Chapter Text
That night, Danny thinks about his conversation with Kono, about why she left the island. He can’t sleep, tossing and turning on Kono’s uncomfortable futon couch. It’s hard to reconcile Steve’s need to get away from Oahu with whatever is going on between the two of them. What Steve did in the car, climbing in and planting himself in Danny’s lap, had given him some hope that Steve still wants them to be together, in some form or other. But Steve wanting momentary comfort and physical contact while he’s ill is a long way from an actual relationship.
Danny doesn’t just want to be Steve’s dependable best friend. He’s more than happy to take care of him whenever he needs it, but he wants more than that. He wants to finally be Steve’s partner, in every sense of the word. He thought they were there, at long last, that they had turned the corner into what could be their new life together. For a little while, despite everything, he had been so, so happy.
He knows Kono took a picture of the two of them, squeezed tightly together in Steve’s hospital bed. She had shared it to the group text, and Danny had immediately saved it on his phone. He wasn’t stupid enough to make it his lock screen, although he wanted to. He’s looked at it more times than he can count.
Danny doesn’t want that to be the last time he gets to curl up in bed with Steve, to feel his body up against his own, his breath against his cheek. He thought Steve had been happy too. He knows Steve’s smiles, and his soft, quiet laugh that’s just for him, and when Danny had acquiesced and climbed into that hospital bed, Danny was the recipient of those very special Steve smiles and the quiet laugh. Steve wanted him there, Danny is certain of it.
But then Steve pulled back. It was as if it never happened. Danny felt it like a physical blow, when Steve flinched away from him the next day. He can’t say it was worse than when Steve left the island – that was like bleeding out slowly over the course of the week when it became clear that Steve was actually leaving, that he wasn’t just toying with the idea, that Danny getting kidnapped and shot wasn’t even going to change his mind. He used to think he knew Steve better than anyone. Maybe it hardly counts if Steve doesn’t know what he wants himself, but Danny wishes he would make up his mind.
Scratch that – he doesn’t really want Steve to make up his mind too fast, not unless it’s to decide that he wants to be with Danny.
Danny’s confused, and sad, and he doesn’t know what to do about it.
Talking to Steve is the obvious solution, but he tried that today in the hospital, and Steve shut him down. After that kiss (one of Danny’s more risky moves, but at the time it seemed like a fantastic success) Danny had a whole day of thinking that things were finally, miraculously going to change between him and Steve, that they were actually going to act on this thing that had flickered between them for years.
Then Steve had basically told him to back off, and it all came crashing down.
To make matters more complicated, his team back at home is now constantly texting him on the recently re-named “Danny’s Kiss Is Magic” group text. In response he has continued to pretend that everything is ok, ask for a bit of privacy, and give medically bland updates on Steve’s condition. He doesn’t even want to change the name of the group text, as it might hint at trouble in paradise, and he wants so, so desperately for the trouble to go away.
After tossing and turning for hours, Danny calls it quits and goes into the kitchen for a glass of water. He lingers in the hallway afterwards. Kono’s house is small and cozy, and he can easily hear Steve doing his own tossing and turning in the guest room. Cursing his lack of self-control, he eases open the door and looks in.
Steve is tugging at his blanket, which is apparently twisted around his legs in an entirely offensive fashion. He looks up as Danny opens the door, and then flops back on the bed, defeated.
“That blanket giving you trouble?” Danny asks, unable to help the smile that tugs at his mouth. No matter what else is going on between them, the urge to banter is irrepressible.
“It’s possessed,” Steve says, his voice sleep rough. “I don’t even like blankets. But it’s too fucking cold here to sleep without it.”
“Can I help?” Danny asks. He wouldn’t ordinarily hesitate, but nothing has been ordinary about the past few days.
“Sure.”
Danny helps straighten out the misbehaving blanket, tucking it around Steve’s body like he used to do with Charlie. Steve laughs softly, and then grabs at Danny’s wrist.
Danny lets himself meet Steve’s eyes (eye, one eye, and he’s definitely not going to think about any possibility that the other one won’t heal up perfectly), and braces himself for whatever “it’s not you it’s me” platitude Steve’s about to utter.
