Chapter Text
Hours had passed, but Ezra was still unconscious. Kanan hadn’t left his side for even a moment. He could remember as clear as day just how terrified he’d been when he woke up after being turned. He wasn’t going to risk Ezra waking up alone, not understanding what had happened to him.
The wound on his neck was already starting to heal. It had closed up, scar tissue forming over it. By the time he woke up, it could be gone completely. Unless he showed his fangs, there would be no outward sign of what Ezra was now. Of what Kanan had turned him into.
Kanan still couldn’t make sense of what had happened. He couldn’t even remember anything from before Ezra had gotten home from school. Even the memory of biting the kid was distant and muffled, like he was somehow cut off from it. Only when he released the kid and saw him lying half-dead on the floor did his memory become clear again.
In the back of his mind, Kanan was vaguely aware of the sound of the front door opening and closing. He didn’t think anything of it until he heard Hera’s terrified voice calling out to him.
“Kanan?!”
The blood. There was still blood on the floor.
“Up here!” he called back. “I’m in Ezra’s room.”
Hera’s footsteps pounded up the stairs and seconds later, she burst into the room. Kanan’s shoulders tensed as he felt her staring, the wheels turning in her head as she took in the sight of Ezra unconscious on the bed, a scar on his neck.
“Kanan,” she said, keeping her voice quiet as she stepped into the room. “What happened?”
“I – I don’t know.” It was all Kanan could say as that same feeling of horror that had hit him when he realized what he’d done grabbed hold of him again.
“What do you mean you don’t know?”
Hera crossed the room and sat on the edge of the bed, her hand gently resting on Ezra’s forehead and brushing a few loose strands of hair out of his face. Finally, she turned her eyes to Kanan, who immediately dropped his gaze to the floor, unable to face that look of horror and betrayal.
“Did you do this?”
“I didn’t want to." Kanan's voice was hollow as he spoke. “You know I would never hurt him. It was like something was telling me to do it. I didn’t have any control.”
“I thought vampires couldn’t be compelled,” Hera said.
“We can’t be,” Kanan said. “It’s –”
He stopped speaking, horror blossoming in the pit of his stomach. But what he was thinking couldn’t be possible.
“Kanan?” Hera prompted.
Kanan swallowed, his voice sticking in his throat as he forced himself to answer her.
“A – a vampire’s sire can influence them,” he said. “It’s not the same as being compelled. We can’t exactly be forced to do something, but we can be more easily convinced. And there are things they can do to – to make it even easier.”
His hands shook as he curled them into fists in his lap, his nails biting into his skin. That explained everything. The memory loss, the missing time, the fact that he’d bitten Ezra, of all people. He’d been drugged and had his mind manipulated by someone he’d been sure he would never see again. Someone who shouldn't have been able to find him.
“Hera, I swear, I wouldn’t have done this to Ezra willingly,” he said. “I’d never hurt either of you.”
“I know.” Hera’s voice broke as she said it, and Kanan was certain she didn’t quite believe that anymore. “He’ll be alright, won’t he? Once we wakes up.”
“Yeah,” Kanan said. “He’ll be confused. Probably scared. But the worst part is over.”
“Why would your sire want you to turn Ezra in the first place?” Hera asked.
“I don’t know.” Kanan couldn’t bring himself to tell her the truth yet, that what he’d felt driven to do wasn’t turning Ezra, but killing him. “We haven’t even spoken in twelve years. I thought – I thought my new identity would keep me hidden longer than this.”
For a moment, they both sat there in silence, watching as Ezra continued to sleep, oblivious to their fear and confusion.
“What are we going to do?” Hera asked.
“I’ll help him,” Kanan said. “I’ve been living among humans for years now. He’s been one his whole life and that doesn’t just go away. Not immediately. And whatever started this, I will keep him safe.”
“You’re not going to leave, are you?”
Kanan reached out, his fingers threading between Hera’s as he gripped her hand tightly.
“Never,” he said. “I promise.”
When Ezra opened his eyes, the first thing he saw was the painting of Chopper clawing up his leg that Sabine had done on his wall. He was in his room, then, but he couldn’t remember how he’d gotten here. Last he remembered, he’d been walking home from school. He’d made it to the front door and then…
And then…
He sat up as the memory flooded back into his mind. Kanan grabbing his arm. Kanan’s fangs ripping into his neck. The cold that had dragged him down, deeper and deeper until everything else was just gone.
