Chapter Text
Klaus woke to the sounds of a gentle voice and high-pitched giggling. He’d awoken to far more alarming sounds, so he allowed himself the luxury of slowly drifting towards wakefulness. He wiggled his toes, snuggling a little further into the perfect warmth of the blanket, before blinking his eyes open.
The lights had been turned on, so he must’ve slept the afternoon away. Diego’s spot was vacated and Five had wrapped himself up in his blanket, sitting next to Vanya who was…reading to him?
“It’s a science book and Five is explaining it to her,” Ben said from his perch on the back of the couch. “It’s oddly endearing though.”
“Huh,” Klaus said, watching as Vanya pointed to something in the book that had Five launch into an explanation of…birds and math? It sounded complicated, but Vanya listened with her usual patience, nodding along and acting like she was actually interested, even though Klaus knew for a fact she’d hated science as much as him. They’d both always been more artistically inclined. She’d just always been a much better sister to them then they to her.
“You slept for ages!”
Klaus was pulled from his musings by Five’s sweet words directed at him, and pulling his hand from under the blanket he wiggled his fingers in a wave. “I did indeed, my little Frankenstein, and it was wonderful. Besides, it looks like you’re having a good time with Vanya.”
For a second Vanya got that look of insecurity in her eyes that hurt Klaus deep deep down, because they’d done that to her. They’d instilled that doubt, that her company wasn’t enough. He could’ve kissed Five on his chubby little cheek when he nodded enthusiastically, making Vanya smile shyly.
“Yes. She’s smart.”
“Aw, thank you, Five.”
Five nodded graciously, looking up when Allison came into the room, giving them all a warm smile. “Mom just finished dinner, you guys coming?”
When good old Reggie had still been around, dinners had been a quiet, stiff affair. Things had changed since then, starting with the fact that mom always had the radio going in the kitchen, the soft notes of pop-music drifting into the dining room. Allison and Vanya were chatting as they set the table, considering which parks nearby had playgrounds that Five would like. Klaus would have to make sure his camera was charged, because he was going to get about a million pictures of Five at the playground. Purely for blackmail material, not because it would be unbearably cute or anything.
“I only want to go to the park if there are puppies,” Five declared as he clambered up onto his chair, while Diego hovered nervously, clearly ready to throw himself to the ground and suffer head trauma, just to break Five’s fall.
“I’m sure we’ll be able to find some puppies,” Klaus said as he sat down, rolling his eyes at Ben’s horrified “You can’t buy him a dog, Klaus!” because it was ridiculous. If anything, they were going to adopt a poor little stray who needed a loving family, because wouldn’t that be ironic?
“Alright. Then I s’posse we can go to the park tomorrow,” Five said, looking up when mom came in with plates of food. The smell alone was enough to make Klaus’ stomach rumble.
“There are peanut butter cookies for dessert,” mom smiled, as she sat the plates down in the middle of the table so they could all take what they liked. It was another thing that was different. With their father around, they’d all had to eat what was on their plate, no matter if they liked the food or if they were already full. He probably would’ve preferred for them to go and vomit, rather than leaving a few bites on the plate. Now, mom let all of them decide for themselves.
Five looked at the plates before turning to Klaus. “I want chicken and potatoes.”
Klaus looked between Five and the plates for a second before deciding that his little arms were indeed too short to reach anything, and getting his plate for him.
“You should have some of the broccoli as well,” Luther piped up, his own plate already loaded. “It’s good for you. Mom makes it with lemon, so it tastes nice as well.”
“I don’t like it,” Five replied with a sniff.
“You haven’t even tried it,” Luther countered, the rest of them looking from Five to Luther and back as if caught up in a captivating tennis match.
“No.” Five pressed his lips together as if afraid that Luther would shove a piece of broccoli between them if he wasn’t careful.
“Just one bite, Five.”
Five inhaled deeply and sat up to his full, unimpressive height. “You’re not my dad!” He declared, crossing his arms in front of his chest and turning to look at Klaus. “I don’t have to eat broccoli if I don’t want to, right?”
