Chapter Text
Hinata's apartment seemed foreign to him now.
The heavy scent of Kageyama masked the whole place. A smell that use to be so comforting to the omega, but its been so long since it's surrounded him that he does not know what to feel. A thought that's crossed his mind so often lately was whether he should get use to it or maybe it was only around for a short period.
It is one of the many things that has haunted Hinata.
He is aware he has problems to get over, but this one is so insignificant to the other, but it still plagues him. The sunshine boy wakes up every morning panicking about whether his lover has left and it's messing with his mind.
"Hinata," Kageyama laid next to him in the king-sized bed staring at him, "When is Suga dropping Shouta off?"
Today was the day Shouta came to permanently live with Hinata. The omega was active in the newborn's life - yes - but with the post-partum kicking his ass, Sugawara was more than happy to house the pup until Hinata was ready.
Hinata was not ready.
Yet, seeing Kageyama in his home, happy as can be, Hinata had a fleeting thought that if Kageyama saw he wasn't ready for his child then he might leave him. It distressed him to no end. So much so that Hinata called Sugawara a week after the mall and told the mutual omega that he'd like it if Shouta lived with him now.
Suga was always happy to oblige.
Hinata was no where near ready and, yet, his lover was so ready to have his offspring in the same house as him. How can it be that Hinata had eleven months to get attached to the creature - the same creature he had a part in creating and growing - and the only attachment he had to him was because he knew that it was the shared DNA of him and the person he loved most.
While the orange haired man shared his body with the baby, he still felt empty.
It's Kageyama's fault.
"Around noon I believe." Hinata rolled over to look at the table clock that read 10:47.
"Hinata," Kageyama called for him again, "If you're not ready, you don't have to. You know that, right?" Hinata turned to his side and gazed up at blue eyes. The same eyes his child had. His own eyes wandered to the alphas bare chest and Hinata hesitantly reached out to place his palm flat against Kageyama. This was perhaps the most contact they've had since the mall and Hinata ached to be embraced by the stronger man again, but he was scared he wouldn't let go this time.
"I'm okay."
"That doesn't sound very convincing."
"I..I'm sure."
"Hinata," The alpha was suddenly in his face. So close that Kageyama's bed hair tickled his forehead. Hinata locked eyes and saw himself looking back. He wondered if Kageyama still tasted like heaven.
"I want to kiss you."
The statement had Kageyama practically buzzing with excitement. He tentatively reached out and cupped Hinata's chin and guided their lips together. It was a slow, wet press. There wasn't fireworks, but with the two there never was. It was more of a comfort and Hinata relaxed so much into it that he pressed harder and moved their mouths open. Kageyama got the hint and as their breathing became heavy he took the other man's bottom lip between his teeth and held it there.
Both men stopped.
They had closed the gap between them and had molded together. There were clothes between them, but the mouthy breathing and close proximity were erotic enough to them that they did not want to stop the moment.
This was them.
Hinata had missed Kageyama so much his heart hurt just thinking about his past absence. He loved moments like these. Kageyama always could get him going.
Hinata opened his eyes as a thought crossed his mind; maybe Kageyama did this with other omegas while he was gone.
The omega retrieved his lip and pushed himself away from the alpha. Breath suddenly coming erratic.
Maybe Kageyama had met someone else and that's why he had left.
"Hey hey," The black haired man reached out but was rejected immediately as his hands were swatted away. It was a sting that his insides felt.
"Let's get ready for Sugawara." The omega left the bed with a deep chest pain that Kageyama had contracted.
-
"Here. This is the rest of the formula I had left. I obviously won't need it for a while." Sugawara's smile was as genuine as ever while dropping his godson off. "Let me know if you need anything. I'm always here for you, Hinata." The silver omega had made sure to emphasize the other omega's name.
Once he left, Kageyama held the infant to his chest and basked in it. Hinata could tell he was going to be a wonderful dad and his stomach fluttered at the thought. He let the image of Kageyama holding their baby engrave itself in his mind as he walked to the bathroom.
As he passed himself in the mirror he had to stop and look.
Maybe Kageyama left because he was undesirable. Hinata had gained some weight after high school, but never enough for anyone to notice and he surely still had some baby weight to lose. Kageyama had never showed disinterest in his body and it always showed every night when the alpha use to worshipped him and complimented every inch.
Hinata just could not get past his leaving and he didn't think he every would.
It scared him.
So much to the point where he watched himself cry in the mirror.
-
"Hinata! I don't really know what he wants." Kageyama frantically rocked Shouta while he wailed. Hinata walked over and looked at the black haired baby as he cried in his father's arms.
"Maybe he's hungry?" Hinata knew the baby got cranky when he was hungry, but as soon as he went to prepare a bottle the wailing stopped. The omega looked over and was surprised to see the hiccuping baby looking back at him.
Kageyama noticed as well, "Or, maybe he wants comfort." Kageyama passed the child over to Hinata.
