Chapter Text
Overwhelmed.
The word Tommy was looking for was overwhelmed.
His mind was a flurry, there was so much going on and he couldn’t focus on one thing over another. It was too much. Everyone was arguing back and forth about what the plan was, what they would do now. Plans, ideas, sentiments, emotions it was all coming at him so fast he didn’t know how to process. He could feel it starting to fester beneath his skin, fogging his brain in thick dread.
So he left. As soon as he felt the walls he worked so hard to keep up start to crumble, he left.
And right when he was out of sight, trudging quietly into the woods, he splintered and fell apart. He didn’t have enough left of him to get all the way home. Tears welled inside the teenager’s eyes, blurring the vision in front of him to dull shapes and colors. A lump rose inside his throat and he took deeper, more painful breaths, each one holding a faint tremor to it. The entirety of the world seemed to spin beneath his feet with a sickening sway. It all happened so fast that he hardly noticed when he collapsed.
He pulled himself over to a large tree and curled up into its roots, clutching his hands around his body in a desperate attempt to both hide himself and keep warm in the chill night air. The world faded away to a dull hum, consumed completely by swirling emotions and a fight for control.
Then; there was warmth. Something close that bled light into his squeezed eyelids. He thought that maybe, it might have been the sun coming up, and he had spent all night shaking on the forest floor. But no, there was a voice. Granted a muffled one, but a voice nonetheless.
“Tommy?” It called out to him. It drew him out of his trance enough to know there was another person there at least. However, the comforting tone seemed to have an adverse effect of what it was attempting to achieve. Tommy curled in on himself more, hiding his face deep within his arms.
‘No one can see me like this’ he thinks to himself. ‘I’m the happy one. I'm the positive one. I'm the hero. They can’t pity me. I don’t want their pity.’
“Tommy…” It calls out again, softer this time, he feels the warmth grow closer and he lets a soft whimper escape his lips. He realizes it’s too late to try and pull himself together. “Hey what’s wrong? Can you hear me?”
“Don’t look at me.” He croaks back, his voice quiet, he holds out one hand to the voice as if to shield himself. But there are no sounds of receding footsteps. “...please. Please just go away.”
“I’m not gonna leave you like this Tommy.” He recognizes the voice now, it’s Dream. “Come on let me help you.”
“I don’t need your help, I'm fine on my own.” It’s a lie. But a lie he's come so accustomed to that he believes it himself.
“C’mon, please? At least let me sit with you, you’ll freeze out here without a torch.”
“...”
Tommy feels the warmth shift to be closer to his left, not touching him but still close by. He lets out a shaky breath. The warmth, which he now assumed to be the flame of a torch, did help ground him at least a little.
The pair stay silent for a while.
“... What time s’it?” Tommy mumbles.
“One in the morning.”
“Hmm.”
So he’s been out here for three hours then. Tommy exhales sharply and pries his eyes open. They sting immediately and he has to use every ounce of willpower to keep them open. He adjusts, rubbing them on the red sleeve of his shirt. There’s a damp spot where his tears stained. In his peripheral he sees Dream, his face covered mostly by his hood and mask, but the corner of his mouth sticks out at the bottom, and sandy blonde hair frays around the top. The masked man turns and offers a smile, illuminated by what was indeed a torch off to the side of him. Tommy stares back blankly.
“A little better?”
Tommy nods.
“Good.” Dream turns his attention back to a small glass bottle he was tinkering with. “Do you want to talk about it?”
Tommy shakes his head lightly.
“That’s okay.” a beat, “Does… this happen often?”
After a moment of contemplation, he decides to be honest and nods.
“I see.”
“...”
“Tommy… It’s okay to feel you know… you don’t have to be happy all the time.” He starts hesitantly.
The blonde doesn’t respond.
“I mean I don’t know what’s going on inside your head, I have no right to anyway. But you should at least know that even though we’re enemies I’m always here if you need someone to lean on.” He hesitates before adding- “I promise.”
Tommy’s eyes widened, it was well known that a (sincere) promise from Dream was not something to take lightly. He meant what he said when he said them. He steals a glance to the man, peering into the mask as though he was making eye contact. But he does not speak.
“You don’t have to talk just know that I mean it. And I’m going to talk about emotions and shit regardless so buckle up and get ready for a life lesson kid.”
Tommy snorts quietly.
“Listen, I’ve been there. I’ve been that guy. The one who always assumes he has to look happy and well put together and on top of everything all the time. I have, but at some point, you have to realize that that person doesn’t exist. That person is not an achievable ideology. Feelings and emotions are what make us human, and you have to acknowledge them. You don’t have to accept them, but you have to at least realize they’re there.”
Tommy waits, but then parts his lips, dry and stuck together.
“But, I want to be strong for them.” He doesn’t refer to who they are but it should be pretty obvious.
“I get that, and you are strong Tommy. But it’s okay to break down sometimes. That’s part of healing, that’s part of living.”
“But what about them-”
“No, they’re your friends, they’re your family. They are here for you to lean on if you need them that’s what they’re for. Same as how you’re there for them to lean on, it’s a mutual agreement. They will love you regardless.”
“...”
“You are allowed to feel however you want to feel. It’s okay to do that. You don’t need to feel ashamed or as though you need to hide it.”
“...” Oh boy, here come the waterworks again.
“Know that your emotions are always valid, and all of your emotions are what make you, you.”
Tommy shakes and curls in on himself again, letting the tears fall freely. It’d been a long time since anyone had said something like that to him.
“Can I touch you?” Dream asks. Tommy nods and the older man immediately puts an arm around him, rubbing soothing circles into his back. Tommy leans himself over into Dream and hooks himself around to cry into his shoulder. “It’s okay, I’m here for you bud.”
They stay like that for a while, the night passes on without a hitch and it’s quiet and soothing. Only the sounds of Tommy’s quiet hiccups and a few stray crickets disturbing the silence. It’s nice outside, and Tommy feels terrible. But at least he knows he feels terrible, and he knows it’s okay he feels terrible.
Eventually, the emotions die down and the blonde boy feels as though the world is a little clearer, along with his head, and the air, and everything actually. He slowly lifts himself out of Dream’s grasp and sits back, taking deep, clear breaths. He offers a smile.
“Thank you.” It’s broken from the crying, but it’s sincere.
“Of course. Don’t feel ashamed to come to me if you need anything. You know where to find me.”
“Yeah. I’ll keep that in mind.”
Dream hands the younger the torch he has, the flames still glowing brightly. “Goodnight Tommy.”
“Goodnight Dream.”
The masked man jumps, catches a branch, and disappears into the darkness of the woods. Tommy stares after him long after he’s left, but eventually turns his attention to the flame in hand and the path ahead. He should probably get home now.
So he pushes to his feet and walks back to L’manberg with a feeling of renewal. It would be a long road until he could say he was healed, but at least he had started it.