Chapter Text
Pakkun watched his human suffer unable to offer more than silent comfort. Words would come later. For now they all might as well focus on grieving in their own ways.
Kakashi was clutching him close while practically drowning in the blankets and Bull’s jacket, leaning against the big dog for support.
Broken, angry, confused, mourning, scared – the child was drowning in the whirlpool of emotions. Sharp, bitter and slightly sour they clogged the room. Perhaps to most humans it would be unnoticeable, but any dog would pick up on the scent within moments. And it hurt that a child had to deal with such an overwhelming negativity, especially a child so dear to them all.
After getting over the shock in the comfort of his private room, Kakashi curled up on the bed amongst dogs and blankets.
Time to grieve became a luxury few ninja had in these perilous times with war on their doorstep. A week, two at most, and they would be called back into service. But for now, for now they could mourn in peace. Pakkun hoped it would be enough even as knowledge of how vain such hope was settled in his chest like a heavy stone.
Regardless, the pack would be there to guide him through it to the best of their ability. For what were spirits if not guides and protectors to those they cared for deeply?
Yet, guide was the only thing they could do for no one could heal the soul of one who rejected healing. Kakashi would have to do most of that work by himself. Smooth out the ragged and torn aura. Let the jagged edges stretch in welcome rather than spike in warning. All of it would come later though.
Morning would bring clarity and masks would be worn once more. For now the dog relaxed in the tight hold and simply let his master sob, and weep, and clutch him like a lifeline.
After the child cried himself to sleep, a meeting took place a wall away. The rest of the pack slid out of the room silently. All who could slip out without arousing Kakashi gathered to discuss the issue, to plan how they would handle the coming trials.
“What a mess. How come we did not see it coming?” Ūhei put his head down in bone-deep tiredness, the sort that came with being helpless to fix the problem.
And really, there was nothing they could do to fix death or the shock and trauma their young master was going through. Sharing pain and taking on suffering of your loved ones went a long way, but the comfort hardly fixed the irreparable. It soothed and healed, but scars would still remain when all was said and done.
“I don’t think anyone expected Sakumo to go through with something like that,” answered Guruko after trotting into the designated meeting room. He plopped down and shook his head as a drop landed on his nose. “He is leaving his pup to the mercy of the very village that drove him to that state in the first place.”
“Poor kid. He is still so young.”
The incessant click-clack of claws over floor paused and started again with a vengeance where Shiba was pacing.
“Would you sit down already?” Urushi was having none of it. Being just as frustrated as his fellow hound, he’d chosen to lie down under the table lest he also start actively annoying every other inhabitant of the small room.
By that time, the grey dog was already on the floor and merely shot him a glare. Shiba always did prefer being louder when not in mission mode. Part of it came from almost ripping off someone’s ear after being snuck up on. It was after a tense mission and they were much younger when the incident happened.
Nothing was supposed to go wrong then, just like nothing was supposed to go wrong now. Things rarely went as they were supposed to though, so now he was once more tense and full of aggression in impotent fury at Sakumo, at the village, at the situation, at the rest of the pack, at himself.
Everyone dealt in their own way.
“Now that we have stopped squabbling like newborns, I suppose we can get back to the discussion,” Ūhei raised his head and gave everyone an unimpressed stare.
“Oh, shut up,” Shiba bared his teeth but did not move from his spot.
Bisuke was watching everyone from his seat near the door. The little dog was planning out the details of what needed to be done now that Kakashi would have even more responsibilities. Pakkun, who usually took on the detailed planning, was in the bedroom with their precious owner and Bull. Since Kakashi had fallen asleep and their movement would have disturbed the child’s already uneasy rest, they stayed there. Plus, the others weren’t keen on leaving Kakashi alone either. Those two would have to be filled in on this conversation later.
This was how they operated and now more than ever they would stick close. No in-fighting was serious enough to break this bond. Family was what they were, and family was what they needed to be now. Perhaps the only family their young companion would have for some time.
“It’s good to see Kakashi’s aura change,” idly thought Bisuke three years later.
Team Minato had helped a lot. Still spiky and thorny as Kakashi pushed most people away for fear of losing them once he got attached once again, the aura smoothed out. The slight shimmer would mesh with that of his teammates and reach out.
Slowly but surely the thorns became covered in soft leaves that would envelop a hand, brush a shoulder, nudge a knee of the few people he let near.
The tiny dog smiled slyly seeing a few drops of his master’s aura slide off of Rin’s personal little bubble that was so much smoother and more welcoming than Kakashi’s own. Kakashi would be appalled at such an obvious sign of deep care had he – or any human – been able to see such things. After all, emotional attachment was a liability according to shinobi rules.
