Chapter Text
“There’s time,
and so there is a need
to be precise, to count our seconds
or our years together,
fuming pieces of this accidental world,
and cast off from the vast compactness,
that which led you here, exhausted,
unforeshadowed, radiant, strange
as water flowing over sheets of gold.”
from “Instead of a Lullaby” by Michael Lavers
***
A thin bead of sweat trickled down the bridge of Raven’s nose and she raised one hand from the steering wheel, glancing at the compass mounted on the dashboard as she wiped it away. The needle was quivering along with the car’s movements but remained consistent, showing that they were still on course and headed due west. The evening sun beat in through the windshield relentlessly and the way ahead glimmered in a soft haze. The surrounding landscape was bleak, rolling hills of sand and jagged rocks speeding past with monotonous rapidity. Raven’s eyes were heavy from the effort of maintaining her focus with no landmarks or road to lead the way. Occasionally she found herself drifting off course towards vague mirages on the horizon – blurred outlines of towers, trees and lakes. Once she even thought she’d glimpsed the hull of a spaceship gleaming in the sun. Time was beginning to play tricks on her too, warping and fading into an endless cycle of driving, sleeping, sand and stars. Each night she carved a new notch into the steering wheel to mark the passing days, allowing her fingers to graze and count them one by one as she drove the following morning. Her finger hovered over the final groove now, nail sweeping over it briefly. She exhaled slowly. Three weeks. They’d been out in this wasteland for three whole weeks.
She sighed and readjusted her foot on the accelerator, glancing at the body curled in the passenger seat beside her. Murphy somehow managed to look simultaneously relaxed and deeply uncomfortable with his feet twisted up onto the dashboard, hands folded under his jacket and head lolling against the windowpane. His forehead, so often adorned with a scowl or cocky quirk of the eyebrow, was now smooth and free of any aggression. Raven’s lip curled as she considered how vulnerable he looked like this, childlike and open in sleep. Feeling slightly vindictive at having been left awake alone for so long, she gave the Rover’s horn a quick jab and schooled her expression into one of innocent attentiveness. Murphy flailed awake immediately, limbs tangled and eyes darting around for any sign of danger.
“What the fuck” he rasped, scrubbing his eyes and cracking his neck from side to side. “Did we hit something?”
“Hmm?” Raven responded, feigning ignorance. “Nah, nothing out here to hit more’s the pity.”
At this, Murphy’s expression slipped back into its customary frown and he turned to rummage through the contents of the back seat. Their shoulders brushed as he reached past her to investigate and Raven felt herself shiver despite the heat.
“We’re running low on supplies” he sighed, flopping back into position beside her. “If we don’t find something soon, we’re going to starve out here.”
“I know” Raven replied tersely. “I’d say we have enough to last us another week if we ration well.”
Murphy nodded and turned to gaze out the window at the passing dunes. A fragile silence descended upon them, with Raven focused on steering them safely through the softer sands and Murphy fiddling absently with the air conditioning controls.
It had taken them over a week to travel back to Polis from Becca’s island, the raw atmosphere and shifting sandstorms slowing their pace significantly. Any hope they had was quickly dashed when they found the entrance to the Second Dawn bunker buried under a tonne of debris and impossible to excavate. The only success from that trip had been the discovery of the Rover, which they loaded up with supplies from Becca’s lab and set out in to search for survivable land. Raven was convinced that this journey was a death march, the nuclear destruction too vast to have left much room for hope. Surprisingly, Murphy was more optimistic. He was the one insisting that they press on, saying that they might find something just beyond the next ridge or horizon line. And so they drove, hoping against hope that there was life hiding somewhere in the vast wasteland.
***
After continuing in silence for another few hours, Raven noticed the air was beginning to feel thicker and heavier than normal. She glanced at the controls, but everything seemed normal. In fact, Murphy had left the air conditioning switched on and a cool breeze was trickling in through the vents. Perplexed, she checked her rear-view mirror and groaned softly at the sight of dark swirling clouds approaching low on the horizon. She watched as sand whipped up into small twisters and could feel the threat of lightning hanging in the air, ready to snap. Shifting uneasily, she sped up. It was hard to gauge how far away the storm was and she was just wondering how long they had when Murphy spoke up.
“There’s no use trying to outrun that” he said, peering out at the wing mirror. “I’ve seen storms like it in the dead zone. The best we can do is hole up, get the Rover sealed and protected, and wait for it to pass.”
Raven sighed but nodded reluctantly. “I’ll pull over after this bank of dunes. That should give us a bit of cover.”
