Chapter Text
DAY 2,597
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Crawley finally reached the end of the desert. He’d spent the morning awkwardly scrambling down cliffs, but now he stood on the rocky shore as waves crashed at his feet. The ocean stretched as far as he could see in every direction.
“This is stupid,” he said to the endless waters. “The humans were much more interesting.”
Sitting on a large rock, he dug into his bag for another jar of alcohol. He hadn’t revealed how many he was really carrying – drinking with the Angel had been fun and all, but if he was going to be wandering the Earth for a couple centuries, he would need a few pick-me-ups.
Aziraphale.
Crawley closed his eyes and thought back to that night, walking through the dark of Eden. Had he forgotten – or had he never noticed before – how Aziraphale would get overwhelmed with emotions and struggle to keep eye contact? Or the way his entire face lit up when he found something new to enjoy? Probably not – there hadn’t been much to enjoy those first days.
Well, he’d be in touch with Heaven by now. Back to Home Office or sent to the humans or some other assignment. At least he’d be off the wall. It had eaten away at Crawley for years, knowing he was still up there. Convincing him to make the call had been the most elaborate Temptation Crawley had undertaken in a very long time.
“That’s my good deed for the millennium,” he said firmly, though he shuddered to think what Hell would say to the idea. Perhaps now he could forget the Angel and get to the job at hand.
He snapped his fingers, then emptied the bag – not of the jars stolen from the humans, but the first delivery ordered by Hell. Enormous bones tumbled out in a pile, more than the bag could conceivably hold, ending with a skull longer than Crawley’s arm. He glanced at the drawing of the intended arrangement.
“Who designed this mess?” he muttered, turning the page one way and another. “It doesn’t look anything like a giant bird.” He snapped his fingers again, making a few changes to the diagram. “If I do this, they might mistake it for a giant lizard.” It still didn’t look very convincing to him.
By evening he had all the fossilized bones arranged deep in the cliff face, where they’d be uncovered after an earthquake several thousand years in the future. He added several unrelated bones and a large number of seashells, as per instructions.
After checking off the first location on the list, he flipped through page after page – thousands of locations, all around the world. Fossilized bones, footprints embedded in rock, and a hundred variations on trilobites.
“This had better be one good practical joke, because I am not seeing it.”
Finishing his alcohol, he smashed the jar among the rocks and headed up the coast to the next location.
How long until he saw Aziraphale again? Not before this job was finished, that much was certain. And no telling where, if the stupid angel couldn’t manage a proper reassignment when he got off the wall.
He’d check with the humans first, of course. Hopefully they wouldn’t be too hard to track down. They’d probably have more foods to try by then. Maybe new forms of alcohol. They could try them out together, he and Aziraphale.
Crawley just needed something really clever to say when he found him again. “So. Giving the mortals a flaming sword. How’d that work out for you?”
It needed some work. He had time.
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DAY 2,598
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They’d had more than enough time.
It had taken Aziraphale most of a day to carve the necessary glyphs into the walkway atop the wall, using a sharp stone he’d found. Then, with the connection achieved, he’d explained that he had information to relay to his superiors. After that came the waiting.
He tried patrolling the wall, but he got anxious if he couldn’t see the faintly glowing glyphs. He tried sitting beside them with appropriately heavenly patience, but even that ran short.
He needed something to distract himself with. He wished Crawley were here.
No he didn’t. That was the most fantastically foolish thing he could wish for. A demon? On the wall of Paradise on Earth? There would be too many questions. Paperwork. Repercussions . Not to mention the awful, tasteless jokes and unnecessary smirks every time he tried to be a bit serious. No, he knew plenty of angels who would be far better, not to mention more appropriate company. He should imagine them here instead.
He wished Crawley were here.
Aziraphale stood, looking Eastward across the desert. The sun would rise soon. The fourth sunrise since he contacted Heaven. What was taking so long?
“Well, look at that! Someone was here after all.”