Bisuke frowned at the thought. The kid followed those rules closely. Perhaps too closely. Despite knowing the reason why, the dog couldn’t help but disapprove. Some of those rules would only lead him to more misery. Bisuke wanted to see his pack, his family, happy. Kakashi was an essential piece of that family.
Then again, that was a long-standing issue and a work in progress. Bisuke ducked into the next bush and grinned watching Rin heal another burn on his master’s hand. A lightning jutsu he’d been practicing blew up in his face, quite literally. This was a bond of friendship. A bond that his master needed. A bond that could possibly deepen with time and tether their souls together. A bond that could morph and mark them as soulmates, carrying a piece of each other within at all times.
This entire scene was prime teasing material with little shocks of leftover electricity making Kakashi’s hair puff out from their natural spikes, and his teammate fussing over him. If only Bisuke had a camera.
“Sensei, how does a soulmate bond feel? How did you realize Kushina was yours?”
Team Minato was gathered around a fire and Rin took the chance to learn more about the elusive topic. They had covered soulbonds in the academy and again when the team was just formed. Needless to say, both were rather brief and mostly consisted of warnings about how much of a glaring liability such a bond might become.
Rin, like so many others, held onto the romantic notions of the concept.
Minato laughed rubbing the back of his head. A small blush still covering his face whenever someone mentioned the bond. It was an intimate topic after all. The fact that the team was aware of it just showed how much their teacher trusted them.
He answered the question nonetheless.
“Well, we have been growing closer over the years, especially after we started dating. It felt like the most natural thing in the world. You know how people empathize with others, right? You feel pain when someone close to you is suffering, and you feel happy for them when they are happy.”
Rin and Obito both nodded along. Kakashi feigned disinterest despite hanging onto every word. There was still some childish part of him that exuded excitement and painful hope at the prospect.
“The bond is somewhat like an extension of that, at least for me.
Now, for how we realized:
Surprisingly, we actually didn’t know each other all that well then.”
“So you are destined soulmates then!” Rin gasped.
“Haha, apparently so,” Minato grinned, radiating joy like the sun spread heat. It was either very pleasant or very annoying, depending on who you asked.
“Kushina had been kidnapped by Kumo. I was in the training grounds at the time, but this sensation of needing to be somewhere else distracted me. It was like an incessant pull mixed with paranoia when you know something bad is going to happen but your had only processed the information on a subconscious level, so you don’t know what it is exactly that’s setting you off.
I searched for the tug and it led me to the path the kidnappers took. I vaguely understood what was going on after I found strands of her hair. You know, no one else has hair like that.” The dreamy look was back.
“I tracked them down by the hair she left behind specifically for that purpose and then took her back home after defeating the kidnappers. They were overconfident. She was wearing a chakra concealer so anyone looking for her chakra signature wouldn’t be able to identify her. It seemed to be what they themselves oriented by. Kind of stupid when dealing with the home of the Inuzuka clan if you ask me, but it happened.”
“We talked about it afterwards. She said she felt relieved even before she knew I was there. It actually made her panic more back then since she didn’t know where it was coming from or if it was some new jutsu to keep her docile.
The bond grew stronger after the incident. We started dating after, and the closer we got the more we could sense from each other. I can feel impressions of what she is feeling when she wants me to and vice versa. We haven’t been able to talk telepathically like in some legends though. At least not yet. Who knows, maybe one day we will.” He shrugged and let the story trail off.
“Who needs telepathy when you need no words to understand each other? Right, sensei?” piped up Obito who’d been uncharacteristically quiet throughout the story.
“Too true,” laughed Minato and ruffled the black hair.
The topic ended there for the night with a few more exclamations about how romantic it was.
Jagged edges, pulsing patterns, come too close and I’ll shock you – all of it was back two-fold. Akino curled around the now-teenager who was putting on a brave face.
“You know you don’t have to be strong for us, pup. It’s ok to cry.”
The emotionless mask cracked and fell to pieces.
In retrospect, they should have expected something to go wrong. Everything was going too good in the middle of the war.
Of course losing a teammate would undo a lot of progress Kakashi made with letting others in. But no one could really anticipate the amount of guilt that came with it. They were prepared for some, not this much. Circumstances being as merciful as ever, the dogs were left to pick up pieces once more even as their summoner clung onto the few people he cared about, pack included.
“Pakkun, what do you know about soulmates?”
The pug paused in his walk and turned around to look at his charge. This was a dangerous topic. He could answer some questions, but he could not speak of everything he knew lest he was banished from this plane.
“What do you want to know?”
“Does everyone have one?”
“Yes.”
“What if I don’t want one?” The teenager stepped out of the sunspot and into the shade. It was a hot day. The thick foliage only partially resolved that problem, but being near the cold river felt nice. That and the relative privacy of the place was why they decided to spend the day off here.
