Chapter Text
Angels and demons have different aspects and abilities depending on their ranks and what they were created to do. But for thousands of years since the beginning of the Earth, besides God, they were the only supernatural creatures about the Earth. There was a single event in which God made a human son but he was an outlier.
Adam was also an outlier. And worse, unlike Jesus who had a pretty strict rhetoric he was following, Adam was just doing his own thing. He’d proven himself to at least not be interested in following his satanic father’s desires, but that didn’t mean he was interested in doing the right thing.
He’d actively threatened heaven and hell from meddling in the affairs of Earth. And what was Aziraphale except a professional Earth-meddler? That was the only thing he was even remotely good at! He’d been created to be a guard and he royally fucked that up nearly immediately. His whole 6000 year stint on earth had been a meddle. He wasn’t employed by heaven any more but he knew Adam was a preteen and likely didn’t care about his employment status.
Meaning: Aziraphale was terrified. The moment of his fall from the lamp post had been one of the worst instances of time he'd ever had inflicted on him. Adam the Antichrist, who could bend the Earth to his will, who had banned angels from his vicinity, was right in front of him; and all he'd done is fall off a light pole.
“Are you okay?” The antichrist asked him. He had approached Aziraphale quickly in the aftermath, “That’s kind of a far fall.” Aziraphale stared at him in horror as he pulled his hand back and then squatted down next to the angel. “have you hit your head?”
Aziraphale was still deciding if it was a good idea to attempt to get up or not with Adam looking over him. “What?”
Adam chewed the inside of his cheek in thought before reaching out and tapping on Aziraphale’s forehead. The angel definitely felt some kind of infernal magic work through him but if it had any effect or change it wasn’t readily apparent. The little boy spoke again, “You didn’t hit your head I guess. Why are you still on the ground?”
"Are you...you’re asking me if I have a concussion?” Aziraphale finally decided he needed to at least engage in this conversation.
Adam had the audacity to look nervous. As if he couldn’t turn Aziraphale into a little pile of goo at a thought. “I hit mine falling once. Wasn’t allowed to sleep till I went to the hospital. Yours is fine though, I checked.”
Aziraphale slowly sat up, propping himself on his elbows to look closer at the boy. “I...am fine. Thank you. Angels...can get hurt just like humans. Yes. Though I’m a little more resilient than a couple meters fall.”
Adam flashed him a smile and held out his hand again to help Aziraphale up. “I’m glad. What are you doing here?”
Aziraphale hesitantly took the hand and stood up. He flapped his wings to shake off the dust before tucking them away. He pointedly ignored how Adam had tentatively reached out to touch them, given that they hadn't made contact. “I’m...looking for Crowley. That’s all. I know you told us to stay out of your things and leave the Earth alone but...we aren’t doing anything untoward, I assure you.”
“Un-what?”
“Untoward. Inconveniencing. Or, meddling. I’m not here to bother you is what I’m saying.”
“Oh, No you’re fine.” Adam assured quickly. “I didn’t mean that for you. You can bother me.”
Aziraphale paused again, mulling this over. “You aren’t going to smite me?”
“Why would I? You’re nice.” Adam grinned up at him. “The rest of them can piss off though.”
Aziraphale felt the relief wash over him in waves. “Thank you, Adam. That means more than I’m sure you know.” If it were any other child he would add a reminder that they shouldn't swear.
Adam just shrugged and then looked at the pole Aziraphale had been perched on. “Why were you up there?”
“I- I told you I’m looking for Crowley. He’s uh...he’s a very large snake at the moment, and he’s using as much of his magic to hide himself from detection as he can.”
Adam’s eyes lit up as soon as Aziraphale said he was a snake. “My school has a snake! Do you have to feed Crowley rats too?”
“Oh- uh. No.” Aziraphale rubbed the back of his neck. “He’s still himself. Actually I guess he’s more himself now than he was before but, no. I don’t think he wants a rat. We’re trying to get him to look like a human again.”
“Can I help?”
Aziraphale didn’t know the answer to that question. Could he help? Sure. Should he help? Maybe not. “Well-” he started tactfully “-Crowley made the same assumption I did that you didn’t want us messing about in your business. I would like your help, but I’m not so sure he would.”
“Fair enough.” Adam seemed disappointed.
“Maybe, maybe you could help me find him?” Aziraphale cocked his head in an encouraging manner. Crowley was always the better with kids, but Aziraphale could pull his charming weight when needed. “I’m not sure you should use any of your magic on him proper, but finding him should be enough.”
“Yeah!” The antichrist seemed excited to be able to help. “Can I call my friends?”
Aziraphale had to pause again, “I think perhaps that might be a bad idea. Again, he...is a giant snake at the moment. And I do mean giant. You are a brave little boy but I don’t think any of your friends need to be put in any danger when it’s a situation that can be handled entirely peacefully.”
Adam frowned, “they wouldn’t attack him.”
“Oh dear, it’s not him I’m worried about.” Aziraphale said as if it were the final say on the subject. Crowley wouldn't attack human children, of that he was certain. But human children did have a tendency to get under foot (or coil) and Aziraphale had enough experience with humans to know when it was better to just not risk unneeded accidents.
Adam nodded solemnly, “so how do we find him?”
“To start I need you to take down the wards you have up first. They’re messing with my ability to find- well, to find anything, really.”
Adam looked down at his hands and then back up to Aziraphale, “what’s a ward?”
