Chapter Text
It’s dark and quiet in the conference room Taehyun has taken refuge in, except for his crying, but it’s close enough. The dark helps him not get overwhelmed by too many sights and the quiet helps him block out unnecessary sounds. Here, he can focus on calming down. He thought he could handle it, he thought he could do something to stop Soobin and Yeonjun but it was too much. Too many things about the situation brought back memories of his parents screams which lead to throwing things which lead to sometimes yelling at him which often led to one of them storming out. He hadn’t meant to flinch when Kai went to touch his shoulder, but he had. He knew Kai would never hurt him, but his body apparently didn’t since he reflexively dodged. He had seen the look of hurt and fear cross the youngest’s face and it killed him that he was the cause. That combined with all the yelling and angry expressions had been too much and he had bolted.
He heard Kai call after him but he couldn’t bring himself to stay or wait. Kai hadn’t followed him, but it was for the best. Taehyun had hid inside the storage closet across the hall originally. It was dark, but it wasn’t quiet enough. A few short minutes later he heard the door to the practice room slam and he heard heavy footsteps as the person made their way to the entrance of the building. All his brain could process at that point was that one of his hyungs was leaving. He was being left behind just like his parents threatened they would do. That thought alone had sent him into a panic and he had tripped over something and ran his head into some object before he finally opened to the closet door. He stepped out just in time to see Yeonjun’s retreating back as he speed-walked away and that’s when he truly panicked.
He wanted to race after Yeonjun but his body felt like led and he just stood there, frozen, until he couldn’t see Yeonjun anymore. After that, he had forced his body to move and managed to make it upstairs to this room and turn the lights off before diving under the conference table. He had pulled his hood up over his head in an attempt to help drown out the sound and then spent a good couple of minutes riding out the anxiety attack. Even after it had ended, he had stayed sitting with his hood up and knees drawn to his chest because he was afraid of moving. So here he is now, huddling under a conference table at night, in the dark, trying to stop crying.
There’s a stinging sensation on his cheek made even worse by his tears which means he must have cut it when he tripped, but he could care less right now. All he can think about at the moment is Yeonjun. What if he never comes back? What if he got hurt? What if he leaves the group? What if he hates them now? It’s his fault. He should have gone after the rapper. He’s gone forever and he’s never coming back…
“Is anyone in here?”
Taehyun whips his head up to stare at the door. He blinks slowly but doesn’t respond. He must be imagining things, no one else is here but the TXT members. Except that assumption is wrong. The door to the conference room opens after a few more beats of silence and then the light is flicked on. Taehyun winces but otherwise doesn’t move. He can see a pair of shoes and black skinny jeans but that’s about it. He holds in his other sniffles to try and not reveal his position, but it’s futile. The person doesn’t walk around so Taehyun thinks they may be scanning the room and hopes they leave soon, but they don’t. Instead, the person suddenly crouches down and Taehyun is met with Jimin’s concerned face. The older idol sits a few feet away from him since Taehyun had decided to sit under the opposite side and not in the middle, but he can still see Jimin’s face clearly.
Jimin’s eyes are swimming with worry and his frown tells Taehyun that he must look pretty bad.
“Taehyun? What are you doing here?”
Maybe it’s the caring way Jimin said it or how genuinely concerned he looks, but Taehyun feels himself start to tear up again. He looks up at the table and blinks rapidly so the tears don’t fall since he doesn’t want to look even worse in front of his senior. However, Jimin is having none of that since he cares more about why Taehyun is upset in the first place. The dancer crawls under the table until he’s only a few inches away from the younger and gives him a comforting smile.
“You don’t have to tell me anything, but don’t feel like you have to hold it in. I can tell you’re upset and if you want to cry that’s totally fine. I’m not going to judge you or anything.”
