Chapter Text
Fresh from her talk with Jane, Anne walked upstairs to her room slower than any of the others had seen her walk before. She was deep in thought, and continued to be that way while she got ready for the day, nearly burning her face with her straightening iron because she wasn’t paying attention. Eventually, though, she was dressed, her hair was put up, and she was ready to go. This confrontation had been put off long enough, she needed to face her fears.
Cathy was sitting on the couch, staring blankly at a book she hadn’t even bothered to check the title of. The words were all blended together anyways, so it didn’t matter. Sighing, she was about to try to actually read when a movement to her left caused her to look up. Anne had walked into the room, and was standing over Cathy’s left shoulder, looking uncomfortable. Putting the book down, Cathy patted the space across from her and gestured for Anne to take it.
“Thank you.” she murmured softly, sitting down with none of her usual reckless abandon. Cathy smiled sadly.
“Don’t mention it.”. Anne shrugged, then looked down to her hands, which were holding a plate of toast.
“I figured you hadn’t eaten breakfast, so I brought you some toast, but if you were looking for something else I can-”
“Toast is lovely, thank you, Anne.” Cathy cut her off, taking the toast gingerly from her friend’s slightly clenched hands.
A slightly awkward silence fell over the room, both women looking to the ground. Cathy took a small bite of toast, fully aware of just how much sound the crunch was making.
Anne spoke first.
“Why didn’t you tell me?”
The quiet question was so full of hurt that Cathy immediately tensed up, trying not to let tears come into her eyes. She looked up slowly, meeting Anne’s eyes, noticing the swirl of emotions running rampant inside them. Fiddling with the plate in her hands, she shook her head slowly.
“My whole life has been me trying to fit the expectations people put on me, trying to mould myself to their perceptions of who Catherine Parr really was. I’ve worn so many hats, I didn’t really know who I was without them.”. Taking a breath, Cathy noticed that Anne was nodding along slowly, so she swallowed hard and continued. “When we got this second chance, it was like I got to redo my life, start fresh. None of you knew me very well in our past lives, if you knew me at all. I finally got to find out who I was without all the baggage of who people thought I was supposed to be weighing me down. I wanted to be less of a failure.” she choked out, trying not to cry. Anne’s eyes filled with concern.
“Cathy, you’re not a failure.” she said levelly, taking the other girl’s hand and rubbing the back of it with her finger.
“But I am. I finally got this chance to become who I wanted to be, but I forgot everything I left behind. I didn’t want to tell you all about-about Elizabeth, because I was so ashamed of myself. I was so concerned about looking perfect, about being the perception of Catherine Parr that I wanted myself to be, that I ignored the people I hurt in my last life. I’m so incredibly sorry, Anne. I know I’ve broken your trust, but I promise you that you can ask me anything and I’ll tell you whatever you want to know.”she finished, glancing at Anne before bringing her gaze to her lap. Feeling a quick squeeze of her hand, Cathy looked up.
Anne was fully crying now, but she pulled Cathy into a tight hug.
“Thank you for the apology, Cathy.” she whispered softly. “I’m sorry you felt so much pressure that you had to do this.”. Cathy smiled slightly, pulling back to look Anne in the eyes. Anne squeezed her hands tightly. “But I need to know, from you, what happened. I’ve read you probably didn’t know a lot, that they tried to conceal most of it from you. Please, please just tell me whatever you know.”.
Her big eyes were filled with tears and she looked so desperate, so like another memory of Cathy’s she’d pushed away, that Cathy sighed and squeezed her hands.
“I’ll tell you whatever I can, but you need to tell me if you want a break. I understand this could possibly be very taxing for you.”. Anne nodded quickly, overeager to finally hear the one thing that she knew she needed to know. This would break her, she was fully aware, but she needed to understand.
