Chapter Text
The students in Saburo’s class are kind. Saburo isn’t sure how he hasn’t noticed. Probably, he thinks, because he’s spent too long with a stick shoved up his ass. They’re kind to him, kinder than he thinks he deserves, because he’s been nothing but rotten to them.
He isn’t sure whether they’ve heard the news, or if it’s just the fact that Saburo hasn’t come to school in three weeks, but they steer clear of him. They don’t come up to try to make awkward conversation, and no one bothers him to ask to borrow his eraser or sharpener or whatever. Even the teacher doesn’t ask him to tell the correct answer like he usually does when no one else seems to know.
Saburo spends the morning staring out the window. It has been three weeks since Jiro’s death. Death.
Death.
It’s a strange word. Sometimes it means nothing. Sometimes it means everything. Sometimes it’s as if nothing has changed, and Jiro will be outside the school’s gates in the afternoon to come pick him up. Sometimes Saburo feels like crying, because he knows that that’s just his imagination, and that Jiro is gone.
Death.
He says the word as much as he can. Maybe that will desensitize him to it. Maybe it’ll make him feel worse. It doesn’t matter either way, really. It’s just a word to describe a phenomenon that happens in the world in which they live. So Saburo will get used to it, or he’ll break down, and either way, he probably deserves it.
The morning passes without incident.
The lunch bell rings at twelve on the dot, and it shakes Saburo from his stupor. He leans down to get his lunch. Usually, he eats on the roof. Today, he’s not sure if he has the energy for it, so he’ll resign himself to eating in the classroom.
As he starts clearing his table, someone approaches. The class representative, Suzuki Mei, smiles down at him. “Good afternoon, Yamada-kun! Do you want to have lunch with us?” She steps back a bit, revealing a small group of three or four other students, who seem to be waiting.
“Ah…” A rejection is on the tip of his tongue. “I’m not very good company, though…”
Mei blinks, probably expecting an explicit rejection, but then her smile comes back full-force. It’s bright, almost blinding. It reminds him of Jiro. “That’s okay!” she says. “You don’t have to say anything. But maybe it’ll be more fun to eat lunch with us instead of by yourself.”
Saburo takes a second to think, then shrugs. “Okay,” he says quietly. He watches for Mei’s reaction, but her smile only seems to become impossibly wider, so he leans down and picks up his lunch box and follows her out the door.
Their little group seems to welcome Saburo well enough. He’s silent throughout lunch time, but no one seems to mind or force him into the conversation. They talk about how their weekend went, and what they plan to do after class.
“Do you want to come with us to the soda shop after class, Saburo-san?” Jun asks.
“Ah, well…”
“It’ll be fun!” Arisa insists, twirling her hair between her fingers. “C’mooon, I’ll even treat you!” She gets elbowed in the side by Mei.
"Ow, hey!"
"I didn't do anything," Mei says innocently. "Besides, don't pester Yamada-kun so much."
"Hey, it's free food, so I don't get why--"
"It's okay," Saburo interrupts. His cheeks turned red when everyone turns to look at him. "I'll just tell my brother I'll be home late," he says, ducking his head when he takes his phone from his pocket.
[ to: Ichi-nii ヾ(^ω^*) ]
I'm going home late. Heading out with friends.
Can he consider these people his friends? Saburo isn't quite sure. He hesitates for a moment before hitting send.
"So it's final!" Arisa cheers. "No backing out now, Saburo-san!"
"Mm," Saburo replies noncommittally as everyone goes back to talking about other things. His phone buzzes, and he looks down to see a new message from his brother.
[ from: Ichi-nii ヾ(^ω^*) ]
okay! be home safe dont stay out too late! you have money?
[ to: Ichi-nii ヾ(^ω^*) ]
I do, don’t worry.
“Heyyyy, Saburo-san! Notice us!”
Arisa promptly gets smacked in the head. “You’re so noisy,” Nayuta says. Arisa pouts. “At least I don’t assault people!” she exclaims, holding her head and pouting.
Saburo laughs.
Everyone goes silent. Saburo’s face drops back into a poker face. The tips of his ears turn red. “Yamada-kun…” Mei whispers. She looks back at the rest of the group and they all seem to come to a conclusion.
Arisa squeals. “Your laugh is so cute! You should laugh more!”
“Thanks,” Jun says sarcastically. “That is definitely how you coerce people into laughing more.” He looks at Saburo. “Don’t listen to her,” he says conspiratorially. “She’s an idiot.”
“I am not!”
“Really? ‘Cause you’re acting like one.”
“I may be dumb but I’m not an idiot!”
“Literally what is the difference?”
“Don’t mind them,” Mei says. “They’re always dumb like this.”
Saburo nods slowly. Something about it feels familiar. It reminds him, he realizes, of how he and Jiro used to talk with each other. If he stares hard enough, he can pick out the differences between Jun and Arisa’s arguments against his and Jiro’s, but they’re still so similar that it makes his heart hurt.
Nayuta yawns. “Do you guys have to do this every day?”
“Yes,” Jun and Arisa reply in a weird sort of synchronicity that makes Saburo think that this is a regular occurence. Nayuta shakes his head. “Well, hurry it up. Lunch is about to end.”
That makes the argument stop, and the two share a glance which... really, could mean anything. But they both start packing up their lunches, so Saburo takes it as a signal to pack his own up.
“Do they really do this every day?” Saburo asks quietly as the arguing starts up halfway to class. Mei laughs. “Mostly,” she admits. “But they really do care about each other. They just… show it weird.”
“Hm.”
Saburo is silent the rest of the day.
---
By the time class is over, Saburo has almost forgotten his promise to head to the soda shop. He almost goes straight home if it isn’t for Arisa’s loud call of, “SABURO-SAAAAN!”
Right, he thinks. Soda shop. Going out after class with friends.
He jogs over to their little group, and Jun slings his arm over Saburo’s shoulders. Saburo shrugs it off, and Jun doesn’t seem to mind, flashing a smile at him. The smile turns to a scowl as Arisa says something and starts up a whole other argument.
It’s kind of funny.
“I’m really glad you decided to come with us,” Mei says with a grin. “Honestly, we were all kinda worried when you didn’t come in for a long time.”
“Ah… do you know why?”
Mei shrugs. “No one knows,” Mei says, “except the teachers, but they won’t tell us anything. And it doesn’t really matter, anyway. I’m glad you’re feeling better.”
Better. Saburo laughs quietly. Does he feel better? … he actually does.
“Thanks,” he says.
“You’re welcome,” Mei replies. “If you ever want to tell us, then we’re here for you anytime. And you can have lunch with us whenever you’d like.”
“Ah, um, okay.”
It’ll be a difference from the past years of eating alone, but maybe it won’t be a bad difference. “It’s weird, though,” he mumbles to himself, though loud enough that Mei can hear him. “Why are you so nice to me? I mean, I know I’m not the best person to be around.”
“Eh? What kind of class rep would I be if I weren’t?” Mei winks at him. “Anyway, enough questions. We’re almost there.”
It’s a really transparent attempt at changing the subject, but Saburo doesn’t press further. “Right,” he says. “I’ve never been to a soda shop. What would you recommend I try?’
“Strawberry Explosion!” Arisa calls.
“Literally no one likes that monstrosity except for you,” Jun says.
“Yeah? Says who, Mr. Basic Cream Soda?”
“Oh, shut up!”
Saburo laughs.
---
I’m really proud of you.
You know, I was worried that you might be lonely without me, but I was wrong. I’ve never been so glad to be wrong, y’know? You’re in good hands.
Take care, baby bro.