“Don’t give up on me,” Steve says, and Danny blinks in confusion. “I know I’m fucking this up. But I don’t mean to. I don’t want to.”
“What, um, what do you want?” Danny asks, his heart beating faster in his chest.
Steve tugs on Danny’s wrist until he sits down, one knee up on the bed, facing Steve.
“I want you.”
Danny can’t really process this, but Steve doesn’t give him any time to question it, reaching out with a hand behind Danny’s head to pull him down for a long, certain kiss.
“Oh,” Danny says, “wow. Really?” His head is spinning.
Steve snorts. “Yeah.”
“Because, um, mixed messages much?”
“Sorry?” Steve pushes at Danny’s elbow where it’s propping Danny up, and Danny slides down on the bed, both of them facing each other. He might have to talk to Steve at some point about using words instead of just shoving Danny around, but then again, it’s kind of hot, so, maybe not.
“Honestly, Steve, you haven’t seemed particularly interested in this-” Danny waves his hand between them “lately.”
“I know. I’m sorry. I can try to explain, but it won’t make any sense.”
“At least that means you’re back to normal.”
“Very funny.” Steve’s expression turns serious. “I do want this, us. I just don’t know how to make it work.”
Danny raises an eyebrow at Steve, and leans in to kiss him again, opening his mouth to tease at Steve’s lips with his tongue. “Pretty sure we can figure it out,” he says, grinning against Steve’s face as Steve grabs at his arm to pull him closer.
They make out for a few minutes, until it becomes clear that Steve is actually far too sleepy for anything more intense. When Danny moves to get out of bed Steve just snuggles in closer, wrapping a heavy arm over Danny’s chest, and it makes something light up inside him. That damn happiness again.
“I’m really sorry I hurt your feelings,” Steve says softly. Danny wants to protest that he’s not a kid and no one has to worry about hurting his feelings, but it’s actually exactly what he needed to hear.
“It’s okay, Steve.”
“’night, Danno.”
“Good night.” Danny shuffles the blanket until it’s covering them both completely, and closes his eyes. He knows Steve still hasn’t really told him what’s going on. Steve’s worry about making it work obviously wasn’t referring to the physical aspect of their relationship (although to be fair, Danny’s got some questions of his own where that is concerned). But rolling along without discussing every little thing has gotten them this far. Besides, he’s pretty sure that Steve doesn’t even know what’s bothering him. It’s as he said to Steve – they’ll figure it out. They have to.
****
The next morning Danny is up long before Steve. He slips out of bed as quietly as he can, showers and dresses and makes a pot of coffee. Steve needs his rest.
Kono had woken up even earlier, shooting Danny a text explaining that she would be back from work in time for dinner, so Danny has the kitchen to himself for a little while.
It’s a peaceful place, Kono’s little house here in the great Northwest. Danny’s never been to this area of the country before. He had expected it to be raining every day, maybe overrun with hipsters drinking overpriced coffee. While the coffee part had turned out to be true, the rain hasn’t been too bad.
His meandering thoughts about the weather are interrupted by Steve walking stiffly into the kitchen.
“Hey,” Danny says in greeting. “Sleep okay?”
Steve smiles shyly, and Danny’s heart skips a beat. God, he’s so smitten, even after all this time.
“Yeah, thanks.” Steve sits down stiffly at the little round table. In the middle of the table is a wooden plate with a leafy pattern that reminds Danny of Hawaii. Steve too, by the way he draws his fingertip over it, a contemplative expression on his face.
“Want some coffee?” Danny asks.
“Sure.”
Danny pours Steve a mug of coffee and sets it down in front of him, then refreshes his own cup and hoists himself up on the counter. It feels familiar, sitting with Steve like this, drinking coffee while they each get ready to face the day. Steve’s kitchen at home has felt awfully empty lately.
They sit quietly for a little while, the silence more comfortable than it’s been for the past few days. Danny takes a few minutes to gather his thoughts, and then decides he’d better give it a try before Steve gets to the bottom of his cup and heads off for a shower or an ill-advised run around the neighborhood or other such nonsense.
This isn’t only Steve’s problem, this difficulty they’re having in getting their act together. Danny’s got to man up, too.
