Chapter Text
JADE: you know i always believed that if i just kept smiling
JADE: just kept on taking everything like it was going to be okay
JADE: that maybe just maybe things would be?
JADE: if i kept on pretending and lying to myself that the lie could maybe someday become the truth
JADE: but every single day on this ship it feels harder and harder to believe that
JADE: its shitty of me to be this selfish
JADE: i know for a fact that /everyone/ i care about is dealing with shit
JADE: its stupid of me to sit around on a cushy couch and watch movies and pretend like im suffering
JADE: but then what else can i call this?
JADE: nothing has changed
JADE: im still alone, im still scared
JADE: im still lying to myself
JADE: because i truly dont know if things are going to be okay
JADE: i wish john was here
JADE: he would say something stupid or quote a dumb action movie hero and give me a high five
JADE: fuck i even wish davesprite was here
JADE: even if all he could do is mope about "oh i'm sure when you meet the real dave he's going to take care of you"
JADE: even if its a lie
JADE: i would really like someone to just tell me things are going to be fine
Her voice was weak. A tiny, awkward, desperate echo that ran through the empty golden halls that surrounded her. Every single day that passed the ship seemed less and less like a vessel to transport her to a new life and more like a coffin. A tomb. Full of memories and hopes long forgotten. Bedrooms unused, a large couch that was far too big for one person and piles upon piles of cakes and sweets that just one girl could not truly have to herself.
As Jade lay on the floor she thought back to the island. Back then she could have the familiar sound of the ocean waves rocking up by the shore, the calls of migrating birds followed by Bec's commanding bark as he chased them through the fields. Even the sound of the wind passing over the course rock formation of that volcano that still dotted her dreamscape could bring peace to a sad and lonely girl.
But here she was. In the infinite void of space. A place where sound couldn't escape or travel. And yet she continued to cry out, to beg, to scream, to weep. There is no need to wear a mask when there is no one there for you to perform to. And the more and more Jade thought about it, it cut deeper and deeper into her already fragile heart. She had worn the mask for so many years, could she even recognise her own true face?
What if this was her true face? A depressing and isolated young women who clung to pillows and cried her eyes out. Would there even be a chance for a proper reunion? Could her friends accept her for who she is and not who she pretended to be for so many years? The Harley's hands reached up to slap over her ears, clamping them down to her head as if she was trying to shut out the voice in her head as she rolled onto her side.
JADE: no no no!
JADE: shut up shut up shut up!!!
JADE: things will be fine! john is going to fix this shit and we are all going to get together and hug this out and then we can be friends forever!
JADE: we can all go on picnics and watch the sunset together and i can take dave hiking and i can show rose my garden
JADE: a-and we can all have that sleepover i always wanted!
Jade's lips trembled and curled into a broken smile as tears began to roll down her cheeks and as she let out a pained hiccup. From her position on the floor her legs slowly pulled themselves up towards her chest so her arms could loop around them and she could hug herself. Another night spent on the floor crying and dreaming of better.
JADE: theyre my friends
JADE: theyre all my best friends
JADE: im doing this for them
JADE: they have to love me...
How many more days would this last? How many weeks would melt into months for Jade to find comfort in the arms of another? The arms of someone she surely has given everything for? She did not know. And those who did cannot tell her.