Chapter Text
It was toward the end of summer and things at camp were already starting to wind down. Many campers had already left, while the rest were packing and saying their goodbyes. A lot of campers were making last-minute decisions, contemplating if they even wanted to go home, or if it was a good idea.
Keith didn’t have that luxury. He didn’t have any family to go home to. For the first time out of all his summers he’d been at camp, though, a family to go home to wasn’t what was on his mind. It was the other kids who were leaving. It was all the faces that he wouldn’t see for the year, and the ones he might not see again. Some kids would be going to college, too old to return. Some wouldn’t make it back. Leaving camp was always a risk for demigods.
Besides, Keith was a bit done thinking about family for the time being. There were plenty of summers where he would look up at Half-Blood Hill and see the world beyond, imagine a rundown apartment in Texas or a weather-beaten shack in the desert. He would think about his dad and wish with all his being he were still alive.
Then, he would think of his mom. He would imagine the feeling of having a family again when he was claimed. He’d have brothers and sisters. Maybe a cabin where he could feel like he belonged. Ever since he was claimed, though, he’d decide not to dwell on the family thing all that much. He got some brothers and sisters, and that was great. He didn’t get a cabin, but that didn’t bother him too much.
For some reason, though, finally being claimed just didn’t make Keith as happy as he’d thought.
Nemesis still hadn’t wanted him for eight years. And that still ate at him.
So, Keith didn’t think about it a lot. Instead, he watched as campers said their goodbyes, as the Hermes cabin became more of a mess than usual, as kids tried to find their things and pack them away. Most year-rounders stayed out of the cabins, and Keith, once awaking to the commotion, decided to do the same. Still in his pajamas, he got through it all to the door, then walked to the pavilion.
The pavilion was a mess too. Campers ate their last camp meals of the year, crowding the Hermes table to the rim. How was it possible that so many kids were here when the cabin itself was so packed?
Keith decided that he would sit at that table over his dead body, so he grabbed a granola bar from one of the dryads and left the mess hall, deciding to wander camp instead. It was a cloudy day, and it would most likely rain. The border, however, would keep it out now that it was healthy and fixed. Looking down at his necklace, Keith thumbed at the tiny bead with a golden fleece.
He continued on his way, chewing his granola and chuckling at kids who ran from cabin to cabin, armory to arts and crafts, wherever they may have left something. For a second, he noticed Allura bolt out of the Athena cabin lugging a whip and a broadsword. A pang went through Keith’s chest as he realized she would be leaving. He wouldn’t see her for almost a year.
It was funny. Keith was horrible with making friends, but two years ago, when she had first arrived in tow of Coran, he’d been put in charge of showing her around. Since then, they’d team up often in camp activities when Shiro, or, more recently, Romelle, weren’t available.
“Allura!” he called, and she turned around suddenly, hair poofing up in its disarray. She looked tense and hurried, but she relaxed once she saw who it was that was calling her.
“Keith,” she greeted. “How are you?”
“Alright,” he nodded. “Are you heading home soon?”
“Oh, not until the day after tomorrow, actually,” she said.
“Nice,” Keith replied. “Then I don’t have to say goodbye just yet.”
“No, no,” Allura said, shaking her head. “Though perhaps for now. I am in a hurry.”
“Oh,” Keith said, then felt guilty. She was obviously in a rush. “Sorry about that.”
“Not at all,” she said, tossing her whip over her shoulder. “I’ll definitely see you before I leave, though, okay?”
“Yeah,” Keith nodded, then watched as she waved and went on her way. Keith turned and continued on his own, wandering toward the dock now.
Once he got there, he took off his shoes and day-old socks and dangled his feet into the water. It felt nice, on this warm day. The temperature was regulated again because of the fleece. Keith had always been a little hot-blooded though.
“Hey, dude!” a sudden voice made him jump. Whipping around, Keith knew it couldn’t have been anyone else.
“Gods damn it, Lance!” he exclaimed, swatting at the other boy’s leg where he stood next to him on the dock. For a brief second, he contemplated knocking Lance into the water. Lance sat down, however, and ruined his chances.
“Did you just say ‘gods damn it’?” Lance asked, taking off his flip-flops so he could put his feet in the water too. “Lame.”
“You’re right. There’s only one god in charge of damning you to hell. I’m appealing to all the wrong people.”
