Chapter Text
“Benrey... have you been on my computer?”
Gordon Freeman stares helplessly at the multi-colored hell occupying his computer screen. Pop up after pop up, and... is that a porn ad? Scratch that— multiple porn ads.
The beautiful blonde woman stares back at him mockingly. “Hot single milfs in your area!”
Liar.
His laptop sounds like it’s about to take off, with how loud the fans are.
Oh great. He’ll have to take it to the goddamn Best Buy again. He wishes he was good with computers.
“Uhm... no.” The security guard calls from the living room. He’s got his switch hooked up to Gordon’s tv, and has been playing Fortnite nonstop ever since they got back from Anna’s house.
“Benrey, I know you’re lying—“ Gordon desperately tries to close the windows as they appear, to no avail. “Oh my god, what did you do to it?”
Benrey sighs loudly, setting his controller down and walking into Gordon’s bedroom-slash-office.
“I have no clue what you’re talkin’ about dude, it looked like that last time I checked.”
“So you did get on my computer,” He huffs. Not that he really believed Benrey— the man is a horrible liar.
“Huh?”
“Well— never mind. Do you have any idea how to fix a computer?”
“Do I?”
“Do you?”
“I work security, Feetman, I’m not exactly scientist material.”
“I’m not asking if you’re smart, I’m asking if you know how to fix my goddamn computer— which, by the way, I know you broke. So don’t even act like—“
“Holy shit Gordon, what the fuck is THAT?!” Benrey shouts out of nowhere, pointing at something behind Gordon.
The physicist, despite knowing that they’re in his bedroom and there certainly isn’t anything in it to elicit such a horrified reaction, whips around.
Nothing. Unsurprisingly.
“Benrey, what are you trying to—“ He turns back, only to see that his computer has been miraculously fixed. (The background has been changed to a horribly unflattering picture of Master Chief, but that’s unimportant.)
“Do... did you fix it?”
“I’m incredibly intelligent.”
“I... uh... huh. Didn’t take you for a computer guy. Thanks.”
“Do I get a reward?” Benrey asks coyly, batting his eyelashes and clasping his hands together.
“You get to sleep on my couch. Since I’m not going to kick you out. For, y’know, destroying my computer. That work?”
The other man sniffs. He doesn’t seem to think it’s a fair trade, but, for once, is smart enough to not argue.
“Whatever. I gotta get back to watering my roses.”
“Is that some sort of euphemism?”
“No, I literally have to water my roses. In Animal Crossing. The game. Which you bought for me.”
—
—
—
“Okay, Benrey... now I know you were on my computer.”
“No clue what you’re talking about, bro.”
“Do you not have your own phone? Why are you looking up weird shit on my computer?”
“You think everything I do is weird. It’s really toxic and I don’t appreciate it.”
There’s a loud ‘thwap,’ and Benrey curses at someone named ‘Sherp.’
“Anyways, I’m pretty sure I saw your little dude Joshua on your laptop. He searched a bunch of stuff up. Not me.”
“Okay, I’m not going to acknowledge the fact that you’re trying to pass the blame onto a fucking child. I know that Joshua wasn’t the one who looked this shit up. You want to know how I know?”
“Humor me.”
“Let’s— let’s go down the list—
‘Free playcoins’
‘Free moneys real no scam’
‘Rayman animal crossing exist?’
‘Daniel Radcliffe’
‘John Wicke feet pics real no virus’
Uhm... ‘How to check my credit score?’
‘How to drive a car’
‘How to Hotwire a car’..? Benrey, why are you googling how to Hotwire a car?”
“Bubby, uh... needed help with somethin’. He said you’d be too much of a pussy to help him.”
“Bubby— argh, the two of you are going to be the death of me. Fuck— where was I? Okay—
Can you drink Molotov cocktail
How to make craft Mac and cheese
Cranberry juice fake?
Cranberry juice not real
Cranberry juice myth?
What are cranberries?
Where cranberrry come from?
Can you eat floor wax?
Tongue feel numb from floor wax?
Numb by Lincoln park
Dog park safe for
Legal to take boyfriend to dog park?
Fortnite banana skin—‘ Benrey, should I keep going?”
The other man sniffs loudly, and Gordon heard him set the switch down on the coffee table.
“Your son is really weird, bro.”
“Joshua didn’t search for these things!!” Gordon all but screams. “Stop trying to blame a fucking seven-year-old!”
This feels just as fruitless as trying to argue with an actual seven-year-old. It’s clear Benrey isn’t going to fess up on his own.
He takes a deep breath and clasps his hands together.
“Look Benrey, I’d like it if you didn’t use my computer for... whatever it is you do. Can you please just not touch my stuff?”
As if on cue, the refrigerator door opens.
“Su casa es mi casa.”
“You speak Spanish?”
“Yep,” Benrey smacks his lips loudly. “I’m, uh... bisexual.”
“You mean bilingual?”
“Wha?”
“N-never mind. Why are you going through my food? Do you even eat?” Gordon peeks out through the his bedroom door. Benrey has his entire front half shoved into the fridge. “Shit, be careful! Some of the stuff in there is glass!”
“I like the taste of it.”
That’s a vague answer. And entirely unhelpful.
“You like the taste of what?” Gordon tries to coax an answer out of the security guard.
“None of your business.”
Freeman scoffs. In some matters, Benrey is as random as a thirteen-year-old in an early 2010’s chat room. But in other ways, he’s perfectly predictable.
It’s nice, that he has tendencies. Makes him seem a little more human.
“Well, can you move over? I’m gonna make myself some lunch.” He walks over and taps on the other man’s side. “Plus, you’re letting all the cold air out, dude.”
“What you gonna make?” Benrey complies, but leans over Gordon’s shoulder in order to continue staring.
“Grilled cheese, or something, I dunno. I don’t know how to make anything fancier.”
“Grilled cheesed.” Is Benrey’s response.
“Yep,” Gordon pops the “p” as he pulls out a pack of velveeta. “You want one? There should be enough bread...”
“I’d love one.” He responds.
And for the first time in what seems like forever, he sounds genuine.