Chapter Text
"You just missed them,
They all left."
I said softly,
While I busied my hands with picking up stray plastic cups.
Cas's footsteps grew closer until I could feel his body heat right behind me,
I swallowed down a sequel before it could leave my throat,
As Cas wrapped his arms around my middle,
His hands locking together on my flat stomach.
I almost forgot to breathe.
Cas speaks with a calm air about him,
Like my heart wasn't flying like a hummingbird in my chest.
"I know,
I was able to catch everyone walking out the door."
Cas lays his stubbled chin against my freckled shoulder,
The fluff of his dark brown hair rubbing against my eyebrow.
I continue picking up every cup in my reach as a means of distraction from Cas's breath puffing onto my neck.
"I'm sorry I kept you waiting."
I hum,
Before reaching across the table for another cup,
Cas's arms loosen enough to allow me to reach it.
"Gabriel showed up."
I lose my grip on the plastic cup,
Causing it to shoot out of my hand like a rubber band.
And I almost faceplant against the wooden table,
But Can tightens his arms just in time.
"WHAT?!"
I sputter out my hands frantically pulling at Cas's arms,
My face still suspended inches away from the table
And I swear I hear Cas swallow a laugh.
"Calm down Dean."
Cas says in a velvety smooth voice,
Before he gently reels my body back against his chest and away from my almost wooden death.
"How am I supposed to calm down?
Your brother is crazy!"
"My brother is not-"
A whip my head around to look Cas dead in the eyes,
The angle is awkward but he got the point.
He sighs,
"I feel crazy is a harsh word Dean,
Gabriel is just…"
Cas trials off his words,
His head tilting slightly to the right.
"Eccentric."
I blink.
Mouth tightly set.
"Right."
I drag each letter in the word out.
"Well what did Mr.Eccentric want?"
Cas narrowed his eyes at my sarcastic tone,
Causing me to lower mine.
"Gabriel."
Cas lowers his head to rest back onto my shoulder,
Causing him to hunch slightly,
Tan arms tightening around my stomach.
"Was on his way to the store to get more lollipops and liquor,
When he drove by my house and saw a bunch of cars parked in the front."
I nod my head lightly,
He continues.
"So he stopped because he
'Wanted to see what his little bro was up too.'"
My eyebrows raise to my hairline as Cas makes honest to god quotations as he speaks.
"Anyway."
Cas sighs arms wrapping back around my waist like vines on an old house.
"I had to tell him that we were having a huge play date party
And that if he wanted to stay to help change diapers he could."
I choke on my own spit
Because out of everything for Cas to say I was not expecting that.
I sputter and laugh,
Blonde hair falling back onto a tanned shoulder.
"Wha-
Ha-
What di-
Did he say?"
Cas hummed,
The sound vibrating softly in my ears like he was a honey bee and I was the flower.
"He said Quote
'Yeaaah,
I rather not spend my day with a bunch of kids,
And their obsessive mothers.
Thanks but not really for the offer Cassie.
I'm outta here,
Got booze to get and people to see.
Catch you later Thursday.'
End quote."
I laughed loud and obnoxious,
Until there was no laughter left in me.
It was silent than,
Once my laughter faded
And the echo of it washed away.
There was no sound for miles,
The sun had already set
And everyone who was outside had already retired for the night.
It was nice.
I leaned my head back against Cas,
Burrowing it into the hollow of his neck,
Cas stood straight now,
His head coming in turn to rest on top of mine.
"Thursday?"
I whispered the word into the night,
Afraid that if I was too loud It would rip away the blanket of silence that was covering us.
"Castiel is a biblical name.
And one origin for the angel who shares my name is,
That he presides over Thursdays."
There was a slight pause before he continues.
"But no one is entirely sure if he was a real angel or if he was actually an older angel named Cassiel,
And people changed his name over time."
I hum,
Eyelids fluttering in the silver moon lit night.
"What's another origin for this Angel?"
Cas hums in thought,
His head shifting around on mine.
"That he was a warrior,
One of God's favorites.
But even though God loved him his brothers and sisters didn't feel quite the same.
He was an outcast,
He felt alone and abandoned by the one person who swore loved Him."
I frowned,
My head lifting slightly to look up at the clear sky and bright full moon that hung over us.
"What happened then?"
"He met two brothers
And an older gentlemen who played their father.
He loved what the brothers stood for,
What they fought everyday for.
He found refuge in the brothers,
He found family
And he found love."
Cas's arms tighten around me.
"He fell,
Willingly,
Not only for the fight of good
But for love."
It fell silent,
Cas's words hung thick in the air like a fog after fireworks.
That story felt too real,
Almost like it wasn't entirely a story.
Those words meant something.
I opened my mouth to speak,
To ask More about the Angel
Or to ask if those words were real.
I don't know .
But regardless Cas spoke first.
"Speaking of Older men playing father."
Cas's arms slip from my waist
As he steps around me
Picking up the discarded cup from earlier.
I still couldn't form words,
My mind still wrapped up in that story.
"Bobby stopped to talk to me on his way out."
I started at Cas,
Mouth dry,
And heart hammering.
That story.
"He asked me if you were ever coming home."
"Yeah?"
My voice comes out dry,
I clear my throat.
"What did you say?"
I watch Cas's Moon lit shilloute move,
Around the deck to pick up the rest of the mess from earlier.
"I said that it was up to you."
Cas replies without looking up from his task.