“Um.” Klaus sat there, still awkwardly holding Five’s plate in his hand and squirming under the sudden attention and the pressure to make a decision. He fully agreed that in order to enjoy broccoli one needed a distinguished palate, but he could also see Luther’s point that it was healthy. Kids were supposed to eat healthy stuff, right?
Only…he totally wasn’t Five’s dad either!
“Diego?” Klaus asked, turning to his brother, who was very clearly the father-figure in their little family.
Diego stopped mid-bite, starring at Klaus as if he’d pulled out a dozen needles to threaten him with. “Um…I…well,” he muttered, looking around the table for help. Allison sighed and rolled her eyes, making it unmistakably clear that she thought all of them were stupid.
“Five, if you eat two pieces of broccoli you can have a cookie for dessert, alright?”
“I can have a cookie for dessert anyway! Mom didn’t say getting cookies was tied to eating broccoli!”
They really should’ve known that Five couldn’t be persuaded with tricks for little kids. By the way his cheeks were turning red, Klaus could already imagine the tantrum about to happen.
“Well you know, I happen to love broccoli,” Klaus threw in cheerfully, feeling much like an action hero throwing himself at a bomb to save the city.
“So I’m kinda sad you are bashing my favourite vegetable,” he continued, putting Five’s plate down in front of him before piling broccoli on his own, trying not to pull a face.
“You like broccoli?” Five whispered, the foundations of his little world clearly shaken.
“Yes,” Klaus insisted as he shovelled broccoli into his mouth with enthusiasm, complimenting himself on his great acting skills as he chewed, watching Five’s eyes widen even more. Behind him, Ben was laughing and Klaus wished he could throw broccoli at him, but you didn’t just throw your favourite vegetable at ghosts.
“I guess...I could have some then,” Five considered, his eyes still watching Klaus closely as if to make sure he was really swallowing. “Only because I don’t want to insult you.”
“That’s very kind of you,” Klaus said sagely before putting some of the broccoli on his plate on Five’s. “It’s been blessed by my love, which makes it even better,” he whispered, watching on satisfaction as Five scrunched up his face and braced himself before nibbling on a piece of broccoli.
Klaus took the opportunity to look around the table, so everyone got a chance to admire and acknowledge his wisdom and knowledge.
“I’m kind of in awe. Then again, you’ve always been manipulative,” Ben mumbled, to which Klaus could only nod triumphantly while attempting to swallow another mouthful of broccoli without gagging.
~*~
After managing the rest of dinner without a tantrum and only one cookie for dessert (the ice cream incident still fresh enough on Klaus’ and Five’s minds that they could be reasoned with), Five started to yawn more and more frequently, until he didn’t turn the page of the book in his lap at all anymore.
“You tired, buddy?” Klaus asked, looking up from what was supposed to become a sock but was rather turning into a scarf.
“Yes,” Five nodded and rubbed his eyes before closing the book and scooting closer to Klaus to lean against his side. “Can we go home now?”
Klaus had assumed they’d stay at the academy and get Five settled in his old room, so he wasn’t quite sure how to react to that request. “Don’t you want to stay here with everyone else?” He asked, unable to resist reaching out to brush messy strands of hair away from Five’s tired eyes.
“No. I wanna go home with you an’ Diego,” Five mumbled. “It’s nicer there.”
Klaus really couldn’t remember much from when he’d been Five’s age, but he could remember that the Academy had never felt like home. They’d only been allowed to decorate their rooms when they’d become older - though technically allowed was the wrong word, they’d simply become old enough to do it, buying posters and little knick knacks with their small allowance or, in Klaus’ case, stealing things from shops that he liked. Before that their rooms had been bare and standardised, sterile in the way dear old Reginald preferred things to be. It was no wonder that Five didn’t find the idea of returning to his lonely little room appealing.
“Alright then. We can go back to my place,” Klaus said, putting his knitting aside so he could gather Five up. He had a feeling that despite the tiny black shoes they’d bought him, he wouldn’t be up for much walking.
“‘Kay,” Five mumbled, wrapping his arms around Klaus’ neck. “Diego will come too, right?” He asked, looking up at Klaus anxiously. Being tired softened his edges, and looking at his little face had Klaus’ insides turn into something gooey and smooshy.
