Chapter Text
Shiro remembers the war clearly. Of course he does- it ended less than two years ago.
But he doesn’t remember things like the fighting, the bodies, the dumbass treaties all that well. No, that’s Lance’s territory (Kami that kid’s always loved so deeply and completely and seeing all that, and having it burned into his head must be killing him), but Shiro remembers other things. Things that the others have no reason to know.
He remembers freeing brothels, actually speaking to the people in them and trying to understand what kind of fucked-up person would do this to people, with families and lives and something to go on for.
(He’s realised that the words ‘human’ and ‘person’ don’t mean the same thing. A human is homo sapiens. Shiro. Keith. Hunk. Lance. Pidge. A ‘Person’ is anyone with consciousness. Allura. Coran. Nyma, Zarkon. Lotor)
He remembers having to talk down Pidge and Hunk after they killed someone for the first time, because there were remains everywhere and they couldn’t get the bodies out of their eyes, and Shiro didn’t know what to do because it seemed like his brain was big on making him forget everything to do with the arena, but he and Lance had tried their best.
(Lance had killed a man before- someone tried to rape his sister and he hit the guy in the trachea with a hammer, and again in the head. He didn’t last long.)
He remembers seeing Lance in the library, still under the impression that Lance wasn’t taking this (this war, this hell) seriously enough, only to find the Blue Paladin hyperventilating over not being able to find a definition for a diplomatic term, and refusing help from anyone because he didn’t want them to think he was weak, that he was more of a burden than he already was. Shiro remembers the months and months that it took for Lance to stop looking shocked when someone even insinuated that he was worth something, and that look of surprise, of disbelief, while rarer, still crushes Shiro’s heart every time he thinks about it.
He remembers Katie Pidge telling Shiro about the self-surgery that they did for herself. It was the equivalent of top surgery, and while they’d gone to a hospital for any other complications, they’d still done it, on the middle of an ice planet so that everything would go numb. Shiro remembers how Pidge eventually never allowed her hair to grow again, throwing away their dresses or anything that linked them back to Katie except that picture, and even that was thrown away and replaced with another one after they got Matt back. There was nothing left of Katie holt. Just Pidge sometimes-Holt-often-Gunderson.
(Shiro was registered as her father, when the doctors on Olkarion registered the two of them for Space-Hormones, to finish off his transition, and to neutralise Pidge’s.)
Shiro remembers, all too clearly, the time Hunk finally snapped, stopped being able to be the happy, calm, stable one, and had a breakdown after a particularly awful battle. Everyone else was injured (almost dead, ALMOST DEAD), but Shiro was there, trying to coax Yellow (slowly, gently) into opening up, so Hunk would have, someone, anyone. Black told him via proxy that Shiro’s presence would only make things worse. It ended up being something about the clone pushed to the forefront of Hunk’s memory, Shiro telling Hunk it was alright to just bind the person he was fighting, leaving him unarmed, when Clone Shiro would have told him to just kill the guy.
(Some days, Shiro wanted to rip his heart out, at least then, feeling the weight of this war wouldn’t be so hard. But wouldn’t he, then, become just as bad as the ones they’re fighting?)
But the war is over. He’ll remember things for the rest of his life, and he’ll have to try his best to move forward, but with his space-family by his side, he thinks he’ll be alright.
(Some nights, Shiro can’t get the cold, hard words of his parents out of his head, of hearing that name from everyone’s lips, even though she’s gone, has been for years, and that he hasn’t seen anyone who knew her for almost as long.)
Shiro tries to move on, in the way he jokes about death and doom with Lance, trying to make it all funny in hindsight, and sometimes it works. In the way he and Keith cry together, for everything that Kuro took from them without knowing, for how hard he’s trying to put it back, and sometimes Kuro’s there too, no longer The Clone, because the clone was evil and bad and horrible, but Kuro- bumbling bookworm who likes space caterpillars a lot and keeps Trash Nebula Friends as pets. They’ll cry together, and repeat apologies to the otherwise empty room, and they’ll forgive, because it really wasn't their faults, right?They’ll laugh, dryly, a little, and wipe off tears with sleeves and go back to bed, Kuron with his pets, Keith to Lance (and god, doesn’t Shiro love that Keith gets to have this, that Keith gets love and affection, what he’s wanted all his life), and Shiro to Adam, who’ll have heard just enough but not everything, and they’ll hug and kiss and maybe go further but probably not, not unless Shiro’s still crying and Adam is staring out into space and needs to know that Shiro’s still there.