“Alright. I’ll start at the beginning of where Elizabeth came in. To set the stage slightly, do you want a brief overview of everything?”. Anne nodded slowly, not trusting herself to speak. “Okay, I’ll do that, then. As you know, Henry died on January 28, 1547, at Whitehall. Edward obviously became king right after, at nine. Since Elizabeth was still young, and because she still needed to continue her schooling, she came to live with me at Chelsea after Henry’s burial on February 16. I had thought that Thomas would wish to marry me after Henry was out of the picture, since we had nearly gotten there before Henry started pursuing me in 1542. However, I didn’t hear anything from him for a while. Later, I found out that he had been making inquiries about him marrying 13-year-old Elizabeth, I think because he was jealous of the amount of power his brother had compared to him. The Privy Council said no, of course. Elizabeth’s marriage was a more delicate matter than that, she could be used for a political alliance. He apparently then requested the hand of Catalina’s Mary, which was partially supported by Edward, for he thought marriage to Protestant Thomas would change Mary’s Catholic opinions. This was declined, of course.
Realizing I was the only semi-royal bride left he had hope of claiming, Thomas finally came to visit me at Chelsea, and, oblivious to his previous intentions and fully in love, we began to meet secretly. Finally, by the end of April, we decided to marry, even though it was technically an indecent amount of time to wait after the death of my husband, especially because he was Henry. In May we were secretly married, we got Edward’s approval on May 30, and by the end of June it was public knowledge. Elizabeth approved as well, I think partially from joy at finally seeing a motherly figure have something to make her happy. The marriage severed my last bond to Mary, something I continue to regret. She never forgave me for marrying so hastily and thought Elizabeth should be removed from my household.
Nevertheless, we were finally married, and I was happy and in love, which was somewhat of a novel idea for me. I believe it was around this time that the visits began, though of course I was unaware at the time.”. Cathy was cut off by Anne’s gentle hand on her arm, forcing her to look into the other woman’s eyes.
“I’m sorry Thomas put you through that waiting.” Anne murmured quietly. Cathy shook her head.
“It really wasn’t that bad, Anne. Or that long.”
“Still, I know something of waiting for a marriage you want desperately, only to have people around you damn you for following your heart.” she said softly. Cathy’s heart squeezed in sympathy.
“Thank you. Do you want me to continue?”
“Well, I already know about all the different visits, and I’d rather not relive that. What I want to know is just your viewpoint on it all. I need to know how involved you were.”. Cathy nodded. That seemed fair.
“Okay, I can do that. I’ll tell you about the time I finally found them together. It broke my heart, but you deserve to know.”
------------June 11th, 1548------------
Catherine Parr, Dowager Queen of England. That was her official title, she supposed, and yet she felt less and less like a queen with every passing day.
The first blow had come when her stepdaughter Mary, who had once been a close confidante, had fully severed ties with her after Catherine’s hasty marriage to Thomas Seymour. Catherine missed the young woman dreadfully, yet she also knew that Mary had already been separated from her before the death of her father. She still had Elizabeth and Edward.
Yet, she did not have Edward. The small child was now a boy-king, she did not see him. This wasn’t much different from before his rise to the throne, but she had occasionally seen the small boy then, had been responsible for bringing the broken royal family- three children from three different mothers, a father who switched rapidly between loving and hating his two daughters he had proclaimed bastards, and the only boy of the family, the jewel of his father’s eye, shut away from others to protect him- back together again, or as together as they could be. She wrote letters to her stepson, of course, but she missed his little self, his personality.
Catherine thought she would be most miserable if she could not even write to the children she loved dearly, and thanked God every day that He had seen fit to allow Elizabeth to stay with her in order to continue her education. Lately, though, things had been happening concerning her younger step daughter that made Catherine quite worried.
It had started with the early morning visits. Thomas, Catherine’s husband, would apparently visit Elizabeth in bed, often before she was dressed, ignoring the teenager’s pleas for him to leave. Kat Ashley, Elizabeth’s governess, had informed her that her husband was behaving inappropriately towards her young charge, and Catherine had asked him to stop, but she did not believe he had.
To Catherine’s great regret now, she had accompanied Thomas on two of his visits, joining him in tickling the young girl in her bed. She had thought it to be childish fun, maybe the sorts of things Henry would have done if he had actually been a father. Looking back, it had not been, and she wished with all her heart she had not done so.
Another time, she and Thomas had come across Elizabeth in drab garb outside in the gardens, causing them to tease her about her choice of clothing, always bland and boring. The girl had teased back, but there had been a slight nervous edge to her that had gone unnoticed by her lady stepmother. Catherine had even held Elizabeth while Thomas cut the gown into a hundred pieces, still believing it to be play.
She scolded herself for being so naive. Something was obviously going on here, and she needed to learn what it was. For the sake of the baby growing inside her, her mind needed to be at peace.