“Soulmate is not a requirement. There is a person out there meant to be your soulmate. That does not mean you have to bond or live together or anything of the sort. You should know plenty of people are happy without a soulbond. Isn’t that something they teach you in the academy?”
Kakashi frowned. “They do, but the academy isn’t always correct.”
Pakkun felt his heart still for a moment. So this was what this was about. They’d seen signs of Kakashi questioning what he was taught by the village after that disaster of a mission, but it was nice to have a confirmation. At least some good seemed to come from that tragedy.
“It isn’t, but they are correct in this. A soulbond is a special connection. It will form naturally, but it can be broken. It can also be formed with a person who was not meant to be your soulmate originally although that one will take more time and more work.
You do not have to be connected to another to be happy though. There are plenty of people who do not form that connection.” "Even if forming such a bond would help you." But that thought was left unsaid.
“What if my soulmate is dead?” It was only thanks to his sensitive ears that Pakkun heard the whisper over the rushing water.
“You think Obito was your soulmate, don’t you?” The pug sighed.
“Well, he could be.” The answer probably came out more defensive than the teenager intended, and wasn’t that interesting?
“He was not.” Both froze. There should have been no way for the dog to know something like that. No way without revealing how all summons could see and sense those bonds, the auras around every human, their very souls on display. Pakkun let his guard down trying to reassure his friend, and this was the result. This was why it was such a dangerous topic.
“How do you know that?” Kakashi, being the genius he was, did not miss that slip either.
“Surely you would feel it if he was,” Pakkun attempted to cover the mistake. A moment after the statement Kakashi was catching a small pug missile which knocked them both over into cold stream where the human huffed in indignation.
“Did you have to do that?”
“Yes, it was too hot. You can rub my paws now.” Pakkun stretched one out presenting the soft pads. “You know you want to.”
And just like that, the distraction worked. Kakashi snorted and let the topic drop.
"Very smooth, Pakkun." The pug still lamented his moment of panic. Let it be known, that it was one of the very few such moments.
Guilt, self-loathing, grief, shock, guilt, fear, guilt – Kakashi gasped for air that seemed to be escaping the room. Mask askew, strands of hair sticking every which way soaked in sweat or tears he ran hands over his eyes and into the wild mess on his head before jerking them away in horror.
A cool nose at his bare neck jolted Kakashi out of the vision of his teammate’s blood on his hands and the rainy chill of that day.
Blindly reaching for the fur, he buried himself into the dog and sobbed. Everything else could wait until morning.
Urushi watched as the kid, because he was still so painfully young, curled in on himself as if hiding away from the world.
Kakashi’s aura wasn’t much different. The spikes curled in on themselves and withdrew closer and closer to his body rejecting any form of outside contact. He wasn’t sure their summoner would be able to come back from that.
There was still hope though. His soul wasn’t damaged to the point of the only cure being reincarnation. Not yet, and hopefully not ever. Up until that point, there was hope. Irrecoverable souls were rare but they did exist.
Inability to make any sort of connection with the ones you are meant to be close to was said to be one of the worst tortures. That was not the case here. There was still hope.
There was still hope.
The night after Kakashi became the last living member of Team Minato, he did not call his dogs. The pack still watched him then.
They watched him close himself off and mourn alone. They watched the despair mounting and threatening to consume the still-way-too -young child. They watched and were unable to do anything without making things worse this time. It was not the end.
Not if they could help it, not if Kakashi’s remaining friends could help it no matter how many times he denied having friends.
The years spent with the team did help and Kakashi did build other bonds in that brief window of being content despite the tragedy of his childhood. So long as they did not abandon him now, he could heal. Friends could reach beyond the shell of self-isolation more easily than most others, reach in and draw the soul away from the darkness and self-destructing path of loneliness.
As long as Kakashi had such friends, he had a chance to recover. If only he let himself heal again, let others heal him, let his soulmate in when time came.
Time would tell. Soulmates always found each other as long as both were alive. Souls were bonded to souls they came to care for over countless lifetimes. Fated soulmates were always amongst those already bonded to each other. An automatic pull and immediate attraction, whatever form it took. It merely indicated a greater potential for compatibility in this particular life, like a compass pointing the best person to share one’s life with if the ones it was meant for allowed such a bond to grow deeper.
When world was new and stars shined bright,
Two souls bonded deeply
“I pray we never be apart,”
One said, “I wish to keep you.”
The other stayed and nodded too,
“I love you,” whispered gently.
“We’ll stay together, we’ll stay true
Though our forms may change then.”
And so it went, and so it goes:
The wheel of life is turning.
The souls bonded neath the stars
They keep each other burning.
No matter shape or form their love
Will take in every cycle,
They face together joy and strife
Both, serious and idle.
Two Souls Bonded
An unusually accurate ancient human poem about soulmates
Author unknown