Chapter Text
“Did you really punch Gabriel in the face?” Lucifer asked, enjoying it a lot more than he should. Specially because he was not there. “Oh, please, brother, tell me you have a photo. This is totally Instagram material!!”
“It´s not something to joke about, Luci, Raphi here just punched The Messenger of God in the nose…”
“I know!! What a delightful moment!! Even more than when Detective Douche got completely drenched in alcohol in that party!!” the Devil started to laugh even louder, imagining the Messenger of God barking some nasal orders to snickering angels. “We need to keep this for posterity, just by the Annunciation´s side!!”
“Please, the angel in Da Vinci´s painting looks like anyone but Gabriel” Crowley said, rolling his eyes. “For the better, I might add.”
“Yeah, probably” the Devil finally calmed down, but he was sure he would be laughing hysterically later when he imagined Gabey´s face when Crowley´s fist collided with his ugly mug. “Must have been the funniest thing in…”
“I don´t find it funny” Aziraphale finally intervened, clutching his husband´s hand as if a ladder was going to open up spontaneously under their feet to drag him down. A husband that was cackling like mad. “Not funny in the slightest, Crowley. Don´t you know what could have happened to you…”
“Angel, I´m fine” the healer assured, patting him sweetly in the hand. “It will take more than a fist to my brother´s face to make me Fall now, especially because he was long deserving one. I already told you, it´s a revenge I can forgive myself…”
“I´m not talking about that, you don´t want Gabriel to get mad at you, he is…”
“An extraordinary sore loser, I know” the snake continued to wave it off. “And very bad at returning what was lend to him too. Money too… specially money.”
“Crowley!!”
“Easy, angel, we are going to be okay” the redhead continued reassuring him. “If the right hook to the nose didn´t teach him that he shouldn´t mess with me now that I have toughed up, this” he summoned his staff. “will” he said darkly, smiling. “Anyway, Luci” he turned to his other brother. “Weren´t you needed somewhere else?”
“Not really, now that those fanatics were apprehended, the Detective Douche seemed to remember that you were also here, waiting to be cleared of all charges. And be grateful for the miracles I did to make him forget about Gabriel´s little kidnapping show” he looked at Crowley seriously. “I needed to make actual ones to call off the reinforcements and investigation he called on.”
“Really?”
“Of course!! He was convinced that our family was a mafia after that idiot´s intervention!!” they all rolled their eyes. “He was completely calling on an investigation on us…”
“Well done, Gabriel” the snake said sarcastically, shaking his head. “But seriously, Luci, weren´t you needed somewhere else?”
“Like I said, no. After dealing with Daniel and putting those cultists at the detective´s disposition, everything was said and done” Lucifer said, appearing some papers out of thin air. “The only thing left to take care of is the custody of one adorable Warlock Dowling” suddenly he got the attention of all the angels in the room. “Oh, you haven´t heard? Dear Thaddeus parents died last year and Harriet´s beloved lesbian sister said that the day she would do even the littlest for that hateful dick of her husband…”
“Wait, are you saying that all his family left that kid alone?”
“Yes. Wonder how that family ended up being the human equivalent of ours, no? Wonder if it´s because of the terrible fathers” Amenadiel gave him a glare, but Crowley gave him a thoughtful look. Maybe he had a point there. Aziraphale only looked scandalized. “Or terrible mothers, that too.”
“Absolutely” the former demon answered, remembering when he still was the Goddess of all Creation´s favourite son, her little ditz sheltered Raphael. For once he was grateful that he Fell, at least that way he got to put his feet on the earth. Or all his body. “Where is Warlock going then?”