Making up her mind, she stood up from the chair she had been sitting in, setting down the tiny garment she’d been embroidering for the little one still to come. She needed to clear her mind before she did anything, and taking a small walk would be the best remedy for the constant thoughts swirling around in her head. Gesturing to the ladies who had immediately stood up to follow her, Catherine left the room, heading wherever her feet chose to take her.
Her ladies following a small distance behind, Catherine turned a corner, feeling much more clear-headed. Spotting one of the rooms Elizabeth often frequented for her favourite pursuits, studying and reading, she smiled and picked up her pace slightly. Perhaps her stepdaughter would be inside, and she could surprise her. She knew things had been odd and confusing for the teenager lately, what with the loss of her father, the total change of her lifestyle, and, yes, even the pursuits of Thomas. Maybe they could do something together. Pushing the door open, Catherine stepped inside, a smile on her face.
And promptly stopped.
“Oh my god! Oh my god, oh my god, what is this?”
Inside the room was Elizabeth, as she’d suspected, books and paper scattered around on the tables. But she wasn’t alone.
“What is this?” she breathed out, trying not to let her pain show.
Her husband Thomas, the father of the babe she was carrying, had his arms around her stepdaughter, and she was perched on his knee, their faces far too close for Catherine’s comfort. Upon noticing Catherine’s arrival, Elizabeth quickly stood up and half-hid herself behind the chair Thomas was sitting in.
Catherine slammed the door.
“What is going on?”. Thomas said nothing. “Tell me!” she screamed, much louder than she knew was decent.
“Sweetheart-”
“No! Just when my belly is doing it’s business, I find you alone with my stepdaughter!”
“Elizabeth, you had best leave.” Thomas said in a low, hard voice. The girl nodded quickly and left the room, face as red as her hair, tears streaming down her face.
“Why are you doing this?” she asked, the pain finally seeping into her voice.
“Please, Catherine, calm down!” he seethed.
“I want her gone! Do you hear me? I want her gone!”. Thomas looked surprised.
“Catherine, you’re her guardian. Where is she to go?”
“She may go to her governess Kat Ashley’s sister, Joan Denney. They live in Hertfordshire, at Cheshunt.” (far away from you, she added silently). Thomas nodded slowly.
“Alright, love. We will send the princess away until our child is born. People will talk otherwise, which is the last thing we want.”
“No, it’s the last thing you want!”
“Think rationally, Catherine. We don’t want this stain on our family’s reputation.”
“Fine. Lady Elizabeth shall return after our child has been born and I have been churched. Until that time, she will go to live with the Denneys, and we will remove ourselves to Sudeley Castle. The country air will do me good.”.
Thomas nodded. Kissing her hand, he stood and left the room.
Catherine looked after him, full of rage and hurt. She couldn’t help feeling like she’d just lost something very important. Something she’d never be able to get back.
----------------Present Day---------------------------
“So Elizabeth was sent to Cheshunt the next day, with her governess and the rest of her household. I left for Sudeley with my husband. I never saw her again, since I died soon after childbirth. I never stopped missing her, Anne. I-I used to wish she had been my own daughter, and I just threw her out!”.
Anne looked up from her lap, where she’d been staring, silently listening with tears streaming down her already tear-stained face.
“No, Cathy. I understand why you were so upset. Honestly, thank you for removing her from that situation. And thank you for telling me this. It means a lot.” she said softly. Reaching her arms out, she wrapped Cathy in a tight hug.
Returning the hug, Cathy began to cry. Anne pulled back upon feeling the tears on her shoulders, looking the other queen in the eyes.
“Cathy, I forgive you. I can’t say I’m proud of how you acted, but I won’t judge you. Things were so different then! Besides, I know that you were like a mother to Elizabeth, more of a parent than Henry could have ever hoped to be. We’ll move on from this.”.
Cathy smiled slightly.
“Thank you, Anne.”
“Anytime.” she said, smiling sadly. Then, standing up, she reached out her hand for Cathy to take. “Now, let’s go get the cookies that I can smell Jane stress-baking while they all wait for us to tell them everything. Sound good?”
“Sounds great.”
And with that, the two marched into the kitchen hand-in-hand, ready to meet the throng of questions they knew were waiting for them.