In the way Shiro and Pidge team up for most things, because they both dont really have a niche outside of tech and leader-ing, and therefore end up together, more often than not during diplomacy bullshit. In the safety-home of the castle, they’ll go on elaborate rants about gender and transitioning together, and lay down and laugh like idiots, because hey, that’s exactly what they all are. In the way Hunk initially bans Shiro from the kitchen entirely, but slowly lets him in, first as an observer- “And here's how NOT not burn water to a crisp!”- and then as a participant- “Pai-shou roots are really lovely caffeine substitutes, and they taste nice and sweet.” “Hmmm, so I fry them? With the tiempa oil?” “Yeah!”- and all of a sudden they make meals together once a week and Adam is flabbergasted. (One of Keith’s vocab words when he was nine. He used it non-stop for months)
Sometimes, Shiro and Krolia will talk, together, and Shiro will ask the questions that used to fill him up with righteous anger, that nowadays leave him tired and somewhat sad. They’ll answer each other’s questions, and Shiro can see how Krolia desperately clings to pictures and videos and handwriting and memories of Keith, as if she can fill in those nineteen years with those alone, and Shiro wonders if his birth family ever did that, for Ichika, when they gave up their son to cling to their daughter. Shiro doesn’t know, Krolia doesn’t know, and maybe they never will know, but they sit there together and grieve all the same. And if later on, when there’s no grief left to unearth, they take to reading books together? Then that’s just them.
Allita sometimes joins Lance and Shiro when they aren’t joking about their deaths and everything that comes with. They don’t have deep, emotional talks, but Alluta is always there- a piece of Earth that mostly stays there, grounded enough to remind them that earth is still there, even when Voltron isn’t. She doesn’t live on the Castleship anymore, but she does visit for a few days every six months or so, if only to relay messages from Lance’s family.
Shiro and Matt find themselves together, sometimes, alone, sometimes with Keith and Adam- the entirety of Chaos Team One. Sometimes they plan stupid pranks to play on Chaos Team Two and the others, other times they talk about Earth, and whats gone and what’s left. Matt sometimes drops the humor entirely to cry his heart out now that Pidge won’t hear, and Keith rubs his back awkwardly like he did back when he was ten eleven twelve thirteen and Matt was sixteen seventeen eighteen nineteen when he freaked out over a less than 96 grade and Shiro and Adam will flank them on either side, just like they used to, and it’ll be okay for a while.
It’s mostly pranks, though. They haven’t lost all their sense of humor.
…
Krolia doesn’t speak to the younger ones too often (Chaos Team Two, apparently they’re called). They’re loud, and young, and even after the war they have so much of their inner child left that it’s sometimes hard to deal with. She does try, however.
Lance used to look at her with open contempt (And she deserves it, doesn’t she?) for what she did to his partner, her son.
Nowadays, it’s more of a quiet acknowledgement, that they’ll both protect Keith's heart the best they can, as long as they can.
Hunk looks at her with a quiet fear, but she’s a hulking agent of the Blades of Marmora, so that may be warranted. These days it’s more like a mild intimidation, and they can carry conversation well enough.
Pidge Katie? looks at her like someone fascinating, like the code on her laptop, but in like, a humanly fascinated way. That hasn't changed much.
Allura and Romelle look at Krolia with respect. She doesn’t know them very well.
Chaos Team One speaks with her more often, but Keith’s also been spending less one-on-one time with her, by virtue of the fact that spending six straight months together on a Space Whale is very very long. The smiles he gives her, sometimes however, tell her that no love has been lost, that it’s just a matter of personal space.
Krolia thinks she’ll be fine, all things considered. They all will be.
…
Allura doesn’t exactly know when this rag-tag group of defenders stopped being her crew and became her family, but she sure as hell isn’t complaining.
(She misses, sometimes, walking through the castle halls, hand in hand with her mother and father, not knowing she was anybody important yet, laughing at dignitaries’s funny clothes. She misses everything.)
Romelle walks up behind her, looking resplendent in Altean Queen’s robes, that suit her so well with that smile that Allura’s heart may just burst. Romelle’s smiles have always been cheeky things, that plump up her already squishy cheeks, show her teeth and make her marks shine like the jewels found deep in Altea’s crust. Romelle herself has never been one for proper behaviour, so she stalks across the room, with the biggest strides she can make, all the while rattling off the things she did with Lance and Shiro today (mostly papers, but with a side dose of analysing some thriftian root) as if she’s never done anything more interesting.