At this, Lance kicked water at him, pouting severely. “That’s so mean!”
“You’re lucky the Big Three made that pact. I could be appealing to a Hades kid right now,” Keith teased, kicking water back, and Lance, much to his delight, laughed.
“I can’t believe Hades is the only one right now without a kid here,” he said, shaking his head. Keith shrugged.
“I guess that thing with the fleece was pretty wild,” he said, and they left it at that. With the looming threat of war now on the horizon, it wasn’t a topic that a lot of people liked to dwell on at camp.
Keith looked out toward where the sky met the sea, perhaps another reminder of Zeus’ and Poseidon’s domains. He sighed, looking away and to the trees along one of the beaches instead. He imagined their branches bare in a few months, camp all but deserted. He thought of lonely campfires among the hand full of other campers who would stay, capture the flag without the challenge, the dining pavilion without Lance’s laugh-
Keith sucked in a breath and coughed. Lance looked over at him, concerned, but Keith sat up and pretended like it hadn’t happened. Or that he hadn’t been thinking what he’d been thinking.
“So,” he spoke up, trying to redirect. “Are you all packed?”
“Me?” Lance asked, like he found the notion humorous. Keith rolled his eyes. How could he have thought any different? “Nah. I’m staying a little longer.”
“Longer?” Keith asked, sitting up straight. “How much longer?”
Lance toed the water, making swirls and patterns and humming in contemplation. Keith noticed his own breath stop, held in his lungs in anticipation.
A part of him wanted Lance to stay. He hated saying goodbye to his friends at the end of summer, and he was going to miss Lance so much more than he’d ever admit to anyone. Because… they might have bickered, and maybe they didn’t “hang out”, but they were friends, right?
…right?
Then, there was the part of him that feared if Lance stayed. Because Lance had a family of his own to go back to. He could pull off a normal life. Keith would never want him to stick back when Lance could have that. Or experience the lonely months of camp, training, trying to learn things from SAT practice books if you planned on going to college after this all. Squinting and brain hurting as you tried to learn the concepts by yourself.
They had study groups during the school year at camp, and Keith wasn’t completely alone. He had Shiro. But he couldn’t even imagine it all with Lance.
“Just a few days,” Lance said, shaking Keith out of his thoughts. Keith looked back. “I got permission to stay because my sister is coming to visit.”
“Really? You mean Veronica?” Keith asked, and Lance nodded, looking excited.
“She’s always off with the hunters, never in the same place for long or keeping track of time. I mean, they’re immortal,” Lance said. “It’ll be good to see her.”
“Definitely,” Keith agreed. He felt happy for Lance and, looking back at the horizon, he forgot about all the other stuff. For a moment, he forgot about the gods and the war and just focused on the beauty of it all.
“Which brings me to my question,” Lance said, and Keith looked back.
“A question?” Keith asked. Lance, who also looked at the horizon, nodded his head, looking determined. It was cute.
Damn it. Stop that, Keith.
“She’s actually coming for our birthday,” he said, and Keith blinked. “I’ve asked a couple other people to stay for a few days, which won’t be a problem because the cleaning harpies won’t start chowing down campers for another week-”
“That’s a myth,” Keith interrupted, ignoring the irony of the statement, and Lance ignoring him.
“Because I’m having a little get together for it. It’s not much. I really just wanted to see everyone before we part for the year and all, but Pidge said they would break into the kitchen and Hunk is gonna make a cake. I’m thinking of using the Big House’s old-ass computer to print out a picture of a pegasus and we can pin the tail with bow and arrow or something,” Lance shrugged, swinging his legs more in the water.
“That sounds fun,” Keith commented, imagining it. He had seen Lance in archery before and he was really good. He’d definitely win that contest.
“Yeah, it does,” Lance said, looking determinedly down at his feet. “And I was wondering if you would want to come.”
And, here’s the thing. Keith knew he heard it. He heard every word. He heard them all in the correct order. He knew what Lance was asking.
But it didn’t make sense.
“What?” he asked, head turning to watch Lance full-on. Lance scratched the back of his neck, looking down at the water.
“You don’t have to,” he said.
Keith’s eyes widened. “No! No, yeah! I’d like to come,” he said, and he was almost out of breath despite the complete lack of effort a couple of words cost him. But the situation was still a little unreal to him, and Keith had no idea what he was agreeing to. He’d never been invited to anything.