Taehyun sucks in a shaky breath and nods to show Jimin he understood. He doesn’t hold back his tears anymore and ends up sniffing a lot, but Jimin doesn’t say anything or judge him at all just like he said. He ends up having to use his hoodie sleeves quite a lot to dry his tears, but he doesn’t care. Jimin remains patient and doesn’t say or do anything. He just waits for Taehyun to make the first move and the younger idol is immensely grateful for that. Just his presence is enough and it helps ground him.
Once he’s finally calmed down enough and has stopped crying, he closes his eyes and takes in a deep breath. When he opens his eyes again he sees Jimin looking at him fondly and he tries not to blush. Taehyun slowly uncurls from his bunched up position and then pulls back his hood back. Jimin lets out a small gasp and Taehyun worriedly locks eyes with him.
“What happened to your cheek?”
Taehyun reaches up and touches his right cheek where it stings and it comes back with some blood. It’s not a lot, but he’s definitely scratched himself.
“Oh. I must have run into something when I tripped,” he explains tentatively.
“We should go find a band-aid for that. Are you ok to move?” Jimin asks kindly.
“No it’s ok! I’ll get one when we get back to the dorm. Thank you so much for everything sunbaenim!” Taehyun answers, significantly more at ease.
Jimin laughs brightly.
“It’s no problem! Make sure to clean it first when you get back. Also, call me hyung. We’ve been over this with you guys before,” Jimin teases.
“Ok hyung,” Taehyun smiles.
“Jimin-ah! Are you up here?” Someone yells.
The dancer rolls his eyes. He looks at Taehyun for permission to tell whoever is calling him to tell him what’s going on and the younger nods.
“Yeah, I’m up here hyung!” The dancer shouts back.
Taehyun flinches slightly and Jimin notices.
“Oh sorry! I won’t yell next time,” he apologizes.
“It’s ok, really. Just a little on edge right now.”
Jimin nods and then tells Taehyun he’ll be right back before scooching out from under the table and dipping out of the room. The brunette can hear hushed voices a minute later and knows Jimin is talking to whoever was calling for him. He trusts Jimin though, and he’s also too tired to care who knows that he’s up here at this point. He fiddles with his right hoodie sleeve which is damp from his tears as he waits for Jimin to come back. His mind starts to wander again when he suddenly hears rapid footsteps and his heart starts to race again.
“Oh! Sunbaenim! Good to see you!”
That’s Soobin his mind helpfully supplies.
“Soobin-ah! What are you doing here?”
“Actually we’re looking for Taehyun. Have you seen him?”
That statement makes his heart flutter in a good way and he starts to hope that everything might be ok.
“Did something happen?”
“Yoongi-hyung! Sorry about him.”
“It’s ok. Yeonjun-hyung and I got into an argument and I think that we scared him. It’s my fault, I shouldn’t have started the fight in the first place, but now Taehyun’s missing and I need to find him,” the leader tells the pair.
“Ah, I see. Yeah, I have seen him follow me.”
Taehyun is once again grateful for his seniors because even though he wants to leap up and run to Soobin, he doesn’t have the energy. Jimin and Yoongi will be here soon though with Soobin. It’s not long before multiple pairs of feet step into the room and then Soobin is ducking under the table. He scans the area for about a second before his eyes land on Taehyun and then the leader crawls over to sit in front of him.
“Oh, Taehyunnie,” Soobin breathes sadly.
The vocalist feels his eyes starting to get glassy again and he internally curses. He thought he was done crying. Soobin reaches out to touch Taehyun but then stops midway. He looks at Taehyun for permission and the younger just surges forward into him as an answer. Soobin’s arms come around to hug Taehyun back and the shorter boy embraces the affection.
“Are you ok?” Soobin whispers.
“I will be. Where are the others?”
At the mention of the others, Soobin asks Taehyun to sit back a little bit, which he does reluctantly, so he can pull out his phone. The leader types out a message and sends it before making eye contact again.
“Are you ready to go back to the dorm? I told the others to meet us by the entrance.”
“Yeah, I’m ready.”