"I don't see why he likes me so much." Hinata wasn't being sarcastic or modest. It was the truth. Why had this baby taken to him even though he had almost given him up? The omega had also wished he were never born on multiple occasions. How could he ever forgive him if he understood.
"He gets it from me." Kageyama responded with a lovingly expression gracing his face as he watched his omega cradle his child.
His.
Hinata smiled softly at the words and wasn't scared this time when his heart fluttered.
And as he looked down at the small, calm creature, he thinks maybe he can love him just as much as the man in front of him.
-
There were good days.
Kageyama would roll out of bed way after his lover to find the man nursing their young or he would roll over to see the same man curled around their son in the same bed. To say Shouta was attached to Hinata was an understatement. He may only be three months, but the boy knew who his mama was and the baby loved him. It was rare that he cried in Hinata's presence.
Kageyama loved to read to his son and did it often. He would read things made for children, but he also had to share his love of chapter books to the boy, so Hinata often found the alpha asleep on the crib railing with a book loosely in hand and their son looking up at his father with soft eyes.
There were even days where Hinata cuddled his son while Kageyama cuddled Hinata. It was those days that Kageyama cherish. He loved physical contact with Hinata and it was uncommon for the omega to let him indulge which was fair. Hinata still was afraid Kageyama would run off again and he didn't know how to sooth the man that he wasn't leaving him, so Kageyama was taking what little he could get and was content with it.
-
And as four months passed - there were also days where Hinata worked from home, so he locked himself in the bedroom and didn't come out till he was done which most times took all day.
So Kageyama would leave him to concentrate and took Shouta various places. Since the boy was six months old, he could eat some food items so Kageyama's favorite place to take him was the yogurt shop. The father-son duo would sit at the outside tables and go to town on the yogurt and Shouta favored the bright orange-coloured mango yogurt. Nothing was sweeter than watching the fluffy black haired baby dig into the sticky food with a smile on his face.
A charming smile he definitely inherited from his mama.
Every time Kageyama seen it, it made him long to see Hinata smile like that again. For now, he can appreciate seeing it passed onto their son.
As Kageyama walked around the park with the pup on his shoulders, he admired the families that were around. One day, maybe Hinata would love to come with them so they could be a real family - but Kageyama understood that the omega still needed time.
"Tobio." Kageyama glanced up to see none other than the said omega staring right at him. Shouta giggled and started to pull hair and slap his father right on his head. He was very excited to see his mama and Kageyama could definitely relate. Hinata was wearing his pajama shorts and top, but it looks like he left the house in a rush, "I'm glad I found you two." His chest heaved like he had ran here.
"Hey, Hinata. Are you alright?" The alpha asked concerned.
"Yeah, I'm fine. I think." Hinata scratched the back of his head as he walked up to his lover and son, "I just felt lonely is all." The omega reached up and took his excited son, "What were you two up to?"
Hinata lifted the baby to the sky while repeating 'Hi Baby. Big baby. Fluffy baby.'. It was something that made the kid giggle and flail uncontrollably, something Hinata did on his own. It was an interaction that always warmed Kageyama because Hinata never thought of the action as a chore like he usually did.
The anti-depressants were slowly working on the omega, but Kageyama hadn't been around to pick up the refill. Which means Hinata was slowly learning how to love his offspring without the need for pills. This notion fueled the alpha.
"I'm so in love with you." The orange omega snapped his head towards Kageyama. It had been over a year since he'd heard those works leak from the other male.
Hinata felt like he had just been hit by a defibrillator.
-
There were the bad days.
Days where Hinata's depression reared its ugly head.
Days where he resented Kageyama.
Days where he cried all day and rejected comfort.
Days where he laid in bed and just stared blankly at the wall.
It was those days where Kageyama was so ashamed of himself. He had done this to Hinata.
Monday was dull and dreary for the family. They stayed inside and Kageyama watched regretfully as Hinata moved around on autopilot. Feed the baby. Change the baby. Play with the baby. Soothe the baby. It was nothing but a chore to him.
He never smiled.
It wasn't out of the ordinary. Hinata hadn't smile since he returned.
Kageyama missed the sun.
"Why don't we see if Sugawara wants to keep Shouta for awhile? Hm?" Kageyama asked while he changed the fluffy kid's clothes.
"If he wants to, but he's mid-term so I wouldn't bet on it." The omega looked at the shirt Shouta had on. It read Mama's biggest fan, but it didn't spark a reaction in him. He just turned and walked to the couch.
The alpha huffed a sigh and put the baby down on his tummy by his toys. As he called the silver omega (who was more than excited to spend some quality time with his godson) he watched as Shouta attempted to crawl with a twinkle in his eyes. And as he watched, he seen Hinata watch his baby - but with a look of distress.
It was hard not knowing what was going through the omega's mind.
