Chapter Text
Laying on his back, his arms spread wide and legs propped up against the uneven tiling that paved the roof, Andrew thought that he could swallow the stars whole. They were bright that night, thousands of tiny pinpricks of light dotting the gusty indigo expanse of sky. It all felt larger than him, solar systems and galaxies thousands of years removed from everything else.
For a moment, Andrew felt his mind clear. For a moment, he wasn’t thinking about college or Exy or his so-called future.
For a moment, Andrew wondered if he could be perfectly happy up there with them, distant but apart of something larger than himself. A constellation, a solar system. A whole goddamn galaxy of stars.
The scuff of a shoe against pavement pulled Andrew back to the ground. He was instantly aware of the roof tiles under his back and his knuckles rubbing against their scratchy surface and the countdown before he had to leave.
“You don’t have to climb on the roof to look at the stars, you know.”
Andrew lifted his head at Neil’s voice. He sat up, blood rushing to his head, and peered down at him. Neil stood in the driveway with his hands stuffed into the pockets of his threadbare jeans, head tilted back and lips curled in the slightest smile.
“Can I come up?” Neil called up.
“Don’t ask stupid questions,” Andrew replied.
Neil’s smile widened as he ducked out of sight. Andrew heard him knock and the door opened, throwing a blade of orange light across the darkened lawn. Nicky’s delighted voice wafted up, insisting Neil could just come in, that this was his home too. The door closed as Nicky ushered him in, and the light disappeared, turning the world once again to its blues and dark greens of nighttime.
Despite himself, Andrew felt nervous. He wondered if Neil had come to regret asking Andrew to kiss him once he sobered up, or that maybe Neil really wasn’t into Andrew at all now that his head was clear from the alcohol that they had drunk. It was still warm, despite the sun having already set, but Andrew felt chilled at the thought.
The window opened behind him and Neil climbed out. He sat next to Andrew and dangled his legs off the roof in a way Andrew never could without feeling sick from the height.
“I got grounded for stealing the wine,” Neil said, unconcerned. “But I don’t think Uncle Stuart was all that mad. Honestly, I think he just didn’t know what else to do.”
Andrew felt himself relax. He and Neil seemed to pick up exactly where they left off when they parted two days ago, and all the tension bled away. He wasn’t worried anymore. He felt as he always did sitting next to his best friend.
“Couldn’t have been that bad if he let you come over,” Andrew said tilting his head towards him.
“I don’t think he knows what a grounding actually is.” Neil shrugged. “Whatever. As long as I’m back before curfew, I’ll be fine.”
“You’re always fine.”
“Exactly.”
Neil grinned, and Andrew’s stomach twisted and flopped over itself. He was intently aware of how alone they were; Aaron and Nicky were inside and no one else was out on the street. They’d been crammed up on this ledge more times than Andrew could count, but only this moment did Andrew realize how little space was left between them. Andrew distantly thought that he should feel claustrophobic, but all he wanted to do was move closer to Neil, not away.
“Remember when you said you more than liked me?” Neil began. He wasn’t looking at Andrew anymore. Instead, his chin dipped to his chest while he stared at his hands grasped tightly in his lap. Andrew wasn’t sure if it was a trick of the light, but Neil’s cheeks had taken on a rosy glow of pink. “Well, I more than like you, too.”
Taking a quick, steadying breath, Andrew lightly touched Neil’s cheek so he was facing him again. Neil’s eyes widened a tiniest bit, his gaze dipping to Andrew’s lips. Affecting his best Neil-imitation, Andrew said, “Then you should do something about it.”
That startled a surprised laugh out of Neil. “I guess I deserved that.”
“You really did.”
“You know,” Neil said, “you never actually answered my question.”
Andrew rolled his eyes. “I distinctly remember telling you to ask again later.”
Neil’s expression softened. The usual iciness in his eyes melted to a pretty summer blue and his lips parted on the smallest inhale. “Can I kiss you? Yes or – ”
“Yes,” Andrew interrupted and kissed him quiet.
Andrew had imagined kissing Neil, of his lips against Neil’s and his hand curled around Neil’s jaw and Neil’s hands in his hair for so long now that a part of him never thought it would actually happen.
But this kiss changed everything. Andrew felt everything. His hand rested on the side of Neil’s neck, Neil’s pulse drumming an erratic beat against his thumb, and Andrew kissed him. Neil’s hand clenched in Andrew’s t-shirt, not to hold him still but just to cling on to, and Andrew kissed him. Andrew’s heart was going to leap out of his chest, Neil’s hands moved to cup his face, and Andrew kissed him.
Andrew was the first to move back but he didn’t go far. He kept his hands where they were, one on Neil’s cheek and the other around the back of his neck, and tried to get his breathing under control.
“Wow,” Neil whispered. Andrew snorted and pushed his face away.
“Wow,” he mocked. Neil rolled his eyes but his lips twitched until he lost the battle completely and laughed. Andrew felt a small smile of his own but he hid it with the back of his fist before he was able to rein it in.
Watching Neil, his hair mussed and lips red, it suddenly didn’t matter that he was moving two hours away in a couple weeks. He still had a home here, and he still had Neil. Andrew thought he could manage with that.
“You’ll visit, right?” Neil asked.
“Don’t ask stupid questions,” Andrew replied again. Neil’s eyes crinkled with that quiet happiness and Andrew knew everything would be okay.
Andrew’s bedroom door was propped open when Nicky went to check on him and Neil. He knocked on it before poking his head in, but found the room was empty and both boys were sitting on the ledge outside the window.
He couldn’t hear what they were saying, but Nicky noticed that Neil’s shoulder was pressed to Andrew’s when he threw his head back and laughed. He had heard Neil’s laugh before, quiet huffs of air or sarcastic snorts, but never like this, never a full-body roar. In turn, Andrew looked completely at ease, his head knocking against Neil’s as he said something else.
It was then that Nicky noticed Andrew and Neil’s hands clasped together. His cousin looked happy and calm, more than Nicky had ever seen him before in the entire two years he’s known him. It was everything he’s wanted for Andrew, and Nicky was glad Andrew had found his own happiness at last.
Smiling softly, Nicky quietly closed the bedroom door behind him and let them be.