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“ Hey, Shiro.”
“Yeah Lance?” answers Shiro, from his place perched on his and Adam’s kitchen aisle. He’s looking at some files, that much Lance can tell, but they’re in a language he doesn’t know. Which isn’t hard to do, Lance only knows like, four well enough to read.
Besides, there are some more pressing matters at hand.
“What was your death like?” Lance would have tried to be more gentle with his question, but he currently doesn’t see a way to do it. Shiro visibly recoils, and Lance winces till Shiro puts his human hand on his shoulder, smiling reassuringly.
“It’s alright, Lance. Don’t worry about it. It’s just weird.” Lance loosens up too, and buries himself into the Black Paladin’s side.
“So? What was it like?” Lance asks again, muffled a bit by Shiro’s jacket.
“Uh, for me it was really quiet. Like, there was a bit of ringing in my ear, and then there wasn’t really anything. It was like I’d just put on noise-cancelling headphones.” Shiro stops for a bit, eyes looking at everything and nothing all at the same time. Lance takes that as his queue to talk, because if there’s one thing he’s still good at, it’s cheering people up! Or at least distracting them.
“Uh, that’s really weird! For me, it was more like, really, really LOUD, like BOOM BOOM WHOOSH!!” Says Lance, arms gesticulating wildly, trying to conjure the dumbest sound effects possible.
It’s not working, but Shiro’s trying to humour him right now, and Lance appreciates it.
“Hmmm, maybe it’s because my life essence was sucked into another plane of existence, and you actually died a fiery death?” quips Shiro, and Lance can’t help but chortle.
“Yeah, maybe.”
“Well, here’s to the genesis of the ‘Oh shit how does living work’ club.” Shiro raises an imaginary glass, and Lance makes a clinking sound, and they laugh.
…
Keith is confused.
More confused than usual.
For one, when did Shiro and Lance get this close? They're like… absolute opposites! Shiro is supposed to be the smart, calm collected one, and Lance is the sometimes-annoying-often-endearing goofball. But there's suddenly this weird shift going on? They're laughing about something nobody else knows about, and then not telling anyone what's going on! He's so confused.
So he sets out on a mission to find out: What are Lance and Shiro talking about?
The answer is honestly? A little weird.
Initially, Keith tries his best to 'conveniently overhear'. But, that doesn't work. So next, he tries to catch them alone. Both of them are big fans of the castle ship library (Unexpected for Lance of all people, but, okay) and as he predicted, the bruise paladins were in the library, this time talking at a normal volume, which was perfectly audible from the entrance via Galra hearing (one of the few times that he's okay with it) , so Keith listens in.
"So, I was dreaming again." Quips Shiro from the ladder. Lance perks up, and looks at Shiro with quizzical eyes, barely peeking out from the stack of books he's holding. Since when did Shiro and Lance talk about their dreams together? He didn't talk about his dreams with Pidge, and they're his best friend! Something's up.
"What about? Arena, Astral Plane, Dying, the Clone, or something else?" Replies Lance, pretty nonchalantly, and that tone seems really wrong when paired with what he's talking about. Shiro shakes his head, and steps down from the ladder, taking some books off of Lance's pile with a 'swoop!' motion, and Lance snickers, jogging to catch up.
"It was Adam, actually. I'm scared, sometimes. I haven't seen him yet because he's deployed in Japan right now, but what if I'm too… different to try and start over with? It's really likely that neither of us are the same, but still." Huh, Shiro didn't tell Keith about that. Why didn't he?
"I think like that sometimes, too. Time's really weird out here, and when I got back, I’d aged like… four years while everyone else only aged about a year. It's easier for you, you've spent a good three years not ageing because you were...yanno, dead, but I'm the second oldest kid now, and everything is so different. Sometimes I'm scared that maybe I don't have a place there anymore." Says Lance, initially still sort of jovial, but getting sadder with every word. Why didn't Keith know this? Was he not paying attention enough? Was he a bad leader? What other relationships have changed while he's been gone?
Keith is snapped out of his reverie by Shiro's reply. " I don't know, Lance. We'll have to figure it out ourselves. Hunk and Katie seem to be doing alright, though. Maybe it'll be alright?" Lance comically strokes his chin, and walks deeper into the library with Keith's brother. The last thing he hears is; "Nothing is too tall a task for the 'Oh shit how does living work' club!", said by Lance as he punches Shiro lightly in the arm. Shiro laughs, a soft thing, and walks ahead, alongside the blue paladin.
Keith goes back to his quarters with more questions than answers.
…
Pidge Holt is a smart kid. She knows this.
So why does this, of all things make no sense to her?
She remembers the Omega Shield mission, Hunk’s first ever. It was pulled off as well as it could have been, except maybe for a little blackout from Lance and Allura’s end for like, maybe five minutes, and even then, that turned out fine.
So why did she hear that Lance was having nightmares about it?
It was a pretty typical night in the Castleship. Hunk was asleep, Keith was destroying himself in the training room, and Lance and Shiro were also probably doing their best to sleep. Allura would remain in the archives for another varga or so with Coran, but she’d be gone soon. Pidge is usually the last person awake. Except not tonight. Keith was in his room, brooding like an emo over something, Allura and Coran were already asleep because of a lack of diplomatic things to do next quintant, because they were going back to Earth for a little while to see their families and check on the Garrison. Pidge herself didn’t have much to do, either- Lack of family needing finding and contraptions needing inventing/fixing was doing wonders for her sleep schedule.
Pidge is about to head to her room and shut off her devices when she hears crying. And not just any crying, Lance crying. And not the loud, ugly crying he does for show, but real crying, soft and small and sad like he’s trying to make sure nobody hears.
It really hurts, so Pidge tries to walk up to him, using her slightly increased social skills to ask what’s up, but she’s interrupted when Shiro comes in.