She navigated past the ridge and parked behind a row of boulders. The wind had picked up properly now and sand was already hitting the windscreen like hail. Murphy grabbed a tarp and rope from the back seat, covered his face with Jasper’s old goggles, and jumped out into the storm without hesitation. Raven saw him struggling to wrap the tarp around the Rover’s engine but knew attempting to help was pointless. Her brace didn’t do well in sand at the best of times, but in winds like this she would be rendered useless in a matter of seconds. Scowling, she began to tape up the inside of the windows and clambered into the back, clearing aside their provisions and rolling out sleeping mats and pillows. She was just lighting and hanging the lamps, when Murphy tumbled back into the front seat, slamming the door and shaking sand from his hair.
“We cut that close” he gasped. “It’ll be on us in minutes.”
He climbed between the seats to join her, flopping back onto his pillows and fumbling around for the water canister. The whole car shook and was briefly illuminated as a flash of lightning forked high above them. The thunder that followed was almost immediate and Raven shuddered, pulling her blanket up to her chin and trying to calm the thumping of her heart. Wildly she thought of solar flares on the Ark and Finn’s body curled around her, voice soothing in her ear and fingers combing through her hair. Her hand closed around the metal bird hanging from her neck and she took a shuddering breath, feeling singed and raw, as though the lightning was crackling up her veins rather than through the sky outside. She could feel Murphy’s eyes on her, but resolutely ignored him, focusing on the swinging lamps and the rhythm of her breathing.
The sound of the sand pummelling the metal of the car changed suddenly, becoming louder and sharper. Murphy’s brow furrowed and he sat up to look out the window. Raven watched his eyes widen in horror and felt her stomach drop further.
“Holy shit” he breathed. “We’d have been torn to shreds out there! Look.”
Raven shuffled over beside him and craned her neck to look out at the storm. The swirling grains of sand were now interspersed with shards of rock and glass, slicing through the air at high speed. The tarp Murphy had strapped to the front of the Rover was torn to threads and flapping in the wind, while the rocks beside them were covered in scrapes and grooves. Fear froze Raven in place, her breath fogging the glass and fingers gripping Murphy’s arm. Together they stared open mouthed as a solar panel was ripped from the side of the vehicle and spun off to dizzying heights above them.
“We’ll be lucky if the car starts in the morning” Raven said, dazed.
“Even luckier if we don’t get blown away in the night” Murphy responded. He turned to face her, a look of concern flashing across his face before he quickly schooled it into its usual neutrality.
“Let’s try and get some rest” he said softly. “We’re going to have a rough start tomorrow.”
Raven nodded and they both lay back down, instinctively curling closer than normal with their legs pressed together and shoulders touching. Raven felt tiredness seeping through every inch of her body and surrendered to it, letting the pounding of the storm fade into a dull haze of white noise and lull her slowly to sleep. She was dimly aware of Murphy’s arm wrapping around her and his warm breath tickling the back of her neck before she drifted out of consciousness.
***
The next morning, she awoke with her face pressed into soft fabric and the sound of a steady heartbeat thumping beneath her ear. She felt safe and well rested, sighing and snuggling closer into the warmth surrounding her. She only began to remember where she was, and more importantly who she was with, when she felt Murphy’s arms tighten around her waist and his leg slip between her knees as he shifted beneath her. Raven went very still, torn between staying curled up in blissful denial and yanking herself as far away from him as possible. Just as she was mustering up the courage to move, Murphy shifted again and yawned into her hair.
“Good morning” he mumbled, arms unfurling into a stretch above his head. He seemed completely unconcerned with their sleeping arrangement, rolling over and sitting up groggily. He looked out the window and grinned back down at her. “Looks like we didn’t blow away after all.”
They spent most of the day dealing with the aftermath of the storm. Murphy dug the Rover’s wheels free, heaving buckets of sand away from the vehicle to clear the area. When there was enough space, Raven shimmied beneath the car to assess the undercarriage and then emerged to examine under the hood. Luckily there was no major damage, but she still ended up tinkering with the radiator and removing a substantial amount of debris from the front grill. By late afternoon the Rover was fully excavated, dusted down and fixed. Exhausted, they both collapsed panting onto a neighbouring rock to admire their handiwork. As they sat recovering, Raven felt a familiar stiffness creeping up her leg and a dull ache developing in her hip. She extended it with a grimace and reached down to remove her brace, pausing abruptly at the brush of Murphy’s hand across her knuckles.
“Here. Let me” he murmured, slipping to his knees and gently undoing the clasps of her brace one by one. Raven wanted to protest, but the tenderness of the gesture caught her off guard and she let him slide it from her leg and shake the straps free of sand. He fetched a cloth from the Rover and wiped down the joints, before putting it back on her leg and tightening it carefully. His fingers lingered on the last clasp and when he raised his gaze to meet hers, Raven saw a flicker of something regretful flash briefly there. Well that just wouldn’t do. She flicked him on the forehead and when his expression broke into a scowl, she grinned and patted him on the back before standing to return to the newly gleaming car.
