Chapter Text
"How much longer do you plan on playing with our lives for?”
Saeyoung glared at you with tears streaming down his cheeks. There was that hate that you experienced in neither’s route, but was more a reflection of yours throughout the … game.
You blinked with your eyes and parted your lips, ready to respond, but what would you tell him? It was for their own good? You wanted to show them the bad side of Rika? You wanted to save all of them? You wanted to achieve all of their endings, just so a part of you would feel at ease for doing so? You wanted to see how it felt? How did it look?
Closing your mouth, you lowered your head, eyes stinging. You couldn’t answer him. It hurt. All those bad endings you received hurt you. Yet it didn’t dawn on you that Saeyoung was someone, who knew as well. He knew everything and he remembered it all just like you did.
“I’m sorry…” You spoke in a quiet voice that was barely a whisper. You raised your head and looked at Saeyoung, a small, almost unnoticeable, smile spreading over your lips. “I only…” you hesitated, voice cracking. Taking in a shaky breath, you slowly let it out before speaking once again. “I only wished to see you happy.”
Saeyoung’s eyes stared at you, his expression mixture of pain, shock, confusion and an emotion you couldn’t seem to recognize. “Hap-happy?” he stammered. “By playing with our feelings, lives and-and-and then destroying us like-like nothing matters?”
“I regret it.” You spoke. “I regret it all.” You felt your eyes burn and nose itch and you wanted to leave, but your body wasn’t listening. You were stuck , forced to watch Saeyoung break down over the loss of his brother. “It won’t happen again…” Your voice cracked.
“It will the moment it comes out.” Saeyoung gritted his teeth.
And you knew he was right. You watched his hands curl into fists, knuckles turning whiter, and teeth gritting harder. Perhaps it was enough. Your heart ached as you watched him control his anger, trying to calm himself, as reflections of bad endings kept replaying all around.
It was enough.
“I never wanted this …” You whispered and closed your eyes. “I’m sorry Saeyoung.” The redhead flinched at his real name and you felt your knees growing weak. You didn’t deserve to call him by his given name. “You won’t…see me again.” None of you .
His golden eyes stared at you, sceptical, knowing the truth was far from that. He opened his mouth, ready to respond, but something enabled him.
There was a small smile on your lips as you began backing away, unknowing that tears were streaming down your cheeks. It was better this way. Maybe you didn’t need to see all of the endings, when one was right this whole time. If you never found the game; if you never played the game, everyone would still be happy. If you delete the app, you would disappear and everything would turn back as it was before.
They didn’t need you, you realized. You only brought more pain to them than you intended to and for it to not happen again, you needed to leave. The only thing you wished for was that they would be happy. Closing your eyes, you felt your body becoming lighter. It felt like you were dreaming, all these months of replaying and resetting the game, repeated in your head like a broken record. There was pressure on your chest and it was hard to breathe. You were gasping for air, hands reaching in front to hold onto something, anything . But there was nothing.
Your eyes snapped open and you sprang into sitting position, looking around. It passed a minute before you managed to calm down your shallow breathing and heart that wanted to rip itself out of your chest. Your hands were shaking and you embraced yourself, gently brushing your upper arms as you looked around the place.
You were in your bedroom. Blinking a few times, you narrowed your eyebrows and slowly uncovered yourself to stand from your bed. It felt like just that day from your dreams where you got led into an apartment to plan parties. You shook your head and looked at your phone that began ringing. You saw your friend’s name on it and smiled, remembering you were meeting with her today.
“ Hey sleepy head, ready to conquer the world? ”
The way she greeted you made you laugh. “When am I not?” You greeted her back and walked to your closet.
“ What’s with your voice? ” She asked, sounding concerned. “ You sound like you cried. You okay? ”
“Eh?” you murmured and looked at your reflection in the mirror when you opened the closet. Your eyes were red and swollen, dried tears visible on your cheeks and you tried to remember when did you cry. Raising your hand, you wiped the dried traces and looked down. “I-I don’t know…” There was pain in your chest that you didn’t know from where it was. “P-probably just a nightmare…” You murmured, trying to reassure yourself more than your friend.
“ You sure? ”
“Y-yeah…” And you wanted to believe that. “Where are we meeting?” You asked instead, changing the topic, not wanting to speak of it.
“ In front of Starbucks. You do realize we’re going to the library and then watch the show, right? ” She asked in a slightly teasing manner.
“Yes, yes,” You chuckled. “Library and then the Phantom of the Opera.”
“ Oh, so you do remember, huh? ” She laughed. “ And? What do you think of Zen? ”
“Huh?” You stopped midway when you heard the name. “Zen?” You mumbled and looked around the room, searching for something .
“ Yeah, Zenny boy. You know, the young whitehaired actor, who got really popular from one of those videos that suddenly played all over the country. ” Your friend laughed over the phone, but all you managed was a dry chuckle. She continued to talk on and on, but you couldn’t hear her over the thoughts that occupied your head.
Zen? You wondered, trying to remember where you heard that name. It made you feel like you knew him, but weren’t sure from where.
“ ... you there? ”
“Yeah,” You answered and shook your head. “Hey…why don’t we go watch something else instead?” You asked, feeling uncomfortable whenever Zen was mentioned.
“ Why? ” Your friend sounded worried.
“I don’t know…” You admitted and bit your lower lip. “I don’t feel good when it comes to him. I don’t know why, but I just feel…weird…” Your voice was quiet as you now stared at your feet. There was silence on the other side before you heard a sigh. “I’m sorry, I know it’s out of nowhere.”
“ It’s fine. ” She replied and you could hear in her voice she was smiling. “ What do you want to watch? ”
Standing in front of Starbucks, you were holding two cups in your hands, waiting for your friend. You were biting your lower lip between your teeth when someone bumped into your shoulder from behind. Turning your head, you saw red hair and golden eyes that stared at you, both shocked and wary for some reason. You ignored the pain in your chest and smiled.
“Sorry, I was standing in the middle.” You apologized and moved back.
“It’s…okay…” The man murmured and continued to stare at you. Feeling slightly uncomfortable, you were ready to turn, but he stopped you by asking: “Don’t you remember me?”
Narrowing your eyebrows, you titled head to the side and shook your head. “Sorry … ?” You were shaking your head. “I don’t really…” you trailed off and turned your head when you heard your friend. Looking back at the man in front, you smiled. “Sorry, I have to go. My friend came and we need to go.”
“Yeah, sure… It’s okay.” He nodded and as you turned around, you could feel his eyes on your back.
“I’m late for a minute and you’re already flirting with a guy?” Your friend spoke with a smirk spreading over her lips.
You laughed and shook your head. “Sorry, but I have no idea who he was.” You said and handed her one drink before taking a sip of yours. “It’s my first time seeing him.”
And before you turned around the corner, you looked back at the spot, where the man stood, but was now gone. With confusion, you halted on your steps and looked around, trying to find him, but your friend called for you, waking you from your daze.
“You’ve been acting weird ever since you woke up. You okay?” She asked, worry visible on her face.
“I’m fine.” You smiled and continued walking down the street. You weren’t sure why, but when you looked into those golden eyes, you could clearly hear his voice in your head, sending shivers down your spine. It terrified you.
“How much longer do you plan on playing with our lives for?”