Danny sets his coffee cup down, and takes a breath.
“It’s okay if you haven’t found what you’re looking for,” Danny says.
Steve looks up at him, surprised, and then back down at his coffee cup. “What’s that supposed to mean?” Steve asks, but Danny knows it’s mostly a placeholder, a meaningless phrase to give Steve more time to process the question.
Danny slides off the counter and takes a step towards Steve, his hands twitching against his thighs as he keeps himself from reaching out. “You left Oahu because you thought it would help,” Danny says quietly. “Did it?”
Steve shakes his head, shrugs, catches Danny’s gaze and then lets his eyes flicker away. He’s a second away from dashing out of the room, although with the huge bruises on his side still healing it might be more like a panicked stagger. “I don’t know. Sometimes. Maybe.” Guilt flashes behind Steve’s eyes, and Danny sees it for what it is this time.
“I missed you,” Danny says, determinedly keeping his voice steady. “A lot. A fuck of a lot. But I’m not mad at you for going away.”
Steve gets that little crease between his brows, and he tilts his head. “You’re not?”
“Nope.” He looks directly at Steve, hoping he can see the truth in his eyes. It took Danny a while to get here, admittedly, but he’s sure now. Steve hasn’t been feeling shame about being with Danny. He’s been feeling guilty about them being apart. Kono still feels it, even years later.
If Steve and Danny are to have any hope at being together, Danny needs to let any lingering resentment go, and make sure Steve knows there’s no need for guilt. Steve left because he felt like he needed to, not because he didn’t care about Danny. He trusted that Danny would still be there for him, and Danny needs him to understand that what he did was okay. That they’re still okay.
“Good partners support each other,” Danny says. “I’m all in, whatever you need to do. Even if it means going back to Oahu by myself for now. Drinking coffee with Junior and Eddie, instead of with you.” He waves his hand at the two of them. “I like this a hell of a lot better, though.”
Steve licks his lips, rising from his chair and standing up straight, then taking a step towards Danny. “Can I tell you something?”
The air is suddenly charged, and Danny has to remind himself that he is actually supposed to answer. “Sure.”
“I like it better too.” Steve swallows and grabs Danny’s wrist, holding tight. “Danno, I think I’m ready to go home.”
*****
DW: Chin, if the offer is still open, Steve and I would love to come visit.
CK: That’s great news!
DW: I’ve never spent much time in San Fran, and Steve claims there’s an Italian restaurant that makes better lasagna than I do. I need to prove him wrong.
CK: Whatever floats your boat. I can take a few days off, show you the sights. We could do some day trips, go to Muir Woods to see the redwoods, have lunch in Sausalito.
DW: Sounds great.
CK: Tell Steve I’ll make sure Sara gets her craft stuff out of the guest bedroom this time. We’ll even wash the glitter off the sheets.
DW: We’re going to stay at a hotel. But thanks for the offer.
CK: You’re blushing right now, aren’t you?
DW: Taking the fifth, thanks.
CK: Did Steve mention that the walls are so thin, he could hear Sara singing Taylor Swift all night long?
DW: No, he did not. And if this is an attempt to continue making fun of my taste in music, I’ll have you know that her new album is fantastic.
CK: Nah, it was an attempt to pry into how things are going between you and Steve. In a very subtle fashion.
DW: Chin, I’m surprised at you. You’re usually the grown-up in these conversations.
CK: Just want the best for you, brah. Both of you.
DW: Thanks. We’re okay, actually. I know I have an uncanny ability to screw things up, but this time I’m going to try not to be an idiot.
CK: You’re not an idiot.
DW: Well, time will tell.
CK: Have faith. You’re the most important person in Steve’s life. You have been for a long time. I bet you’re both taking this seriously.
DW: It’s scary, but I think you’re right.
CK: Honestly, Danny, you can do it. You both can.
DW: Thanks, Chin.
TR: So, about this hotel room. Will it have one bed or two? I bet they ran out of double rooms. Might have to put you in the honeymoon suite.
DW: Tani, where the hell did you come from?
TR: It’s the group text, Danny. It’s forever, I told you. We’re never going away.
TR has changed the name of the group text to There Was Only One Bed