He gasped when he saw Kanan seated at the foot of his bed, watching him. As Kanan reached a hand toward him, Ezra flinched, shrinking back as he remembered that same hand holding his wrist hard enough to bruise.
“Ezra,” Kanan said, “it’s okay. You’re going to be fine.”
“Wh-why did you…” he pulled his knees up to his chest, hugging his arms around them as tight as he could. He didn’t feel right, probably from the blood loss. Everything was… sharp? No, that wasn’t the right word. But he didn’t know what the right word was. He only knew that something was wrong. If he’d nearly bled out, why hadn’t Kanan taken him to the hospital?
“What happened?” he asked, his voice breaking.
“Try to remember,” Kanan said, his voice gentle. “I – I bit you.”
Ezra pulled his knees closer, curling in on himself. He remembered that part. He just wished he didn’t.
“Why?”
“I didn’t want to do it," Kanan said. Ezra could just barely hear the fear his foster father was trying to keep out of his voice. “Something forced me to.”
“Like – like you were compelled?” Ezra asked, his voice shaking.
“Something like that.” Kanan reached out again, his hand resting on Ezra’s knee. “I know you don’t have any reason to believe me right now, but I would never hurt you.”
Ezra bit gently on the inside of his lower lip. There was part of him that wanted to just take Kanan at his word without question. It was the part that had grown comfortable here after Kanan and Hera had worked so hard to help him feel safe. But all of that was beginning to unravel now.
“Ezra.” It was just one word, but Ezra could hear so much pain behind it. Pain and fear and bitter shame. “I – I couldn’t let you die. There was no time to call for help and I –”
“You turned me.” Ezra’s voice was barely more than a whisper as the realization set in. That was why he woke up in his room rather than a hospital. That was why he didn’t feel right.
That was why Kanan could barely look at him.
“Let go of me.”
Kanan immediately withdrew his hand, as if he’d been burned. Ezra stared blankly downward, trying to wrap his head around what he now knew. Kanan had offered to do it once, in a misguided but honest attempt to help him. Ezra had said no. The idea of never being able to die, of being stuck in this life forever, terrified him. And now it was his reality.
But he didn’t want to die yet. Not anymore. Right now, that was the only thing stopping him from hating Kanan for what he’d done.
“I didn’t want this,” he muttered, his hands curling into fists.
He didn’t know what to feel anymore. He was glad he hadn’t died. Not permanently, anyway. But now he was staring down the barrel of eternity, stuck in this life until someone else killed him. After his last failure, Ezra didn't think he'd ever have the guts to try and do it himself again.
“I know,” Kanan said. “And if I could have saved you another way, I would have.”
He sighed, dropping his gaze to the floor once again.
“I’m so sorry, Ezra,” he said. “I understand if you’re angry. I’ll even understand if you hate me. But I promise, I’ll do everything to help you. It won’t have to be as painful for you as it was for me.”
“I don’t hate you,” Ezra said. “But I – I’m scared.”
And I don't know if I can forgive you yet.
“I was, too,” Kanan said. “But you will be okay, Ezra. I won’t let anything happen to you. Neither will Hera.”
Tears pricked at the corners of Ezra’s eyes as he looked up at Kanan. For a year now, Kanan had done exactly what he was promising. He’d taken care of Ezra, kept him safe, helped him struggle through some of the worst days of his life. At the very least, Ezra could try to believe him now. Kanan had spent a year proving himself over and over and if he was telling the truth, then this wasn’t his fault.
Don’t fall for it, a quiet voice whispered in the back of Ezra’s mind.
Before he could put any more thought into it, his stomach twisted and he found himself doubling over, biting back a groan of pain.
“The hunger’s setting in,” Kanan said.
Ezra nodded, to overwhelmed by the pain to speak.
“Just wait here,” Kanan told him. “I’ll be right back.”
As Kanan left the room, Ezra slid back down onto the bed. He curled into a tight ball on his side and pulled his blanket over him. The tears he’d tried to hold back finally began to trickle down his face.
He didn’t want this. But now, he was stuck this way.
He was a vampire.
Because Kanan had turned him.
There was no going back.