Soobin ruffles his hair and then lets Taehyun get out from under the table before he follows. Once they’re both standing up Soobin suddenly turns to face Taehyun again and brings up a hand to his right cheek. His hyung’s thumb brushes under the cut on his cheek and he pouts.
“I’m fine hyung! Really, I’ll wash it and put a bandaid on it once we get back.”
“Alright, if you’re sure.”
“You sound a lot like Jin-hyung,” Yoongi comments from where he and Jimin are waiting outside in the hallway.
Soobin smiles.
“I’ll take that as a compliment. Anyway, thank you so much for your help and for watching over Taehyun.”
Soobin leads the two of them out of the room and they bow to the two older idols. Yoongi just gives a small smile and Jimin shakes his head.
“Don’t mention it! That’s what hyungs are for, and don’t hesitate to call us if you ever need help with anything!”
“We will!”
They all say their goodbyes and then the two BTS members walk to the opposite end of the hallway to go retrieve Yoongi’s forgotten bag in a different room while the TXT members head towards the stairs. Soobin makes sure to put an arm around Taehyun’s waist and the shorter doesn’t miss how his hold tightens protectively when they actually step into the elevator. In response, the younger grabs onto the back of Soobin’s shirt and tugs slightly in a clingy gesture. Soobin smiles down at him and when the elevator opens he lets the older singer just guide him along.
They turn the corner and Taehyun instantly sees the other members pacing by the entrance. They look extremely worried and he feels guilt and shame pool in his stomach. Before he can dwell on it too long, the other three spot him and come running over. Soobin relinquishes his hold on Taehyun so that the others can dote on him too and he soon finds himself being swarmed by his other friends. Kai has brought him in for a suffocating hug, Beomgyu is back hugging him, and Yeonjun and Soobin are on the sides effectively making it a group hug. Taehyun lets himself revel in all the attention and comfort a little bit before deciding that he needs to breathe properly. Kai has gone full-on koala and he’s squeezing a little too hard, not enough to hurt, but Taehyun thinks he needs to end the hug now.
“K-Kai you’re squishing me!” Taehyun squeaks out into the other’s hoodie.
“Oh! Sorry!”
The maknae instantly lets go and steps back a little bit as do the others. Taehyun exaggerates taking a deep breath just to tease Kai for his tight hug and they all laugh. Kai pouts at him, but he’s not really upset since he sees the other smirk right after. Taehyun smiles back at him and then looks around to make sure all the members are accounted for. When he spies Yeonjun he’s suddenly overcome with a strong desire to cling to the other and never let go, but he tries to suppress it. He’s just glad his hyung came back. He ends up just sticking his hands in the pocket of his hoodie to try and cope with the feeling.
The members all ask him if he’s ok and about the cut on his cheek and he tells them multiple times that he’s fine now and that he’ll explain when they get back to the dorm. Soobin tells him he doesn’t have to force himself, but Taehyun knows that now if the time to tell them so he insists on it. After that, Soobin calls their driver to come to pick them up and the five of them stay huddled together by the entrance while they wait. Taehyun had slowly made his way to each member, giving each of them a hug and reassuring them that he’s ok, but in the end, he went back to standing next to Yeonjun.
Part of him is still gravitating towards the older, probably because he'sstill anxious about his hyung leaving earlier. He wanted Yeonjun to just hold him and be as close to him as possible. It was a weird sensation, he had never felt this way towards anyone before and it was slightly scaring him. He was unnerved by how needy he was feeling but he also just wanted to give in. Yeonjun seemed to sense that he was having some internal battle because he wasted no time and looping an arm around Taehyun’s shoulders and pulling him in for another hug. This was Yeonjun’s way of comforting all of them and Taehyun was glad for his hyung’s affectionate nature at the moment.