***
Yet another day of nothingness. Raven was feeling hopeless now and her temper was rapidly wearing thin. Everything Murphy said or did was driving her up the wall and she had snapped at him more times than she could count. In return his defences were back up, a sneer fixed permanently on his face like a shield and his words becoming more and more biting. Raven felt guilty, knowing it was the hunger sapping her of patience, but she couldn’t find it within herself to apologise. They went to sleep that night in high dudgeon and with bitterness hanging between them for the first time in weeks.
Raven slept fitfully and awoke the next morning to find Murphy gone. Panicking, she rolled over to find a lone biscuit sitting on the pillow next to her and beside it a folded piece of paper saying You need it more than I do in a careless scrawl. Raven smiled and accepted the peace offering gratefully.
Neither of them mentioned it when Murphy returned, but as he flopped into the driver’s seat and started the engine, Raven smiled and the atmosphere was noticeably lighter.
***
It was the hottest day they had endured since Praimfaya itself and the air in the Rover hung thick and heavy around them. Raven felt sticky and distinctly uncomfortable, with her eyes in danger of slipping shut as she drove. The still haze was suddenly broken by Murphy slapping his hand on the dashboard and claiming to have spotted a bird flying distantly over a neighbouring dune. Raven’s heart leapt in spite of herself, all thoughts of scorching heat and fatigue forgotten in light of this small miracle.
They spent what was left of the afternoon chasing the bird in ever changing directions until Raven, following the line of Murphy’s finger out the windscreen, finally realised what was happening and slammed the breaks. Murphy started in the seat next to her, but remained staring fixedly out his window in search of the bird as she turned to face him.
“Why have you stopped?” He sounded agitated, gesticulating sharply out the windscreen. “We’re going to lose sight of it!”
“When was the last time you drank?” she asked calmly, reaching down to turn off the engine but keeping her eyes fixed on Murphy’s face. She only now realised how gaunt and thin he looked, with a glazed look in his eyes and a worrisome sheen of sweat gleaming on his brow.
“What?” he mumbled, obviously distracted and avoiding her gaze.
“There’s no bird Murphy” she sighed. He looked like she had just slapped him in the face, his mouth opening dumbly but no sound coming out. She exhaled again and tentatively reached out towards him, placing the back of her hand against his forehead. “It was just another mirage. And you’re burning up”.
“I- I feel fine” he mumbled. Raven snorted and forced her bottle of water into his hands. “Drink that, then go lie down in the back. I’ll try get us back on course and then we’ll have a look at what medical supplies we have left. I’m not sure if we have anything for a fever, so you might just have to ride it out.”
Murphy complied surprisingly easily, glugging down the last of the day’s water rations and then attempting to climb into the back seat. He was unsteady and couldn’t seem to support his own weight, so Raven helped him from the car, allowing him to lean on her as she opened the back doors and lowered him inside.
She could tell that his own helplessness scared him and decided to forgo the rest of the day’s driving in favour of monitoring his condition and keeping him company. She lay down next to him under their shared blankets, checking his temperature regularly as he dozed in and out of consciousness. As the hours slipped by, Raven found herself staring at his sleeping form, noting how his hair had grown and his chin was now scattered with stubble. She combed her fingers soothingly through the length of his hair, humming an old tune as he twitched and mumbled incoherently beside her. Even though her own body was screaming out for rest, she forced herself to stay awake the whole night, paralysed with the fear that Murphy would take a turn for the worse and slip away from her while she slept.
She finally breathed a sigh of relief early the next morning when Murphy’s fever broke and he awoke, greeting her with his now familiar smirk and a wry “What’s up doc?” as she took a final temperature reading. She quickly tried to school her emotions and hide just how scared she had been, but the gentle tug at the edge of his smile confirmed that he had glimpsed it and understood. He didn’t try to thank her, but the soft squeeze of his fingers around her wrist conveyed more than any words could.
***
They were on the last of their rations. They split the final packet of crackers sitting on the hood of the Rover and staring out at the hazy sunset as it faded away and finally dipped below the horizon line. The sky above them slowly sank into even deeper shades of blue and they stayed watching in silence until the stars appeared, blinking into existence one by one.
“Do you think they made it?” Murphy finally murmured, keeping his eyes fixed on the sky.
“I hope so” Raven sighed, shifting her leg into a more comfortable position. “To be honest I was impressed they even managed to take off, so maybe they successfully docked too. If anyone else could do it, it would be Monty…”
Out of her peripheral vision she saw Murphy nod stiffly, fists clenched at his sides and chin quivering ever so slightly. Her throat felt suddenly tight and she reached out her hand, covering his curled fingers with her own. He didn’t look at her, but his hand relaxed ever so slightly within her grip and he let out a shaky breath.