Much less by Lance.
They had been at camp for almost entirely the same amount of time. Because of that, Keith felt like he knew Lance better than most. But better than most still didn’t mean jack shit coming from Keith. The closest people to him were Shiro, Allura, and maybe Pidge. He’d gotten to know Matt a bit more lately because of Shiro too.
But it was proximity that Keith “knew” most people at camp. He knew that girl’s name because she’d been here for years. He knew that guy had two younger brothers at home because it was all he talked about at dinners. He knew Lance because that was just the way it was.
Other than the fact that they’d been scurrying around camp since the same summer, the same amount of beads on their necklaces, but they shared a cabin, and participated in many of the same activities because of it. They were matched up in sparring a lot because of their similar age and, of course, there had been that whole ‘rivalry’ thing for a while back there.
And now. Now, Keith could never keep his eyes of Lance. He wasn’t sure when it had begun, but, some time in the past few years, Keith had started to notice just how good Lance was at archery, how much he enjoyed sparring against him or teaming up with him during capture the flag. He noticed when his hair got all windswept after pegasus riding, or how perfectly his eyes reflected off the water during canoe racing.
Keith knew Lance. Maybe a lot more than other people at camp. But that didn’t mean a thing when it came to Lance knowing him.
Keith wondered again if they were friends. Probably not, but… going to Lance’s birthday… that could make them friends, right?
“I don’t think I have anything to give you,” Keith realized, then glared down at his hand on the dock. Maybe he could find something at the camp store. Deodorant? No. Maybe he could make something at the arts and crafts building. Keith was terrible at that stuff though…
But Lance was shaking his head. “Don’t get me anything. Just come and have a good time. Like I said, it’s more to get with friends that celebrate my birthday.”
“Okay…” Keith reluctantly agreed, still not sure of the proper etiquette for something like this. He’d have to ask Shiro. “So, when is it?”
“Tomorrow around 2 at the amphitheatre,” Lance said, lifting his feet out of the water and putting his flip flops back on. Keith looked up, suddenly afraid he had said something wrong. “I got to go,” Lance explained, getting to his feet. “Just because I don’t need to pack, doesn’t mean I shouldn’t clean. I’m not giving my sister any ammo for teasing. She already has enough.”
“Oh,” Keith said, nodding as he averted his gaze again. He felt silly, thinking that. “Have fun.”
Lance laughed at that. “I’ll certainly try,” he said. “I guess I’ll see you. Probably before the party since we share a cabin, plus, the dining pavilion isn’t going to have a lot of people tonight and-” Lance cut himself off. “Erm, yeah. So, see yah.”
Then, he scrambled off, Keith staring incredulously after. He shook his head and chuckled a bit.
“Alright,” he said, moreso speaking to himself. “See you then.”
-/-
It was 2 o’clock. Keith had gotten a pack of candy from the Stoll brothers’ illegal trade in the Hermes cabin, which he had no idea if Lance would even like or not, but oh well. Now he was in the amphitheatre where a handful of others had already gathered. Weird, because Keith was literally right on time.
It looked like a lot of them had arrived earlier to help set up though. Keith felt bad that he hadn’t thought of doing that, but then remembered his complete lack of people skills and decided there probably wouldn’t have been much he could do anyway.
“Keith! Hello!” a familiar voice greeted, and Keith turned to see Allura walking his way. Ah, so that was why she was waiting to go home.
“Hey, Allura,” he said, waving with the hand where he clutched the bag of candy. When he realized, he lowered it, face turning just a bit pink. Allura had that twinkle in her eye now. Great.
“You’ve come for Lance’s birthday, I see,” she remarked, having mercy on the lame gift he had brought, and Keith nodded. She smiled. “Alright, well, would you mind coming to help with some of the blankets?”
“Blankets?” he asked, now taking a better look around. Sure enough, there was a red wagon full of blankets off to the side. “Why blankets?”
“We decided sitting on the logs by an unlit fire was boring, so we brought blankets to lay out on the steps. It’s a lot more comfortable, I think,” she said, walking toward the wagon. Keith followed, nodding along to the logic, then helped set them out.