The rapper gently leans down a little bit to rest his head on top of Taehyun’s and lets the other cling onto him. He feels how tight the maknae line member is grabbing the back of his shirt and feels a mixture of protectiveness and concern swell inside of him. Taehyun doesn’t have a problem being affectionate with them, but he’s never latched onto them this hard before. It leads Yeonjun to believe that something else is wrong, but he remembers Taehyun telling him that he’ll explain later so he doesn’t mention anything. He just tightens his hold and hopes that he’s providing enough comfort.
They stay in the position until the car finally pulls up and Soobin mouthes for Yeonjun to take care of Taehyun. The rapper ends up having to pull along a half-asleep singer, but eventually, they all get into the car and make their way back to the dorm. The four of them silently watch over their second youngest member the whole drive back. He fell asleep within five minutes on Yeonjun’s lap and the dancer gently played with his hair the whole time. They all quietly agreed to let Taehyun sleep as long as he needed to and Yeonjun was tasked with carrying him up to the room when they arrived, not that he minded though. Taehyun looks exhausted and Yeonjun feels his heart clench in sympathy.
When they finally arrive back at the dorm, the other members get out first and then wait for Yeonjun and Taehyun. Yeonjun carefully moves the smaller boy off his lap and stands up when he suddenly feels someone latch onto the end of his shirt. He comes face to face with a now wide-awake Taehyun who is staring back at him with fearful eyes.
“Don’t go,” he begs desperately.
Yeonjun feels his heart break and he goes to say something when Taehyun yanks his hand back. He now looks just as confused as Yeonjun feels. It’s as if he can’t quite believe what he said.
“Sorry I don’t know where that came from,” Taehyun murmurs.
“Taehyunnie look at me. It’s totally fine. I’m not going to leave. I’m just going to step out of the car and then I’ll carry you upstairs. Is that ok?”
“Yeah.”
True to his word, Yeonjun gets out first and then he waits for Taehyun to step all the way out before scooping him up bridal style. The vocalist wraps his arms around Yeonjun’s neck and everyone else coos at him. Taehyun’s ears turn pink at the attention and he turns his head into Yeonjun’s chest. Despite what he thought, none of the members teased him, and he’s grateful for that. Kai walks next to Yeonjun and Beomgyu and Soobin make up the front. The group makes their way inside the building, goes up the elevator one floor, and then the leader opens the door for all of them.
The first thing Yeonjun does is sit Taehyun down on the sofa with the others so they can all cuddle while he goes to find the first aid kit. When he comes back Taehyun is leaning against Kai with Beomgyu sitting on his left holding his hand and Soobin sitting in front of the sofa resting his hand on Taehyun’s knee.
“Alright guys I’m going to need to borrow Taehyun real quick,” he warns them.
Soobin shifts over just enough so Yeonjun can stand directly in front of Taehyun and the oldest crouches down a little bit so he can reach comfortably. He pulls out a wipe from the kit first and cleans the cut on Taehyun’s cheek. When he winces Beomgyu squeezes his hand to let him know he’s there and Kai gives him an encouraging smile. Then Yeonjun pulls out a yellow band-aid, Taehyun’s favorite color, and gently places it over the wound.
“There we go!”
Yeonjun stands up straight and puts a hand on his lip, looking proud of himself, and they all laugh.
“Thanks hyung!” Taehyun beams.
“Of course!”
The rapper then flops down beside Soobin on the floor but he turns around so he can face Taehyun. The leader copies him and now they’re all sitting in a circle waiting for Taehyun to make the first move. None of them rush him and they all allow him a few moments to gather his thoughts. The brunette has taken his hand back from Beomgyu and is fiddling with the strings on his hoodie while he tries to remember what he had written down earlier in the afternoon. He doesn’t have the energy to get up and go get the speech he had written earlier and he thinks that it will be more natural this way. He just needs to calm his nerves and remember that none of the members are going to judge him in any way.
Taehyun clears his throat to signal that he’s ready to talk and then all eyes are on him. He feels himself physically wanting to shrink back under the scrutiny, but he tamps it down.
