Chapter Text
Izuku woke up slowly; feeling far too comfortable for... well, comfort. Last thing he remembers, the world was suddenly becoming muffled as his vision filled with green and blue spots and tints. And then… oh right, and then he hit the floor.
As Izuku blinked opened his groggy eyes his vision was soon met with the deadpan face of his homeroom teacher. Izuku let the situation wash over him. He’d passed out, In the middle of a training exercise. Izuku lost fucking consciousness and now his teacher was staring at him far too knowingly. To say it gave him a sense of Foreboding was an understatement.
groaning in frustration, Izuku turned onto his side away from Aizawa. This wasn’t something he wanted to deal with. In fact, it was quite certainly the last thing he wanted to deal with. Convincing everyone you’re fine is pretty difficult if you’re fainting from standard training.
“Midoriya,” His teacher said impassively. Izuku pulled the thin blanket around himself tighter, refusing to respond. “We need to talk about this.”
“We have, Sensei.” Izuku said through gritted teeth as he remained turned away. He couldn’t do this right now. He never could. He was so damn weak.
“No, I don’t think we have.” Izuku cringed at the hero’s harsh tone. Aizawa sighed, noticing the tenseness in midoriya’s shoulders, he made an effort to soften his tone.“We just— we want you to be safe.” Izuku huffed in response.
“Great job you’re doing at that.” Izuku regretted the words the minute they left his mouth but he couldn’t help it. His brain was screaming deflect deflect deflect. Just as it always did.
“That’s… fair. I suppose.” Izuku leaned up slightly to get a glimpse at his teacher. He had a hand to the back of his neck, face painted in guilt. Izuku’s heart clenched as his self hatred grew even more. This man had fought tooth and nail for them; Izuku had no right to say such a horrible thing to him.
“I…” Izuku began as he finally turned back over. “didn’t mean that—I’m sorry that was—“
“Midoriya.” Izuku flinched at the sound of his last name. He lifted his gaze to the tiled ceiling; counting the holes. His teacher sighed again and Izuku couldn’t help but feel like the biggest burden in history. “I understand.”
Izuku snapped his head down and met his teachers eye line with an intense stare. The heat in his chest raised, body reacting to those words like fight or flight
“Do you?” Izuku drawled, voice strained. “Does anybody?” His voice cracked as he shriveled; anger fading into the pain he repressed everyday. “Because from where I sit…” Izuku loosely motioned to the infirmary cot “well, I think you get the picture”
“I think you underestimate the people who care about you.” Aizawa said, voice uncharacteristically gentle. Izuku bit his lip, eyes downcast. His teacher may be right but he still didn’t get it.
“I think, maybe, I’m just broken.” Tears pricked in Izuku’s eyes. He didn’t want to cry in front of his teacher. A man he respects as much as All Might and trusts in ways he couldn’t with any previous teacher. Of course, he had cried in front of him, on numerous occasions no less, but those tears didn’t mean anything. They weren’t pathetic tears like the ones threatening to drip from his eyes right now.
“No one is truly broken.” Izuku looked up. It was clear in Aizawa’s eyes that even he held hesitation to those words.
“You don’t really believe that.” Izuku said with a slight eye roll.
“No, but I’d like to.” Aizawa said, face somewhat sheepish.
Izuku huffed, and then he chuckled and eventually fell into light laughter. Once the shaking in his shoulders died down he looked up to see the slight smile on his teacher’s face. He sucked in a breath. Aizawa scotted his chair closer and placed a gentle hand on Izuku’s knee.
“You know what I do believe, however?”
“Hmm?”
“You are not beyond saving.”
Izuku cried. Fat tears betraying him as he hid his eyes in the crook of his elbow. He used his other hand to muffle the shaking sobs that were racking his frame. It felt just like the day All Might had told him he could be a hero, except today he was crying for a different reason. He was crying because his teacher was wrong.
Well, the situations may not be so different, because, now, Izuku was almost certain All Might had been wrong as well.
And Izuku wanted desperately for them both to be right.
Not too long after that, Izuku was given a check up of sorts. Recovery Girl seemed to be tip toeing around the subject. She checked his vitals normally, if not a bit more quiet than usual. Izuku kept his head turned away from Aizawa as his blood pressure was displayed. It was far too low for anyone training to be a hero and the soft exhale his teacher released was enough for him to know he didn’t want to see Aizawa’s disappointed expression.