I nod,
My eyes looking down at the dark grain of the deck.
"What if I don't want to leave?"
It was just a whisper,
But the words moved in the night like wind,
Reaching Cas's ears
And whipping around them.
Cas stopped what he was doing,
The cups in his hands discarded on the table once again.
But he doesn't move from his spot.
"Then you can stay."
His answer is whispered into the night.
"But Dean.."
Cas sighs,
His voice sounds worried now when only moments before it was soft,
Sweet almost.
I look up at him,
Our eyes lock and while it is almost too dark to see color I swear his eyes have never looked so blue.
"Dean."
He starts again,
Shifting his weight on his legs,
Hands crossing over his chest.
A sign of discomfort.
"What we have developing between us,
When your big is not-"
My heart sinks before he could even finish.
"It's not normal."
I don't know how I manage words let alone breath,
But I speak with my tears in my eyes
And my heart in my stomach.
"What do you mean not normal?"
Cas notices my discomfort,
Because of course he does.
A frown tugged at the corner of pale lips,
Before he walks toward me with slow measured steps.
I stay still,
And let him approach me until we are arms length apart.
"I just mean that most caregivers and their littles don't have a-"
He shakes his head trying to find the right words.
I stand still and watch him.
"A romantic relationship.
Even if it is just strictly while the little is in their adult headspace."
I suck in a quick huff of air,
Clasping my trembling hands together,
Before nodding.
"And that's what you think we have?
A romantic relationship?"
I tried not to sound hopeful,
Because Cas seemed like he was uncomfortable with the idea.
…..
But I sounded hopeful.
"Dean."
Cas says before taking another step closer,
One more step and the tips of our shoes would touch.
"Dean we eat dinner together every night.
When your big you help me cook,
And we stay up until midnight watching movies
And debuting over which we thought was better."
He takes another step closer,
Our shoes touch,
My breath hitches.
"We curl up on the couch together
And watch the morning news every morning
Your big even though you say it bores you.
We cook breakfast together in our boxers,
And sing off key while we watch the sun rise.
And I tolerate your loud rock music while your working in the garage,
Even though the bass gives me a headache."
He takes another step closer,
Our faces practicality touch.
"We are what Gabriel would call,
An old married couple."
We watch each others faces,
And with Cas this close,
I swear I could almost touch the ocean in his eyes.
I speak before I could even register the words.
"Does that bother you?"
Cas doesn't hesitate before replying.
“No.”
A piece of my heart rebuilds.
“Does it scare you?”
“No.”
Another piece rebuilds.
“Then why are you so worried about it?”
My voice is quiet,
Intimate almost,
The words spoken in a hush.
Our eyes meet again,
And I know Cas could see the hope in mine.
“Because it's not normal Dean.”
Cas says first,
The huff of his breath caresses my face,
But my eyes must give something away because he follows up with.
“And I don't want to push your boundaries,
Or do something that may make you uncomfortable.”
His hand slowly comes out
And lays on my cheek,
I lean into the touch,
Eyelashes fluttering,
Cas’s thumb strokes my cupids bow.
Cas’s actions might read as contradictory,
But I could feel the worry in his eyes,
Almost like he was afraid I would pull away
And never return.
“I could ruin what we have when your little.
Or-”
My heart restores,
And I do something quickly without overthinking it.
I grab Cas’s jaw
And pull him into a Kiss.
The kiss is quick,
And nothing more than a press of lips.
But it is the best damn kiss I have ever had,
Cas’s lips are cool
And melt into mine perfectly.
Almost like our lips where two halves of one whole.
When I pull back Cas stares at me with wide eyes,
And parted lips,
His hand on my cheek slips slightly,
But I catch it with my own hand.
“Cas.”
I stroke my thumb over the back of Cas’s hand.
“When I am me.
When I am big Dean.
When I can consistent.”
I trail off from that thought,
When Cas’s other hand comes up to lay on my opposite cheek,
Cradling my face like I was precious
And breakable.
This causes the butterflies to swarm,
My heart to skip,
And the light in my soul to brighten ten fold.
“I love our time we spend arguing over trek or wars
And cuddling on the couch,
And just being near you man.”
The words hang between us,
As I lean up
And press my forehead to Cas’s,
My eyes flutter Close.
“Let's not worry about what other people think.”
Cas makes a choking sound
And I reopen my eyes to see him staring at me like I was the best gift he had ever received.
Cas runs his thumb over my trembling lips,
And I sigh leaning into the touch.
“Cause when I'm Dean and your Cas,
Your my freakin boyfriend.”
Cas chuckles lightly,
Like he was about to scold me but stops himself so that he doesn't ruin the moment.
And instead he knocks his forehead gently against mine,
And smiles a lip splitting smile.
“And when I’m little,
You're my caregiver.”
I look into Cas’s eyes
And smile back just as wide,
My hands clutch his own on my face.
“And if anyone has a problem with it they can just go to hell.”
My words puff against Cas’s lips like a confession,
Leaving a sweet aftertaste in my mouth,
And a light feeling in my belly.
We both fall silent than,
Just starting into each others eyes
And enjoying the comfort of the other.
Cas rubs his head against mine once more,
Like a purring cat,
Causing me to laugh lightly,
Eyes crinkling as the sound echoes around us like chimes.
Cas is the first one to break the silence.
“Language Dean.”
Cas teases softly,
But before I could respond Cas pulls me into a heart melting kiss,
And all thoughts of retort leave me mind.