“So I want to start by saying sorry,” he begins neutrally.
“What?!” Comes the collective response.
“Wait wait, just let me explain,” Taehyun placates.
He sees his four friends’ confusion and he tries to give them what he hopes is an understanding expression.
“I know you’re confused but I feel like I do owe you guys an apology for not saying this earlier. I’m sorry for not telling any of you why I’ve been acting so weird the past couple of weeks. It’s just that I was struggling with something from my past and I’ve never really told anyone before and I wasn’t sure how. I know I should have said something earlier, and I wanted to but-,” he trails off.
“Taehyun.”
The singer looks down to see Soobin staring at him gently.
“Thank you so much for telling us, and you don’t need to feel bad about not saying anything earlier. I know it was probably really hard for you and I’m just glad you’re telling us now. Whatever it is, you can tell us and we won’t judge you. You can always talk to us f you’re having a hard time with anything, and this applies to everyone. Don’t hesitate to confide in another member. We’re here for each other.”
There’s a collective nod of agreement and then Soobin signals Taehyun to continue.
“So you guys know I don’t really like to talk about my parents, but you don’t really know why. The truth is I avoid talking about them and my childhood because my parents used to fight all the time when I was growing up. They would yell at each other almost every night and sometimes they would throw things or drag me or one of my siblings into it.”
He hears Kai let out a surprised gasp and he doesn’t dare look up because he knows he’ll just see everyone’s sad faces and then he’ll start crying again. He needs to make it through this so it can finally be off his chest, so he just stares at his hands while he continues to wring them.
“A lot of times after my parents would fight, one of them would storm out and then not come back for a long time and that always scared me. To be honest, that probably scared me more than the shouting and constant reprimanding. I was always terrified that one of them wouldn’t return and I think that’s one of the main reasons I freaked out earlier. The fighting during practice just reminded me too much of my parents and I didn’t want you guys to get hurt. I wanted to help but I didn’t know what to do and then it got to be too much and I ran. Then I saw Yeonjun-hyung leave and I panicked because I thought he wasn’t coming back. It just brought back so many bad memories and feelings so that’s why I went and hid in the conference room. I had to get away and I needed somewhere quiet. I’m sorry I ran,” he finishes timidly.
He did it. He finally told the members his longest kept secret and it feels good. He’s no longer being crushed by the weight of his secret and he actually managed to make it through without crying. He’s feeling pretty proud of himself. When he looks up to see the others’ reactions, he finds all of them either crying or about to. It catches him off guard and he gapes at them, unsure of what to do.
“Taehyun, thank you for telling us,” Yeonjun reiterates sincerely.
Taehyun can only nod back before he’s once again being hugged from all sides. His hyungs and Kai all repeatedly tell him that they are grateful that he told them and that he has nothing to be sorry for. Soobin and Yeonjun both apologize for fighting in front of him and he easily forgives them. He knows those two can’t hold grudges and that the fight wasn’t too serious. Beomgyu has gone back to holding his right hand again and Kai has looped his arm with Taehyun’s so they can be closer. Yeonjun and Beomgyu both voice their very negative opinions about Taehyun’s parents while the other two just nod along. Yeonjun tells him again that he can always rely on them and that gets everyone emotional again. Taehyun is touched by how understanding and comforting they all are that he has to try really hard not to cry.
Soobin and Yeonjun break the hug this time and they go back to sitting on the floor in front of the sofa after a few minutes. They all sit in silence and try to digest what Taehyun just told them when Yeonjun asks a question after they’re all comfortable.
“Hey, Taehyunnie.”
“Hmmm,” the other hums back.
“Is this why you haven’t been sleeping well for the past couple of weeks?”
“Yeah. Sometimes I get nightmares about what my parents used to say or them walking out. Sometimes it’s other things like one of you guys leaving.”
Yeonjun nods in understanding.
“We’re not going to leave. We’ll tell you as many times as you need. But I do want to help you with the nightmares.”