As they were doing that, he looked around to see who else had arrived. Pidge and Hunk, true to Lance’s word, had handled food. There were chips and sodas, apparently from the kitchen and not the Stoll brothers, as Pidge was a dryad and knew the ins and outs of the Big House’s kitchen. Then, there was a modest, but delicious-looking cake, courtesy of Hunk. The two were currently over there setting the goods out on a stone table, identical to those in the pavilion, that had somehow magically appeared.
Matt and Shiro, not too far away from where Allura and him were putting out the blankets, were setting up some sort of sound system, which, to be honest, looked ancient. Keith was no expert on technology, not having left the camp, which was overall devoid of most tech, since he was six, but he could tell the old radio was beyond any of their times. He could also tell by the look on Matt’s face. How a dryad, who probably hadn’t left camp for much longer than Keith had, knew anything about technology himself, though, was beyond Keith.
Then, there were the birthday twins themselves. Lance and Veronica were making a target with a pegasus brandishing its tail-less butt at them, attaching tails to an array of arrows for the game. They laughed together, Veronica hitting her brother in the arm for some stupid joke or another. The sight made Keith smile.
He remembered Veronica. It was hard not to, really, when she had been there for so long herself before joining the hunters of Artemis. The two McClain twins had arrived to camp at the same time, or so Keith was told, and had both been claimed on their first birthday at camp by Hermes. Keith remembered their claiming, and he remembered how inseparable the two had been for a while. Then, two years ago, Veronica had left.
Now, despite the short time she had been away, her immortality had already affected their difference in appearance so much. While they used to look almost identical, now Veronica, stopped just at the cusp of puberty, still looked like a kid, like Lance’s younger sister, instead of his twin. Lance, in comparison, looked like a teenager, jaw becoming more defined and shoulders broader. It was slightly jarring to see, the blatant change in the years like this. It made him sad, in a way, to see how far apart the twins had come.
But that feeling couldn’t stay for long when he noticed how happy the two looked to be together again, and how natural they fell back into their inseparable sibling dynamic. Keith watched as Lance made a quip, causing Veronica’s face to go red as she sputtered. She dished out what she got, though, and, soon, Lance’s face was changing the same. Keith laughed to himself, then focused on straightening the next blanket.
-/-
It was a little odd, hanging out with other campers. Realizing this, Keith found it odd that he would think it odd. But he’d never done something like this before. Whenever he talked with other campers, it was at dinner, or at training or activities. Now, Keith realized how truly lame he was for never actually hanging out in all the years he’d attended camp.
But it was nice too. They all lounged about on the blankets, once they were set out. Hunk played on a DS he had smuggled into camp, Pidge squished in beside him and watching as he mashed buttons and swayed with the motion of his character on the screen. Pidge kept shouting advice and swears. It was funny to watch.
Next to them, Lance was going back and forth from watching the game and talking to his sister, sitting criss-cross beside him, and Romelle and Allura, laying on their bellies and giggling beside each other. Romelle, Keith noticed, practically had sparkles in her eyes as she watched Allura speak.
Then, there was him, Matt, and Shiro off to the side. Matt, looking a bit irked, was threatening to strangle the radio with plants he conjured, while Shiro, sitting back, leaning on his hands planted on the blanket behind him, was calmly talking him out of it. He, too, seemed to have a bit of sparklage going on. Keith, sitting awkwardly on his folded legs, simply watched them, pretending to be apart of their conversation.
Distracted with watching Shiro and Matt talk with one another, Matt making a couple saplings from the ground dance dangerously close to the radio system and Shiro raising an unamused (or trying to be unamused, at least) eyebrow at him, Keith didn’t notice someone approach until they had sat down beside him.
For a moment, Keith’s heart leaped into his throat, imagining Lance had come over for some reason or another. Keith would give him the candy, which he still held in his hand and couldn’t stop fidgeting with, and wish him happy birthday. Then, he noticed it was not, in fact, Lance.
It was, surprisingly, Romelle.
“Oh,” Keith said with a certain amount of surprise, but no disappointment. Sure, he had wished it was Lance, but he liked Romelle. She was nice. What he couldn’t figure out was: what was she doing with Keith when Allura was over there? “Hey,” he greeted.
“Is it alright if I sit over here for a while?” she asked, looking a lot… different, than he’d seen her just minutes before. She still smiled, and he could tell she was trying to look cheerful, but her shoulders were down and the sparkle had left her eyes.