Neither of them have seen her yet, so she ploops behind one of the snack crates that her mother sent, and tries to listen in to the conversation.
“Hey, Lance, what’s wrong?”
“I, uh, I- The Omega Shield.” What? Why the Omega Shield of all things?
“Oh. How’re you feeling?”
“Like death.”
“Not funny, Lance.”
“Go to hell! It’s hilarious!”
“It’s really not.”
Lance sighs, another quiet thing. “No, it isn’t.”
Shiro picks Lance up by his armpits, and drags him away, with mock protests from the one being carried.
Pidge goes back to her room with a lot to think about, and a line of questions for Lance and Hunk.
…
They’re all on Earth the next time it comes up. Lance’s house, specifically. While Pidge, Keith, Allura and Coran had decided to live together, Shiro and Adam, Hunk and his family, and Lance’s family still lived together. So there they all stayed, because, as Hunk liked to always say, friends who are traumatized for life together, stay together! (Often to the horrified looks of other people, so he doesn’t say it much in front of other people anymore) Right now, everyone was arranged in a circle- Keith and lance snuggled into each other as always (awwwww!!). Shiro lay horizontally, legs in Lance’s lap, and head in Adam’s, who’s playing with the white tuft, and they’re looking at each other all lovingly-like. Finally, he, Pidge and Keith are all sprawled on the giant armchair near the fireplace, limbs tangled up, because they’re chaotic that way.
Lance clears his throat all of a sudden, getting the attention of everyone in the otherwise completely silent room, and looks at Shiro, as if for reassurance (which was probably it, Hunk knows Lance, and the rest of team Voltron like he knows his own self). Shiro nods, and Lance turns to them, initially smiling, but dropping it after a moment, shaking his head some. Everyone knows Lance has always had issues telling people something was wrong, but he’s been better about it these days.
“Uh, guys, I really need to tell you guys something.” he begins. He’s looking shy, and the blue paladin is de-tangling himself from Keith. This must be very important. Keith looks concerned, but he nods and sits, cross-legged, a little distance from his boyfriend.
“So uh, you guys remember the Omega Shield mission?” Hunk sees Pidge and Keith visibly straighten up, eyes widening. Kance, looking down, doesn’t notice. Allura gasps, and asks Lance with her expressions if he’s alright. He nods at her, still looking down a bit. Shiro, strangely, doesn’t look very surprised.
“Uh, something might have gone wrong on that mission.” And that’s new? Hunk is so confused. What went wrong on his mission? Everything was pretty much fine- bar from a bit of radio silence on Lance and Allura’s end of the com-- Oh. Something must have happened then. A weight settles into the bottom of his gut, and while Hunk tries to keep his face impassive, he puts his hands on his stomach, because he’s scared now. Allura’s reaction alone implies the thing that happened was really serious, and wasn’t the Omega Shield mission a long time ago? Like, four years ago? Why did Lance hide this for so long?
Lance obviously saw the looks on everyone’s faces, because he looked up, finally, and held up his palm in the gesture for ‘hold up’. The blue paladin’s face is in a grim, determined expression, like he's scared, but he’ll plough through anyway. Lance has always been really brave like that.
“So, Ally was fixing some wires, right? And… a radiation blast was coming at her, and she wouldn’t ‘ve made it out on time so I-- I flew in her path, and…” Lance starts crying, a quiet thing, and Keith, eyes wide and skin purplish-white now, takes his hand. Lance smiles, frail but strong and finishes his statement.
“I… died on the Omega Shield mission. Ally saved me, though, with her wack Quintessence-Magic! But… yeah. That happened.”
Hunk doesn’t feel the tears on his face till Lance is coming forward and wiping them clean from his face, and Lance lets Hunk bury himself into his chest, and bawl. Because Lance is his brother, his hermano, and somehow, somehow, Lance dies and Hunk didn’t know about it? That’s horrible!
Shiro comes up to the two of them, and just rubs circles onto both of their backs, as Lance also wipes the remnants of tears away from his face. He’s still not surprised in the least, meaning that he knew that this was what Lance was gonna say today. Allura, too.
They didn’t say anything. Why?
“Because Lance was scared, Hunk. We hadn’t been there for him much during that time, had we. we all owed him that much.” says Allura, softly in that lovely pseudo-British accent of hers, and no, they hadn’t. Keith was on a Space Whale, Shiro had been replaced by a robot clone, and he and Pidge had formed their own little tech-bubble. Lance must’ve been so, so lonely. Hunk’s heart breaks whenever he thinks about it, and he hugs Lance all the tighter.
Team Voltron stays in that living room the rest of the night, because they don’t want to be apart, and the night is full of soft snores, and heartfelt conversations and whispered questions into bodies trying to cram into one sofa, Adam being sane and sleeping in the armchair. What Team Voltron doesn’tknow, however, is that Veronica McClain was at the doorway, ready to yell at them for being late for lunch when she heard what had happened and run away, crying. Because Veronica understood- She and Lance were both soldiers, who got hurt trying to help people. But hearing about it never became any easier.
The next morning, Veronica, Adam, and the team were essentially inseparable. (more than usual anyways) if anybody notices, they didn’t say.
…
In the end, Shoro ended up telling the team about the club that seemed to belong exclusively to him and Lance (and perhaps Allura and Coran for being in Cryosleep, and Keith for nearly dying.). It wasn’t a big sit-down discussion, it happened in the middle of their umpteenth all-nighter, because four years in space without any kind of ‘responsible’ (NOT YOU SHIRO) adult supervision really erodes all your concepts of self-care. Everyone looked at Shiro, then lance, then a sideways glance at Keith, and moved on.
(If everyone stuck a little closer to keith for a few weeks, nobody said anything)