-
"We're gonna have so much fun!" Suga closed the door as he left with the other couple's child.
Kageyama walked over to the couch and placed his hand on Hinata's should to provide some comfort. The action drew tears to the omega's eyes. "Hinata?"
"I hate you." The words drilled themselves through Kageyama's skin. "I hate that I love you so much. You don't deserve to come back home and act like everything is fine. It's not fine. I'm to my breaking point." The omega's breathing was raggedy, "I hate seeing you be such a wonderful father. I hate that you weren't here to witness your son grow within me. If you had been around I wouldn't struggle with loving half of myself."
Hinata was sobbing into his palms. Hinata was screaming.
He was angry at the world and to Hinata - Kageyama was the world.
"If I love that boy, what's to say he won't leave my like his father did? I'm scared to love either of you and its your fault, Kageyama. It's your fault I'm so broken." He lifted his honey gaze to Kageyama.
What could the alpha say? Nothing. There was no room for 'I'm sorry'.
"Hinata, there's nothing I can say to repent for my actions, but I truly desire to be with you for the rest of our days. I desire to grow old with you, to eat with you, to lay in bed after a long day with you, to cook with you, to make love to you," With tears running down his face as well, Kageyama kneeled in front of the omega, "To marry you. I want to watch Shouta grow up with you. I couldn't ask for a better partner to have in my life and I know I ruined it for you. I know I ruined your pregnancy. I can't take back what I've done, but I can start by being here for you now. Hinata, I'm not going to let you go."
"That boy is not going anywhere without you, baby. He cries without you. He calms when you're around. Shouta has enough love for you to share with you. Baby, he's not going anywhere." Kageyama's repeated and watched as Hinata struggled to accept his words. "I'm not going anywhere. You and I forever. I swear."
Kageyama took the fluffy omega's hands in his, "I can't promise you're gonna get better today or even tomorrow, but I can promise you that I'll be here every step of the way with you. If you want me, that is. What I desire most is to see you smile again."
Hinata threw himself at the man in front of him and clung to him like a koala. "I love you I love you so much." He was a broken record, "I'm trying to get better. I swear." The orange omega reached up and gently laid a tear-slick kiss to the alpha's chapped lips.
As they curled around each other, they whispered sweet nothings.
Hinata knew he wasn't automatically cured, but this was a big milestone to him and it showed. The omega was excited to finally start getting passed his anger and betrayal.
It was going to be done with baby-steps.
-
I do love him.
The thought was a constant one in Hinata's mind as he watch Kageyama slide down the kiddy slide with Shouta clapping in his lap. He didn't need to name the love, because it was for both of his boys. A smile graced his face and as Kageyama looked over to Hinata, he frantically nudged Shouta, "Look! Look at mama smile! Yay mama!" The duo looked like they saw something amazing.
Kageyama put their kid on the smooth playground top and watched as he crawled to a squated Hinata.
"Come here baby! Fluffy baby! Fluffy boy!" Shouta was blabbering nothing and when he made it to his mama's arms he was raised to the sky, "Wow! When did his eyes change?" Kageyama walked over and saw that the boy indeed lost his baby blue eyes and was replaced with the same honey glazed eyes that Hinata had.
"Oh, I forgot to mention that. Suga pointed it out last week. He said he was definitely yours with the hair and eyes."
Hinata playfully gasped at the baby, "Woah! Mama's fluffy boy is growing up!"
-
Hinata still had his spells, but nothing was more perfect than when Hinata could manage every day with a small smile gracing his lips.
"'Uga! Uga uga." Shouta clapped and crawled over to Hinata as Sugawara placed him down, "Mama!"
"I think it's definitely fitting that his first word was Suga." Hinata picked up the child and let him touch all over his face. Suga laughed and rubbed his bulging stomach.
"He's said everyone's name besides Daichi's. I think the man might be jealous." He snicker as the said alpha glanced over from his conversation with Kageyama.
"He'll get there." Hinata gazed at the boy and felt his heart skip a beat.
-
"Maybe we'll get married." Hinata stated on a cold winter's night as the trio cuddled on the bed. Kageyama looked over in surprise as the omega circled a hand over his stomach which still had a layer of baby fat over it.
"Are you proposing?"
"Maybe." Hinata commented and looked down at the bundle that was glued to his side. "I'm positive there are surprises to come along eventually. I need to be ready for at least one of them."
The alpha was confused. Hinata had been acting soft, so to speak, since the night before and Kageyama couldn't pick up what had caused the change.
Hinata glanced up at his alpha, "Do you want another boy? Perhaps a girl?"
Kageyama's heart dropped, "Boy." It was an easy question that he answered dazed. He immediately laid his head on the omega's stomach and gazed up at Hinata's face.
And, as desired, with eyes closed - Hinata smiled so beautifully at him.
The sun had returned slowly.
Kageyama was never going to let go of this boy.
He would find him in every life if he had to.