Chapter Text
Cathy read her letter immediately. She needed to know.
Cathy
She slid her finger underneath the seal and opened the letter. As she unfolded, she felt her chest tighten. She hadn’t let herself cry yet because she needed to be strong. Strong enough to read the letter now because if she didn’t do it now, then she might never do it.
Dear Cathy,
Thank you. For making me feel more alive in these past months than I have in a long time. I enjoyed you and your company, but sometimes you can’t stop what has been set in motion. Book club was my favorite time of the week, even if it was just the two of us.
I think you knew something was going to happen, didn’t you? Well. I’m sorry you had to live with that. Sometimes we have a feeling and can’t quite figure out what it is and therefore do nothing. That being said, this isn’t your fault. How could it be? Did you ever call me the names and hateful words that got stuck in my head? Did you tell me to kill myself? No. That was on me. This whole ordeal is on me.
I don’t have much to say. You know it all. You knew that something was wrong. You knew that I was in pain. You held me on that one night in January and then did so whenever you heard me crying. I thank you for that, because G-d knows I need it.
The others’ letters are longer than the one I’m leaving you. I’m sort of at a loss for words. You’ve always been so strong Cathy, even when you felt like you weren’t. You’re strong and need to stay that way. The others… I don’t know what they’ll do, but keep an eye on them for me, okay? Catherine’s going to keep it all bottled up, Anna too. Jane’s going to be a mess and Anne’s a wild card, like always. Be there for them. Please.
All my love,
Katherine
«☆»
Cathy folded the letter, placed on her nightstand and took a deep breath. Despite wanting to fall apart right now, she couldn’t bring herself to do it. She walked to the bathroom and looked in the mirror. Tears were threatening to spill out of her eyes. She walked over to the shower and turned it on. Once the water was warm enough, she stepped in and tears began to stream down her face. She didn’t make any noise, for fear of calling attention to herself. She knew. She knew that something bad was going to happen and she didn’t do anything.
Kat said it wasn’t her fault. A lie.
«☆»
Cathy spent the next few months overthinking every little thing she saw. Suddenly, her ability to notice small things put her on edge. She refused to sleep, her mind was going to fast for that. She simply couldn’t let anything go. It didn’t help when she didn’t actually tell people what she was thinking. She kept it inside until night. She would go into her room and write obsessively. She wrote everything she had observed that day. She filled countless journals with her thoughts.
She had to find a way to let it all out. However, after an incident involving a pan of burnt cookies, Cathy began to sleep. She and Anna slept in Anna’s room, keeping each other safe. Cathy knew if anybody went into her room and pick up a journal, she would be sent straight to the insane asylum, or at the very least, a therapist.
«☆»
One day, Cathy came back from a trip to the library to find Anna in her room. With a journal. Oh god. She set down her bag and raced across the room and grabbed the journal out of Anna’s hands. “What are you doing?” she gasped.
Anna held up her hands, “I was just waiting for you to get back. I’m sorry that I read it without permission, but I have to ask, what is it? I saw our names, but I couldn’t really make sense of it.”
“It’s my thoughts,” Cathy whispered. “Every day I would spend the entire night writing out what I had seen that day. I tend to… over observe. I needed to get it all out.” Anna nodded.
“Well, if you ever want to say what’s on your mind instead of writing it out, you know where I am.” Cathy didn’t know if she would ever do that (her thought were hers, after all), but having the option felt nice. Having another friend felt nice. Maybe one day she would start book club with Anna. She had enjoyed it, hadn’t she?
Maybe one day.