“Back to England with you, if my cleverly falsified Will of Thaddeus J. Dowling, miracled against detection by humans, is followed” the Devil continued, waving his papers. “and, if you are worried about the most intolerant politician´s known ones thinking something about a gay couple get custody of his son, Adam came up with a clever explanation that…” Crowley embraced him. Lucifer froze. It has been a long time since one of his younger siblings embraced him like that. “Easy there, brother…”
“You are the best, Luci”
“And who am I, Raphi?” the dark skinned angel asked, crossing his arms. “If I don´t remember it wrong, I just accompanied you to silver City to defy the entire Host of Heaven…”
“It´s easy, you are the second best” Crowley said, forcing himself to talk to the other archangel face to face. “Considering that all my other siblings are in the blacklist, it´s not much, but… I really appreciate it, brother” he said, as he recognized that half of the celestial host would have attacked him by the time he opened his mouth to talk to Gabriel if the Firstborn hasn´t been there. “Thank you for helping me recovering Aziraphale.”
“You are welcomed, Raphi” Amenadiel answered. Maybe they were a long way from recovering the relationship they had before the whole Rebellion, but that was a start. “If you want some help with our relationship, Linda can manage even me and Luci´s…”
“Let´s go slowly, okay? I still have fresh in my memory how you hold me down while Gabriel carved a nice reminder of his ideology in my back” the other nodded. “But… we can talk… from time to time… if Luci isn´t available.”
“I will keep that in mind”
“And please, the next time, remember to call me Crowley” the redhead instructed. “I know you don´t like it, but it´s the name I chose for myself. The name Aziraphale has always called me… or at least the one I´m most comfortable with” he sighed. “Anyway, I´m more comfortable with it right now than with the old one.”
“I can live with that… Crowley.”
The former demon nodded. At least he wouldn´t be called Raphael anymore. And he will have Warlock with him and Aziraphale, in a home where he could feel comfortable, beloved and warm… far away from those abusive, self-centred idiots that called themselves his parents. Everything was fine. Adoption papers and procedures were a pain, but a quick miracle could take them back to London faster than one could say snake. And they needed to return fast, preferably faster than Gabriel could fix his nose.
“So, to make it official” Crowley began. “Where do I need to sign?”
-In Heaven-
“Auch, can you be more gentle? It´s painful” the Virtue rolled his eyes. The archangel Gabriel was such a spoiled child, acting as if she was torturing him when she was only trying to fix his damn broken nose. It made her want to ask Raphael for another visit to Silver City and right hook. “Lower Choirs, huh.”
“Are you ready?” she asked, vindictive.
“For wha… AUCH!!!” he screamed as she fixed his nose. Behind them, Michael shook her head. One simple broken thing and Gabriel was wailing like a baby. Not a warrior at all, not like herself. The General of Heaven. “That hurt even more than Raphael´s fist”
“I´m sorry, Prince Gabriel” the Virtue said without really meaning it. The archangels were such a group of pompous asses that her former boss breaking his brother´s mug was welcomed by all the lower choirs. Anyway, she cleaned the golden blood and shut up.
“It´s enough, go” Michael ordered, waving her hand. The angel nodded, bowing to them before exiting the room, casting a last look at the complaining Messenger of God. That would surely sweet her workdays from now on. “You are such a baby, brother.”
“Tell me that after you receive Raphael´s new right hook” he answered with a nasal tone. “Damn, Head in the Stars must have learned that thing in Hell. I haven´t gotten hit this hard since Bee caught me in the Rebellion.”
“Yes, aha, and putting your ex-wife aside… Starstruck really learned new tricks”
Both siblings sighed. Mocking Raphael (or Crowley) on his back was less funny when he was not defenceless anymore, but… it was still a little bit funny. It reminded them of their much simpler childhood, when they were all in Heaven. Amenadiel would deal with whatever sibling that was causing trouble in a stern manner… except Raphael. Raphael was always the exception, as well as Lucifer. They were always special. And that´s why…
“Do you remember what we called him before?”
“What we called him before? More like what we didn´t call him before” Gabriel gave him a very Lucifer like smile. “Putting him and Lucifer nicknames was a game we all enjoyed back then. What was the one you put Samael after he lighted the sun?”
“Heliumego” they both laughed, Gabe making sounds of pain a few seconds after. “And you called Raphael Starstruck and Head in the Stars more than his actual name.”