Aziraphale spun to find himself facing the Archangel Gabriel, tall, confident, and smiling with good-natured humor. His white robe somehow made Aziraphale’s look worn and tattered, and his brilliant, flame-colored wings seemed almost to outshine the sun.
Another angel. Aziraphale found he was blinking back tears. It had been too long.
“The Principality Aziraphale checking in,” he said, standing to attention, pride filling his voice. “I’m pleased to report there have been no incursions or attacks on the Wall since – ”
“We know.”
“You – you know?” Aziraphale felt himself deflate.
“Oh, yes. The humans are at least a thousand miles away. No threats to the wall there.” Gabriel leaned forward with a just-between-us grin. “To be honest, I forgot there was anyone still here. Bit unnecessary at this point, don’t you think?”
“I…it…” Aziraphale closed his eyes, trying to find the worlds. Any words. It was a struggle to keep smiling.
Gabriel clapped his hands so sharply that Aziraphale flinched. “It’s a good thing you checked in when you did. We’re about to pull the Garden out of reality entirely. Would not have been a good place to be standing, am I right?”
Aziraphale looked into that beaming face and forced himself to take a breath. “I’m…sorry. Did you say you forgot I was here?”
“Everyone was supposed to be recalled. Your notice must have slipped through the cracks.” He slapped Aziraphale’s shoulder. “Won’t happen again, though! We’re really tightening up the paperwork. Everything accounted for, from now on.”
“Oh, that’s…good…” Aziraphale could hardly concentrate on what he was hearing. “I’m sorry. Again. But. No one in my platoon noticed I was gone?”
“We did think it was a bit quiet,” Gabriel admitted with a shrug.
Crawley was right . Aziraphale wasn’t sure how he even kept standing, when everything hurt so much. Gabriel was saying something about the legions being divided up for specialized assignments, but he knew the truth. Aziraphale had been forgotten.
“ – that border with the flaming swords, and now they stay well back.”
“What?” Hopefully Gabriel would think his voice was shrill from the excitement of the story.
“A bit of violence to keep the demons in line, it’s all they respect. Honest fighting, like back in the Rebellion. Those were the days, right?” Aziraphale still couldn’t think about fighting in the Rebellion without feeling a sudden panic, so he just gave something approximating a smile. “Still, we don’t expect any major conflict for a very long time. Both sides are focused on Earth now, and the humans. It’s the new war, the war for souls!” Gabriel looked genuinely excited at the idea.
“Right. The humans.” Aziraphale was glad to find his voice was mostly steady. “So I – ”
“Oh, that reminds me. You were re-issued your sword for defense of the wall, right?”
The moment had come. Aziraphale prepared himself to confess everything. “Yes. I was.”
Gabriel nodded. “Most of those have been recalled, except for use on the front lines. Too flashy. Yours was a special case, though. Hold on to it, but keep it out of sight.”
Slowly, Aziraphale closed his mouth. That’s it? It was almost too lucky a chance. Perhaps he should say something. Clarify things. “Where… will I be assigned?”
“We’ll have to find something a bit more suitable for your qualifications." He shrugged, flaming wings flashing out in gusts of flame. "I mean, seven years without a single report? Doesn’t look good, does it?”
This was too much. “You specifically told me not to report. That I was to wait to be contacted.”
Gabriel blew out a breath and shook his head. “No, I’m pretty sure I’d remember saying something like that.”
“But…I was sure…” Aziraphale could still picture the look on Gabriel’s face as he’d berated him. Don’t waste my time with this meaningless drivel! You have one job – stand here and look at the desert until I get back. I hope that’s not too complicated for you because there is literally not a simpler job in the entire universe.
Had he misunderstood? Had the years alone warped his memory of his last orders somehow?
Was this his mistake?
“I’m sorry,” he whispered.
“Don’t worry. I mean, it’s a pretty big error on your part, but I’m sure we’ll find something that you’re competent at eventually.”