“Sure. Why don’t you go and say good night to everyone and I’ll get Diego to pack up our stuff?” Klaus suggested, setting Five down and giving him a little nudge towards their siblings when he stalled. It was rather sweet, how sleepiness brought out Five’s shyness.
Diego was locked in a game of Mario Kart with Luther, so Klaus leaned over the back of the couch so their cheeks were almost touching. “Hey daddy.”
“Holy shit!” Diego nearly threw the controller across the room. “Fuck’s sake, Klaus! I was just about to win!”
“Never,” Luther gloated as he brought his car over the finish line.
“Just wanted to let you know that our son has decided it’s time to go,” Klaus grinned.
“What the hell?” Diego asked, looking at Five who was standing in front of Vanya with his hands linked behind his back, bouncing on the balls of his feet.
“Yup. He doesn’t want to stay here tonight, he wants to go back and he wants you to come along. I’ll give you the choice between your place and mine though,” Klaus said.
Diego was silent for a moment as he watched Five, his shoulders dropping. “Alright, fine. Let’s go back to mine, your place smells like patchouli.”
“There is nothing wrong with patchouli. It’s very soothing and uplifting,” Klaus huffed before leaning in to hug Luther from behind. “Night, big guy.”
They said their goodbyes and gathered together Five’s things, which had magically spread from the shopping bags all over the room. Klaus left it to Diego to carry Five this time, because he was already botched down with bags.
“Buddy I promise, one book is enough. We’ll come back here tomorrow and you can pick a different one if you finish this one,” Diego said as he carried Five outside, before he could insist they take the twenty books he had picked from the library.
“But then I get to take two home tomorrow,” Five bargained, despite being half asleep against Diego’s shoulder already.
“Deal,” Diego agreed.
Back at Diego’s place, Diego went about making cocoa for Five, while Klaus emptied the contents of the shopping bags in search of the pyjamas they’d bought for Five.
“Right, big guy. You want the ones with the stars or the really exciting blue ones?” He asked, feeling robbed once again that he hadn’t been allowed to purchase a single pair of exciting pyjamas, like the ones with dinosaurs or unicorns on them.
“It’s not stars, it’s the solar system!” Five huffed. “And I want those.”
“Sure, your majesty,” Klaus mumbled before another thought hit him like a freight train. “Um, why don’t you read a bit and I’ll see how Diego is getting on with that cocoa?” He asked before high-tailing it to the kitchen.
“Diego? Diegooooo,” Klaus hissed, nearly barrelling into his brother who looked ridiculously concentrated, as if making cocoa was rocket science.
“What? Is something wrong? Is he sick? Did he hurt himself?” Diego asked.
“No, no nothing like that. Well. Sort of,” Klaus groaned, flapping his hands. “Do we….do we have to give him a bath?” He whispered.
Diego’s eyes widened, the same horror that Klaus felt reflected in them as he looked from Klaus to the living room and back.
“I…shit. Can he bath himself, you think? Or is he gonna drown? But I mean, how hard can it be?”
“I don’t know. You’re the daddy, you’re supposed to know these things,” Klaus wailed, raking a hand through his hair.
“What? No! You’re the mum! Mum’s do the bathing and all that stuff, everybody knows that!”
“Oh so what, we are going to turn into one of those boring, gender-confirming families?”
“Yes,” Diego huffed, crossing his arms in front of his chest and starring Klaus down.
“We’re not done talking about his,” Klaus hissed, though right now they had more important matters at hand. “Can we just give him a washcloth?”
“I…don’t own a washcloth.”
“Okay. Right. Fine. We’re just gonna…..ooooh,” Klaus said, once again amazed by his own mind. “We could buy him swim trunks tomorrow. That would totally work, right? Then he can have a bath and smell all baby fresh, and all of it without any of us getting traumatised.”
“It’s…not a bad plan,” Diego nodded, while Ben the grumpy little ghost, huffed and pinched the bridge of his nose.
“You two are ridiculous.”
“Ridiculously awesome,” Klaus beamed, clapping his hands.
He was nailing this parenting thing.