“So what did you do today, ‘Lura?” Asks Romelle, and she’s so excited to hear her girlfriend’s answer that Allura feels excited giving it. Romelle’s always been infectious that way.
Grinning, Allura replies. “Well, first, Adam, Matt and I ‘raised hell’ by replacing the food goo with pure Pai-Shou, so everyone's high out of their minds! And, and then-wait for this- Pidge turned out to be immune! They have so much caffeine that the Pai-shou did nothing. Nothing, Romelle!” starts Allura, already feeling the proxy excitement, and her own self-satisfaction combing to create this eustress-like feeling which reflected in her love’s eyes so clearly, beautifully--
“Tell me more! Tell me more!” Squeals Romelle, flapping her hands and practically hopping around the room, taking Allura’s hand and dipping her, like a dance.
(Her parents did this with her, once, dancing and talking in fancy dresses for no good reason other than it was fun)
“Well, after that, I was with the Tiftians, obviously, and there was a little Tiftian baby!! They were the cutest thing, in those fluffy robes!” Giggles Allura.
Romelle actually squeaks, this time, and Allura pulls herself up to spin her beloved around and around till they’re spinning and spinning Allura’s forgotten where she ends and Romelle begins--
Romelle stops, abruptly, happy smile becoming just that much cheekier, and she leaves Allura’s arms for that moment (the absence feels strangely hollow) to switch on a music player on the bedside of their room, which starts playing something by Ed Sheeran (Allura only knows this because Lance and Shiro gave her the Mandatory Earth Music Crash Course ™ ), ‘Galway Girl’, she thinks, confirmed by the beginning of the lyrics. Romelle laughs again (and by the ancients, Allura could get drunk forever on that sound), takes Allura’s hand. They start spinning again, but there’s actual dance steps interspersed there too- some Altean folk, some things from the colony, even some Earth dances that they’ve picked up via osmosis from the others.
The song goes onto repeat, and Lance walks in, looking intrigued by the music, Keith holding his partner’s hand. They start a dance as well, but with more kicks and duet work. There’s less contact, less grace, but there’s life, in everything that those two do together, flailing arms and legs forming star shapes.
(So different from when Shiro had gone missing the first time, with Keith, lifeless and lost, as if his only thread to the world had been snapped, and Lance, fake like in everything he did, desperately trying to hold spirits high)
Romelle and Allura split off from each other at some point, Romelle with her brother, Allura with her own. Lance smirks, cocky but for good reason. He does have five years of that dastardly ballet dance form under his belt. Romelle and Keith start doing their own little spazz dance, which doesn’t really have any rules but be as random as possible, grinning like children. Lance sweeps her up, and they start to move. Allura’s not really sure what kind of dance they're doing now, but she likes it lots.
In her (albeit rather skewed) periphery, Allura can see her mother and father, spinning gracefully, beckoning her to join in. Romelle slows down. Allura doesn’t know what is the past and what is the present, because her parents are there and she pulls herself away from Romelle, taking their hands--
And Allura crashes to the floor.
They were never there. They haven’t been for ten thousand years, they never will be here again, all that’s left is memories and ghosts and dreams and--
Allura doesn’t realise that she’s crying till Romelle and Lance wipe the tears off her face with their thumbs. She cries for her parents, and all she has ever lost. One year after the war, Allura Shirogane-Kogane-McClain-Gunderson-Garrett-Holt of Altea finally lets herself grieve, lets herself see the ghosts of everyone and everything that she pushed away for so, so long.
( The Galra child who she once played string games with-
Her first kiss, an Olkari ‘girl’ when Allura’s sixteen and Nyxal is seventeen and it’s wet and funny but it’s lovely too-
Coran, her father and her mother holding hands and exchanging kisses while a younger Allura, no older than six, perhaps, blows raspberries with an attendant by her side-
Lotor smirking at her father as Zarkon sheaths his sword in Allura’s father’s chest, Mother nowhere to be found-
Lance catching her, fresh out of Cryo as he uses the dumbest pick up line in existence, oh my ancients-
Allura grieves, finally, and her family helps her pick up the pieces. It’s probably the most uncomfortable embrace in the world, legas out at strange angles, everyone reaching for one another as they try to calm her down, but it works, and Coran sees them all, ad next thing Allura knows they’re all in hers and Romelle’s bed, saying nothing, being there, letting her cry like she’s wanted to since she was sixteen and a half (ten thousand, four hundred and sixty four and a half) and everything she’d ever known had been snatched away by time.