Chapter Text
It’s the day after they arrive back in Metropolis. Lori is at home and Sam is at work, just like Lena should be. She should be back in headquarters by now, being updated by the things that she missed, and the schedule that she has to follow for the day. Instead, Lena is driving her private car towards a mansion near the outskirts of the city with one goal in mind, one explanation needed that’s been seven years late. She reaches the towering iron gates midday. They open for her when she tells the intercom who she is.
Lillian is sitting in the parlor reading a newspaper when Lena barges in. It’s one thing that Lillian usually disapproves of, but she hasn’t been that strict for seven years. Instead of the icy glare that Lena has gotten used to growing up, she is met with fondness and the lack of shock. Lillian already knows why her daughter is visiting her the very next day after arriving from National City.
“I presume Kara told you why she left you seven years ago,” Lillian says, all grace and poise, and Lena is surprised to see, apology.
Lena is calm when she answers, “Yes. Now I need you to tell me why I shouldn’t go back to hating you.”
Lillian sighs. She gestures to the seat across from her. Lena takes it, watches as Lillian raises her chin in defiance, a gesture that says that she wouldn’t change what she did all those years ago.
“I was sick. I had cancer.”
“And?”
“And I wanted you to come home,” Lillian explains. “I knew that you wouldn’t despite my illness. I knew that you would choose her over me and our family.”
“So you threatened her?” Lena asks, incredulous.
“I didn’t want to die the way that your father did, without your forgiveness. My soul wouldn’t be able to rest knowing that I had a child I left who hated me.”
“You didn’t die,” Lena scoffs.
“But I didn’t know if I was going to. I wanted a chance to rebuild my family before it was too late for me, and then your brother found something that helped and the cancer cells suddenly became benign and now we’re here. Everything worked out in the end.”
“Every - everything worked out? You saw how heartbroken I was when Kara left. You knew the pain that I went through! You deprived Lori of her other mother all because of your selfishness!”
Lillian sags at the mention of her granddaughter, a child she actually shows fondness towards. “I didn’t know that you were pregnant then.”
“Well, we never were the type to talk to each other. I just… I can’t believe it. After all this time, it was your fault. I lost the love of my life because of you, and Lori lost all that time with Kara.”
“Answer me this,” Lillian says, “If you stayed with Kara, would you have made amends with me?”
Lena is silent, and that is all the confirmation that Lillian needs. And then, “Why didn’t you just tell me that you were sick?”
“You would have told me that I was manipulating you.”
“You still manipulated me!”
“I know.”
“And Lori? What? Have you been pretending to love her all this time? I mean, how can you possibly love the child of the woman you said you didn’t like for your daughter?”
The question sparks a fire in Lillian. She straightens, “Don’t ever say that. I love my granddaughter.” That renders Lena speechless, the genuine honesty, the rawness in Lillian’s expression. She really does love Lori. “She’s… She’s my second chance with you.”
“What?”
“I look at Lori and I see you. I see you as a child and I feel guilty for not being the doting mother that I should have been with you. I see her as my second chance to make everything right, to rebuild our relationship, our family.”
And then Lena remembers the very first time that Lillian saw Lori, asked who the father was and Lena had said “Mother. Kara.” She remembers Lillian holding Lori for the first time, and then smiling. Lillian Luthor. Smiling. She remembers Lillian telling Lena to sleep, telling her that she’ll take care of it, that she’ll look after the child and that she would gladly do so again if it would help. She remembers birthdays and Christmases and piles and piles of gifts. Remembers Lillian teaching Lori how to play chess. Remembers Lori sitting on Lillian’s lap in this very parlor where Lillian would read her a story. All this time, Lillian saw her too. She feels her tears stream down her cheeks, falling at a rapid pace because she’s angry at her mother for what she did. But at the same time…
“You took Kara away from me. You put her in a difficult spot and you hurt me because of that.”
“I’m sorry,” Lillian says, reaching out her hand but Lena pulls away. It’s the very first time that her mother had apologized that sincerely. “I really am. For all of the pain that I’ve caused you. But I want you to know that I wouldn’t change anything. I wouldn’t. Look at you now. You’re the COO of L-Corp. You have a wonderful and intelligent daughter. You have a girlfriend that loves you more than the world. I know that you could have had all of that with Kara. But things would have been different. We wouldn’t have bonded. We wouldn’t have reconciled. And Lori wouldn’t know me and Lex the way that she does.”
Lillian is right. Things would have been different. She would have been happy with Kara, but in a different way. A way that she can’t imagine even if she closes her eyes and thinks hard because she can’t just disregard Sam and visualize a time and place where she isn’t in love with her. Sam is her constant now.
“You can hate me. It’ll hurt but I’ll take it, if it’s my penance for what I did to you and Kara, and for not telling you the truth. But please,” Lillian pleads and it’s the very first time that Lena sees her like this. Begging. “Please don’t take Lori away from me.”
“Mom… I…” Lena starts, but she finds herself choking at her words. She’s angry, and she’s hurt, and she’s disappointed, but she can’t, for the life of her, even think of taking Lori’s grandmother away from her. “You know that Lori loves you.”
And then Lena sees Lillian do something she’s never seen her do. Lillian cries.
“I’m sorry Lena. I’m so sorry.”
“I’m sorry too,” Lena says, standing up from her chair and swiping her own tears from her cheeks. “I hope you understand that I need time. I know it‘s been seven years but this… You hurt me again.”
“I know. I understand.”
“Thank you. Don’t worry. Lori and I will still see you tomorrow for breakfast,” Lena says, and then she’s walking out of the room, out of the house, and driving back to Metropolis.