“Strip to your underwear and put this on” Recovery girl said, rather impersonally, placing a hospital gown on the cot. Izuku nodded, about to start removing the reminits of his gym uniform when he turned to give his teacher a questioning look.
“You want to stay for this part, sensei?” Izuku asked, slight challenge in his tone. His teacher huffed as he hiked up his crossed leg and tightened his arms around his chest before making a point to turn his head to the side with an eye roll.
“I’m not leaving.” He said, voice devoid of emotion but filled with conviction. Izuku had just turned his back to his teacher to remove his tank top but hesitated with the hem just at his chest when he heard those words. “I’m not looking, problem child.” Aizawa said, noticing the lack of motion in his peripheral.
Izuku snapped out of it and continued to remove the shirt as let out a dark chuckle. “I know” He reached for the hospital gown, throwing it on as he spoke, “It’s just kinda funny, cause my real dad would never say that.”
“Maybe he’s not your real dad then.”
Izuku smiled as he slipped his pants off.
“Wow, sensei.” Izuku said as he turned back to his teacher. “You’re pretty wise with daddy issues.”
“It comes with the gig.”
“Sounds fake,” Izuku was led to the scale against the wall across from his cot “but” he sighed as took a short step up onto it “okay.” As Recovery Girl adjusted the weight, face pinching when she had to move the heavier part down another notch, Izuku had to force his mind away; getting weighed in front of his teacher was unjustifiably horrifying to him.
It wasn’t that he didn’t know his weight, because he undoubtedly did. He knew his weight down to the T. He knows how much his weight fluctuates throughout the day and what kinds of food threw it off. He knows how fast he can lose or gain weight. He knows how much of that weight is fat and how much is muscle, and he has come to realize that he doesn’t care about that anymore. Maybe that should startle him, but, at this point, he was just a slave to the numbers.
“Maybe you could be my daddy then.” Izuku said with closed eyes in an attempt to distract himself as he heard Recovery girl tab the small weight back and forth, singling she almost had his weight. The only response Izuku received was a scoff but that hardly registered because he knew his world was about to end when they saw that number.
There was silence for a moment, then the sound of pen on paper.
“Step off and have a seat, Miodriya.”
Izuku got off the scale, eyes trailing the numbers, unable to pull away until he had to hop onto the cot. He kept his eyeline forward, avoiding his teacher on the other side of the cot who was now openly staring at the scale that had previously been covered by Izuku’s form. Aizawa stood and walked closer to the object in disbelief as Recovery Girl pulled her chair up to sit across from Izuku.
“You’re down 30 pounds from your initial physical exam. What concerns me further is that I know you gained muscle first semester so this recent loss is most likely even more than we have record of.”
“I--that’s, um--”
“Midoriya,”Izuku felt a firm hand on his shoulder as his teacher’s worried voice penetrated his senses. Disappointment. That’s all he could ever be.
“I-I’m sorry--I just--” Izuku felt like he was drowning. The panic in him grew. How could he get out of this? He was trapped. Tears gathered in his eyes again but he wasn’t sure if he really had it in him to cry anymore; he was just so damn tired. “I didn’t mean to—I—” but he did mean to; this was all intentional, all his fault.
“Hey,” his teacher squeezed his shoulder “let’s just take this one step at a time, okay?” Izuku looked up at Aizawa, hopeful wonder in his eyes. Aizawa looked so caring, so reassuring. It hurt.
“Sensei—“
“As touching as this moment is, I think it’s best we get through some evaluation questions.” Izuku looked back at Recovery Girl, face flushed with embarrassment.
The questions started simple: fosing on mood and energy level. She asked if he’d noticed any changes in his thought or behavior patterns as well as his relationship with peers. He also got the typical depression questions like ‘do you still enjoy doing things for fun’ and such. Izuku was able to bear through it (even when she asked about his sleep with Aizawa looking straight at him) until they got onto to food. Then the questions were touture.
“Have you ever purged?”
That was the question of the hour, really. Granted, it’s restriction that got him into the mess he was currently in but it was purging that pushed him to this point. Why did he start it to begin with? Why did he choose to chew but not digest? Hell when it even started he wasn’t sure of anymore. It all just blurs into the big monster that weighs on his shoulders and stops him from living freely.
