to leave was something of a ploy for attention. They just have a little more trouble appearing in the mortal world, but he and Sadie take thousands of trips into the Duat, visiting their parents, Bes, and of course, their favorite cat goddess who gets to take all the naps she wants. It’s hardest on Zia, surprisingly. All the other initiates return to Brooklyn house and just sort of . . . go one with their lives as they dig deeps into the Path of the Gods and continues to strengthen and grow.
But Zia, she was the reason they won the war. She was Ra’s host. Looking back, Carter thinks he should’ve seen it coming the whole time. Of course that was the part she had to play, there’s never been someone more fitted to be the sun god’s body. When it happened, when they joined spirits and Ra’s former body disappeared, Carter had been freaked out – it felt like a goodbye before he was ready, but there was no other way. He still dreams of her, wreathed in the power of the most ancient god, alight with beauty and majesty, going toe to toe with impossible villain. But she survived, because she is impossibly good.
Still, he’s glad to get her back, the world might need Ra, but he needs Zia.
(he’s so proud of her, letting a god in is hard, doing what she did is nearly impossible, but she’s the greatest magician he’s ever known and he reveres her)
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For days after, she’s a little dazed, but the glimmer returns to her eye as Sadie pulls crazy stunts to entertain her and when Zia looks at him with a pained expression – pained because they are all adjusting, again, and he knows she’s frustrated, frustrated because she just wants to exist and be happy without putting in all this emotional work, again, but he smiles. We have time, he says, don’t rush, we have so much time.
That turns out to be good, because healing takes so much time. Broken bones are set and knit back together, Nomes are repaired with loving hands, and the magicians who survived the apocalypse cling to each other as they try to make themselves whole again. Julian wakes up in a cold sweat every night for a year, Shelby can’t sleep with the lights off, Jaz bakes like a fiend, and Sadie’s eyes are haunted.
Zia wants to help them, wants to put each together, and that’s a surprisingly nice thing to feel – she’s never cared about so many people before. Unfortunately, you can’t fix another person, so they all settle for supporting each other, laughing and crying and growing up together. It’s hard and slow but it happens. Progress is made and Zia, a master of survival by now, has a feeling everything is really going to be ok. She likes teaching new magicians, likes rebuilding the House of Life, and she likes being near the Kanes. Sadie becomes something of a sister and Zia couldn’t ask for a better friend.
For a long time they desperately seek out every potentially moment of joy and so when Carter wakes up early one morning, and gets Sadie to cover the class she was supposed to teach with a mischievous gleam in his eye, she takes his offered hand, following him without question. He takes her to the promised destination, the mall, and pulls her around, showing off the trappings of a normal life she doesn’t think he’s ever really had either and decides that even now, with all they’ve lost, living is so good.
She kisses him in the food court, and then again on the way home. (she doesn’t ever stop.) He still radiates kindness, he’s so careful with her, with everything, and yesterday she saw Freak try to hit him with a frozen turkey, so yeah, she’s pretty much in love. She feels safe. It takes a long time for her to identify the feeling, but that’s what it is, safety. Stability. He’s safe and trustworthy and Zia doesn’t ever want to let him go.
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She’s so beautiful, in every sense of the word.
He doesn’t know how to sum her, not even now. She’s a cascade of dry humor and conviction and skill and smooth, silky hair and a laugh that fills every corner of the room with light. And, now that Apophis has been vanquished, it’s just their lives. There’s adjustments, there always are, when she comes to live at Brooklyn House. She still spends a lot of time in Egypt too, that’s where part of her heart will always be, but she goes to school with Sadie and Walt and teaches the initiates fantastic spells he and Sadie haven’t gotten anywhere near yet.
Mostly he gets to spend time with her, for real, all the time he wants, and they spend the next three years learning about each other (there’s still so much more to uncover) and doing cool magical things, but mostly just enjoying the company. (He shows her his favorite books, she takes him on random, perfect adventures - down the street or to Argentina, and livingwith someone is a whole lot better than dying for them.)
There are fits and starts, healing is hard and she’s impatient, but there is so much good.
She falls asleep on the couch sometimes and he’ll lie next to her, listening to people chatter in the kitchen and feeling the slow steady pulse of her heart. A few weeks after she starts living in Brooklyn house, they’re dating. For real. It’s everything Carter hoped and so much better than he imagined. When they’re seventeen, summer of senior year, they break up, because they’re still learning how to be people and uncurling your limbs into the world is hard, but one night, about two weeks after the initial breakup, she knocks on his door in the middle of the night, crying, about Apophis and her family and his heart breaks because they are still all right in the middle of getting better.
He pulls her into his room and she spends the night there, curled against his chest, as they cling to each other.
But, wounds turn into scars, they always do, and freshman year of college – somehow they end up at the same college without trying – they’re not dating but not not-dating. She’s sitting in his dorm, fighting through a research paper, when he sits down next to her with a cup of tea and a bad joke and everything that they’ve been pushing against just melts. (it feels good, she not supposed to be so cold.) Later she’ll whisper, her lips against his throat, that they’re better together and he pulls her flush against him, a clear act of agreement and after that they don’t every worry about it again.
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They stand together, at the door outside the Nome, their Nome.
The Brooklyn sun is bright and glints off of Carter’s skin and Zia’s hair. He leans down and kisses her, (they make out for at least ten minutes against the warm limestone of the magical building). Sadie pops her head out and beams, pulling them both inside. They have plans. They’re going to make the world better. Together.
Carter’s breath whisks down Zia’s bare back, her hair tickling his cheek. This is what trust feels like. She flips around, facing him, and buries herself against his cheek. These are the moments, she thinks. Almost dying? A lot? Facing evil again and again? Figuring out who she is and what they are? Totally worth it.