“I was hoping… I might help watch over the humans?” Until he said it, he had no idea how much he wanted it. Had it been Crawley’s stories that put the idea in his head? Or had it been there since the day he handed over his sword, and told them to keep surviving?
“Oh, no, I don’t think so. We need our best angels for that job.” Gabriel put his arm around Aziraphale’s shoulders. It should have been warm and friendly. It wasn’t. “Is that really you? If we’re honest?”
“My time…here…on the wall…” The tears were back in his eyes.
“Doesn’t count for much. What really happened? Hmm? A demon got in, the humans got out. Then a whole lot of nothing.” He laughed as if sharing a joke. “Vacation’s over, though. We’ll get you back into fighting shape.”
Maybe he should stay on the wall. Disappear from reality. Would anyone even notice he was gone?
Crawley would.
And with that, he knew exactly how to get his reassignment.
“Actually,” he took a deep breath, stepping away from Gabriel and projecting confidence. “I have Information that will be of interest to our People here. There is a demon – an Agent of Hell – at large in the area. He’s passed close by the Garden several times, most recently just a few days ago.”
“I thought I smelled brimstone.” Gabriel sniffed deeply. “Figured it must be all that organic matter – ” he waved dismissively at the Garden “ – giving off an odor. But if there’s been a demon in the area, that’s a different story.”
Aziraphale wasn’t sure if Gabriel could actually detect anything, but he rushed on before he could lose his steam. “Yes. The demon – Crawley – is a very Cunning and… Wily Adversary. I last saw him heading West, but I have reason to believe he lived among the humans for years. Disguised of course. He may even have attempted to Corrupt the younger humans.”
“Uriel did say there was a suspicious demonic figure lurking around, but no one was able to get a good look. Can you provide a description?”
“Oh, yes. He has two forms, humanoid and giant serpent. I have plenty of information to share.”
“That’s wonderful news.” Gabriel beamed with something like pride. “If you were able to find out all that while on the wall, you may be good for something after all. He didn’t notice you, did he?”
“I was…very subtle.”
Aziraphale ordered himself not to feel bad for betraying Crawley. He was a demon. It didn’t count.
“Excellent! Well, the humans are camped about twelve hundred miles that way – ” Gabriel’s gesture took in a broad arc of desert, nearly everything from North to Southeast “ – head over to them and report to the angels on the scene. We’re setting up a rotation, but if your information is as good as you say, there might be a permanent assignment.” His tone suggested this was extremely unlikely.
“That sounds… yes, thank you.”
“Better get walking.” Gabriel nodded to the sun, which now stood a finger width above the horizon. “At midday the Garden is set to disappear, and you won’t want to be within ten miles of it then. Unless you want me to arrange a celestial shortcut?”
“No, actually, I’d – I’d rather walk. Learn the lay of the land.”
Already preparing to leave, Gabriel gave another brilliant smile. “That’s what I like to hear.” Two more pairs of flaming wings unfurled, spread wide, as if to outshine all the glory of Eden. “And don’t lose track of that sword!”
And then he vanished.
Aziraphale was alone again. There was the usual rush of miserable self-doubt he always felt after talking to Gabriel, but after that he felt strangely peaceful. Energized, even. He could hardly comprehend the possibilities before him, all that could result from this assignment.
But first, there was one thing he wanted to try.
He stretched his wings one last time and turned Northeast.
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DAY 2,600
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The mountains were easy to find. They reared above the desert sand, taller than the walls of Eden. Jagged. Imperfect.
Beautiful.
The trees that grew on the outcrop three hundred feet up were twisted, stunted things compared to those that grew in the Garden, but they had a wild strength all their own. One grew almost sideways, struggling to find the single small patch of sunlight the others let through.
The fruits didn’t look like he remembered, either. Smaller, with a patchy red and green skin. Little brown or white speckles here and there. They seemed to be ripe.
The first bite of the apple was tart, juicy, almost overwhelming.
Aziraphale smiled and twisted one more off the tree for the journey. It would be a long walk, but he was used to that.