“Well… I mean, hasn’t everyone eaten too much and thrown up?”
Recovery Girl’s note taking stopped as she glanced up at him for a moment, face momentary taut in disbelief at such a stark statement. After all his denial and hiding, Izuku supposed it was a fair reaction
“How often do you do this?” She asked, regaining her professionalism.
“N-not often.”
“Not often.”
“Yes, not often.”
“But it’s recurrent?
Izuku took in a deep breath.
“Just say it.” The words came out cruder than he’d intended and he received a warning ‘Midoriya’ from his teacher, but he was sick of the games. They knew what was up. They knew how fucked up he was and he just wanted them to give it to him straight. Kick him out, tell him how weak he was, remind him what his hero name really means.
Instead Recovery Girl sighed and looked up at him with emotion filled eyes. Before he knew it they began to water slightly. Suddenly her behavior made sense; she’d been trying to hold back her concern.
“Young man, I know this is stressful but please, we just want to help. I…” she paused for a moment as she removed her glasses to wipe her eyes. “I’ve dealt with students with these sorts of issues before but to see someone so strong having to go through this, it’s painful, Midoriya.
“But I’m not strong, I’m weak.” Izuku’s voice cracked as he spoke. “I’m so disgustingly weak.” He’d never be strong, he’s never live up to All Might’s expectations. He broke so easily.
“You are one of the strongest and most giving students I have met in all of my career.”
“Don’t tell the others… but I agree.” Aizawa said, slight humor in his voice. “However, you’re still chaos incarnate an undesirable amount of the time. Well… I guess the whole class is.”
“We just have to keep you on your toes, Sensei. Wouldn’t want you lose you to get rusty.”
“Why don’t you tell that to All Might.”
Izuku took a shuddering breath in at the mention of his mentor. It made him feel sick to think of All Might finding out about all of this. After all the work he put into building him just for Izuku to rip it all to shreds. Or rather, let it fade away.
“W-where is All Might? Does he… does he know?” Izuku asked, fingers tapping against each other tentatively.
“I thought it was for the best if we did this without him present. I thought you’d feel more comfortable.” Izuku nodded in understanding at Recovery Girl’s words. With All Might there he’d just feel like too much of a failure to speak.
“And that man is such a ball of nerves right now. Never thought I’d see the ‘pillar of justice’ shaking at the idea of talking to a teenager.” Aizawa said as he moved to sit on the chair near the bed. Izuku knew he should feel guilty about that but the image made him giggle.
“All that aside, I’ll just cut to the chase. It’s very apparent you’re suffering from a fairly severe eating disorder.” Izuku flinched at the statement. Of course he knew Recovery Girl was right. He’d known for months, but that didn’t change the shame and fear he felt when hearing it out loud.
“I’m… it’s— I know, but uh” Izuku was at a loss for words. What could he say? He wasn’t really in any position to defend himself. Recovery Girl just gave him a sympathetic look before rolling over to her desk and opening one of the drawers.
She retrieved something from said drawer then moved back to face Izuku. She handed him the object with a soft “here”.
“A pamphlet?” Izuku asked, brow raised. He turned it over to see the definitions of the various eating disorders listed on the back.
“Look that over it can be more helpful than you think.” Recovery Girl paused for a moment, expression becoming more serious. “I have to let you know you’ll be more closely monitored for an indefinite amount of time.”
“That’s—“
“We can’t allow this to continue, Midoriya.” Aizawa added “once you gain our trust back these restrictions will subside but right now your safety is our number one concern.” He tried to sound stern but he was already retreating into his sleeping bag (where he got it from, Izuku was unsure) and it was hard to take him seriously like that.
“We’ll go over a few ground rules for now and we’ll switch them around as we see fit.” Recovery Girl took out a notepad. Izuku realized she must have been setting this all up while he’d been asleep.
“First and foremost, your physical training will be put on hold.”
“Wait—but that’s—won’t that set me behind!”
“It’s non-negotiable, Midoriya” Aizawa started from his sleeping bag.
“The best course of action is for us to set up an alternate schedule for you.” Izuku gaped at her. This was his worst nightmare. Everyone would know something was wrong, even the kids from other classes will find out. “We’ll have a separate meeting to go over the specifics of all this but simply put, you’ll be meeting with Hound Dog a couple times a week and we’ll probably set you ahead in hero studies or gen ed classes so you can use that time for training later on.”
