Chapter Text
"Can we talk?" Levi says, and it only takes these words for him to experience by far one of the most traumatizing experiences of his life.
Eren looks up as if in thought, then in concentration, and the bit of a tongue peeks out before he collapses to the ground in a loud and huge heap.
Levi cringes, searches his body questioningly for any sign of whatever the hell just caused this spontaneous reaction, and gets up to check it out. He lay limp completely, Levi was confused when he rounded his massive body. He touched the skin, and was suddenly aware of wisps of white smoke hovering over Eren.
"What the-" The skin under his hand fell, melted away, and he stared in confused horror at the sight. The entire body was simply melting away, just evaporating into smoke. It didn't make sense, but it looked scary.
But then the skin of the nape ripped with a pop, and a figure was crawling out.
Eren--the human Eren--detached the last of some weird residue from his shoe and clumsily fell over the now useless heap of meat.
"It's hot." He said, waving his hand in pain."I'm hot." He chuckled, excessively pleased with himself for making that joke. Then he glanced up at Levi, raised an eyebrow, and strode over towards him. He grabbed his shoulders."Levi, you okay?"
The raven stiffened when he was slapped, right out of fucking nowhwere. He whipped his head back to give Eren a look."What the fuck was that for?"
Eren blinked in surprise, expression quickly turning apologetic."I'm so sorry! You looked so stumped I thought you needed a--"
Then, just as spontaneously, Eren had pulled him into a hug and his nose was buried in the taller's chest."I'm sorry." He repeated, and Levi remained still when Eren didn't make a move to pull back, still unable to react properly.
A moment of silence ensued, and Eren's chest heaved with a sigh."I've always wanted to do this."
Levi's cheeks heated up slightly."What, hug me?"
"I didn't hug her." He said in a remorseful whisper."I regret it so much."
Her again. Levi felt the sadness practically seeping into him, how much just the mention of her name made Eren's smile a forlorn one. Without thinking, because he wouldn't have done it if he'd thought, he tentatively lifted his hands up, let them linger a second over Eren's back, then rested them lightly there.
Eren smelled like a lot of things--it was overwhelming. The stench of raw flesh surprisingly wasn't one of them. All Levi could pay attention to was the smell of the forest and morning dew, the most prevalent. Then he sighed, and decided it was time he figured everything out."Will you tell me your story from the beginning?"
-
They sat against a tree, and Levi got comfortable as he waited for Eren to do the same. The canopy of the forest shed less light, it was getting dark soon.
"How old do I look?" Eren starts, and Levi glances his way. His eyelids are half shut and he stares at a spot on the ground.
"Not much younger than sixteen."
"I do look that way, don't I?" He hums more to himself, idly poking a finger in the dirt."I'm actually somewhere around...2500 years old."
"You're kidding." Levi gives him a look. Eren blinks around in insecurity."You're not." He concludes, brains all over the trees."How?"
"Well, there used to be more of me once. I mean, I didn't know there were until I--anyway. The only memories I have are of my youngest age...ironically, I don't remember anything that didn't happen in the first twenty years of my life. I don't know why, I just don't."
"That's funny."
"It is." He smiles, almost bitterly."I remember the walls." He whispers, a glint of fear in his eyes as he curled in around himself."We lived inside walls, us humans. Thick, giant walls that protected us from the titans." He paused, chuckling a bit."And what do you know? Turns out I'm a titan."
"The giant is called a titan?"
"Mhm. They ate humans back then. Didn't digest them, just chewed them up and threw them back out."
"Don't say them." Levi said in annoyance. It bothered him, for some reason.
"I'm not human, Levi."
He isn't.
"She was with me. She was with me, that entire time, but I don't know where. I never knew where she was at the beginning, even though so close." His brow furrowed, his eyes narrowed in agitation, like he was trying to get an image he couldn't get."They figured out that I could transform. The military, I mean. I was to be executed."
Levi wanted to ask about the details, but he knew it would get Eren more frustrated when he wouldn't remember.
"I was beaten by a man I could never remember the face of, he saved my life just like that, and deep down I know that I..I do know him..." His face scrunched up again, his knuckles whitened."But I can't remember."
Levi wanted to hug him again. Wanted to do something to get that expression of of his face.
"In time, my human tendencies began to evaporate into nothing. One day I'd wake up, and I'd lose my voice. I just did, without a reason. Sometimes, I'd wake up and forget how to hold a spoon. How to pick up a blade. I realized, I wasn't a human with the ability to turn into a titan--it was the other way around."
Levi's chest constricted.
"She reminded me, all the time. She'd tell me, "Eren, you can speak." And I would. She would say, "Eren, you can cut." And I would again. She taught me how to tie my laces when I forget. She told me I was human when I'd stare into the mirror, lost, confused, horrified." He swallowed."I was blind without her. But she never left. She stayed with with me. Until she grew up, until she got old, until she couldn't get out of bed." Eren's tears fell, he ducked his head and they fell."Until she died."
Levi was silent.
"Levi, she died. And that didn't bother me. What fucking drove me so close to insanity was that I couldn't. I don't die. I don't...die." He buried hi s face in his arms, his shoulders shook, and Levi waited for him for a minute until he got over it. He was quiet, he was fighting with himself. Then he looked up again, he wiped at his face, and smiled like he said nothing, like he hadn't went through anything. It made Levi hate himself.
"She died, and I forgot how to be human again. For another two thousand years I could never, not once, find it in me to transform. I couldn't remember what it was like to be human, not even when I watched them bustle around their lives and do it. I didn't know how." He gave Levi another gaze, a smile, and his chest hurt again."But then you came in here, and," He paused, eyes drifting to the side."I remembered it all. I could walk in shoes, I could speak. I still didn't know what a cellphone or a car were, though." He shrugged, laughing at his idiocy. His inexperience suddenly made sense.
