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Jon is not great at understanding his feelings (and other things you already knew)

Summary:

Jonathan Sims feels bad for a lot of things, for stealing Sasha's job, for making Tim upset, for being rude to Martin, for loving all three of them so much more than he should, for being jealous of them.
But maybe they don't need his guilt.

(I am very stressed, Sasha and Tim live in this one)

Notes:

(See the end of the work for notes.)

Chapter 1: chapter one: A promotion is normally a good thing...

Chapter Text

The whole building felt colder than normal, my hands shook slightly as I was led to Elias’s office. Martha had been waiting for me when Tim and I had entered the building, her face grim. I didn’t know Martha all that well, only seen her a handful of times, but I knew she worked under Elias. We passed through twisting hallways, stopping in front of his office. She turned to me eyes cold, “He’ll want to speak with you right away.”
Before I could respond she briskly turned away, speed walking down the hall. Standing in front of the door I paused, eyes flitting over the unassuming oak. What could Elias even want with me? I had only spoken to him once, on my first day. He was a tall and strange looking man, his eyes always a little too focused. Before I could think any deeper on his expectations the door opened. The man himself was standing on the other side, eyes instantly locked with mine.

“Jon. I’m so glad to see you” He said, not unkindly. One of his hands snaked around my shoulder, skin burning against my own. Walking into his office I was buffeted by a blast of cold air, somehow his room was even colder than it had been downstairs. Pushing me down into a chair Elias glided around the desk, a serene smile on his angular face. Fidgeting with the end of my sweater I glanced around the room, avoiding his eyes. The room itself was huge, big windows behind the desk facing out to the streets below. It felt like we were in a watchtower, looming over the whole of London.

“Do you know why I called you in here Jon?” Elias asked, my eyes finally met his. Shaking my head, I cleared my throat, “No, I can’t say I do”. My voice sounded shaky and unsure. His smile grew into something I couldn’t name, but it raised the hairs on the back of my neck.
“You know I like you Jon, you are just perfect for this aren’t you?” He leaned over the desk, ignoring the paper fluttering to the floor. Dread crept up my spine, I should have made Tim come with me. He wanted to come, had glared at Martha until Sasha had needed his help. The thought of Tim put a balm over my nerves until Elias spoke again. “Recently our head archivist was declared… missing” He paused, eyes darting around, “I need a replacement, and well, I think you’re the best choice here Sims.” Leaning back, he awaited my response.

My head spun, I had never expected to really move up in the archives, happy to work in research forever. “Why me? Wouldn’t someone more…” I tried to find the right words, “more versed in the position?” Elias shook his head sighing quietly, “Let’s just say you’re the best choice we have.” My mind shot to Sasha, who was ten times better suited for the role, I opened my mouth to say just that but was interrupted by the door opening.

“Sir your 4 o’ clock is here” Martha’s curt voice cut into the air, A tall man with a thick beard was looming in the doorway, eyes sleepy. Elias stood, face relaxed. “Before you leave Jon, I need you to pick two archival assistants, Gertrude’s were, shall we say not long term.” He walked around the desk, eyes piercing into my own. “Er, yes alright, “I looked around, trying to think. Tim was the obvious choice, though he seemed bored with the archives. “I’m sure you’ll want Tim Stoker?” Elias cut in, as if reading my thoughts.

“Y-Yes, and uh Sasha James… please?” The please at the end was pathetic even to my ears and I cringed a little. Elias just smiled, helping me up with ice cold hands. “Of course, I’m sure she will be of great help to you” Ushering me out the door Elias nodded to the tall man. As I ran down the hallway, I could faintly hear him say “So nice to see you Lukas!”
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Tim was waiting by my desk (old desk?) when I got downstairs. He smirked as I stood there, winded from sprinting through the building. “Went well then? You aren’t fired?” He asked, easy smile sitting on his face. “No.” I said, seeing Sasha round the corner, her face stony. Tim turned to her too, smile falling a little.
“Just got the memo Jon, I’m... really proud of you” Sasha said, her smile warm and eyes friendly. Tim looked between the two of us before cursing and running over to his laptop. I muttered an apology to Sasha, not quite meeting her eyes. She stood in front of me for a moment, sighing slightly. “I’m not upset, I promise, you didn’t ask for the role” Her smile was nice, but it did little to help the gnawing guilt eating at my insides.
Tim walked back over slowly, I tried to catch his eyes, but they were solely on Sasha now. “Tim…” She started but he just shook his head. “Let’s talk, somewhere else” he said, steering her away without looking at me once.

Sitting at my desk I just felt numb. Tim was always protective of Sasha; they had really clicked upon first meeting. It felt like they had been together forever, always joined at the hip. They had opened their arms to me when we met. Hearts big enough for me to leech off. Part of me hoped that they both hated me now, that Sasha had been faking joy. It would be easier if they did, I wouldn’t feel so bad about this job.

Getting up slowly I ignored my aching back, taking a little comfort in the pain. Tim had taken my bag earlier when Martha had brought me to Elias. It was sitting on his desk, unopened. The archives were mostly empty, checking my phone I realized it was already 12, everyone would be at lunch. Normally Tim would drag me to the break room, arm looped over my shoulders. Now I was standing alone in the cold hallway.

Notes:

UwU