“He was such a ditz back then, better than the demon he is now” he shook his head. “I know, he is an angel again…”
“A pretty bad one” Michael sat down beside him. “As ever”
“Yeah” the messenger got up from his chair and walked to the window, looking down at the working angels below.
“He and Samael were never good enough, no? Not even back then. A Rebel and a ditz… wonder why Father never destroyed them.”
“Exactly what I think” she continued with the conversation, not moving from her place. “They are unworthy.”
“Right in the centre, sister”
“They need a punishment”
“Yes”
“A punishment worth all the pain they have caused us”
“YES!! JUST LIKE THAT!!” Gabriel said, letting his wings out. They were six, incredibly impeccable purple ones. How dramatic, Michael rolled his eyes. “One that puts the fear of God on anyone who dares to go against us!!!”
“And punish Aziraphale for betraying Heaven in the most painful way possible.”
“EXACTLY!!”
“Then” she smiled, her voice changing in that moment. “Perhaps you might go along with a plan I might have hatched in my spare time” Gabriel turned around and smiled in a wicked way again. He might be a lot like Lucifer, but… he was not the one that LOOKED the most like him. “To get back at Samael.”
“It sounds great… brother” a devilish male Michael returned the expression. “And who better to put the fear of God into the unworthy ones’ souls than the archangel that domains Fear?”
“As much as I would enjoy to put a divine sword through my annoying twin” the archangel rolled his eyes. “I think we should refrain from extreme measures, least we gain Father´s anger. But messing Samael´s live a bit… that we can do.”
“And Raphael?”
“Oh, brother, there are things worse than dead or messed up lives and believe me. And losing someone he loves… it´s the worst punishment of all”
“Hummm, I like it” Gabriel hid his wings. “What do you need to make this paradise reality?”
“First, I need to give our rebellious brother a reason to return to his Kingdom. A reason like the Princes of Hell acting on their own to try and drag our other unworthy brother back to the place he should have never crawled out of. They even stood so low as to banish him from Hell this time!! What could they do next?” he laughed “That would ruffle even his feathers, no?”
“And?”
“How are you and your hot demon ex going on since the failed Apocalypse?”
“What?” Gabriel coughed, not liking this anymore. Talk to Bee, what could be worse? Even so, he pulled out his own secret phone. If only seeing Samael and Raphael burning in the deepest pit of Hell and that softy Aziraphale crying at his feet didn´t meant so much for him... “Things I do for revenge.”
-A few days after, England-
“Good night, Warlock”
“Good night, Nanny, Brother” Aziraphale closed the door to the teen´s room, something that was just miracle into his flat over the library, and walked to the master bedroom, where Crowley was waiting for him, already on the bed.
“You should have gone to sleep without me, dear boy” he said when he noticed the former demon was still awake, faking to read a book. “It has been an eventful couple of days, more for you than me.”
“Who are you trying to cheat, angel? It has been eventful for the both of us” the redhead answered, putting his book aside.
“I´m not the one accustomed to sleep and not doing that for days, my dear” the other tried to talk. He was worried about Crowley, there was no other way to say it. Worried that all the darkness and emotional trauma with his siblings was still buried in there without a way to be let out. And that it might end up tearing them apart for good. “We can talk if you…”
“No, I am fine” the other said, turning around in the bed. He really needed to vent some anger at someone, but… he didn´t want to place more weight on Aziraphale´s shoulders. Definitely not with his family. “Really, I am. Breaking Gabriel´s nose is therapeutic.”
“Crowley…”
“Don´t worry about it, angel, they are going to leave us alone now. And we don´t need to worry about them anymore” he turned his night light off. “Goodnight, angel”
“Good night” the Principality sighed. Maybe tomorrow the archangel might be more receptive to talk about it. He grabbed a Agnes Nutter´s new book and sat down on the bed, trying to decipher the new prophecies.
Prophecy 471: dance, dance, snake in endless dream of past. Nor angel nor demon will help, only mortal might comprehend. Go to the one who the Devil unravel, ask for the counsel that no celestial receive. Talk, open the door, let grief abandon your heart. Do it quickly before fear swallow your happiness.