“Yeah, of course,” he said, and she sent him a grateful smile.
“So, how are you?” Romelle asked, flattening her camp tee, and getting more comfortable on the blanket.
Keith shrugged. “Alright. You?”
“Oh, you know,” she shrugged, but it was obvious she didn’t want to talk about it. Keith could understand. So, instead, they talked about nothing in general, finding idle topics and elaborating their butts off about them. It was an uninteresting conversation, but, for once, Keith didn’t mind talking about the stupid things. As they carried on, he could tell it helped Romelle get her mind off whatever was bothering her.
However, stupid topics couldn’t ever hold Keith’s attention for long. As they were talking, he didn’t notice it, but he had started to look across their group, right at Lance.
“So, Lance,” Romelle commented, and Keith jumped. When he looked back over, she looked amused. “Did you get those for him?” she asked, nodding toward the pack of candy. For a moment, she seemed all-knowing - like Allura - but she didn’t look teasing. She looked curious. “You should go over and give it to him.”
Keith shook his head. “He’s busy.”
“Pssh,” Romelle rolled her eyes. “Of course he is. He’s surrounded by his friends.”
“Yeah, which means I’d be interrupting,” Keith said, but Romelle was already standing up. His eyes widened. “Romelle, what are you doing?” he asked, dread filling his voice, but she was already stepping away from him.
“Not all of us need to luck out today,” she said, then she was gone. Keith watched as she approached Lance and sat down with that group again. He also noticed that, the more she had drawn closer, the more she had avoided Allura’s eye.
Oh.
Gods, poor Romelle.
Not all of us need to luck out today.
But then, Keith started to panic for his own sake. As he looked back to what Romelle was doing, he noticed Lance standing up.
Shit shit shit shit shit.
So, when Lance walked over and sat down next to him, Keith panicked further and pretended he didn’t notice he was there. Smart.
“Hey,” Lance said after a few seconds. Keith jumped because of nerves, but it probably helped with his ridiculous pretending.
Keith looked over nervously. “Hey.” Then he looked away. He saw Romelle watching and narrowed his eyes. She turned to talk to Hunk and Pidge, looking delighted with the game they were playing.
“Sorry I haven’t been over yet,” Lance said. “I may have gotten a little excited to see my sister.”
“That’s no problem,” Keith said, shaking his head. “You can go back over. You didn’t have come over here just for me.”
“Nah, dude. I invited you for a reason,” Lance laughed, like something about that was obvious. None of it was. “So let’s talk. I hope you haven’t been too bored.”
Keith shook his head. “I’ve been talking to Matt and Shiro. And Romelle.” Then, remembering, he looked down at the candy in his hand. “By the way,” he said. Suddenly, it was quite difficult to get the words out. “These. Are. For you?”
He lifted the candy. Lance’s eyes lit up and Keith could have sworn he heard him gasp. “Keith, I told you not to get me anything.”
Keith shrugged. “It’s not much.” It was just a pack of candy. Last birthday Shiro had given him some money that he hadn’t seen much point spending until now. This was totally worth it, in Keith’s eyes. He handed it over. “I hope you like sour things.”
“I love sour candy,” Lance gushed, the plastic crinkling in his hand, and, at this, Keith finally looked up again. He smiled a bit, pleased.
“Me too,” he agreed.
“Wanna share?” Lance asked, ripping open the candy. Keith’s eyes went wide.
“I got them for you,” he said, falling into panic again. This wasn’t norm, was it? Sharing your birthday present?
“Yeah, and I wanna share them,” Lance declared, tone leaving no room for argument. Keith shifted awkwardly, but stayed silent. Lance picked a gummy out, popped it in his own mouth, then offered the bag for Keith to take one. Tentatively, Keith did.
Then, because when Keith did open his mouth, he said something stupid.
“Is it weird sharing a birthday with someone who doesn’t age?”
Lance stopped, eyes widening, and Keith felt that familiar panic well up, before Lance smiled.
“I used to think so, yeah,” Lance answered truthfully. “Not so much anymore. I think it still means something to us even if it’s not the passage of time. It’s a celebration of the both of us, and it’s something we still share.”
“That. Makes sense,” Keith said, nodding. He sucks on the gummy worm a bit. Lance reaches for another worm.