“Yeah what can we do?” Soobin asks.
“I’m not sure. I haven’t really thought about it,” Taehyun says honestly.
“Would it help if one of us slept with you? Beomgyu suggests.
Taehyun tilts his head to the side as he considers what Beomgyu said. The majority of his nightmares do deal with his fear of being abandoned so maybe it would help to have someone with him at night. But he’s not sure how that would work since he’s on the top bunk and the beds are small. It wouldn’t make sense to cram into bed with someone every single night.
“I would like that, but I don’t know if that’s a good idea for every single night. It's going to be too cramped and I don’t want to bother anyone.”
“You’re not bothering us Taehyun. We want to help you! I’m sure there’s something we can do. What if we all spend time together right before bed until you fall asleep? It doesn’t have to be all of us all the time unless you want that. We’ll just make sure you aren’t alone before bed and then once you’re asleep we’ll all go to our own beds,” Yeonjun explains.
“Yeah, and if you have a nightmare don’t hesitate to wake any of us up. You can just come to cuddle with us if you ever need to,” Beomgyu adds on.
Taehyun grins brightly at all of them.
“I like that plan!”
He lets out a yawn not even a second later and everyone chuckles at his cuteness.
“I guess that’s our cue to get ready for bed.”
“Hyung?”
“Yeah Taehyun?
“Can we all sleep together tonight?”
“Sure,” the leader concedes.
“Yes! Giant cuddle pile!” Kai shouts happily.
Soobin watches the members all scramble up to go get changed and grab pillows and blankets to bring back. As Taehyun passes by, he makes sure to give him another quick hug before letting him go. In a matter of minutes, everyone is in pajamas and rearranging the various pillows and blankets they’ve brought into the living room. There’a lot of giggling and goofing around before they finally figure out a good arrangement that satisfies everyone. Taehyun has ended up in the middle of their cuddle pile with his head on Yeonjun’s chest, Kai attached to his left side, Beomgyu’s fingers interlaced with his as he lays by Taehyun’s head, and Soobin using his thigh as a pillow. It’s nice and warm and Taehyun loves the comforting feeling he gets from being surrounded by his favorite people. It’s safe and relaxing and Taehyun wouldn’t trade it for anything.
It doesn’t take them long to drift off to sleep because of the hectic day they’ve had, and Taehyun welcomes the tiredness for once. He can feel that tonight is going to be ok and that he’s not going to have a nightmare. It’s an amazing feeling and he’s about to fully drift off when he feels Yeonjun's hand come up to brush the hair back from his forehead.
“Are you awake?” The oldest whispers.
“Yeah,” Taehyun whispers back.
“I just wanted to say thanks for trusting us with your secret. I want to make sure that you know you can come to us with anything and that we’re here for you. Your past may not have been the best, but I know that your future will be and we’ll always be here if you need us.”
Taehyun is glad that the others have fallen asleep and that the lights are off so no one else can see him crying again. They’re happy tears of course, but he’s had enough of crying today. Taehyun sniffles a little bit and turns his head to look Yeonjun in the eyes. The sliver of light streaming in through their curtains is just enough for Taehyun to see how earnest Yeonjun is and to see that his hyung is also emotional.
“That was really sentimental hyung,” Taehyun begins and he quirks up a smile when he sees Yeonjun pout at his teasing, “But I appreciate it. I know that I can trust you guys. It’s sometimes hard to express it but I really do trust all of you and I’m really glad you’re my friends!”
Yeonjun gives him one of the sweetest smiles he’s ever seen before he leans forward and presses a kiss to the top of Taehyun’s head from where he’s laying on the older’s chest.
“Love you Taehyun.”
“Hyung that’s too sappy! What am I supposed to say now?” The vocalist whisper whines.
“Say it back,” Yeonjun teases.
Taehyun rolls his eyes and makes sure Yeonjun is watching before smiling wide and replying.
“Love you too hyung,” and he means it.