“They are the shields you have up. The protection that you have created around this place. Sometimes they are a physical barrier, like what I have in my bookshop. Other times they’re just meant to disorient and confuse, like what you’ve created. You’ve made something that I assume was to keep angels and demons from finding you. All the searching miracles and magic I’ve tried to apply just leaves me a little directionless and lightheaded. Once I even forgot who I was looking for!”
“I guess I did a good job then.” Adam replied as if he hadn't realized he'd put any wards up at all. Which was probably likely, given he wouldn't have done it as a conscious act and merely a sense of self preservation.
Aziraphale couldn't help but give a proud little smile, “You did a terrific job on the wards, they’re very powerful. I do need you to take them down for me to find anything though.”
“How do I do that?” Adam asked.
Aziraphale chewed on his lower lip for a moment, wondering how he should word this. “You...just need to think about it.”
Adam screwed his face up tight and then looked at his hands. After a moment of silence passed he looked back to Aziraphale, “is that it?”
As he looked around and decided nothing had changed Aziraphale then had the terrible, slow, and creeping realization that Adam had no idea how to properly use his powers at all.
—
Newt scratched at the back of his head as he thought about the question. “I tried to fix the console. I mean, I broke it. It wasn’t working and I tried to fix it but I broke it in the process.”
“And that’sss a common occurrence for you?” Crowley asked.
Newt shrugged. “All my life. Anathema says I was destined for it, but I don’t know if I believe in that kind of thing. It is a lucky coincidence I guess.”
“What if…” Crowley was getting an idea, “what if I told you I know what’s wrong with you?”
“Is there something wrong with me?”
Crowley made a little snort of a noise, “Not with you specifically. Did you ever read holes?”
Newt just gave him a confused look in response, clearly not sure what that had to do with anything.
“It’s a book. It, well, okay. There’s this part where a guy’s ancestor does something shitty and gets cursed and then it passes through generations and they’re all a little cursed and thus this conversation would have been better if you read the book but what I’m trying to say is: you’re cursed, bud.”
“Cursed?” Newt asked incredulously.
The snake flicked his tongue out at the man, smelling the curse wiggle around at it’s detection. “Yeah. It’s an old one. All the men in your family are probably really incompetent, huh? Probably nice, kind, strong, caring, but can never seem to catch a break? Maybe they have lofty dreams and ambitions? Maybe they never achieve anything at all besides keeping the family name going. Gotta have more kids to keep a curse going, you can’t snuff the bloodline out.”
Newt’s expression had turned to a more uncomfortable one. That was certainly true, but he didn’t like that Crowley would be able to know that. “It’s not their fault.”
“Oh, it’s one of them’s faults. You really gotta piss a witch off to get a curse like this. But the good news is I am fairly certain I can break it.”
Newt frowned, really not liking where this conversation was heading. They had been getting along so well, and now this demon was offering him something. “Why would you?”
Crowley made that weird shrug motion again by moving his coils up and down. “I literally have a week to kill till your girl gets home. What else am I supposed to do?”
“I don’t know but you don’t need to involve me in it.”
“Woah, hey,” Crowley pulled back from the window, “I’m not trying to fight. Trust me you’d lose. I’m just offering to help you out, that’s all.”
Newton crossed his arms and glared at the snake, “and what would I have to do to make this happen? Do you want do damn me after all? Take my soul, demon?”
“Why would I want to do that?” Crowley was actually offended at this suggestion, “You humans, you always think I want something to do with your souls. I’m retired, Newt! I didn’t do crossroads deals when I worked for Hell anyway. Maybe I just want to do the right thing, huh?”
“I don’t believe you.” Newton scowled at him. “Anathema told me demons always want something. I didn’t even believe in demons till I met you just now but I know what she told me about them. I always listen when she talks, even if I don’t know what she’s talking about.”
Crowley sighed. “You’re technically right. With any other demon that would be the case. But I don’t work for hell, and I’m not exactly into the idea of securing more souls for them. I do not want to damn you, I just think it's fun to break a curse. It's not like I get to do this all the time, not exactly a bunch of multigenerational cursed floating about. It's fun, it's rare, it's something to do. That's all."
“Well…” Newt seemed to relax a little more at the admission. “How would you break it, then?”
“We would have to make a deal. A stereotypical looking thing, but again I don’t want your soul. It needs to be something spiritually worthwhile, but does not actually have to be important to you.”
Newt frowned, “like what? That doesn't make sense."
“Blood is the easiest, but if you're squeamish I can just take time.”
“Time?”
“You’d have to be a thrall for a week or so. Nothing gross, or weird, or anything. I'm not an incubus. I’m gonna be hanging out in your garden and I guess you would be too.”
“I don’t know...this sounds like something Anathema would actually kill me if I accept.”
“What’s she gonna do? Come back faster? That helps literally both of us out. If anyone can break a pact faster it’s her. The sooner I'm man shaped the sooner I leave you alone."
“And...I don’t go to hell if I accept this?”
“Absolutely not. No damning at all. I can even get it in writing. Actually it has to be in writing anyway. Rules, you know? Hell loves a paper trail."
Newt worried his lip and rubbed his forearms anxiously. “And...I’ll be able to do computer engineering for real? Like, actually make computers work and not just break everything I touch?”
“That’s the goal.”
Newt was quiet for a long while. Crowley knew how humans were about this kind of thing so he kept himself quiet, licking the air intermittently to taste how the curse was freaking out about it’s potential destruction. “Alright.” Newt finally spoke up. “I’ll do it."