“What are you even doing to that poor thing?” Lance asked, pointing at the now half-sour worm in Keith’s hand. Then, somehow, naturally, like they were regular friends talking about regular things, they fell into an innocent squabble about the barbarous treatment he was putting his gummy worm through, and, in Keith’s opinion, the equally horrible murder of Lance’s worms as he bit through half of their body. That led into a conversation about how worms regenerate their bodies, depending on how they are severed.
Somehow, Keith lost track of time, and all sense of panic that he’d had before, talking with Lance. It wasn’t until Veronica sat down next to them, waggling her eyebrows at Lance for some reason, and started to talk to Keith that Keith realized he had forgotten just where they were.
It was somewhat awkward, but it wasn’t as though he didn’t know Veronica, so, when she asked him questions, he didn’t see any reason to feel too awkward about answering. Then, as this carried on, more and more people from their group seemed to gravitate toward them, chiming in about stories told or their own experiences. Romelle and Hunk joined and bounced jokes off each other seemlessly. Pidge dragged their brother away from the radio, and Shiro and Allura scooted over too. Soon, they were playing truth or dare, which quickly changed to duck duck goose, somehow, and everyone was laughing as Lance chased his quick sister around the circle.
And Keith found that he was having fun. More fun than he had ever had before, honestly. And, somehow, even when everyone switched up around the circle because of the game, he found himself next to Lance again as he and his sister were presented with a cake and a spattering of lit candles.
After the cake was done, the sun was setting and Veronica challenged Lance to their pin the tail on the pegasus game. Keith watched as everyone migrated away from the blankets. However, something held him back. He sat, an easy smile on his face as he watched Lance line up his first shot.
“Did Lance like his present?” Romelle asked as she sat down next to him, and Keith nodded yes without breaking his gaze.
“Thanks for that,” Keith said, and, funny enough, he found that he meant it. As awkward as it had been that she’d gone and gotten Lance for him, it had turned out great.
“No problem,” Romelle answered, and she sounded cheery, despite her earlier mood. He looked over at her.
“You doing okay?”
Romelle, still looking down at the others, shrugged. “I’ll live.”
“I’m sorry for whatever happened,” he offered, then turned his own gaze back. Lance, tremendous archer he was, made a bulls-eye. Veronica was next. Being a hunter of Artemis, it was going to be a close match.
“Did you know Allura and Lotor are dating?” Romelle said suddenly, and it was so shocking that Keith had to turn back.
“What? Seriously?”
But Romelle just nodded calmly. “Yep.”
“Wow,” was all Keith could say, and turned away again. Then, and he wasn’t sure why, Keith said, “I’m sure that sucks for Lance to hear too.”
This, however, seemed to shock Romelle. “Lance?”
“Yeah. You guys can find solidarity in each other for that at least.”
“I…don’t think Lance likes Allura,” Romelle said carefully, sounding slightly confused. Keith just shook his head.
“He’s flirted with her for two years,” Keith said, and he’s not sure why he’s noticed that. “He definitely likes her.”
“I don’t know, Keith. That’s not the vibe I’ve gotten off him,” Romelle replied, sounding doubtful.
Keith shrugged. “Well, whatever the case,” he said.
For a few minutes, they sat in silence, watching the games below. Veronica had gotten a bulls-eye as well, and the two siblings had bickered for a while over who had the better shot. Now, though, Allura was up.
“You don’t go home for the year, right?” Romelle asked, and Keith shook his head.
“Nope,” he replied. “Nowhere to go.”
“Me neither,” she replied, and, somehow, Keith found solidarity in that. Then, she started to get up, moving to join the others down by the target. For a moment, though, she paused and turned back. “I think we’re going to become great friends.”
She smiled, and Keith smiled back. A true and real smile.
“I’d like that.”
Then, she hopped down the steps until she came to the ampitheatre floor, hurrying up to Allura and making some kind of joke to the girl. Allura laughed and Romelle’s eyes glowed. The sparkle didn’t come back and Romelle still hurt, but she seemed determined not to lose the friend she had in Allura and Keith felt proud of her for that.
Keith didn’t move from his spot on the stairs of the ampitheatre, criss-cross on a blanket and gazing down at his friends, but he didn’t feel lonely for it. Even if many of them would be leaving tomorrow, Keith didn’t feel like it was goodbye just yet.
In fact, the end of this summer felt more of a beginning than anything.