"I did that, huh?"
"You're special." Levi smiled, flattered."But don't get cheeky." He fixed him with another gaze, and all the light disappeared from his face again."You'll die, too, huh?"
Those words hurt--stung a lot more than that slap. Levi wished he could tell him that they all would.
"You grew up so quickly."
"That's alright, Eren. Just like there was me after her, there's going to be another one after me."
"There isn't."
"There is, I promise."
"But I don't want anyone else." He says almost childishly, lips curving into a pout as his eyes turned glossy."What if I forget your name? I wish I just...I wish I could remember hers."
It comes out of absolutely nowhere, but it's on the tip of his tongue and his entire being is telling him that...he gives Eren a look, his heart beats in excietment, and he grabs the brunet's hands. Eren looks up in surprise."Her name is Mikasa." He doesn't know where he got the confidence to say it so surely.
Eren's eyes dart around his face for a moment, a crease forming between his eyebrows. His lips thin and he's glancing down, whispering the name over and over again. Then he gasps, freezes, and gazes up again."Her name is Mikasa." His voice trembles, and his eyes are wide. Then He cries again, sobs like a baby, and Levi does pull him into his hold this time, while he whispers again and again against his chest, 'her name is Mikasa, her name is Mikasa, her name is Mikasa'
Levi remembers something he always keeps in his pocket, and fumbles with the back pocket of his jeans until he pulls out a black sharpie."Give me your hand." Eren blinks, wipes at his eyes, and does so. Levi gently holds his wrist and writes, 'Mikasa' just underneath his palm.
Eren stares at it with bright eyes."I like your writing."
"Thank you."
"Can you write your name under?"
Levi smiles slightly, and does just that. He then puts the cap back on the sharpie and gives it to Eren."You might need to go over it soon."
Eren smiles, trying to smudge it."It doesn't go off. I love it." He then takes the sharpie, and bends over to add something to his wrist. A minute later, Levi takes a glance.
In unproportioned, childishly endearing handwriting, he'd added a 'her name is' and 'his name is.'
'her name is Mikasa'
'his name is Levi'
Eren cried again.
-
They went back home, Levi convinced his parents to let Eren sleep over with a few words. He locked his door to make sure his parents didn't randomly walk in and hear something they said, and turned off the lights to make it look like they were asleep. There was only the blue illumination falling in from the window, as Levi sat Eren down for another task. He gave him a note book and a pencil.
"They say writing things a lot make you remember. Why don't you try it?"
Eren nodded, readying the pencil on the paper as he waited for Levi to tell him something.
He went quiet in thought, gazed at Eren intently for a second."Levi says I can be human." He finally says, and Eren pauses for only a second before writing it down. He begins, and never stops. Levi dozes off without realizing, Eren puts him in bed-- and he wakes up to the sound of scratching against paper again, Eren's soft whispers of,'Levi says I can be human'.
He rolls on his back and listens to him for another moment, gazing at the ceiling. He then sits down on the floor beside him again."You still writing?"
Eren looks up, eyes visible in clarity even in the dark."Yeah."
Levi hums, taking the notebook from him and flipping through the pages. Seventy three pages, double sided. He looks up at his alarm clock, seeing as about four hours had passed. He gives Eren a look and hands him the notebook back."How about you try, I'm human?""
He could practically feel Eren tense."But I'm not."
"Please, Eren. Do it for me."
He picks up the pencil again, his hand is hovering over the page, and he presses his forehead against the book for another thirty seconds before beginning again. He slips back into bed, to the sound of Eren's hesitant whispers.
He wakes up another time in the middle of the night, and this time Eren's asleep on the edge of his bed, face buried in his arms. An urge overtakes and he's running his fingers through his brown locks of hair, lightly brushing his fingers against his scalp. Eren sighs in his sleep, and Levi's heart hurts again.
He steals a kiss to the crown of his head before waking him up so he'd sleep beside him.
Eren's gone in the morning.
He leaves his notebook behind, filled to the brim with shaky letters and a few crumbled spots from dried tears, takes the sharpie with him. Levi didn't know how long he sat there with the notebook in his lap, how many times he flipped through it and read and re-read the words again. He flips to the last page again, sees a small something he hadn't noticed before.
He runs his fingers over the inexperienced handwriting.'my name is Eren don't forget
I love you'
His chest constricted.
-
Eren wears something nice. Buys some flowers and wraps his red scarf snug against the cold autumn wind, makes his way down the street in his faded sneakers. He was off to his favorite place, his favorite little tidbit of his daily routine in the morning, and this time he doesn't forget the small packet of fizzy candy.
He goes through a manicured lawn, and aesthetically pleasing little garden of some sorts, walks along the path. He reaches his destination and grins."Hello, Levi."
He crouches down and with the back of his hand brushes away browned and dead flower petals from previous visits peppering the slab, cleaning it away to the littlest edges like Levi likes. He then sets the bouquet down on the grass, sits cross legged on the grass and pulls out the candy.
"I missed you. I wish I could stay with you every day, but there's too much people here." He sighs, flicking one last crumbled stone from the slab and gently putting his palm against the cool headstone. He didn't like the 'in memory of' for some reason. So instead he told them to put a 'his name is Levi' instead, because really, that's all he needed to know. Although, they did need to know that 'The reminder of my humanity', so he put that on, too.
He sat in front of the grave for hours, never once bored. He talked and talked, about everything he wanted too, because after all, Levi was still his friend.