“I… I promised Emori I’d keep her safe” he whispered. “And now she’s probably dead, floating out in space. Even if they somehow made it to the ring, they’re still probably starving up there… same as us” he snorted mirthlessly.
Raven felt bitterness mixed with a familiar longing well up in her lungs, catching her breath and making her heart lurch. That was the death she would have chosen, weightless, surrounded by stars and an infinite vastness. Instead, she was going to die down here on a scorched earth with not a shred of beauty or wonder to distract her from the slow creep of hunger, thirst, exhaustion –
“I’m glad you’re here Murphy.” She shuddered to think what it would have been like, stuck down here without him to keep her company. “Dying alone would have sucked”.
His hand twitched in hers, before tightening sharply. “Oh ye of little faith” he murmured and she turned to look at him, confused by the lightness of his tone. “We’ve survived so much worse” he continued, voice easy, but eyes heavy in the glimmering starlight. “There’s no way Raven Reyes is going to die because of something as mundane as lack of water. We’ll figure something out. Just you see.”
She rolled her eyes and scoffed. “Just because I’m a genius doesn’t mean I can’t die of sun stroke, radiation or hunger Murphy. I’m not indestructible. And neither are you… even with your cockroach tendencies.”
He chucked softly and Raven started; neither of them had laughed in weeks. She was so used to their sullen silences, that the sound was now as foreign to her as bird song or the rustling of wind through trees. She grinned slowly back at him, feeling her cheek muscles stretch and strain with the effort and soon they were both falling against each other, wheezing hysterically, their laughter echoing out into the darkness. Raven felt lighter that she had in weeks. Maybe Murphy was right and they would find something in time. Then again, even if he wasn’t, there were worse ways to go. Floating into death with laughter in her lungs and Murphy’s hand in hers was a damn sight better than any lonelier alternative she had imagined.
***
The following day they took to driving in shorter shifts, each of them too weak to keep focused for more than a couple of hours at a time. Raven usually tried to stay awake while Murphy was driving, but today she found herself drifting off whenever it was her turn in the passenger seat. Murphy seemed to be similarly lethargic. While she drove he curled up beside her like a cat, intermittently dozing and pointing out cloud formations as they sped along.
“Raven.” Murphy was craning his neck to see the sky out the windshield. “Raven! There’s a flock of birds above us. At least three of them!”
Raven snorted. “Ever heard of the boy who cried wolf, Murphy?” She was in no mood to go chasing another mirage and get drawn off course yet again. She tightened her hands on the wheel and focused determinedly on the way ahead.
“No, really. Pull over and see for yourself” he responded and maybe it was the calmness of his voice, but Raven obeyed, hopping out of the car and raising her hand to shield her eyes from the glare. She gazed upwards and sure enough the faint outline of three circling wingspans caught her eye. Excitement pooled in her stomach, but she pushed it down, scared of any more false hope.
“They look like buzzards of some kind. Scavengers” she said. “There must be water nearby for them to survive so long out here.”
“Vultures?” Murphy queried, frowning upwards too. “Can they tell we’re starving to death and are just waiting for us to kick it?”
“We’ve been inside a car Murphy. Their eyesight can’t be that good” she chuckled.
One of the birds broke away from the rest and began to chart a course north. The other two swooped after it in a graceful arch and followed, the three of them falling into a v-formation and gliding along in unison. Raven thumped Murphy’s arm excitedly and dashed back the Rover as quickly as she could. They drove for over an hour following the birds. Murphy took up position in the back with his head stuck out the sunroof shouting directions excitedly every time they changed course above them. Adrenaline was flowing through Raven’s veins and she finally allowed herself to hope. Then they crested the top of a sand dune and Murphy let out a whoop of excitement above her.
“What is it?” she shouted back to him.
“I can see trees Raven! Trees!” he sounded hoarse and overwhelmed. Raven’s heart pounded and she laughed, speeding up even further. Then she could see it too; a vast swathe of green growing larger and larger on the horizon. There was a whole forest of trees running down to meet the edge of the desert. They were speeding past scrubs and bushes now. The beige of the sand fading away and leaking into vibrant colour around them. Raven felt tears streaming down her face and her whole body sagged with relief. Murphy clambered back inside and took his seat beside her. His hand reached across the gear stick and grasped hers tightly. He was smiling more widely than she had ever seen before and it abruptly dawned on her just how beautiful he was.
Suddenly, they were at the tree line and Raven pumped the brakes. They stared out the windscreen in silence, breathing heavily, hands still clasped firmly together. Finally, Murphy turned to her and raised an eyebrow in question.
“Shall we?”