Prophecy 472: city of angels, city of the devil, beware yourself because fear is ready. Descending with the winged form of the wrong, will cause evilness in the lives around. Purple and black will meet again, a rekindle of the times beyond past. Fire from ashes beyond cold hatch a plan, green and red beware.
Prophecy 473: seven reunited after six thousand turns, in the presence of light who is begin of everything. The most powerful, now mortal, no way out of this gigantic quest. Now remember what being same blood truly requests. Find the wrongs, accept them as yours, own the guilt and overcome. Way to immortality full of difficulty brought.
Just in the moment he read that last one Crowley started to trash in his sleep. Aziraphale put the book aside, hearing him whisper in Enochian about stopping something, that someone have to stop something. It was not for long, as he turned into a big serpent, a white and gold one, who sent it´s gigantic body against him as it trashed around.
“Crowley… Crowley!!” this was exactly what he feared. “Oh, my dear, no. Wake up, Crowley, please!! Wake up!!”
“NO!!!!” his final scream before he woke up terrified even it´s owner. The redhead, quickly returning to his human form, put a hand on his front. He was consternated to say the least. An angel or a demon wasn´t supposed to dream unless they willed it. And he certainly didn´t want that nightmare. “I don´t understand”
“Oh, my dear, there is nothing to understand, really…”
“But there is!! I can´t be dreaming now, not if I don´t want to!!” the healer screamed, putting his face in his hands. “There is no way”
“Crowley… Crowley, dear, I think is very possible. Lucifer said… Lucifer said that you were in hysterics when… when he found you in hell. You know, because of what your siblings did.” the former demon nodded, imagining that scene. Him screaming and his brother desperately trying to calm him down. He didn´t want that to happen with him and Aziraphale. “I think… I think you might have PTSD”
“What?” the archangel asked, not believing it. “Angel, that´s impossible”
“No, it fits well” the Principality tried to talk reason into him. “The nightmares, the hysterics, even the loss of memory due to extreme trauma… sounds pretty much like PTSD for me” the angel put a hand on his shoulder. “You need help, dear boy, specialised help.”
“That´s…”
“No, listen to me, the new Prophecies of Agnes Nutter said that you should search for mortal help, no celestial or demonic one. And… didn´t your brother search for mortal help with his problems? I know he started to go to a therapist…”
“Angel, I don´t need a therapist…”
“I think you do. Agnes seems to be with me in that… when she is not calling me an idiot angel” he patted him in the back. “I´m saying this because I worry about you, Crowley, please search for help.”
“Angel, Aziraphale, I don´t need help, okay? I´m perfectly fine”
-Three days later-
“Ahhhhhh, who are you?! And what are you doing here?!” doctor Linda Martin said, putting her hand on her heart. “God…”
“One of his sons, to be precise” the redhead answered, extending a hand. “You are my brother´s therapist?”
“Oh… you are Raphael, no?” Linda said, remembering Amenadiel´s description of his brother that came recently for a visit. A brother from London… and Heaven. “Did you come to see Amenadiel and Charlie? Because I can take you.”
“No, I came to ask for an appointment. Don´t worry, I can pay” he took out his credit card. “I won´t take advantage of you, even if you are sleeping with my brother.”
“Well… yeah, yes, of course” she sat down, opening her book to take note. “I suppose we should begin on the same point as Lucifer, your issues with your father…”
“More like issues with my siblings” he said, reclining back. “Amenadiel told you what happened back in Heaven, just after they threw Lucifer out? Oh, well, Father threw him out, they only threw ME out. Amenadiel told you what happened?”
“He might have mentioned that something happened” she said, writing in her notebook. “But, can you tell me in your own words?”
“Well, let´s go” the snake smiled devilish. It won´t be enough, but leaving The Firstborn without sex for a year or two would give him sweet dreams not matter how much PTSD he had. Now if only there was a way to punish Gabriel or Michael or Uriel for what they have done… “It started when I declared that the healers would be a neutral part in the Rebellion…”