Izuku sighed. He would admit that it was a fair enough plan. There was no getting out of this so he’d just have to find a way around it or maybe just deal with it until they trusted him.
“Meals will be monitored,”
“That’s—“
“as well as your bathroom time.” Izuku’s eyes widened
“Wait, then what am I going to do about my room?” Izuku asked in confusion. Recovery just nodded towards Aizawa.
“You’ll be staying in the teachers dorm for the time being.” Aizawa said emotionlessly
“I’ll be what!?” Izuku near shouted. He received a warning glare from Recovery Girl.
At Izuku’s reaction, his teacher’s face gained a bit of a sadistic smirk. This was gonna be interesting.
“Now why don’t you get a little more rest, you’re still slightly dehydrated so we’ll go through another banana bag, and then Aizawa can show you where you’ll stay.”
“I’m fine, can we just do that now.” Izuku protested as Recovery Girl tried to get him to lay back down in bed.
“I want a nap too, problem child.”
Izuku looked over at his teacher who, indeed, was starting to nod off. With a sigh, Izuku gave in. He’d caused enough trouble for now. The least he could do was give his poor tired teacher a break.
Watching his students’ change was definitely not something Shouta made a habit of. He had no interest in that, but even as the words ‘i’m not looking’ left his mouth, he couldn't help the glimpse he took towards Midoriya’s shivering back. He had to hold in a choke at the expanse of visible ribs, and, as the boy walked to the scale, Shouta couldn't keep his eyes off the boney line of Midoriya’s spine.
How the hell had he not caught on earlier. It felt so obvious now. The drowsiness in class, the lunches spent in the classroom working on homework he’d already done or in the teachers lounge helping out, and even the subtle nuances in the way he trained these days. It was all so clear.
Well, hindsight is 0/0 and there is no point in griping over the missed signs or feeling guilty about failed prevention. This was just something they needed to work through. They could only move forward. They could only do what the can to help Midoriya through this.
Midoriya staying in the teachers dorm was a suggestion from Nezu. It was promising in concept but Shouta had his doubts. However, it was always good to get more help with Eri. Shouta was sure Togata got tired of spending all his time with a 7 year old. Maybe not of her, because Shouta knew he adored her, but taking care of a trauma ridden child could be stressful.
Though, Shouta might just be adding another trauma ridden child into the mix. Oh boy.
A slight beeping of a timer brought Shouta out of his thoughts. He looked up to see that the banana bag was now empty. Shouta unzipped himself from his sleeping bag and stood to get Recovery Girl but as he passed the bed he found himself stopped.
“Sensei?” A sleepy Midoriya called to him, fingers grasping at Shouta’s sleeve.
Shouta looked down at the teen in the bed. He seemed so incredibly small. Shouta had always known Midoriya was slight in stature, even with his muscles, but something about that wide eyed stare of adoration and pleading made him look even smaller.
“Yes, Midoriya?” Shouta said softly. The boy let go of his sleeve, placing his hands on his lap. He looked down shamefully. To anyone else it would have been a truly pitiful sight, but Shouta didn’t do pity.
“If you… if you want to expel me, I’d understand.” What? Did Midorya really think he’d be expelled over this? “I know I messed up and as much as I want to stay, even though it feels like this is the last thing I have, I know I don’t deserve any of it.” Shouta’s heart nearly broke. This kid was just a pool of guilt and marterism.
“Midoriya,” Midoriya looked up at him with teary eyes “this isn't a matter of “deserving” you just haven’t done anything worth explosion.” Midoriya didn’t look very convinced or reassured by those words. Shouta sighed, this kid was really a pain sometimes. “But you also should know you’re no less of a person than anyone else no matter what demons you face. You’ve never intentionally hurt anyone and from what I’ve seen you’ve always done you’re best to save others, even the ones who’ve hurt you.” ‘I just wish you’d take care of yourself too’ Shouta added to himself. “You’re going to be a true hero one day, Deku, and I don’t think I could stop that, even if I tried.
Izuku didn’t respond. He just rung his hands in silent contemplation. After a moment, Shouta decided to leave him to his thoughts and once again headed for the door just pushing it open when he was stopped again.
“Thank you” the words were uttered softly in a broken tone. It gave Shouta pause, it made something in him ache.
“No problem, kid.”